


SKAM Season 4 - Sana: The story that could have been

by Julieseven



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Conflict Resolution, Girl Drama, Girl Power, I suck at tags i'm sorry, Multi, Redemption, Young Love, girl friendships, muslim faith, muslim girl struggles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 143
Words: 122,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25400608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieseven/pseuds/Julieseven
Summary: This is my own version of Season 4 of SKAM.This is not meant to be a 'better version' of season 4, as I deeply admire Julie Andem's work anddon't want to disrespect neither the characters nor the stories she has created. The reason I wrote thisis because I wanted to delve into Sana's story myself since I identify with her and her struggles somuch.I originally posted this story in "live" updates  like in an actual season. This is a repost of the story: I have changed the POV from 2nd person to 3rd person since most people find that easier to read. I have also made fake chats for the message posts and clip pics, hopefully that makes it more fun to read as well.This time, I will post one episode a day from today onwards.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Yousef Acar/Sana Bakkoush
Comments: 50
Kudos: 44





	1. TRAILER

**Author's Note:**

> Let me say first: I love love LOVE the fourth season of SKAM. I don't want to discredit  
> Julie's hard work with my own version of Sana's season, not at all. I can't deny though that I  
> do think there was some potential in there that wasn't fully used, which is why I decided to  
> try and give Sana the story I feel she deserves!  
> This work is a gift to the family I chose, the worldwide community of SKAMily! So many of  
> you have helped me through tough times, made me smile and laugh and all of you are very  
> close to my heart! I feel so loved by all of you and hope to give some of that love back with  
> this work.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr if you want! I like all kinds of feedback and love discussing ideas!

Sana doesn’t like to pretend.

She always says what she thinks, without giving a shit whether or not anyone approves. Haters are gonna hate, and Sana has learned to ignore them.

And whenever it does get too much, no wave of anger is too big that a long basket session can’t smoothe it over.

However, every barrel overflows one day, and when Sana finally snaps, her actions cause a Domino effect of events that no one could have foreseen …


	2. Glossary for Episode 1

**Glossary**

“Astaghfirullah”: “I seek forgiveness from Allah”; a short prayer of 

redemption, used to say “I shouldn’t have done/said/thought that.”

kollektiv: Norwegian word for “flatshare”

“Wallah”: “I swear to God” in Arabic

Rådhusplassen: a square by the harbour in Oslo

Insha’Allah: “If Allah wills it.” in Arabic

Maghrib: The 4th of the five daily prayers, prayed at dusk

Adhan: Call to prayer

Wudu: ritual washing before the daily prayers; Sana washes her hands and face three times


	3. Episode 1: Monday 10th April, 13:16: Thanks, Isabell

Nothing takes Sana’s mind off everything that bothers her like shooting hoops on her own. She can completely forget everything around her, it’s just her, the ball and the basket. The steady, rhythmic sound of the ball hitting the concrete makes her feel grounded and confident, and just - like herself.

Thankfully, since it’s the early afternoon during the Easter holiday, Sana is alone on the playground.

But just when she’s about to take off her hoodie - the spring sun is warming her up, besides, she’s been playing for almost an hour - Sana hears several male voices approaching. Sure, she’s is wearing a long shirt under her hoodie, but the last thing she wants is some random boys watching her take off a piece of clothing. She doesn’t need that sort of comments today - not when so far, she’s had such a good day.

The boys are on the playground now. All three of them are tall and wearing tight tank tops that show off their rather muscular upper arms. Sana allows herself to look at them for just a bit too long, until one of them catches her eye. Quickly turning away, Sana closes her eyes and shakes her head.

_Astaghfirullah._

She adjusts her hijab and picks up her ball, quickly making her way to the gate on her side of the playground. The boys are talking to each other animatedly and thankfully, none of them looks over at Sana as she leaves. Digging her phone out of her pocket, Sana takes a deep breath and checks her messages.

Sana slaps her palm against her forehead. _Fuuck!_ Playing basketball made her forget she had agreed to help Isak move out of the kollektiv and Noora to get settled in her old room again. Luckily, Sana spots her brother approaching their house the second she looks up.

"Elias," she calls out, and her brother stops, turning around to face her with one eyebrow raised. "Are you going home?" Sana adds before Elias can say anything.

"Yes, why?" Elias’s frown deepens into a scowl as Sana walks up to him and unceremoniously shoves her basketball into his hands, smiling uneasily.

"Can you please drop this off in my room? I gotta go somewhere."

Elias is about to toss the ball back at her, but Sana quickly turns around and walks away. "Thank you," she calls over her shoulder in a slightly sarcastic tone, ignoring her brother's protests. Elias doesn’t do much more than hang around with his friends these days, so it’s not like Sana just ruined his day.

Turning back around, Sana spots a tram approaching and breaks into a run. A minute later, she’s sitting on the tram, panting slightly, and typing a quick reply to Noora.

Sana feels a pang of guilt at the lie as she hits “send:” She’s not usually prone to losing track of time, which makes it all the more embarrassing when it happens. And she hates feeling embarrassed more than she hates lying.

With a deep sigh, Sana then taps on Isak’s contact and brings the phone up to her ear. He picks up after the second ring.

“Hey.”

“Hey, I’m … uh, I completely forgot I promised to help you guys move,” Sana blurts out right away. Somehow, lying to Isak has always felt pointless to her, maybe because she knows he’s a much bigger mess than she is. Not surprisingly, Isak merely chuckles.

“It’s okay, we’re already done,” he laughs. “I don’t have much stuff anyway, and we already moved Even’s stuff yesterday with his parents.”

Sana lets out a small sigh of relief and leans back in her seat. “Is Noora very mad at me?”

Isak giggles and Sana hears Even laugh next to him as well. “Are you kidding? Noora just got her room back, she’s the happiest she’s been in six months.”

They both giggle at that, and then Isak adds:

“No seriously, Sana, the girls are in the kitchen celebrating. Just go and join them.”

“Okay, thanks Isabell,” Sana tells him, making him chuckle again.

“No problem, Sanasol. Also, if you want to help us unpack tomorrow …”

“Bye, Isak,” Sana laughs and hangs up the phone, feeling much better already.

She arrives outside the kollektiv a short while later. Eskild buzzes her in and meets her on the third floor landing, taking both of Sana’s hands in his and cooing happily. “Welcome, welcome, come join us, everyone is in the kitchen.”

The girls are all gathered around the kitchen table and cheer when they see Sana walk in behind Eskild.

“There you are,” Noora says, and Sana is glad to notice she doesn’t sound irritated.

She hugs all the girls hello and apologises to Noora for being late, but Noora just shakes her head with a short laugh.

“It’s okay, there wasn’t that much to do anyway. Plus, Vilde was late, too, she only arrived ten minutes ago.”

“Yes, I was busy fucking,” Vilde says without even blinking.

Sana can’t help but utter a shocked “Uh, what?” in response. She stares at Vilde in shock, and adds without hesitation: “Don’t tell me we’re talking about your sex life again?”

Vilde crosses her arms in front of her chest, looking slightly annoyed. “What, why can’t I talk about my _very_ fulfilled sex life with Magnus? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and it’s like you don’t even care, Sana.”

Sana sighs deeply, willing herself not to roll her eyes. “I do care, Vilde. It’s just … I don’t need to hear the details of what you do in bed every other day.”

Vilde takes a deep breath but before she can say anything, Eskild jumps in.

“I agree with Vilde, talking about sex is very important.” He walks up to her and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “I for one am very glad Vilde is getting laid on a regular basis, and you’re always welcome to talk to me about it.”

With difficulty, Sana suppresses a groan. “I’m sorry, I just think sex should be something nice between you and Magnus, and not something the whole world needs to know about, Vilde.”

The room goes quiet at that, and Sana instantly wishes she hadn’t said anything.

Vilde sighs dramatically and blinks a few times before she replies.

“I understand it’s hard for you to hear us talk about sex since you can’t have it, but …”

“I _can_ have sex, Vilde, I just _choose_ not to,” Sana snaps at her, regretting it the second the words leave her mouth. _Why do those conversations always end up being about me?_ she wonders.

Thankfully, Noora clears her throat before Vilde can say anything else that might make Sana react even more aggressively. “Does anyone want tea?”

Both Sana and Chris throw a grateful look at Noora, and Sana is relieved to see Noora smiling compassionately. “Yes please,” Sana replies and walks over to the counter to help her.

Chris then asks the others if they have any idea what the five of them could do on the weekend, and by the time Sana and Noora have sat down again with their cups of tea, the conversation is flowing easily again.

At least until Eva clears her throat and sits up straighter. “Alright, I have to say something.”

She throws an insecure look in Noora’s direction, making everyone frown.

“What is it, Eva?” Vilde asks curiously, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Eva takes a deep breath before she goes on.

“Okay, so you guys know I’ve been … hooking up with Christoffer for a while?”

Everyone nods at that and something in Sana’s gut tells her she won’t like where this is going.

“Well, the last time I saw him, he said something that kind of - shocked me,” Eva continues. “He visited William in London like a month ago, and apparently, William has a new girlfriend.”

Eskild gets to his feet with a loud gasp and puts a hand on Noora’s shoulder. “Oh my God!”

Vilde’s eyes go wide and Chris’s jaw drops, and Sana feels a wave of anger washing over her.

_That fucking bastard._

Noora however just smiles slightly and puts her hand over Eskild’s, craning her neck to look up at him. “It’s okay.” She looks over at Eva, reaching out for her hand as well, as if it was Eva who needed reassuring. “I swear, it’s okay. I didn’t exactly expect him to wait for me or to come back some day.”

“Still, you always said you weren’t really broken up,” Eva croaks, apparently fighting tears. “I’m so sorry, Noora.”

But Noora just shakes her head and crosses her arms in front of her chest, still smiling bravely. Her eyes however give away that she’s hurt. She doesn’t want to be, but Sana can tell she is.

“Don’t be. I was the one who left. I should have expected William to move on eventually.” Leaning forward, Noora then takes both of Eva’s hands in hers. “Thank you for telling me. It’s good to know.”

After that, Eskild offers to open a bottle of champagne to celebrate “Noora’s new freedom”, which Eva and Chris happily agree to. Sana keeps an eye on Noora however, noticing after a while that she doesn’t look anyone in the eye anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	4. Episode 1: Monday 10th April, 16:02 Not your maid

Sana hasn’t even closed the front door when loud laughter coming from the living room makes her roll her eyes. _Of course_ , Elias has his friends over again. Given how often they are at Sana’s family’s house, they might as well have keys. For a moment, Sana considers hiding in the kitchen, but then she hears _his_ voice.

“How about you let Mikki finish his sentence first, Elias?” Yousef asks and you can’t help but smile to yourself. He’s always been the parent of the group, and it makes him even more adorable to Sana than he already is.

Sana shakes herself slightly, then takes off her jacket and hangs it up behind the front door. She then walks over to the dresser in the hallway to touch up her lipstick, trying hard not to scowl at her reflection. Taking a deep breath, Sana stuffs the lipstick back into her pocket and then quietly opens the door leading to the study. The room is connected to the living room, only separated by a sliding door, so Sana sees the boys long before they see her. 

The boys - that is Sana’s brother Elias and his friends Adam, Mikael, Mutassim and Yousef - are huddled together on the couch in front of Elias’ laptop, chattering and laughing in direction of the webcam, apparently recording a video. Sana remembers Elias talking about making a v-log with his boys a few months back already. It would seem they finally decided to give it a go. 

When she reaches the sliding door, Sana carefully peeks into the room, smiling warmly the second her eyes land on Yousef. He’s taller than the other four, and his eyes sparkle every time he laughs. Other than Adam and Elias, whose voices always sound like trumpets, Yousef speaks softer and still, the boys always listen to him. And his hands - damn, his hands are so beautiful. Long but strong fingers, who emphasise every word when he talks about something that matters to him.

“Hello little sister.” Elias’s loud voice interrupts Sana’s reverie, making her jump. _Shit._ She looks up at her brother with an annoyed expression, hoping he can’t tell she’s been eavesdropping.

“Hello boys,” she says as confidently as possible and steps into the living room. Her brother is frowning at Sana, but still, she can’t help but look at Yousef’s face again. He’s smiling broadly at her, making her heartbeat speed up a little. _Calm down, damn it._

“Aren’t you helping your friend move?” Elias asks, getting to his feet. 

“It’s five o’clock, Elias, we were done hours ago,” Sana tells him without missing a beat, making Yousef giggle slightly.

“Did it go okay?” he asks before Elias can retort, and Sana nods, flashing him a quick smile.

“Well, it’s good you’re back, cause you could make us some dinner,” Sana’s brother says, making her scoff.

“Are you out of your mind? Cook for yourself, I’m not your maid.”

Elias grins at that and if she didn’t know any better, Sana could swear there is a hint of pride in his eyes.

“Alright, alright, calm down,” Elias concedes, waving his hands in an exaggerated gesture of surrender. “Do you know when mamma is coming home?”

“No, haven’t seen her since this morning,” Sana replies, trying not to sound too indignant. Her brother annoys her to no end as usual, but she doesn’t want to seem like too much of a bitch in front of Yousef.

Elias gives an annoyed _“tsks”_ and turns back around to Mikael, Adam and Muttassim. “Boys, since my lovely sister will not cook for us, it appears we must starve.”

The boys - except Yousef, who looks a little embarrassed for Elias’s sake - all pretend to die on the spot, making choking noises. Mutta even croaks: “Noo, Sana, why are you letting us die?”

With an exasperated groan, Sana throws up her hands. “See you later, boys,” she sighs, turns on her heel and walks back to her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	5. Episode 1: Tuesday 11th April, 11:23: You go, girl!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	6. Episode 1: Tuesday 11th April, 15:48: Off limits

Sana closes the door of her room behind her and flops onto her bed with a relieved sigh. After spending the afternoon shopping for a new outfit for summer training, she’s really glad to be back home. Sana has always hated shopping, but she’s still happy with the result of today’s tour: She found a black-and white long-sleeved shirt with Stephen Curry’s Jersey number printed on it, and matching black pants made of light material that shouldn’t make her sweat too much.

Sitting back up, Sana is just about to take off her hijab when she suddenly hears five male voices from the backyard, laughing and shouting. She instantly know it’s the boys, but what makes her get up is the sound of what must be a basketball hitting the ground. Elias doesn’t own a basketball, and Sana doubts that any of his friends do.

“Oh no, you didn’t,” she grumbles under her breath and rushes over to the window, pulling the curtains aside. And sure enough, Sana’s brother and his four goons are playing with HER basketball, apparently headed towards the playground behind the house.

Sana shuts the window with an angry groan and rushes out of the apartment. By the time she catches up with the boys, they’re already on the playground, trying to play. None of them know what they’re doing, of course. When he sees Sana approaching, Elias’s eyes go wide in shock and he instantly drops the ball, holding up his hands in defense.

“Wallah, I would have asked had you been home!”

Sana scoffs and catches the ball bouncing towards her. “You’ve obviously never heard of texting? Besides, you know my ball is off limits either way, particularly for _morons_ who don’t know how to play anyway.”

The boys howl collectively, and Adam mutters “Ouch” and makes a face as if he’d been hit in his groin.

“Don’t get arrogant, little sister, I taught you everything you know about basketball,” Elias retorts then, but that just makes Sana laugh dryly.

“What are you talking about, mamma plays basket better than you!”

That makes Elias’s friends laugh out loud, and Sana has to force back a smile when she catches Yousef’s eye and he gives her an approving nod.

“Ah, now you’re just being mean, Sana,” Elias says, putting a hand over his heart while pulling a grimace. “Come on, I’ll prove to you I’m just as good as you. I challenge you to a one-on-one, up to eleven shots, what do you say?”

The boys laugh again at that, and Mikael touches Elias’ shoulder, his expression half concerned, half amused. “Dude, no offense, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you want me to do that to you in front of your boys,” Sana agrees with Mikael, grinning slightly. Yousef barks out a laugh and winks at her, and she hopes to God he doesn’t hear her breath catching in her throat.

Sana already knows Elias is not going to let this go, so she adds: “Anyway, what’s in it for me?”

Elias grins and licks his lips. “I’ll be your slave for a week if you win. But if I win... “ Sana and the boys chuckle at that, making Elias raise his voice a little. “If I win, you’ll be my slave, making me food, bringing me stuff and so on.”

Sana nods at that with an approving grin. “Sounds good to me. Let’s do it.”

Now the boys are properly howling and whistling, and Elias laughs confidently, as Sana throws the ball back to him.

It doesn’t last long. 

Elias scores on his first try, but so does Sana, and after that, he misses the basket three times in a row while Sana dunks the ball easily every time. Soon, the score is 8:5 in Sana’s favour, and her brother is about to give up. So Sana decides to be a little mean and misses on purpose two times in a row. Elias scores in between, which makes him cocky.

“Turns out I’m better than you think, eh little sister?” he laughs and manages to score a second time.

However, Sana doesn’t even bother saying anything but simply runs up to the basket and dunks the ball in with a particularly elegant jump, making the boys cheer and clap. Elias misses again on his next try, and then Sana dunks the ball in for the 11th time.

The boys clap and cheer, but Yousef points his finger at Elias, laughing at him. “You honestly thought you could beat Sana, man, I can’t believe it.”

He winks at Sana again, and Sana is very glad she didn’t risk looking at him while playing. The expression on his face is full of warm admiration and Sana wishes the other boys weren’t here so she could talk to him alone. Although - knowing herself, she’d probably choke up and not say anything.

“Thank you, brother, I look forward to you being my personal chauffeur for a week,” Sana says vindictively to Elias and puts a hand on his arm. Her brother pouts for a second but then flashes her a defeated smile and puts his arm around her.

“I accept my defeat, sister. You are indeed the best player I know. Congratulations.”

Sana can’t hide the blush on her cheeks as she hesitantly smiles back at her brother, feeling proud of him. Elias may be a fool and a bit too full of himself sometimes. But he is not a sore loser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	7. Episode 1: Wednesday 12th April, 14:48: No plans

“I love ice cream,” Vilde declares and digs her spoon into her cup with a delighted grin on her face.

Sana and the girls are sitting on a stone bench at the harbour, basking in the afternoon sun and enjoying their first cups of ice cream this year. 

“Can I try some of your chocolate ice cream?” Eva asks Sana with fluttering eyelashes.

Sana chuckles slightly and holds out her cup to Eva. “Sure.”

“Thank you,” Eva giggles and loads a small piece of chocolate ice cream onto her spoon. 

“So, what are we doing for the rest of the week?” Chris asks from the other end of the bench, looking bored.

Vilde deeply sighs at that. “I have not heard of any good parties yet. To think that Easter is coming up and we have no plans!”

Noora grins at the rest of them and clears her throat. “I could just cook Paella for all of us at my place on Friday?” she suggests, but Chris instantly shakes her head.

“No offense, Noora, but I think I need to go out and party. If I don’t get over Kasper soon I will lose my damn mind.”

Eva chuckles at that. “And here I thought you were done with men?”

“I am, I just want to drink and dance that’s it. Don’t need no man to do that.”

“Word, boss,” Sana grins and reaches over to bump fists with Chris. She feels reassured by Chris’s attitude: for once, Sana isn’t the only one in their group who doesn’t give a crap about hooking up with guys.

Vilde grins at Chris and pats her arm. “Ah, don’t give up, Chris. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon and be happy like me.”

Eva groans. “Yes, Vilde, we know you’re happy.” She licks her spoon clean before adding: “Do you remember that it was _you_ who gave Chris shit when she spent all that time with Kasper last year? Look at you now.”

Vilde rolls her eyes at Eva. “I am the _only_ one of us who’s never had a boyfriend, so why can’t you just be happy for me?”

Sana feels a sting in her heart at Vilde’s words. _What about me?_ Although it’s not the first time, it hurts to realise that her friends seem to think that just because Sana is muslim, having a boyfriend is out of the question for her.

To direct the conversation back to a subject she’s comfortable with, Sana is about to suggest they could all go out to eat together, when she hears a “ping” from her phone.

Sana had told Elias to let her know when he’s in town so she could decide whether or not he should pick her up. Digging her phone out of her pocket, Sana does see a text from him, however with unexpected content.

Rolling her eyes, Sana looks up, and sure enough, there they are. All five boys are walking towards Sana and her friends with matching grins on their faces. _Fucking hell._

For a second, Sana considers telling the girls to run for their lives, but Vilde has already spotted Sana’s brother and his friends.

“Ladies, look over there …” She motions towards the boys with her chin and Sana wishes the ground would open up beneath her to swallow her whole.

That doesn’t happen of course. Within seconds, the boys are already standing in front of the five girls, looking like a poor imitation of a 90ies boyband.

“Sister, fancy seeing you here,” Elias says in a triumphant voice, eyeing Sana and her friends curiously. Sana wishes she could punch him, but does her best to keep a straight face.

“Hei Sana,” Yousef says shyly, and Sana tries to smile at him without looking into his eyes, which proves to be impossible. Looking at her brother however, she finds it easy to glare at him. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Walking in the city, which I believe is not illegal - yet,” Elias laughs, making Sana roll her eyes at him. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” he adds after a moment.

With a deep sigh, Sana waves her hand at the boys. “Girls, these are my brother Elias and his friends. Boys, these are my friends. Now, can you leave?”

But of course, Elias doesn’t get the hint or - more likely - deliberately ignores it.

He walks up to Noora and holds out his hand to her. “Hi, I’m Elias, what’s your name?”

Noora smiles back, albeit hesitantly and briefly shakes his hand. “Noora, hello.”

Elias introduces himself to Vilde, Eva and Chris in the same way and the rest of the boys follow suit, all of them grinning at Sana with a mix of pity and glee as they pass her. Except for Yousef, who somehow seems to be a little embarrassed as well, laughing nervously every time he says his name.

“So, I suppose you girls have some days off, too?” Elias asks once introductions are done and looks at all five girls in turn, making Sana scowl.

“No, we are actually just about to head back to school, Elias.”

Elias chuckles slowly and rubs his hands together. “Good, good. So, do you have any plans for Friday yet?”

 _Oh boy_ , Sana thinks, closing her eyes and hoping she’s about to wake up from a very bad dream. Unfortunately that’s not the case, and before she can stop him, Elias has already invited Sana and her friends to a party on Friday.

“Awesome, we will pick you up on Rådhusplassen at 8 o’clock.” Elias is way too excited for Sana’s taste, but her friends are definitely interested. Sana has to suppress a disgusted groan when she catches Vilde staring lustfully at her brother. _No, please GOD, no!_

Sana considers telling her brother he has to stay away from her friends since he’s her slave this week, but she knows that will only postpone the disaster.

“Where should I pick you up later, sister?” Elias asks after shaking her friends’ hands again. 

“Forget about it,” Sana growls at him, making him grin broadly.

“That’s what I thought. See you at home then.”

And before Sana can hiss an insult at him, he’s thrown an arm around Yousef’s shoulder and disappears with the boys around the corner.

“Wow, you didn’t tell me your brother was seriously hot, Sana!” Vilde sounds almost offended, and this time, Sana can’t bite back a remark.

“I don’t exactly think of my own brother as hot, Vilde. Also, don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Noora nods slowly with an indifferent expression on her face, but Eva wraps an arm around Sana’s shoulder and taps Sana’s nose with her finger.

“I can’t believe YOU got us into a party with some hot boys, Sana! Aoooooh!”

Sana frowns at that. “Don’t count on my brother keeping his word. They’re perfectly capable of not showing up. So don’t hold your breath.”

Vilde just giggles and gets up to toss her empty ice cream cup in the bin next to the bench. “Don’t be rude to your own brother, Sana. I’m sure they will be there.”

Sana sighs soundlessly and then turns to Chris, the only one who hasn’t spoken since the boys walked away. Chris grins queasily and licks her spoon clean. “Hey, I know it sucks that we’re hanging out with your brother, but I can promise you I won’t hook up with him.”

That makes Sana laugh and she reaches out to pat Chris’s arm. “Thank you, I’ll take your word for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	8. Episode 1: Wednesday 12th April, 16:15: Oh, ffs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	9. Episode 1: Wednesday 12th April, 18:23: Works for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	10. Episode 1: Thursday, 13th April, 15:05: Don't wanna  jinx it

Noora, Eva, Vilde and Sana are already sitting on the couches and armchairs in Noora’s living room, waiting for Chris. She’s only five minutes late, but Vilde is mildly annoyed.

“She’s really _never_ on time, is she?” Vilde murmurs, tapping her fingers on the armrest of her chair. 

“Relax, Vilde, or are you on a schedule?” Eva asks, and the dreamy look appearing on Vilde’s face at the question makes Sana wish Eva hadn’t asked. Surely, Vilde is meeting Magnus later and can’t wait to tell everyone what they’ll get up to in the bedroom again.

However, before Vilde can reply, the doorbell finally rings. Noora puts up a hand and if Sana didn’t know better, she’d think Noora looks just as relieved as Sana feels. “That’ll be Chris,” Noora announces and leaves to go open door. A few moments later, she comes back with Chris in tow. Chris is panting slightly and mumbles “Sorry, missed the tram”, and doesn’t look anyone in the eye. Sana is pretty sure Chris “missed the tram” just like Sana “took the tram in the wrong direction” on Monday. So Sana makes sure to give her a reassuring smile once she sits down next to Sana on the couch in Noora’s living room.

“Alright, now that we’re all here,” says Vilde with a kind smile in Chris’ direction. For some reason, she can’t stay mad at Chris, no matter the reason, a fact Sana finds endearing and weird at the same time. “What do you think of Mari’s offer?”

Noora just shrugs and pours herself a glass of water from the decanter on the couch table. “I don’t see what we have to discuss. We can’t afford the bus, and I don’t think we’ll get 300’000 kroner together until we graduate. We’re just five people.”

Eva nods slowly. “Yeah, we have barely 50’000 kroner.” She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and then frowns at Vilde. “How big is that thing anyway?”

“It has space for 25 people,” Vilde says, looking down at the piece of paper in her hand. “Mari’s bus group was bigger than ours.”

She then turns to Chris, who reaches for some crisps and looks at Vilde with a thoughtful expression. “I mean, I might get my hands on a pretty cheap bus, I just gotta talk to my uncle.”

Vilde stares at Chris, looking excited. “Really? What kind of bus?”

Chris munches on her crisps, pointing to her mouth, and Sana takes the opportunity to chime in.

“I agree with Noora and Eva, we can’t afford to spend money we don’t have. Besides, a bus for 25 people is too big for us anyway. Can anyone even drive a bus of that size?”

Noora shakes her head and sets her glass down on the table. “I don’t even drive at all.”

“Neither do I,” Sana adds with a smile at Noora.

“Me neither,” Eva says. “I think the only one of us who can drive is Chris, right?”

Chris nods with a cheeky grin. “Yep, but the biggest car I’m allowed to drive is a Minivan, not a 25-seat bus.”

Vilde bites her lower lip, thinking for a moment, and eventually, she nods slowly. “Okay, I guess that settles it then. We’re gonna decline?”

Sana and Noora nod in unison, and Eva and Chris say “Yes”, shortly after one another.

Vilde nods as well and then puts down the piece of paper. “Okay, I will call Mari then.” She lets out a long breath and turns to Chris again.

“What kind of bus did you say you might be able to get?”

Chris sits up straighter and clears her throat. “Well, my uncle runs a used car business, so he might be able to hook us up. I’ll call him to check if he has something that could pass for a bus.”

Vilde claps excitedly. “Alright, that sounds good. Let us know as soon as possible.”

Noora takes a deep breath and bites her lower lip for a second before she says: “I might … I could ask someone for help, too. No promises though.”

Vilde’s eyes go wide gain and Eva gives Noora a warm smile. “Who?” Vilde wants to know, but Noora just giggles nervously.

“I don’t wanna jinx it! I’ll … I’ll let you know when I get a reply.”

Sana frowns and looks from Noora to Eva and back again, trying to figure out what is going on between them. _What do you know that the rest of us don’t?_

Vilde shakes her head and writes something on her piece of paper before sitting up straighter and looking around at the rest of them.

“Alright, it’s settled: We’re refusing Mari’s bus, and both Chris and Noora will see what they can find for us. This is good.”

She looks almost cheerful now, and Noora pats her shoulder.

“Well said, boss.”

All five of them laugh at that, and Vilde even blushes a little. It doesn’t matter to Sana that she’s a little naive sometimes; Vilde is a good bus boss, and Sana really likes her - most of the time at least.

Vilde puts her notes away and soon the girls are talking about the plans for this weekend. “I still can’t believe Sana’s brother and his friends are taking us out tomorrow,” Vilde says and Sana has to suppress a groan.

“Mhm, that guy Adam seems to be really funny, “ Chris says, with a sideway glance to Sana.

Sana grins back at her and takes a handful of crisps from the bowl in front of her. “He’s the clown of the group, I warn you. Don’t believe anything he says.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	11. Episode 1: Thursday 13th April 21:26: Stop, please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	12. Episode 1: Friday 14th April, 16:18: Insha'Allah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	13. Episode 1: Friday 14th April, 19:58: Hello boys

“Brr, how is it still this cold in April?” Eva complains and wraps her thin blue jacket more tightly around herself. Noora smiles warmly and hugs her, rubbing her upper arms.

“Awh, why are you wearing a summer jacket in spring?” she coos and Eva giggles, snuggling closer to Noora.

“It’s my cutest jacket, I wanted to look good.”

Noora taps Eva’s nose with her finger. “You always look cute, Eva.”

Sana smiles at the two of them, wondering when Eva and Noora got so close.

Vilde is jumping up and down, and Sana isn't sure if it’s because she’s cold or from excitement.

“Is your brother usually on time, Sana?” she asks then, and Sana has to fight the urge to roll her eyes.

“I think I told you my brother is not reliable, so no. Usually, he’s late, particularly when he’s with the boys.”

Vilde is about to say something, doubtlessly to contradict Sana, when Chris suddenly points to the other end of the square, chuckling quietly.

“Hello boys.”

Sana turns around on her heels and almost groans. Elias and the boys are actually here, walking towards the girls with matching gleeful expressions. Sana’s brother winks at her, and this time she does roll her eyes.

“Hey girls,” Elias calls at the group, smiling brightly and then the boys are greeting Sana’s friends with handshakes and hugs, as if they had always hung out together. Sana feels her heart sink, just when Yousef appears in front of her, smiling brightly. 

“Hei Sana,” he says, and Sana can’t help but smile back at him.

“Hei.”

“Are you okay with the ten of us hanging out together?” he asks, biting his lower lip. “I imagine it’s a bit awkward for you.”

Sana shrugs with a slow sigh. “What can I do?”

Yousef chuckles as the two of them fall into step behind the rest of the group. “You could kill us all, that would solve it.”

Sana laughs out loud, lightly shoving him. “My mum would never forgive me for killing Elias.”

Yousef sucks in a breath. “But you would kill me? No regrets?”

Pursing her lips, Sana pretends to think for a minute and then grins at him, slowly shaking her head. “No, I wouldn’t kill you.”

Yousef’s warm laugh makes butterflies erupt in Sana’s stomach. “Oh, good, thank you," he giggles, releasing a faked breath of relief. 

They walk in silence then, observing the rest of the group laughing and joking in front of them, and Sana is about to ask Yousef how things are going with his job, when Elias turns around and frowns. 

“Yousef, my man, come here,” he calls, and thankfully, Chris turns around at that and holds out her hand to Sana.

Sana catches up to her as Yousef walks over to Elias and Chris puts her arm around Sana’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asks with a gentle, kind look in her eyes, and Sana feels a wave of affection for Chris. She is the only one of Sana’s friends who somehow always feels when Sana is not at ease.

“Yeah, as long as none of you go home with my brother, I’m okay.”

Chris chuckles. “Well, I promise you I won’t touch him. Can’t vouch for Vilde though.”

That makes them both laugh, and then the group already stops in front of the house Sana recognises as the building where Elias’s friend Unnar lives. They went to Elvebakken together and Sana should have known that the party would be at his house - Unnar’s parents both work abroad and are hardly ever at home.

The party is already in full swing and the boys start greeting people left and right while Vilde and Eva decide to go looking for booze. Sana is about to ask Noora if they should go sit down somewhere when she realises she hasn’t prayed Maghrib yet. The Adhan went off about an hour ago, and Sana has recently been trying to pray more regularly. With a deep sigh, she tells Noora she needs the bathroom.

She finds it at the end of the hallway, luckily empty. Performing Wudu, Sana already feels much calmer as the water trickles down her hands and cheeks. She looks at her reflection for a moment, taking a deep breath to ground herself and focus on her evening prayer. Back in the hallway, Sana picks the first closed door she sees to open and peek inside the room. It’s a bedroom, and thankfully, no one’s inside.

Sana slips into the room, carefully closing the door behind her and digs her phone out of her pocket. With the help of her praying app, Sana finds out in which direction Mecca lies and even spots a small carpet next to the bed, which she can use as a prayer mat. She moves the carpet with her foot so it points in the right direction and then puts her phone back in her pocket.

Taking another deep breath, Sana closes her eyes, and then everything goes quiet.

_Allah hu akbar_

_Ashhadu al la ilaha illa-llah_

_Ashhadu anna Muhammadar Rasulu-llah_

_…_

Sana is about halfway through reciting the second Surah when the door burst open. She jumps and opens her eyes to find Vilde, Eva and Chris staring at her.

“What are you doing in here?” Vilde asks, looking confused.

Sana feels herself blush and clears her throat, blinking a few times. “Uh, I just … needed a moment. What’s up?”

Vilde beams at Sana, but Eva and Chris look slightly uncomfortable. Sana isn’t sure if it’s because they realised they interrupted Sana’s prayer or because of what Vilde is about to say. “Come on, we have to show you something. We are such good friends!”

Sana frowns at her and catches Eva’s eye. She definitely looks uncomfortable, but also a little sad and Sana almost asks what’s wrong, but something in her gut tells her that’s a bad idea.

Vilde pulls Sana out into the hall by her arm, almost making Sana trip over her long linen pants. 

“Let go of me, Vilde,” Sana protests and frees herself, but Vilde doesn’t seem to hear her.

She’s standing in the doorway to the living room and pointing to the middle of the room.

“Just look, she’s finally getting over William, I can tell.”

Reluctantly, Sana follows Vilde’s gaze to see Noora sitting on a couch next to - Sana’s heart almost stops - Yousef. They’re talking animatedly, smiling broadly at each other, and if it wasn’t for Vilde staring at her as if today was Christmas and Easter combined, Sana would have cried out in despair.

_No, no, no, NO NOOOO!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	14. Glossary for Episode 2

Fajr: First prayer of the five daily prayers

Darija : Moroccan dialect of Arabic

Masha’Allah: “Allah willed it” Phrase used to express gratitude to God or to

congratulate someone on a God-given circumstance

Shokran: “Thank you” in Arabic

Jazakallah Khair: “May God reward you with goodness.” Phrase used to express a great

gratitude.


	15. Episode 2: Saturday 15th April, 10:13: Out of your league

Sana has just finished praying Fajr, but instead of peaceful, she still feels miserable about last night. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Yousef is interested in Noora. She’s heard many people say that Noora is the prettiest girl in school, and on top of that Noora is smart as well, so obviously, Yousef would be smitten with her from the first second. But it still hurts. Sana thought he was different from other boys.Turns out she was wrong. Oh well, maybe it’s for the best - Yousef is Sana’s brother’s best friend after all. If Sana were to even try to be with him, she would be in for a world of trouble anyway.

Taking a deep breath, Sana shakes her head as if to get rid of her negative thoughts. It doesn’t work, but she decides she might as well go to the kitchen to get a glass of juice. She finds Elias sprawled out on of the couches in the living room with his laptop on his stomach, apparently editing a video of himself and the boys.

“Morning sister, can you bring me a glass of milk?” he asks, but Sana merely scoffs at him, walking past the couch into the kitchen.

“You’re an adult, get it yourself.”

“Come on, Sana, you’re already there anyway. Be a good sister, please.”

Sana rolls her eyes and pokes her head out of the kitchen, already holding a glass in her hand. “You know, since you’re my slave this week, you should be glad I’m not making YOU serve ME.”

Elias holds up his hands in defeat. “True, I’m sorry. Forget I asked.”

Grinning to herself, Sana opens the fridge and pours herself half a glass of juice before joining Elias in the living room, sitting down opposite him.

He sits up after a while, closing his laptop and looking up at Sana.

“So, last night was fun eh?”

Sana almost winces but manages to swallow around the lump in her throat. “I guess,” she says then, shrugging slightly and taking a swig of juice.

Elias grins and nods. “The boys were delighted to meet your friends. Particularly Noora, she’s pretty hot.”

_You mean Yousef thinks she’s hot._

Biting the inside of her cheek, Sana hesitates for a moment before she replies.

“Yeah, I think she’s a bit out of your league.”

Elias chuckles and shakes his head. “According to you, _every_ girl is out of my league.”

“True,” Sana concedes, grinning bravely. 

“Well, we should definitely hang out together again, don’t you think?” Elias goes on.

Sana empties her glass in one swig and gets to her feet. “We’ll see. I have to ask the girls if they even want to see you again.”

Elias bursts out laughing and Sana is glad she’s already in the kitchen again when he calls: “Well, Noora talked to Yousef all night and they laughed a lot, so I guess our chances are pretty good.”

Sana puts her glass into the dishwasher a bit more forcefully than she means to. “Don’t count on it,” she calls back, hoping her voice isn’t trembling as much as her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	16. Episode 2: Saturday 15th April, 16:41: Dodged a bullet

The second Sana starts bouncing the ball on the concrete of the playground,she feels better for the first time today. Similar to praying, playing basketball always helps her to stop thinking. She can forget space and time and focus only on the ball and her breathing.

She’s just hit the hoop again and is about to run forward to get the ball, when she suddenly stops dead in her tracks, sucking in her breath.

Yousef is standing next to the hoop, smirking at Sana with the ball in his hands.

“Hei,” he croaks, scratching the back of his neck with one hand, which almost makes him drop the ball. In spite of herself, Sana almost smiles at him.

“Hei,” she mumbles back, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

“Can I … can I play with you?” he asks hesitantly, and when Sana raises her eyebrows at him, he quickly adds: “I’m not stupid enough to challenge you to a one-on-one, I just want to see how useless I really am.”

This time, Sana can’t resist and laughs at him, but she still nods, watching him curiously. “What do you want to do?”

He throws the ball back at her and raises both eyebrows. “I could try and get the ball from you?”

Sana looks down at her feet to hide the fact that she’s blushing. “Uh, okay,” she says hesitantly and briefly turns around to make sure her brother isn’t about to show up. The last thing she needs is Elias walking in on her and Yousef fighting for the ball.

“The boys are at Mikael’s to borrow his brother’s basketball,” Yousef says as if he were reading Sana’s mind. 

Sana looks up at him with a grin. “Are they now?”

Yousef giggles. “Yeah, I guess Elias didn’t want to run the risk of you catching us using your ball again.”

Sana nods appreciatively. “Good for him.” And then, watching Yousef with a challenging expression, Sana starts bouncing the ball. “So are you ready?”

He lets out a nervous laugh, rubbing his hands together. And then he suddenly runs at Sana, diving for the ball in such an obvious move Sana has to stifle a laugh as she turns around, easily evading him. Yousef groans and almost stumbles over his own feet, but then he tries again. This time, he approaches Sana from behind. She can feel his breath in her neck, and for a moment, she struggles to stay focused. Yousef reaches past her in an attempt to grab the ball, but Sana easily switches hands. However, Yousef’s hand brushes her ribs when he pulls back, making her shiver.

However, after a few more unsuccessful attempts, Yousef gives up.

“Damn, you’re too good, girl,” he pants, taking off his snapback to run his fingers through his hair. Sana is panting too, though not as hard, and she’s not entirely sure it’s just because of the - relatively minor - efforts it took her to block Yousef’s attacks.

“Thank you, I train once a week for a reason,” Sana tells him with a wink, holding the ball in front of her chest.

Yousef laughs and puts his hands on his knees, looking at his shoes. If Sana didn’t know any better, she’d swear he’s hiding a blush.

When he looks back up at her, Yousef’s warm smile sends a shiver down Sana’s spine. His eyes don’t leave hers when he says. “Maybe I should train with you to get better.”

Sana swallows hard and clears her throat. “Uh, I’m not sure I have time to teach a hopeless case like yourself.”

“Ah, well. Too bad,” Yousef says dejectedly and takes a few steps back. Sana considers suggesting a trade of some sort, when she hears the boys coming around the corner. Yousef’s eyes go wide, yet he quickly turns around to wave at them.

“Over here, boys,” he calls as Sana moves back to a safe distance to make sure Elias doesn’t get the wrong idea. 

“Where else would you be?” Adam says as he arrives on the playground, smiling at Sana when he spots her. “Hei Sana!”

Mikael, Mutta and Yousef follow close behind, chattering randomly. Mikael is carrying a beat-up looking basketball, and Sana decides she’s not going to stick around to watch them try - and inevitably fail- to play.

“I’ll leave you to it,” she tells the boys and waves at the five of them. Mikael laughs and nudges Elias’ shoulder with his own.

“Look, you just dodged a bullet. If Sana played with us you’d end up being her slave for the rest of the year.”

Elias protests, and Sana resists the urge to look back to see Yousef laughing. The sound of his laugh however follows her until the back door swings shut behind her. Halfway up the stairs, Sana stands still for a second, shaking her head. _It’s nothing, get a grip, Sana. He was just being nice._ She takes a deep breath and tries to steady herself. But the grin on her face doesn’t go away, not even when she finds her mother in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

“Hello,” she says cheerfully and hugs her mother’s shoulders.

“Hey Sana,” Mamma says and leans her head against Sana’s briefly, her hands busy cutting tomatoes. “How was it?”

Sana freezes for a second, thinking she’s asking about Yousef, when she remembers her mother can’t know he was on the playground with her. “Uh, it was good, I’ll just … put the ball away, be right with you.” The words tumble out of Sana’s mouth a bit too quickly, but she ducks out of the kitchen before her mother can say anything back.

Dropping the ball on her bed, Sana sighs deeply and closes her eyes for a second. _Focus. Don’t let Mamma notice what’s up with you, not now._ She opens her eyes again and turns on her heels to walk back to the kitchen.

“Sorry,” she tells her mother, but Mamma just smiles warmly.

“What for?”

Sana ignores her question, instead asking one back. “What’s for dinner?”

Mamma slides the tomato cubes she just finished cutting into a bowl and sets it back down. “Zaalouk with fresh bread”, she says and Sana gasps with excitement.“Yes, great,” Sana hugs her mother’s waist. “Something to look forward to.”

Mamma laughs and leans her head back to look at Sana. “Have you spoken to Jamilla yet?”

Sana lets go of her with an exasperated sigh. “No, Mamma.”

Mamma holds up her hands in defeat and then reaches for an eggplant in the basket on the counter. “I just think she misses you, and I know you miss her, too,” she says, her voice warm and kind, and Sana nods slowly, biting her lower lip.

“I guess I could try to text her,” she offers hesitatingly. The thought scares Sana, but she is also curious to find out if Jamilla will talk to her again.

“Yes. I’m sure she would be delighted to hear from you, even if you just ask how she is doing,” Mamma encourages Sana with her softest voice.

Nodding again, Sana puts a hand on her mother’s arm. “Okay, I will try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	17. Episode 2: Sunday 16th April, 14:34: Who do you think?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	18. Episode 2: Sunday 16th April, 17:57: Is it a code?

“Where do you want this one?” Eva asks, holding up a framed photo of a beautiful park. Noora looks up at it and smiles at Eva.

“Ah, that one would fit over here, don’t you think?” she says and points to the spot over her bed.

Noora invited Sana and the girls to help her hang some pictures in her room. Vilde declined, saying she’s meeting Magnus and Chris is visiting her grandmother. Sana is looking through some photos of the five of them from the past year, trying to decide which ones Noora should put in a big frame to hang up above her desk.

“Yes,” Eva agrees, and both she and Noora move over to the bed, Noora grabbing the hammer and a nail from the desk on her way.

Sana suddenly laughs and holds up a picture they took together last year in a photo booth in the city. Eva and Chris are pulling awesome grimaces, while Vilde, Noora and Sana are laughing. It’s the kind of picture that reminds Sana why she’s friends with those four lunatics.

“Oh, I love this one,” Noora says and laughs as well. Eva frowns at the photo for a moment and huffs. 

“How is it you love every picture where I pull a face?”

Noora giggles and squeezes Eva’s shoulder. “I think you look good in every picture.”

“Right,” Eva scoffs exaggeratedly, however she’s unable to hide a grin.

Five minutes later, the framed photo of the park - Noora explains it’s Park Güell in Barcelona, where she went on vacation a few times while she was living in Madrid - is hung at the wall and Sana has finished picking out ten photos for the big frame. Noora looks at Sana’s choices and smiles contently.

“I like your picks,” she says and rubs Sana’s shoulder. Then, she turns around and looks at Eva and Sana in turn. “Are you guys hungry? I bought stuff to make a special Spanish dish.”

Eva squeals excitedly. “Yes, I’m starving! Plus, Mamma isn’t coming back until tomorrow.”

Noora grins and then turns to Sana, who smiles kindly at her. “Sure, if you have enough for all of us?”

Clapping her hands together, Noora nods and turns on her heels to head to the kitchen. “I always have enough for two lovely friends.”

 _Insha’Allah it’s a vegetarian dish_ , Sana prays as she follows Eva out of Noora’s room.

While Eva gets three plates from one of the cupboards and walks out into the living room to set the table, Sana opens the fridge and asks Noora what she needs.

“Uh, I’ll need sour cream, butter and the minced meat from the second shelf, please,” Noora says and Sana hands the three items to her,her stomach sinking. The minced meat is beef, of course.

Sana is going to have to pick it off her plate, or she’ll have to find some excuse why she can’t eat the meat. It’s in moments like this that Sana curses herself for not being braver. If only she could just tell the girls why she can’t eat certain foods. But she’s afraid they will look at her differently or even worse - they could judge her for being difficult.

Sana takes a deep breath and turns back to Noora, who has already switched on the stove and is chopping an onion.

She pours some olive oil into the pan and adds the onion cubes, but suddenly she’s frowning. “Damn, I can’t remember if I have to add garlic to this.” She chews her lower lip for a second and then calls out to the living room: “Eva, can you check my computer real quick? I need the recipe, it should be saved in my email inbox.”

“Yep,” Eva calls from the living room and adds a few seconds later: “Uh, what’s your password?”

“Experfive,” Noora calls, making Sana frown. _What the heck?_

Eva seems to think the same. “What?” she calls, and Noora giggles slightly, looking at Sana with a slight blush on her cheeks.

“Can you go help her, it’s E-x-p-e-r and the number five. I will lose my voice if I have to dictate it to Eva from here.”

Sana smirks at her, biting back a comment about Noora’s weird choice of password and walks out of the kitchen.

Eva’s sitting cross-legged on the floor in Noora’s room, the laptop on her knees, scowling at the screen. “What did she say the password was?” she asks and hands Sana the computer as Sana kneels down next to her.

“E-x-p-e-r-5,” Sana spells out slowly as she types the password in, chuckling at Eva’s confused expression.

“So I did hear it right. What the fuck?” Eva giggles.

“Tell me about it,” Sana agrees as Noora’s home screen is loading.

“I can hear you girls mocking me from here, you know,” Noora calls from the kitchen, making both Sana and Eva laugh.

“Well, you have to admit it’s a weird password, how did you come up with that?” Eva calls back, craning her neck in direction of Noora’s voice.

“Where is the recipe?” Sana asks and Eva repeats the question loudly for Noora to hear.

“On my email, it’s my hotmail account and the password is the same,” Noora all but yells, making the other two laugh again.

Two minutes later, Eva has found the recipe and prints it out. Sana gets to her feet to grab the recipe and bring it to Noora, who is already mixing tomato cubes with the onions. 

Sana peers at the top of the page and then hands it to Noora with a frown. “It’s all in Spanish.”

“Yes, that's because I got it from a friend in Madrid, she doesn’t speak Norwegian,” Noora laughs and takes one look at the recipe.

“Phew, no garlic. I’m glad,” she says and then points to the fridge. “Can you get me the pot of sour cream please?”

Sana grins at her with a nod. “Yes, master chef.”

Noora giggles as Eva joins the two of them and hooks her chin on Noora’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around her. “Smells good,” she murmurs, sniffing the steam coming from the pan.

Sana puts the sour cream on the counter next to Noora, who gently disengages herself from Eva’s embrace, waving her arms as if to say _I need space._

“Thanks, Sana,” Noora says with an amused side glance at Eva, who fakes a pout for a second before grinning mischievously. _What is going on with you two?_ Sana wonders, but doesn’t say anything.

Sana nods at Noora and then leans at the wall opposite the stove with a comfortable sigh, watching Noora cook and listening to Eva tease Noora about her password. “Are you trying to hint at something? Is it a code?”

Sure, sometimes Sana feels disconnected from her friends, be it due to diet issues or things they just assume about Sana without bothering to ask. But right now, right here, Sana feels happy and at ease with two of her best friends.

She’s just going to have to think of an excuse for why she can’t eat the minced meat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	19. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April, 07:44: I owe you, Sanasol

Elias has just dropped Sana off outside of school and she watches him drive away with a content smirk. Today’s the only day she’s actually used him as her ‘slave’, but it was totally worth it: Sana got to wake him up and he couldn’t shoo her away without breaking his word, which he loves to say he never does. Sana knows it was wrong, but she really enjoyed watching Eliasdrag himself out of bed and cursing his former self for challenging his sister to a basketball game.

Isak is already waiting for Sana at her locker, smiling shyly when she approaches him.

“Hei,” he says, suppressing a yawn.

“Morning.” Sana smiles back at him, biting back a remark about Isak not being a morning person. “How was your Easter break?”

Isak shrugs, huffing out a laugh. “Too short. Who knew moving in with your boyfriend could be so much work?”

Sana frowns at him as she opens her locker. “Did you spend the entire holiday unpacking?”

“Well not the entire week …” The cheeky grin on Isak’s face makes Sana wish she hadn’t asked.

“Forget it, I don’t need to know,” she stops him, holding up a hand. 

Isak chuckles again. “I was only going to say we also cooked and watched some movies, what did you think?”

Groaning exasperatedly, Sana throws her locker shut and tries to glower at him. It’s but a fruitless attempt though because she can’t stop grinning. “So do you still need my chemistry notes or what?” she asks then with both her eyebrows raised.

Isak nods, a hopeful expression on his face. “Please? You’ll get them back tomorrow, I promise.”

Trying hard to hide a grin, Sana hands him the folder with her notes. “Chill, I won’t need them until next week.”

“Awesome, thanks. I owe you, Sanasol,” Isak says and walks backwards, trying - and failing - to wink at Sana.

“If you say so, Isabell,” Sana says sarcastically, and with another chuckle, Isak disappears around the corner.

Sana closes her locker and makes her way down the hall to the classroom where her English lesson will start in about ten minutes, absentmindedly smiling to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	20. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April, 12:17: Other plans

“So, are you guys in or what?” Sana hears Vilde ask as she approaches the girls who are sitting at one of the benches in the school yard.

Sana sits down next to Noora who smiles at her absentmindedly and then turns back to Vilde and Eva.

“You mean you want us to go to a party the Pepsi Max Gang is throwing?” Eva asks and Sana stares first at Eva and then at Vilde, who is nodding slowly.

“Yes. I spoke to Ingrid earlier, and I think she still feels kind of bad about how they acted towards us last year or something.”

Sana frowns incredulously and looks over at Noora, who is fixating Vilde as if she suggested they all go Bungee Jumping. “Vilde, those girls … they’re not exactly the kind of crowd we want to hang out with, to put it lightly?” Noora says, waving her hand in front of Vilde’s face as if to wake her up from a trance.

“I agree with Noora,” Sana says while unpacking the sandwich Mamma made for her this morning. “Those girls are not to be trusted.”

Chris looks at the rest of the group and then shrugs, an unimpressed expression on her face. “I don’t care to be honest. A party’s a party, no?”

Eva frowns at Chris first but then her face lights up a bit and she grins brightly. “You know what? You’re right. Let’s go drink their booze and steal their boys.”

Noora sighs and sets down her fork. “Seriously?”

Eva bumps her fist to Chris’s and turns to smile at Noora. “What? It’s not like we are actually fighting with them? And if Vilde says we’re invited anyway, why not go and take advantage of it?”

“Actually,” Vilde pipes up and makes a face, sitting up a little straighter. “Ingrid said the party is at Sara’s house and she imposed the rule that if a group of girls show up without dates, they have to bring the same amount of boys to get in …”

She bites her lower lip and then turns to look at Sana. The second Vilde’s eyes meet hers, Sana already knows what she’s going to say. “Oh no, you’re not thinking of asking my brother and his goons to join?” she asks in a stern tone, making Chris giggle.

Vilde is still biting her lip and looks down at her hands before she looks up again. Sana sees the answer on her face before she says it.

“Uh, I kind of … already asked Elias?”

Sana puts down her sandwich and glares at Vilde. “How could you? He’s my _brother_ , Vilde! And you’re using him to get us into some party with the Pepsi Max Gang without asking me first? That’s _not_ okay!”

Vilde looks scared by the time Sana is done talking. “I’m sorry,” Vilde says quietly, and Sana tries to smile at her although she’s still angry.

“It’s … fine, the damage is done now anyway, I guess. Just don’t be surprised if they don’t show. We got lucky on Friday, I don’t expect them to be this reliable twice in a row.”

Vilde sighs with relief and briefly touches Sana’s arm. “Thank you, Sana.”

She then turns to Noora and Eva. “I think this might be a chance for us to make peace with the Pepsi Max Gang. Who knows, maybe they’re actually really nice and just acted mean last year for some reason?”

Sana and Noora exchange a look, smiling at each other, and Sana is pretty sure they’re both thinking the same thing. Out loud Sana just says: “Wait for my brother to reply to you first. They might have other plans anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	21. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April, 17:51: On board

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	22. Episode 2: Tuesday 18th April, 19:33: Stick together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	23. Episode 2: Wednesday 19th April, 07:28: Play fair

Sana hears them before she sees them. More exactly, she hears Isak’s laugh. She turns the corner onto Niels Juls gata and spots the two of them about twenty steps ahead of her. Even’s arm is slung around Isak’s shoulder and his mouth is at his boyfriend’s ear as he murmurs something under his breath. Sana can’t help but smile at the sight. They’ve been dating for more than six months now, but somehow, they never got out of the honeymoon phase. When they reach the gate to the A-building, the boys stop walking and Isak turns his head to kiss Even on the mouth. Even’s other arm coils around Isak’s middle and he kisses him back, smiling under his boyfriend’s lips. 

Sana walks up to them and resists the urge to clear her throat. “Halla,” she says instead with a slight chuckle, and the boys turn to face her. 

“Halla,” they say, almost at the same time and Even reaches for Isak’s hand. “Are you alright?” Isak asks cheerfully.

“I’m good, and you?” Sana gives back, looking from Isak to Even, who is smiling a little hesitantly. Sana gives him a reassuring nod before turning back to Isak.

“I’m still not entirely caught up on chemistry, but otherwise I’m okay,” Isak says and grins uneasily. “But your notes have been helpful,” he adds quickly before Sana can ask, making her giggle. “Thanks for that, again, by the way.”

“No problem,” Sana says and points to the B-building. “I gotta go that way, are you coming?”

Isak nods slowly and reaches up to cup Even’s cheek with one hand.

“See you at lunch?” he murmurs and kisses him. Even hums appreciatively and nods, bumping Isak’s nose with his own.

“See you later,” he says and lets go of Isak’s hand. “Bye Sana,” he adds with a smile in Sana’s direction and then walks off across the school yard in big strides.

Isak clears his throat and together, he and Sana start walking towards the B-building. “Is it me or are you more cheerful in the mornings than last year?” Sana teases him, which makes Isak chuckle.

“Maybe? Why do you mean?” he asks, trying to wink. Sana laughs at that and gently nudges his arm with her elbow.

“Just saying.”

Sana is about to ask if Isak is already studying for the mock exams when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She digs it out and almost gasps at the sight of the notification on the screen.

Sana quickly puts her phone back into her pocket and tries to seem calm, hoping Isak won’t notice the sudden blush on her cheeks. Of course, she has no such luck.

“What is it?” he asks and opens the door to the B-building, holding it open for Sana with a questioning look on his face.

“What do you mean?” she asks back in an indignant tone. 

The look on Isak’s face tells Sana he knows something’s up but he still doesn’t ask. That’s one of the reason why Sana appreciates him so much: He doesn’t assume that just because he can tell something’s up he has the right to know what it is.

“Nothing, I guess,” he says, and follows Sana inside.

By the time the two of them sit down at their desk in biology, Sana’s fingers are itching to get your phone out and see if Yousef sent her a message, but she absolutely doesn’t want Isak to see …

“I won’t look, I promise,” Isak interrupts Sana’s thoughts from beside her, prompting her to stare blankly at him.

“Huh?”

Isak chuckles slightly and moves his chair away from Sana’s. He even turns around so he’s facing the window.

“Whatever it is you don’t want me to see, I won’t look,” he says over his shoulder, and Sana feels the sudden urge to hug him.

Instead, she tap his shoulder. “Thanks,” she says quietly and then digs her phone out of her pocket again. 

Yousef _has_ sent Sana a message and it’s all she can do not to squeal. She _never_ squeals.

****

Sana smiles and bites her lip before she types a reply.

After hitting send, Sana feels empowered for about two seconds before she starts panicking internally. _Calm down for fuck’s sake._ She manages to take one deep breath before her phone pings again.

Scoffing slightly, Sana types back.

Within seconds, Yousef answers again.

Sana sucks in a breath and feels herself blush. Next to her, Isak smiles at his phone and Sana could swear it has nothing to do with whatever he’s looking at on his screen, but she has other things to worry about right now. Her thumb is hovering over her keyboard but before she can think of a witty reply, she sees Yousef typing again.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Sana grins at her phone. She’s not going to give in that easily.

And with that, Sana closes the messenger app and looks at some of the photos on Yousef’s profile. On one, he’s messing around with the boys, and the way he and Mikael are huddled together makes her smile. Mikael has always been like a little brother to Yousef and Elias, and in this picture it’s clear how much they all care about each other.

Suddenly, something hits the floor close to Sana’s foot, and she jumps slightly, putting her phone down on the desk. 

“Sorry,” Isak says and dives under the desk to retrieve his pen. Sana ducks her head to check if he got it but Isak has already straightened up again and freezes, his eyes locked on the screen of Sana’s phone. 

_Fuuuuuck._

Luckily, the teacher has just entered the classroom, which deprives Isak of a chance to ask about what he just saw. But the look on his face tells Sana he’s not just going to forget about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	24. Episode 2: Thursday 20th April, 07:20: How are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	25. Episode 2: Thursday 20th April, 12:11: SMS Roulette

Walking out of class, Sana hopes for a quiet lunch break with the girls. No such luck, of course.

As she walks up to them, Sana finds Vilde chattering excitedly, and when she sees Sana, Vilde flashes her brightest smile and announces:  
“Your brother chatted with me yesterday, Sana.”

 _Oh shit._ Sana should have seen this coming, since Elias has a knack for embarrassing her in front of other people, but still …

Clearing her throat, Sana sits down on the bench next to Noora. “What did he say?” she asks, trying to sound as indifferent as possible.

“He asked for nudes,” Vilde giggles as if it were the funniest thing ever. Both Sana and Noora wrinkle their noses in disgust while Eva and Chris just burst out laughing.

“I’ll kill him,” Sana mutters at the same time as Noora calls out:

“Seriously? That’s not funny, Vilde!”

But Vilde just shakes her head and pulls out her phone. 

“It’s okay, he sent me this afterwards, apparently it was for a video they made.”

Sana frowns and lean forward to get a good look at Vilde’s phone.

_Right, the boys think they’re youtubers now._ Sana rolls her eyes and sits back down.

“I told you, they’re all idiots.”

Eva laughs and pats Sana’s shoulder. “Come on, Sana, I know you have to think that of your brother, but you should watch the video. It really is kind of funny.”

Sana frowns at that. “You’ve seen it?”

Eva blushes slightly and nods. “Uh, yeah, Adam sent it to me via insta.”

Sana sighs deeply and forces a smile while unpacking her lunch from her bag. “Aha,” she says curtly, and before Eva can reply, she adds: “I see my brother and his goons enough at home, I don’t have to watch videos of them at school.” _Besides, the last thing I need is you girls catching me blush at the sight of Yousef._

“But Eva, do you think I should tell Magnus about this?” Vilde interjects, suddenly looking worried.

“No, he won’t ever see this anyway,” Eva replies, and Sana swallows a comment along the lines of _“if you don’t want to raise suspicions, don’t reply to my brother when he asks for nudes.”_

Noora clears her throat and turns to Sana. “Are all your brother’s friends as cheeky as he is?”

Scoffing slightly, Sana rolls her eyes again. “Uh, yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“Oh well, I don’t know, at least Yousef seems to be kind of … sane?” Noora giggles and the sound turns Sana’s blood to ice.

 _Of fucking course._ That’s what Sana gets for introducing her friends to her crush. 

“Erm, sure, if you think so,” she mumbles and adds something about having to go to the bathroom. Before anyone can stop her, Sana runs off and back inside, only realising when she’s already at her locker that she left her lunch on the table next to Noora.

Oh well, she’s lost her appetite anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	26. Episode 2: Friday 21st April, 14:11: What the fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	27. Episode 2: Friday 21st April, 21:23: Enough is enough

Sana is sitting on the stairs in Sara’s house, wondering why the fuck she agreed to go to this party. Her brother and his friends got into a loud argument with some people, and they left after only an hour. Elias muttered “damn racist idiots” in Darija on his way past Sana and ever since she can’t fight the feeling that she really shouldn’t be here. 

To make things worse, after the boys left, Eva, Vilde and Chris started drinking heavily and Noora found Mari and went to get a drink with her in the kitchen. After that, the two of them disappeared and Sana hasn’t seen them for the past hour or so. So once again, none of Sana’s friends seem to care about her in the slightest. Sana knows they don’t mean it, but it still stings every time. 

With a sigh, Sana gets to her feet and decides to get a glass of water from the kitchen and then call it a night. On her way there, Sana passes a group of girls huddled together, and she would have just kept walking if she hadn’t caught a part of their conversation.

“But won’t you get in trouble for this? I mean, going to a party must be a sin in Islam, right?” one of the girls says, prompting Sana to turn on her heels with a frown. Only now does she see that the group is gathered around a girl wearing a hijab, and the looks on their faces aren’t exactly friendly.

Sana crosses her arms in front of her chest and decides to keeps listening.

Another one of the girls doubles down on the first one’s bullshit. “Any kind of fun is forbidden in Islam, no? I mean, no offense but that’s kind of what your religion is all about, isn’t it?”

Sana doesn’t know the name of the girl who just spoke but she knows the girl is a part of Sara’s friend group. A tall, blonde mess of a woman who drank herself half to death at that party last year and always asks stupid questions, no matter if she’s already drunk or not. And just when Sana considers walking away, she catches the hijabi girls’s eye and sees that she’s utterly terrified. 

_Enough is enough._

“Why don’t you all just piss off and leave her alone?” Sana says loudly and with ice in her voice. The group of girls turn around in sync and stare at Sana with wide eyes.

The Blonde Mess scoffs and scans Sana from top to bottom. “Oh, look at that, it’s the hijab police,” she sneers and Sana has to close her eyes for a second to fight the urge to punch her.

“Just stop, okay?” Sana hates how broken her voice sounds. This situation is already way too similar to countless encounters she’s had during her time at Uranienborg skole. 

The Blonde Mess just laughs in your face. “Why?” She points at the hijabi girl. “She comes here into our country pretending she can be Norwegian when all she obviously wants is to go against everything Norway stands for. So why can’t we ask some questions?”

The disdainful tone of her voice makes Sana’s blood boil and before she can stop herself, she takes two fast steps towards the Blonde Mess.

“If you don’t stop harassing her, I’ll call the cops, just to show you how very Norwegian our values are. We have a right to our beliefs, as much as you have a right to be as dumb as you please.”

The Blonde Mess is about to hurl a load of insults at Sana, but Sana holds up a hand to stop her. She has just noticed Sara standing a few feet away, watching the altercation with curiosity.

“Sara, since you’re the host, don’t you want to make sure all your guests feel safe and welcome?” Sana asks loudly, and that’s when she realises that half the room is watching her, The Blonde Mess and the hijabi girl. At least none of Sana's friends are anywhere to be seen ...

Sara takes a sip of her beer and then puts it down on a sideboard, clearly very aware of all the eyes on her. Clearing her throat, she walks over to Sana and scans both her and the hijabi girl with a look that makes Sana’s skin crawl.

“She’s not my guest,” Sara says coldly. “And neither are you. So I don’t see a reason to stop my friends from asking completely normal questions.” She earns a few laughs with that and picks up her beer again before adding: “Besides, I remember _you_ ,” she points her finger right at Sana, “picking a fight at another party in first year. So really, I should throw _you_ out before you cause trouble again.”

Sana’s hands are shaking, but she manages to straighten up and put her arm around the hijabi girl. “Don’t bother,” she hisses at Sara and with that, she walks the girl out of the house. The vicious laughter of Sara and her friends follows the two of them outside, so Sana keeps walking until they reach the gate and are finally out of earshot. 

Only then Sana turns to look at the girl. She’s staring at Sana in shock, but also with something like admiration. “I can’t believe you just did that,” she exclaims and touches Sana’s arm. Sana flashes her a quick smile and for the first time, she really looks at the girl. Her skin is darker than Sana’s, she has beautiful brown eyes and high cheekbones. Her smile shows off her full lips and perfect teeth, and when she laughs again, Sana can’t help but laugh with her.

“I’m sorry about that,” Sana tells her, but the girl frowns at that, shaking her head.

“Don’t be, I’m very glad you helped me. I never know what to say in theses situations.” She looks at her hands for a second and then smiles at Sana again.

“I’m Ayaan, what’s your name?”she asks and Sana takes her hand in both of hers, smiling at her.

“I’m Sana,” she says and Ayaan emits a peal of laughter that almost makes Sana forget what just happened in there. 

“Masha’Allah, what a pretty name”, Ayaan says warmly, and Sana’s heart soars. The arabic phrase along with Ayan’s gentle smile makes Sana feel better than anything else could.

“Shokran, sister, you’re too kind.”

And just like that, all the tension falls from Sana’s shoulders. “So why are you at this party?” she asks then, and Ayaan sighs deeply. 

“My friends were invited. They all have boyfriends and wouldn’t go without me. I know they mean well but one of them brought her brother saying he was ‘my ticket to the party.’” She laughs softly, and Sana makes a face.

“I know what you mean,” she murmurs, grinning uneasily at Ayaan. “My friends invited my brother and his friends without asking me, and I … I don’t think they understand how awkward it is for me.”

Ayaan rolls her eyes and takes Sana’s hand in hers. “Insha’Allah they will come to understand one day. They are your friends after all.”

Sana nods slowly and then reaches out to touch Ayaan’s shoulder. “Insha’Allah, sister.”

“Do you go to the mosque often?” Ayaan then asks, and Sana chews her upper lip for a moment, before she replies.

“Not as often as I’d like,” she says then, feeling guilty. Sana really wants to go more often, but she feels she can’t tell her friends about it, because she’s sure they wouldn’t understand why Sana wouldn’t want to join them for parties on Fridays.

“Same,” Ayaan sighs and smiles uneasily. “I can’t tell my friends I would like to go to the mosque on some Fridays because I don’t want to lose them.”

Sana could kiss Ayaan for saying exactly what Sana was just thinking. “Yeah, it’s tough,” she agrees, letting out a long breath she didn’t realise she was holding. “I love my girls, but sometimes, I just wish they would listen more.”

Ayaan nods slowly and then pulls out her phone to check the time. “I promised my mother I’d be home at ten.” She giggles shortly. “Thanks to you I will be able to make it on time without lying to anyone.”

Only then does Sana realise that her stepping in could get Ayaan in trouble with her friends. But Ayaan seems to read Sana’s mind, because before Sana can say anything, Ayaan puts a hand on Sana’s shoulder and adds: “Jazakallah Khair for your help, Sana. I can deal with my friends, they will understand. And I hope yours will listen to you more, soon.”

Sana laughs with relief and then Ayaan pulls her into a long hug. Sana hugs her back tightly and suddenly feels tempted to leave with her. But when she looks over Ayaan’s shoulder, Sana sees Noora sitting on the porch of Sara’s house, watching Sana and Ayaan with a soft smile. Swallowing hard, Sana gently disengages herself from Ayaan and takes her hand again. “I hope I’ll see you again some time,” Sana says earnestly and Ayaan nods with a knowing smile.

“Maybe some time at the mosque?” she says with a soft laugh and then she’s out of the gate, waving at Sana before making her way down the street. “Good night, Sana.”

“Good night,” Sana calls after her, waving back for a moment. Then, she turns around, almost hoping Noora has gone back inside.

Of course, she hasn’t. Noora is still sitting on one of two long chairs on the porch, and as Sana approaches, Noora’s smile grows wider.

Biting her lower lip, Sana sits down on the chair next to Noora and buries her face in her hands. “How much of that did you hear?” she asks, peeking at Noora from between her fingers. Noora giggles and leans forward, putting her elbows on her knees.

“I heard enough to know you don’t feel like we understand you sometimes,” she says and the lack of anger in her voice makes Sana look up at her in surprise.

“You’re not mad?”

Noora laughs again and shakes her head. “No, Sana. I do wonder why you haven’t talked to us about it though?”

Sana crosses her arms in front of her chest and takes a deep breath. “I don’t really know …”

Noora nods slowly and then leans back in her chair. “I understand you, somehow,” she says with a deep sigh. “I mean, I haven’t exactly told you guys why I came back from London.”

Sana frowns at her. “You told us you and William were taking a break.”

With another sigh, Noora sits up again and purses her lips. “Yes, but haven’t you wondered why I wasn’t really surprised when Eva told me he has a new girlfriend?”

Sana shrugs and hesitates for a second before replying. “You must have expected it. I just don’t know why. You kept saying you were still together.”

“I just didn’t want you guys to ask me what happened until I was ready to talk about it,” Noora explains, and Sana smiles warmly at her.

“I understand that,” she says simply and Noora hesitantly returns Sana’s smile.

“You know, I actually came back to Oslo once before I moved back into kollektivet,” she says suddenly, and that makes Sana suck in a breath.

“What? When?”

Noora sighs and then goes on. “Do you remember Nico, William’s brother?”

Sana nods darkly. She very well remembers that piece of shit. Noora squares her shoulders before she goes on. “The case I filed against him went to trial, and they asked me to testify.”

Suddenly, Sana is glad she’s already sitting down. She feels almost dizzy upon hearing that. “Oh my gosh, Noora, why didn’t you tell us?” _Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been there for you!_

Noora shrugs and chokes out a laugh, shaking her head instead of answering. She looks down at her fingernails and then continues. “Anyway, I told William I was going to the trial, he said he can’t come because of work, so I booked a flight and came here. The morning of the trial, I got up, had breakfast, got dressed and went to the tram stop. I got on the tram but got off at the next stop again.” Noora sighs and gives Sana a queasy smile. “I just … couldn’t do it. Facing him again after all this time … It would have been too much.”

Sana reaches out to take Noora’s hand in hers. “That must have been tough.”

Noora nods slowly. “It was. Anyway, I went back to London, and when William asked how it went I told him it was fine and that was that. Until … two weeks later, I got a letter from the court, telling me the case was dismissed and Nico would go free without any consequences. William opened the letter and well … I tried to talk to him about it, but he just … wouldn’t let me.” She takes a shaking breath and then adds: “He was so hurt. I could tell that this whole thing just brought up the stuff he went through with Nico. But he wouldn’t talk to me. He just buried himself in work and hardly came home anymore. So, one day, after he’d left for the office … I just … packed my stuff and took the bus to the airport, bought a ticket and flew home.” She shrugs, as if this was the kind of thing everyone goes through on a daily basis. 

And Sana is scared to think that maybe, this situation wasn’t new for Noora. Sana knows very little about Noora’s parents and about why Noora never sees them, but she’s sure Noora didn’t exactly have a great childhood.

Squeezing Noora’s hand, Sana thinks for a moment. There is a lot she wants to tell Noora about William, but she doesn’t think Noora wants to hear it. So Sana settles for repeating her question from before. “Why didn’t you call us? When you came here for the trial, I mean?”

Noora sighs and shrugs once again. “I guess I felt I had to face it alone or not at all.” Sana is about to tell her that’s silly when it occurs to her that she, Sana, does the same thing all the time.

“I guess that makes sense,” Sana says quietly, letting go of Noora’s hand and smiling gently.

Noora sighs and pats Sana’s arm. “I sometimes envy you, Sana.” 

Sana frowns at her although she has a suspicion about what she means. “Why?”

“For not having to worry about guys,” Noora confirms Sana’s inkling. Still, Sana manages to force a smile.

“I guess being muslim makes some things easier.” Sana could slap herself for not contradicting Noora, but she just can't get up the nerve.

Nodding slowly, Noora lets out a small chuckle. “Maybe I should just forget about William.”

Sana should be happy about that. But she feels bile rise in her throat before Noora goes on. _Don’t say it, please don’t say it._

“I could always go for Yousef,” Noora says, which is exactly what Sana feared. “He seems really nice.”

Clearing her throat, Sana shakes her head. “I wouldn’t do that,” she says quickly, hating how broken her voice suddenly sounds.

“Why not? Because he’s your brother’s friend?” The frown on Noora’s face almost makes Sana scream. _Why is everything always about you?_

“No, because he’s muslim.” Sana clears her throat again before going on. “Muslims can’t marry non-muslims.”

“Right”, Noora says slowly. “But I’m not exactly looking for a husband yet, now am I?”

Sana has no idea how she manages to smile at that. Inside, she’s screaming her lungs out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	28. Glossary for Episode 3

Asr: Afternoon prayer, the third of the five daily prayers

Maghrib: Evening prayer, the fourth of the five daily prayers

Sørenga: City quarter of Oslo close to the harbour

Alhamdulillah: “Praise be to God” in Arabic, used like “Thank God” or “Hallelujah”

Okhati: “My Sister” in arabic

shish barak: An Arabic type of Ravioli

Bislett Kebab: Kebab chain in Norway

Slotsparken: Park in Oslo around the royal castle


	29. Episode 3: Saturday 22nd April 03:46: Come back to me

Sana hasn’t slept a wink until now. After that talk with Noora, the two of them decided to go home, and all the way to the tram stop Sana battled with herself to say something to Noora. _Don’t hit on Yousef. Just don’t._ But, being the coward that she is, Sana didn’t say a word. Instead, she hugged Noora goodbye when Noora’s tram arrived and tried not to panic on her walk home. 

Thankfully, Elias wasn’t home yet when Sana got in, and their parents were already asleep. Still, Sana has been lying awake ever since, unable to so much as close her eyes for more than a few seconds.

It hurts. Everything hurts. Not being able to stand up for herself, feeling like she has to lie to her friends so they put up with her. But mostly, it hurts to realise that no matter how much Sana cares about her friends, they always seem to care less about her. They assume things about her instead of asking her about it, and they don’t seem to notice when Sana is hurt or upset by their behaviour. Who said that just because Sana is muslim, she can't fall in love? Has Noora not known Sana long enough to be aware that Sana is just a normal teenager who has the same struggles as everyone else? 

Sana lets out a frustrated groan, instantly slapping a hand to her mouth. Elias’s room is right next to hers and the last thing she needs is for him to find out she’s not sleeping. Slowly, she sits up and reaches for her laptop at the foot of the bed. Since sleep isn't an option right now, she might as well get some homework done.

Piling up all her cushions and pillows in her back, Sana tries to remember what she has left to work on. There is one assignment for Norwegian that she hasn’t finished yet. It’s a small essay about the meaning of Easter in today’s society.

With a sigh, Sana opens her email account. Noora sent her a few links to read up on what Easter even is, because since Sana doesn’t really celebrate it, she knows virtually nothing about the history and rituals of that holiday.

When Sana opens Noora’s email, it suddenly hits her that she hasn’t forgotten Noora’s password. It’s so unusual, and the fact that Noora gave it to Sana and Eva while cooking somehow made it more unforgettable. And after what just happened with Noora, a big part of Sana wishes she had forgotten it the second she heard it.

But she hasn’t.

Sana closes her eyes and tries to will herself to think about ANYTHING else than that freaking password and what she could do with it. It’s no use. Sana knows she won’t forget it just because she wants to, and before she can stop herself, she’s already logged onto Noora’s account.

The first thing Sana sees is that contrary to her expectations, Noora has no emails in her inbox. Not just no unread ones, but literally none. _Wow, even her e-mail-account is perfect_ Sana thinks with an eye-roll and feels a pang of guilt at the wave of jealousy in her heart. _Astaghfirullah!_

Without thinking, Sana moves the cursor to the “Sent” folder then, and that one is just as empty as the inbox. So Sana scans the side bar and is surprised to see two folders with numbers next to them: 

**_Junk (3)_ **

**_Drafts (12)_ **

Twelve drafts? That surprises Sana. Not just because the rest of Noora’s account is practically empty, but also - who saves that many emails without sending them?

Sana’s heartbeat is in her throat as she clicks on the folder. All twelve emails are missing both a subject and a recipient, so Sana opens the first one to see who it was to.

Sana sighs deeply, not sure if it’s with relief or sadness for Noora. _So she has tried to reach out to him._

The email ends there, and now Sana definitely feels bad for Noora. She must have gone through hell, and all by herself, too. William is the only person in Noora’s life who really knows her assailant properly. But still, he left Noora all alone to face her attacker in court. No wonder Noora didn’t tell William that she didn’t go. William knows what kind of person Nico is and should understand how horrible Noora feels about the whole affair. But instead, he ended up making her feel guilty for not being able to face the trial. The trial against his brother who took naked pictures of Noora and made her feel violated, but for William, it was still somehow all about him. A sudden wave of anger washes over Sana and she vows to herself that if she ever sees him again, she will give him a piece of her mind.

The rest of the email drafts are equally short - none of them contains more than one complete sentence. And before she knows it, Sana opens the first draft again and starts typing.

Sana reads the message again and again, and only with great difficulty does she finally manage to type _Dear_ in front of William’s name and change the word ‘Regards’ to ‘Love’. It stings to address him that way, but Sana thinks he wouldn’t believe the email is from Noora otherwise. 

But when her cursor is hovering on the “send”-button, Sana hesitates. _What are you doing?_ she whispers to herself, and then takes a deep breath. If she does this, the worst that could happen is that William doesn’t reply and doesn’t come back and Noora gets together with Yousef anyway - but no one will ever know Sana sent the email. The best that can happen is that William does come back and works things out with Noora, and they will be grateful to Sana for sending the email.

With that in mind, refusing to let any other scenarios form in her head, Sana squeezes her eyes shut and hits send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	30. Episode 3: Saturday, 22nd April, 13:22: You’re shitting me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	31. Episode 3: Saturday, 22nd April, 17:54: Our plan is working

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	32. Episode 3: Saturday, 22nd April, 21:39: Alhamdulillah

Sana is sitting on her bed, debating whether or not she should call it an early night. The boys weren’t here all day for once, which gave Sana the peace and quiet to finish her Norwegian assignment, and even to pray Asr  _ and _ Maghrib.

Despite not having left the house all day, Sana feels exhausted. Her mind is completely drained, both from writing the assignment and from feeling horribly guilty about the email she sent to William.

Sana is about to go to the bathroom when her phone pings. She picks it up and gasps in shock at the sight of the notification.

Sana’s sigh of relief shakes her whole body, so much she almost falls off the bed. Until now, she hasn’t realised how much it hurt not to talk to Jamilla for so long. The two of them had been so close, and then all that crap happened last year … But that seems so far away right now, and Sana can’t wait to put all that behind her and Jamilla. She is just about to text back when another message comes in.

Sana looks up to the ceiling with tears in her eyes.  _ Alhamdulillah!  _ It takes a few moments to sink in. Jamilla texted back. She’s no longer angry about what happened last year. And at that thought, Sana suddenly can’t text back fast enough.

Leaning back onto the pillows, Sana takes a deep breath and then suddenly can’t hold back a giggle. She and Jamilla text back and forth a few more times, agreeing to meet at the Evita Espresso Bar in Sørenga after school on Tuesday. 

After wishing Jamilla good night, Sana feels so giddy and excited, she thinks she could uproot trees. She won’t be able to got to sleep, not now. So with another suppressed giggle, Sana gets to her feet and scurries out of her room to the kitchen.

She has to tell Mamma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	33. Episode 3: Sunday 23rd April, 11:11: He just pays attention

Sana puts down her phone with a deep sigh. It feels wrong to keep things from Isak, but she’d cut her own hand off before betraying Even’s trust. Although he never asked Sana to keep what she knows about his past a secret, she still thinks that the story about Even’s past is his to tell, not anyone else’s. Although she does sometimes wonder what exactly happened back then ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	34. Episode 3: Monday, 24th April, 14:23: Good news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	35. Episode 3: Monday 24th April, 17:48: Breathe, please!

Sana has just come home from basketball practice and flops down onto her bed with a relieved sigh. Today was a long day. And the prospect of studying for English isn't exactly appealing, so Sana leans back into the pillows and closes her eyes, breathing deeply.

After a few minutes, she sits up and unpacks her training clothes. She hangs the Stephen Curry jersey on a coat hanger, smiling to herself at the memory of her teammates calling him ‘Sana’s secret husband' when they saw her wear the Jersey for the first time.

Sana’s teammates of the Høybråten Basketball Club aren't exactly close friends to her, but she enjoys spending time with them. It took them a while to accept her - the first muslim girl to ever play on their team - but by now they actually boast to everyone who will listen that they have a hijabi girl on their team who is the best defense player they've ever had. 

Just when Sana comes back from hanging up her towel in the bathroom, her phone pings.

Relieved that she has an excuse to not start with her English homework just yet, Sana reaches for it and opens the messenger app.

With a slight frown, Sana quickly types a reply.

And within seconds, Eva texts back: 

Sana’s stomach drops and her heartbeat speeds up.  _ Fucking hell, it worked!  _ Writing that email was a gut decision, and Sana has been trying to forget about it and hoping nothing would happen. But apparently, William took her message seriously. Sana should be happy, this is what she wanted. Instead, she shares Eva’s worry. With shaking hands, Sana watches the conversation continue.

Biting her lower lip, Sana hesitates for a long moment, before she decides to tell the girls the truth.

Okay, Eva is obviously panicking. So without thinking, Sana opens her contacts and dials Eva’s number. Eva picks up after the second ring.

“Sana,” she says, sounding exasperated and relieved at the same time.

“Eva, breathe, please,” Sana says calmly, relieved to notice that her voice is steadier than her hands. She’s not sure what to say, but luckily, Eva doesn’t have that problem.

“Sana, Noora always replies to me! Why would she not tell us that she’s happy about William being back? If she were happy, she would tell us, no?” Sana can hear Eva walking back and forth in her room, most certainly running a hand through her hair, and her voice getting higher with every sentence.

“Eva, Noora can defend herself if necessary,” Sana reassures her, but Eva gasps.

“Do you think she has to? Would he really hurt her if she rejects him?”

Despite feeling horribly nervous, this causes Sana to frown. “Why are you so sure she will reject him?” she asks, scratching the back of her head.

Eva clears her throat and is silent for a few seconds. Taking a deep breath, she finally says: “I … she only told me, so …”

Sana nods to herself and doesn't wait for Eva to go on. “I understand, you don’t have to tell me.”

Eva sighs with relief. “So what should we do?”

Sana chews her lip for a moment and forces herself to take a deep breath before she replies. “I guess we should trust Noora to know what she’s doing? If she’s not at school tomorrow and doesn’t reply to us all day, then we should do something.”

The problem is, Sana knows why Noora isn’t replying. Or at least she thinks she knows. Noora must have figured out that it was Sana who sent that email, and she’s probably very angry and is just too nice to tell the others what a backstabbing bitch Sana is.

“That sounds … okay, I guess,” Eva says, taking a deep breath. “Let me know if you hear from her, okay?”

“Sure, Eva! Try not to worry too much,” Sana says, fighting to hold back tears.

“Okay,” Eva sighs. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you,” Sana murmurs, her voice shaking slightly and the phone almost falls from her hand. She puts it on the nightstand and buries her face in her hands. Groaning with frustration, she struggles to think clearly.  _ What the fuck should I do now? _

A part of Sana wants to run to Noora’s place and explain everything, whether she already knows or not. But a more self-preserving side of her contradicts and tells Sana to wait it out and see what happens.

In the end, Sana lies down on her bed, almost rolling over her English schoolbook, and decides to go with what she told Eva. Tomorrow’s another day, after all. Besides, she might as well try studying for that damn test on Friday.

_ Try _ being the operative word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	36. Episode 3: Tuesday 25th April, 15:27: Bitching doesn’t count

Walking out of school is usually a moment when stress leaves Sana’s body. But not today. On the way to the tram stop, she keeps checking her phone nervously, half because she wants to be on time, and half because she expects Jamilla to cancel at the last minute.

Sana arrives at the Evita café shortly before four o’clock, walks up to the counter and orders a green tea. Fidgeting nervously, she tries not to think about what she should say to Jamilla. It’s been almost a year since the two of them spoke, and Sana doesn’t know if she should just start apologising the second Jamilla sits down or wait for her to speak or ….

Just when the waiter sets Sana’s cup of tea down in front of her, Jamilla enters the cafe. She’s wearing a beautiful brown chiffon headscarf, a denim jacket and black jeans. Sana watches Jamilla order and pay at the counter, and then she turns around, craning her neck to look for Sana. Sana gets up and waves at her, but Jamilla has already spotted her. Sana doesn’t know what she expected, but it certainly wasn’t Jamilla’s face lighting up with a bright smile.

Jamilla hurries over to Sana’s table as Sana straightens up. Without hesitation, Jamilla throws her arms around Sana and pulls her close. “Sana,” she says at Sana’s ear and the relief and joy in Jamilla’s voice almost makes Sana cry from joy.

For a long moment, the two of them just stand there with their arms around each other and Sana silently thanks Allah for giving her the courage to text her old friend.  _ Why did I wait so long? _

“How have you been?” Jamilla asks after a while, letting go of Sana and sitting down in the chair on the other side of the table.

Smiling brightly, Sana takes her seat again and covers Jamilla’s hand with hers. “Better, now that you’re here.”

Jamilla’s smile grows impossibly wider and they both laugh. “When did we become such saps?” Jamilla asks, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. 

“No idea,” Sana replies with a chuckle and points to her cup of tea. “What are you having?”

“Roiboos chai, as always,” Jamilla says at the same time as Sana, making them both laugh again. “You remember?” Jamilla wonders, and Sana gasps with feigned indignance.

“Excuse me, how can you say that? Why would I ever forget?”

By the time the waiter brings Jamilla’s tea, the two of them have updated each other about their families and everyday lives. Jamilla then tells Sana about her training - she’s becoming a nurse - and about life with her fiancee who is also Sana’s eldest brother, and Sana tells Jamilla about school and basketball. 

After taking the first sip of tea, Jamilla gives Sana a long look and sighs. “It’s so good to see you, Okhati.”

Sana reaches out to touch Jamilla’s hand again. “You too, Jamilla! It’s been too long.” For a second, Sana hesitates before going on. “I wanted to text you so many times, but I just .. I never knew what to say.”

Jamilla nods slowly. “I felt the same way. It was … we both made mistakes.” She takes another sip of tea. “I was such a bitch to you in your second year. I never should have said those things about your friends without knowing them.”

Shaking her head, Sana leans back in her chair and raises her cup to her lips. “You weren’t entirely wrong. Plus, what I did when I thought you’d smeared my locker … was far worse!”

“We were both so childish, weren’t we?” Jamilla laughs and Sana purses her lips before putting her cup back down.

“Yes, we were.”

For a moment, both of them are silent, watching one another with content smiles. It’s a comfortable silence, but Sana knows Jamilla is reading her expression like a book. She waits for Sana to say something, and when Sana remains silent, Jamilla finally sighs and leans forward on her elbows.

“What is it, Okhati?”, she asks quietly, her eyes piercing Sana’s, and Sana realises that even after not talking for a year, Jamilla still knows her better than most other people. And Sana is sure that the reason for that is that the two of them always trusted each other with everything.

So with a deep breath, Sana leans forward as well and clears her throat. “I’m … sometimes, I’m not sure my friends are … really my friends, if you know what I mean?” she begins. 

Sana expects Jamilla to give her a self-satisfied smile and say ‘I told you so.’ But instead, Jamilla nods slowly with a pained expression on her face, squeezing Sana’s fingers. “Why do you think that is? I mean, why do you feel like they’re not really your friends?” she asks softly.

Jamilla’s sincerely kind reaction catches Sana off guard and she’s suddenly fighting tears. “It’s just .. the little things, you know? Like, sometimes they order food for everyone and forget that I can’t eat meat when it isn’t halal and I end up picking minced meat off a slice of pizza. Or … they talk about boys and Vilde says that ‘all of you have had boyfriends except me’, completely ignoring me. Apparently, me being muslim means I never fall in love. Or whenever we are out partying, I just .. I always feel like they expect me to go crazy on someone. Like I did in first year when some bitch called Vilde a slut: I threw water in her face. For the longest time, they all just assumed I was defending my faith or something, it’s just … they’re supposed to be my closest friends, but still they reduce me to the ‘muslim girl with an attitude’ … It fucking hurts.”

Sana slaps a hand to her mouth when she realises she’s started talking louder and louder, and throws an anxious look around the cafe. Thankfully, there is only one other girl sitting in the back, her face hidden by a book and Sana exhales deeply while Jamilla takes both of Sana’s hands in hers.

“You must hate that feeling,” she says gently, and now Sana has to fight the urge to get up and throw both arms around her. If she did that, Sana would definitely start bawling her eyes out. Sana knew seeing Jamilla again wouldn’t be easy, but she would have thought it would be awkward because they haven’t seen each other in a year. Not in a million years would Sana have guessed Jamilla would be watching Sana break down because she feels like she’s losing your friends.

Biting her lip to stop the tears from falling, Sana nods slowly and squeezes Jamilla’s hands. “I just wish they were different sometimes. I know it’s selfish, but still. Why does Eva always have to sleep around with every guy she sees? It’s like … she doesn’t even care, as long as she’s never sober on a Friday night and never sleeps in an empty bed. It seems to me that Eva can’t have fun without drinking and sex, and that worries me and makes me feel … like an idiot sometimes, because I can think of lots of other ways to have fun. Or at least I feel like Eva thinks I am one.” Sana sighs deeply and closes her eyes for a second before she goes on. Jamilla just watches Sana with a worried expression but doesn’t interrupt.

“Also, why is it so hard for Vilde to understand that I can be muslim AND a Norwegian person, that those two things don’t contradict one another? She always acts like I am an alien when I mention basketball, and when I talk about my family she still assumes I will be married to my cousin some day. I really hate her for that sometimes, it makes me so angry!” Again, Sana has to close her eyes to calm down a bit. Vilde is a good person, Sana knows that in her heart. But sometimes Sana could really strangle Vilde for her blunt ignorance.

“And would it really kill Noora to admit that she doesn’t have everything under control? Like, she acts like she knows everything and is perfectly happy even though her boyfriend started seeing someone else behind her back. Now he … came back from London and for all I know she just took him back? She doesn’t talk to anyone, it’s almost as if she thinks I wouldn’t understand if she told me about her troubles.”

With that, Sana is done, and when she empties her teacup, she realises she feels exhausted, as if she’d just run a marathon. Sana looks up at Jamilla who is now smiling gently, still holding both of Sana’s hands in hers. 

“Just say it,” Sana tells her, chuckling mirthlessly. 

Jamilla shakes her head and sits up straighter. “You’re stubborn, Sana. You always have been.”

Sana blinks at her a few times. “What?” 

That makes Jamilla laugh. “It’s okay, I really like that about you. You stand by your principles, and that’s amazing, really.” She purses her lips and gives Sana a hesitant look before she goes on. “But sometimes, you have to talk to people, Sana.”

Sighing deeply, Sana considers this. She has tried telling Vilde she’s an ignorant idiot and challenging Noora’s views with pointed remarks. And it never seemed to lead anywhere. Sana is about to tell Jamilla that, but stops herself when she sees Jamilla biting her lip, apparently fighting back another laugh.

“Bitching doesn’t count, remember?” Jamilla says then, bursting into laughter, and Sana can’t help but laugh with her.  _ Bitching doesn’t count _ was a part of a vow the two of them made to each other a few years ago. They had had their first big fight because they had both chosen to passive-aggressively chastise each other instead of saying what was really on their minds. After not speaking to one another for almost a week, Jamilla and Sana had finally managed to talk it out. During that discussion, they vowed they would always be honest with each other, and that it would only count as real honesty if it wasn’t delivered in a passive-aggressive or mean way.

“Alright,” Sana concedes, rolling her eyes at her old friend, albeit unable to hide a smile. “But what if bitching is the only way I can get them to listen?” Sana doesn’t have to look up to know Jamilla is shaking her head. The second the words are out, Sana can already hear Jamilla’s reply before she opens her mouth.

“Did you ever listen when I bitched at you?” Jamilla says, proving Sana right. 

Biting the inside of her cheek, Sana lets out a long breath and finally gives up, looking up in Jamilla’s face with a shrug. “I guess I didn’t.”

Jamilla nods slowly and gives Sana a reassuring smile - maybe it’s also a tiny bit smug but Sana is going to let that slide. It feels too good to be talking to Jamilla again to be mad at her, particularly because Sana knows Jamilla is right.

It’s past six o’clock by the time Sana says goodbye to Jamilla at the tram stop with the promise to see each other again as soon as possible. On her way home Sana feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. And that’s when she decides to never give up on a friendship again, especially not on the one she has with Jamilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	37. Episode 3:Tuesday 25th April, 21.47: Back together?

Sana is lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling. Her reunion with Jamilla has temporarily made her forget about Noora and the William situation, but now, her stomach is in knots again. For the hundredth time, Sana considers just calling Noora, but before she can reach for her phone, she hears the sound of an incoming message.

With suddenly shaking hands, Sana picks it up and sighs with relief when she sees Noora’s icon at the top of her screen. However, Sana’s relief turns into dread while she reads the conversation that follows Noora’s message.

Although Sana’s heart is in her throat, Sana still rolls her eyes at Vilde’s naivety before typing a supportive response for Noora.

_Why on earth did you think William wasn’t going to tell Noora about the email?_ Sana internally yells at herself and lets out a quiet groan. She tries to remember which part of her was actually stupid enough to believe William would be too proud to admit he didn’t decide to come back of his own accord.

With a deep sigh, Sana closes her eyes for a moment before daring to look at her phone again.

Well, now Sana is really fucked. Noora thinks Eva sent the email and it’s Sana’s fault if their friendship ends over this stupid thing. Sana wishes she had just texted Jamilla two weeks earlier. She would have put Sana in her place about talking to her friends already then, and Sana never would have had that stupid idea to email her friend’s ex-boyfriend. 

No one answers Vilde’s question, and of course that leads to Sana worrying that her friends have already figured it out. She lies awake for a long time, and only when she decides to tell Noora everything as soon as possible Sana finally drifts off into an uneasy slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	38. Episode 3: Wednesday 26th April, 11:43: I won’t tell if you won’t

Having slept less than three hours, Sana has had trouble staying awake in class all morning. So by the time she reaches her locker before lunch, she seriously considers ditching her afternoon class to go home and at least try to sleep for an hour or two.

She buries her English books in her locker and stares at her German folder, as if she was expecting it to tell her whether or not she should go to class after lunch. Sana is good at German, it’s not that difficult, so it really wouldn’t make much of a difference if she ...

“Halla.”

The deep voice interrupting Sana’s trail of thoughts makes her jump, but not just because she didn’t expect to hear it. He sounds distraught, although he’s trying to hide it.

“Hey,” Sana says and looks up at him, blinking a few times to come to her senses. Even is wearing a denim jacket over a red hoodie and a smile that looks genuine, but his eyes are full of fear.

“How are you?” Even asks, leaning on the top of the lockers with one arm.

Sana closes her locker and turns to face him. “I’m good, and you?”

“Good, good.” Even’s eyes linger on the door of Sana’s locker for a moment. The word “Sharmuta” is not really readable anymore, but it’s still there. With a frown, Even looks at Sana hesitatingly before clearing his throat. “Did you ever find out who did that?” he asks and points to the locker.

“No.” Sana shrugs and gives him a slight smile. She wants to lie and add that she doesn’t care anyway, but Even has always been able to tell when someone lies to him. 

Even nods darkly and then purses his lips, stepping from one foot to the other. Sana is about to tell him she has to go when he clears his throat.

“Are you done for today?”

Staring at him in disbelief, Sana only thinks for a moment. “Uh, yes, I am”, she replies and then puts on her backpack. Even’s question has made her realise she can’t stay at school another minute, if for no other reason than to avoid running into her friends who would just want to talk about the damn email thing again.

“I’ll walk you home”, Even says, making Sana frown. She doesn’t know where exactly Even and Isak live, but she knows it’s definitely not close to her place. Still, Sana decides not to comment on that. Even obviously has something on his mind and Sana isn’t about to discourage him from talking to her.

“Alright, thank you,” Sana says with a short chuckle and starts walking down the hall. “Aren’t you waiting for Isak, though?”

Even shakes his head. “He has two more lesson and insisted I take some time to study for my last exams.”

Sana grins at him. “Shouldn’t you go home and do that then?”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Even says with a wink, making Sana laugh.

About halfway down the hall, Sana hesitantly looks up into Even’s eyes. The shy and slightly scared expression on his face almost makes Sana want to hug him. “I won’t breathe a word,”she says then, hoping he can tell she means it.

Even nods slowly, holding Sana’s gaze and Sana knows he is aware she isn’t just talking about not telling Isak that Even isn’t studying. “Thanks.”

Even then opens the front door for Sana and then walks next to her in silence until they’re about a block away from the school. Eventually, Even stops walking, takes a deep breath and throws Sana a hesitant look.

“So … Isak asked me about the boys the other day,” he says, letting out a shaky breath.

Pursing her lips, Sana looks into his face, already anticipating his question before he asks it. “Did he … talk to you about them?”

Sana looks into his eyes again when she replies. “He only saw a picture of the boys on my facebook once. He apparently recognised Mikael and asked me if I know him via text. I didn’t tell him anything though.”

Even exhales loudly with relief and nods at Sana with a shy smile. “Thank you.”

“I won’t talk to him about what happened Even,” Sana reassures with determination, still looking at him.

The grateful smile curling Even’s lips makes Sana’s heart hurt, because it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You’re too good to me.” Then he suddenly frowns. "How much do you know anyway?"

Sana sighs deeply and think for a long moment before she replies. "I ... I only know about the posts you made on facebook while you ... weren't feeling well?" Watching Even carefully, Sana hopes that wasn't the wrong thing to say.

However, Even merely nods and flashes Sana a lopsided smile. "That's a very kind way of putting it, yeah. I ... " He sighs deeply and Sana reaches out to briefly put a hand on his arm.

"You don't have to tell me, Even."

"Thank you, Sana," Even says with a long exhale, smiling hesitantly. "I hate keeping things from Isak though."

Sana smiles back warmly. "Your story is yours to tell. I’m sure Isak understands that.”

Even’s smile grows a bit and eventually, he nods. “He’s great, Isak. He doesn’t make me tell him anything.” With a deep sigh, he adds: “I don’t deserve him. He trusts me so much.”

Sana immediately shakes her head at that. “Don’t say such things!” Even turns to face her, a weak grin on his lips. But before he can say something else, Sana goes on. “You deserve him as much as he deserves you.”

The laugh escaping Even loosens the knot around Sana’s heart a bit. “Thanks for saying that, Sana,” he murmurs, his voice so full of gratitude Sana has to swallow hard to hold back tears of joy.

“It’s just the truth,” she says simply, starting to walk again. Even giggles slightly but doesn’t reply. The rest of the way they walk in silence, and when they’re two streets away from Sana’s home, Even stops again and gives her a shy smile.

“So, how are the boys?” he asks hesitatingly, digging his hands into his pockets.

Sana grins at him. “They’re good. Especially Elias, he’s taking a ‘gap year’, which basically means he’s living off of Mamma and Pappa without doing anything.”

Even chuckles and his smile is suddenly less forced. “You have to tell your mother I miss her cooking. I haven’t tasted a shish barak as good as hers anywhere.”

“I will, thank you”, Sana gives back with a giggle. Looking into Even’s eyes, Sana sees regret mixed with longing in them and for the second time, she feels the urge to hug him. However, before she can give in to it, Even clears his throat and throws a look over his shoulder.

“I think I should go and at least pretend I’m studying before Isak gets home.” Sana nods slowly, reading in his eyes what he actually wants to say.  _ I don’t want to risk running into the boys. _

“I guess I’ll see you around then,” Sana tells him, hesitating for a second before she adds: “Isak says you insist on cooking for me after your exams?”

Even nods enthusiastically at that, his entire face lighting up. “Yes, I really want to do that.” He bites his lip and takes a deep breath before he goes on. “And I’ll talk to Isak. I will tell him everything, I promise you that. You …” he sighs deeply and purses his lips. “You won’t have to keep my secret from him for much longer.”

Sana smiles brightly at him this time. “Don’t worry about it, Even. I got you.”

Letting out a short laugh, Even throws an arm around Sana and pulls her close for a second. “You rock, Sana. See you soon!”

He lets go of Sana and walks backwards, waving at her with his long arm before he turns around and disappears around the corner.

Sana is still smiling when she arrives at home. Even has gone through so much but he’s still one of the kindest people she knows, always ready to be there for others. And in spite of the fact that he’s obviously terrified of Isak finding out what happened with Sana’s brother and his friends, he’s determined to tell his boyfriend the truth.

Sana should really take a leaf from Even’s book in that regard.

Luckily, no one else is home, so Sana takes her time walking to her room. Closing the door, she leans against it and closes her eyes. And then, before she can overthink it, she pulls out her phone and types a text:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	39. Episode 3: Wednesday 26th April, 17:18: No worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	40. Episode 3: Thursday 27th April, 15:56: Please believe me

Sana’s hands are shaking so much she almost doesn’t manage to ring the doorbell of kollektivet. A part of her is stupidly hoping that Noora isn’t home, but of course, her voice rings through the intercom only seconds later.

“Hey Sana, come in!”

Pushing the door open, Sana tries to calm herself. If Noora is really back together with William, she won’t be that mad at Sana. And if she’s not … no, Sana can’t think about that right now.

Noora is waiting in the doorway and steps forward to hug Sana as soon as Sana has reached the top of the stairs. “Hey there, how are you?”

“I’m good, thanks,” Sana says and hugs Noora back, smiling hesitantly when Noora lets go of her. She toes off her shoes in the hallway and then follows Noora to her room. Noora has obviously finished decorating it, and Sana really likes the mix of photos and poems on the walls together with the few pieces of furniture. The decor perfectly fits Noora’s personality.

“So, what kind of tea can I get you?” Noora asks, watching Sana with a mix of confusion and curiosity. Sana can’t blame her: She doesn’t usually spend much time with Noora alone and Sana knows why: She always feels a bit awkward around Noora when no one else is around.

Sana clears her throat and flashes Noora another hesitant smile. “Uhm, do you have green tea?”

“Yes of course,” Noora replies. “You can sit on my bed,” she adds with a wink and then turns around, disappearing into the hallway.

While waiting for Noora to return, Sana tries to think of a way to say what she came here to say. But she ends up just staring at the frame where Noora hung the photos of the girl squad that Sana picked out. Somehow Sana can’t help thinking that she may have nothing more than pictures to remember these moments by soon.

“I love all of them, you chose well.” Noora’s voice makes Sana jump. She didn’t hear Noora come in. “Sorry,” Noora giggles and hands Sana a cup of tea.

“It’s okay,” Sana says and smiles at her, wrapping her fingers around the warm cup. Noora walks over to her bed and sits down, motioning for Sana to do the same.

Sana plops down next to Noora with a sigh and blows on her tea before looking up at her friend. “So, I have to tell you something.”

Noora nods slowly. “I figured.”

With a deep sigh, Sana closes her eyes and decides to just let the words out. “It was me who sent that email to William, not Eva.”

Silence. 

Sana keeps her eyes closed and decides to go on before Noora explodes at her. “I just thought that since you came back from London, you’ve been so unhappy. And when William was still here, you were very happy so I just … I wanted to do something.”

Sana hears Noora take a deep breath and finally dares open her eyes. Noora’s face is buried in her hands but then she looks up, her expression hurt and confused. “So you decided to invade my privacy and send him an email from my account saying I wanted him back?”

Staring blankly at her, Sana puts her cup down on the floor next to the mattress and gets to her feet. “No, i didn’t write that! Is that what he told you?”

“Does it really matter?” Noora is almost yelling now and stands up as well. “You went behind my back thinking you know what’s best for me, that’s what matters Sana!” She runs her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes for a moment and when she looks at Sana again, Sana knows she has lost.

“I think you should go,” Noora says harshly, swallowing hard. “I can’t talk to you right now, this is a lot to take in!”

Sana presses her lips together to stop the tears from welling up, nodding curtly. “I’ll go,” she whispers and slips out of Noora’s room through the half-open door. After putting on her shoes with shaking hands, Sana stops in front of Noora’s door for a moment. It’s standing slightly ajar but Sana doesn’t dare push it open. “I never meant to hurt you, Noora. Please believe me.”

Noora doesn’t reply but instead just pushes the door shut in Sana’s face. 

Sana cries on the entire way home, cursing her jealous heart and wishing she could go back in time to change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	41. Episode 3: Friday 28th April, 12:31: You are tough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	42. Episode 3: Friday 28th April, 17:21: All my fault

As soon as Sana spots the girls sitting at the table outside the Kebab restaurant, she considers turning around and apologising via text with a made-up excuse.

This afternoon, Chris stopped Sana at her locker to ask if Sana wanted to join the group for a kebab later. Chris said that since Vilde hadn’t heard from Sara about a party tonight, the five of them might as well spend the evening together. Sana wasn’t keen on spending time with Noora after the fight yesterday, but she couldn’t think of an excuse on the fly, so she agreed to go.

But now as Sana is standing across from Bislett Kebab, and her friends look as if it had always just been the four of them.  _ I don’t belong with you. _

Sana is about to walk away when Chris spots her and waves both her arms with a big smile. So Sana has no choice but to smile back hesitantly and cross the street. Noora and Eva watch Sana warily as Chris bumps her fist with Sana’s and gets up. “Come on, girls, I’m starving,” she says cheerfully, linking arms with Vilde and Sana.

Vilde giggles and opens the door with her free hand. “I haven’t had kebab in forever, “ she declares and Chris giggles happily. Both she and Vilde seem oblivious to the cold stares on Noora and Eva’s faces, but Sana does and is suddenly worried she will have to throw up.

Inside, Vilde and Chris both order a chicken kebab and then step aside, leaving Sana, Eva and Noora standing at the counter. Sana quickly orders a small bag of fries and then joins Vilde and Chris who have just sat down at one of the tables. Vilde is chattering about her latest date with Magnus - apparently he took her to the movies and they spent most of the time making out in the last row.

Usually, Sana would be annoyed by Vilde’s incessant boasting about her happy relationship, but right now Sana is just glad she doesn’t have to say anything. Noora and Eva stay at the counter waiting for everyone’s orders and once the whole group is all set, Eva suggests that they go sit in Slotsparken instead of inside the restaurant.

“Good idea”, Noora says and looks at Chris and Vilde, who nod in agreement. No one asks Sana, but for once, Sana really doesn’t mind. Maybe she can trail a bit behind the other girls and get on a tram home without anyone noticing before they reach the park.

Of course, that doesn’t happen because Chris suddenly notices Sana walking alone and waits until Sana catches up to her. “How are you doing, girl?” Chris asks, putting an arm around Sana’s shoulder. 

Sana leans her head against Chris’ for a second and then pulls away, forcing a smile. “I’m okay, thanks. And you?”

Chris gives Sana a long look, obviously not convinced, but then she shrugs and winks at Sana. “Could be better. I think I’m failing German this year.”

That almost makes Sana laugh. “You always say that, but you still end up passing every semester.”

Chris makes a face and shrugs. “But like, since I broke up with Kasper, I didn’t study at all!”

Sana frowns at her and puts a fry in her mouth. “You broke up with Kasper two months ago.”

Chris shrugs and looks down at her shoes and then back up at Sana. “I know. And I’m not saying I regret it, but I do miss having … someone, you know?”

Sana stares incredulously at Chris. It takes her a moment to realise Chris is serious. Chris doesn’t usually talk about her love life, particularly not to Sana. “Do you miss him as a person?” Sana asks hesitantly, touching Chris’ arm.

“No. I broke up with him because he never made time for me and took me for granted. It was the right decision, and I don’t have wet dreams of him anymore or anything”, Chris says, slapping a hand to her mouth when she realises what she just said. “Uh, sorry, too much information.”

But Sana just laughs at that, feeling a wave of affection for Chris. Somehow, Chris always cheers Sana up, without ever forcing Sana to talk about anything Sana doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. “It’s fine,” Sana tells her. “And it’s normal to miss having someone around after a break-up, I guess.”

Chris nods slowly and then purses her lips, eyeing Sana hesitantly. “So … have you ever … been in love with someone?”

“No,” Sana replies too fast and too loudly, but Chris just smiles understandingly, like she knows that this is a subject Sana doesn’t want to talk about. Not right now anyway, maybe not ever.

By now, the girls have reached Slotsparken, and Noora, Eva and Vilde have just sat down on the grass in the shade of a big tree and start eating their kebabs. Noora and Eva are silent, but Vilde is chattering excitedly. Sana is just about to tell Chris that she’s sure Vilde is still talking about Magnus when Noora suddenly leans her head back with a loud groan.

“Vilde, I swear if I have to hear one more story about your supposedly fantastic love life with Magnus, I am going to scream!”

Both Sana and Chris freeze, standing a few steps away from the other three girls, exchanging a confused look.  _ What the heck is going on? _

Vilde clears her throat and blinks a few times. “Excuse me? My love life  _ IS _ fantastic, for the first time ever, and I thought friends can talk about everything to each other?”

Noora rolls her eyes at Eva who looks shocked, but still nods slightly. “Vilde, it’s okay to talk to us about Magnus sometimes, but you  _ never _ shut up about him”, Noora then goes on.

“I thought you of all people would understand, Noora”, Vilde says before Noora can say anything else. “Your boyfriend just came back from London for you, which is like the most romantic thing ever …”

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore, and besides, do you hear me talk about him?” Noora explodes, getting to her feet. “I told him to go fuck himself because I know he has a new girlfriend and never gave a shit about me and my problems, and he basically just walked away, not even saying anything. And I STILL don’t bother any of you with this, because it’s my shit to deal with.”

Vilde just stares at Noora, opening and closing her mouth like a fish, and Eva cowers on the ground, looking as if she wished she could disappear.

“The fact that you never shut up about Magnus makes me think you are lying most of the time. If your love life really was as amazing as you say it is, you wouldn’t have to blather on about it all the time, Vilde. You’d enjoy the time with Magnus when you’re with him and MAYBE mention him occasionally.” She sighs and throws both her hands up in the air.

“But this constant boasting is just too much. I’m not even sure you really love him. If being able to talk about sex is the only reason you’re with him, you should rather be single than wasting so much time on someone you don’t love.”

Noora lets out a long breath and sets her arms akimbo, throwing an exasperated look at Eva, who’s staring at the ground, not moving a muscle. Vilde however lets out a stifled sob, gets to her feet and runs away before anyone can stop her.

“Vilde!” Chris calls and makes a move to go after her, but Sana holds her back by her lower arm.

“Let her go”, Sana whispers and turns to Noora and Eva, wondering what to say. Now that the initial shock of Noora’s outburst is wearing off, Sana feels guilt creeping into her heart.  _ This is all my fault.  _

But before Sana can say anything, Noora pulls Eva to her feet and turns to Sana and Chris, looking stressed but determined. “We’re gonna go”, she says, her eyes trained on Chris, who nods silently and stands still, not moving an inch.

“See you tomorrow”, Sana says weakly and Noora links her arm with Eva’s with a forced smile. She doesn’t look right at neither your or Chris, evidently conflicted by what just happened.

“Sorry about this, I’ll … we’ll talk on Monday?” Noora says weakly and doesn’t wait for anyone to reply. She wraps her fingers around Eva’s wrist and looks away, and Eva waves at Sana and Chris without saying a word, and then the two of them are walking away.

“What the fuck was that?” Chris asks with a loud sigh once Noora and Eva are out of earshot. 

Sana shrugs and hopes that her face doesn’t give away that she’s not as clueless as she’d like to be. “I have no idea.”

The two of them eat their food in silence, sitting on the grass where Eva, Noora and Vilde sat before. Just when Sana puts the last fry in her mouth, her phone vibrates in her pocket. She digs it out and smiles at the sight of Yousef’s icon. 

Sana’s stomach sinks and she suddenly feels sick. Chris stares at her and Sana barely hears her say Sana looks as if she’s about to throw up.

“I have to go home, I forgot I have to… help my mum with something.”, Sana mumbles and gets to her feet. Chris gets up as well and links her arm with Sana’s, grinning brightly.

“Let me at least walk you to the tram”, she says and Sana sees in her eyes that Chris is not going to let Sana argue with her on this.

So Sana lets Chris guide her to the tram stop and by the time they’re there, Sana feels like the last bit of energy has left her body for good. Chris hugs Sana goodbye and asks that Sana text her when she gets home. Sana nods numbly and gets on the tram, not even looking back. 

The way home is a blur. Sana has no idea how she manages to get off at the right stop, but somehow, her feet automatically carry her home. Luckily, Sana’s mother is busy ironing clothes when Sana walks past her and tells her she has to study, so Mamma doesn’t ask any questions. In her room, Sana flops onto her bed and wishes she could fall asleep and never wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	43. Glossary for Episode 4

Farasha:  Moroccan style dress

Frogner badet/park: Park and outdoor swimming pool in the city quarter “Frogner” in Oslo

Idioten playground: Playground in the Adamstuen quarter of Oslo


	44. Episode 4: Saturday, 29th April, 07:41: What’s gotten into you?

Technically, Sana could still sleep for another 20 minutes, but she’s been wide awake for almost an hour already. So she decides to give up and crawls out of bed.

Today, Sana’s mother’s sister is turning 50 and since she’s Sana’s favourite aunt, Sana does want to go to the party she’s throwing - although she still feels as if a truck ran over her.

Sana has slept very little since her guilty conscience didn’t let her mind rest at all. Whenever Sana closes her eyes, she can still see Noora’s distraught face and the pain in Vilde’s eyes.  _ It’s all your fault, it’s your fault,  _ a tiny voice keeps whispering in the back of Sana’s head and she can’t make it shut up.

Because it’s true. If Sana hadn’t sent that wretched email, William wouldn’t have come back and made Noora upset, and she wouldn’t have exploded at Vilde the way she did.

Shaking her head, Sana opens her wardrobe and tries to forget about last night while debating whether she should wear her green or her blue Farasha today. 

Half an hour later, Sana takes one last look at herself in the mirror above her dressing table. The blue Farasha with golden embroidery was a good choice. Sana tries to smile at her reflection and then takes a deep breath and looks at her phone. It’s only 08:15. Sana’s parents told her to be ready at 9:00, and for a moment Sana wishes she hadn’t gotten dressed so early - she could have gone to the playground to shoot some hoops and let off some steam.

However, since she’s wearing an expensive and delicate dress, that is a bad idea. So, Sana shrugs, makes a face at her reflection and then decides to go to the kitchen and see if Mamma’s awake. But when she gets to the living room, Sana almost gasps with surprise.

Elias is sprawled out on the couch, dressed in a black suit and blue shirt. He’s eating a piece of cinnamon toast, and a glass of milk is standing on the table in front of him. As Sana walks in, Elias swallows his bite and looks admiringly at Sana with a kind smile on his face.

“Aah, my beautiful sister. You will make aunt Fatima pale with jealousy today.”

Sana frowns at him. Not only does Elias usually sleep until noon unless Mamma drags him out of bed. He also almost never gives Sana compliments, so she fears he’s up to something. 

“Mamma and Pappa are still getting ready. If you want there is milk and cinnamon toast in the kitchen for breakfast,” Sana’s brother adds and she nods appreciatively.

“Thanks.”

Sana walks across the living room to the kitchen to get breakfast. When she gets back to the living room, Elias has finished his toast and is downing the glass of milk in one go. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Sana asks, sitting down across from Elias and taking a bite from her toast. 

Elias frowns and puts up his hands in an offended gesture. “I call you beautiful and you snap at me?”

That makes Sana chuckle. “Ok, I’m sorry. Thank you, and you look good, too, Elias.”

Sana’s brother smiles brightly at that. “I know, right? The boys helped me pick it out.”

That reminds Sana of another conversation she’s had this week. Hesitating for a second, she gives her brother a careful look before clearing her throat.

“That’s great. But Elias?”

Elias looks up with a frown. “Yeah?”

Sana sits up a little straighter and purses her lips. “Why … why did you and the boys stop talking to Even?”

Sana’s brother stares at her in surprise. “Uh, why do you ask? Are you … friends with him or something?”

Rolling her eyes at him, Sana takes a deep breath before she answers. “Yeah, sort of. But that’s not important.” She holds her brother’s gaze for a long moment, hoping he understands she can’t say more.

“Okay … Well, I don’t know how much you know … “ Elias eyes Sana warily, making her feel proud. Elias is just as loyal as Sana, one of the few things they have in common. He’d never give away details of Even’s life without Even’s consent.

“You don’t have to tell me the details,” Sana tells him and Elias breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m just asking because I saw him the other day and he asked about you and the boys.” 

Sana watches her brother’s face carefully as it lights up with curiosity. “Oh? What did he say?”

“He wanted to know how you are. And he said he misses Mamma’s cooking.” Both Sana and Elias giggle at that.

“Well, tell him I said hello then,” Sana’s brother says cheerfully. “How is he doing?”

Sana winces at that, and purses her lips. “He’s good. Happy even.”  _ If only you knew how happy … and with whom. _

Elias looks into Sana’s eyes and reads the words she’s not saying in her expression.  _ I can’t say more than that.  _

With a nod, Elias leans back into the cushions. “That’s awesome.”

Sana is about to tell Elias he’s a great friend and brother, something she’d usually not say out loud. But in that moment, she hears the door of her parents’ bedroom open. 

Both Sana and her brother get to their feet and straighten their clothes. They exchange reassuring smiles before turning around to face their parents, and suddenly Sana is really looking forward to the day ahead with her family. However annoying her brother may be sometimes, Sana’s really glad to have him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	45. Episode 4: Saturday 29th April, 18:32: Hey girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	46. Episode 4: Monday 1st May, 11:49: That’s IT!

Purely out of habit, Sana walks to the table in the school yard where she and the girls usually have lunch. Only when she’s halfway across the yard does she realise two things: First, Vilde is nowhere to be seen and second, Noora’s still eyeing Sana suspiciously, albeit no longer as coldly as last Friday.

Sana clears her throat and sits down next to Chris, who is delightedly eating a tasty-looking portion of rice salad. She turns and smiles at Sana with her mouth full, nodding her head in greeting.

“Hey,” Sana says hesitantly, looking at the other three in turn. Eva and Noora are sitting close together and both nod at Sana with a weak smile, making Chris frown at the rest of the group in confusion. When no one reacts, she lets out a deep sigh and rolls her eyes.

“Alright, that’s IT”, Chris bursts out, putting down her fork. “I can’t finish my lunch until you three tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Chris crosses her arms in front of her chest and fixates Noora and Eva with a determined stare. The fact that she merely winks at Sana however almost makes Sana’s heart jump out of her chest. Chris doesn’t seem to assume it was Sana who did something wrong. Guilt twists Sana’s insides into a knot, and for a moment, she considers confessing everything, but before Sana can so much as say a word, Noora clears her throat.

“Uhm, it’s just … Ever since I broke up with William, I’ve been kind of down.”

Chris shrugs and unfolds her arms, picking up her fork again. “Oh okay, so why don’t you talk to us about it instead of sulking and being weird?”

Sana lets out a long breath she didn’t know she was holding and digs her lunch box out of her backpack, carefully watching Noora. For a moment, Noora looks at Chris with an unreadable expression on her face. Finally, she sighs deeply and then nods at Chris, Sana and Eva in turn.

“You’re right, I should tell you girls everything.” Noora clears her throat and flashes Sana a timid smile. “But not at school.”

Chris nods understandingly and puts her hand over Noora’s. “Sure. We should talk after school some time. I’ll think of something.”

Sana smiles at Chris with relief flooding her chest. Taking a bite of her sandwich, she thinks that Chris really is one of the best friends Sana’s ever had, and Chris probably doesn’t even realise it. For a moment, Sana considers inviting Chris over to tell her everything. _Maybe if I catch her alone later._

Chris is just about to say something to Sana when all four girls turn their heads at the sound of Vilde’s laugh coming from across the school yard. She’s standing amidst a part of the Pepsi Max Gang - among them Sara and Ingrid - laughing and joking with them as if they’d been friends for years.

“I don’t like this”, Eva mutters quietly and Sana can’t help but nod in agreement. Watching Vilde hug Sara makes guilt pool in Sana’s stomach like acid, and she suddenly can’t eat anymore. _It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault._

Noora takes a deep breath, still staring at Vilde who’s now chattering excitedly to Ingrid about something. “I will talk to her, just … not yet.”

Sana nods at her, trying to smile kindly. “It will be okay”, she says, although she fears the opposite. But Noora smiles back weakly, her expression almost grateful.

“I hope you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	47. Episode 4, Monday 1st May, 15.51: Shokran, Okhati

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	48. Episode 4,  Tuesday 2nd May, 14:17: Don’t stress

Sana has just closed her locker and is about to walk off to go to biology when she spots Even standing in front of his own locker, alone.  _ Now’s as good a time as any,  _ she thinks and walks up to him before she can change her mind.

“Hey Even”, Sana says carefully, pursing her lips. Even turns around and his face lights up with a bright smile.

“Sana, hey! How are you?” He closes his locker and turns to face Sana, giving her his full attention, like he always does. Even has a way of making every person he meets feel important just with the way he focuses his attention on whoever he’s talking to. Sana has always admired him for that, but right now, she’s just incredibly grateful. Ever since the mess with the girls started, Sana has begun to feel invisible, and having Even look at her like she actually matters instantly improves her mood.

So, Sana isn’t really lying when she replies: “I’m pretty good, and you?”

Even smiles with a nod. “I’m alright, thank you.” He watches Sana carefully, but before he can notice that Sana’s answer to his question might not have been entirely truthful, Sana clears her throat.

“Elias says hello.”

Even’s eyes fly wide open and his expression goes from soft to terrified in two seconds. “What?” he whispers, and without thinking, Sana puts a soothing hand on his arm and smiles warmly at him.

“I only told him I think you miss him and the boys, nothing else.”

Even relaxes slightly at that, but his eyes are still full of fear. “Also, I think Elias would really like to see you again”, Sana adds gently, holding Even’s gaze. His expression softens at that and he flashes Sana an incredulous smile.

“Are you sure?” he all but whispers, his big hand closing around Sana’s wrist. 

Sana nods slowly, still looking into his eyes. “Even, they’re not mad at you. None of them are. That’s all I know.”

Taking a deep breath, Even lets go of Sana’s wrist and squares his shoulders. “Okay. Thank you”, he says quietly, his smile almost hopeful now. “I want to talk to them, too. But I need some time”, he adds in a low murmur, and Sana nods again, smiling encouragingly.

“Don’t stress.”

Even opens his mouth but then quickly closes it, staring at someone behind Sana. 

“Halla”, Sana hears Isak’s voice and she freezes for a second, fearing Isak might have listened in on the conversation. But Isak just walks up to Even and presses a light kiss to his lips before turning around to smile at Sana.

“You ready for biology?” he asks her as Even coils his arm around Isak’s waist. 

“Yes, are you?” Sana replies and crosses her arms in front of her chest, however unable to hide a smile. Even and Isak have been together for half a year now. But by the way they look at each other whenever they think the other isn’t looking, Sana wouldn’t guess it. 

Isak rolls his eyes with a groan. “I am if I don’t think about the mock exam in a few weeks.”

Sana and Even laugh at that, and then Even turns his wrist to check his watch. “Damn, we gotta go.”

He kisses Isak’s cheek, murmuring: “ Have fun in biology”, and then winks at Sana. “See you soon, Sana”.

Sana waves at him with a relieved smile and then turns to Isak. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Isak chuckles. “You have to wake me up if I fall asleep, honestly I’m so tired.”

Scoffing at him, Sana shakes her head. “Dream on, Isabell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	49. Episode 4: Tuesday 2nd May, 17:25: I’m coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	50. Episode 4, Wednesday 3rd May, 07:36: What is it, Isabell?

Sana has arrived early in the biology classroom today and is currently staring at Yousef’s facebook profile on her laptop.

Ever since he told her he isn’t muslim, Sana hasn’t texted him back anymore. Until now, Sana wasn’t even sure if he noticed, but now she’s staring at a message he must have sent early this morning while Sana was on her way to school.

With everything else Sana has been worrying about, she’s almost forgotten about the heartbreaking fact that Yousef doesn’t believe in Allah. When he sent that text on Friday, Sana first thought he was just being modest, meaning he wasn’t a particularly ‘good muslim.’ But when she asked him what he meant, Yousef clarified that he actually doesn’t believe in Allah. 

That revelation is just another thing that has kept Sana awake for most nights since Friday. The rules are clear: muslim women can’t marry non-muslims. Sana’s religion is too important to her to even consider ignoring that commandment. Also, Sana thinks it would be too hard to spend the rest of her life with someone who doesn’t share her faith. What if Sana were to have a crisis of faith one day? A non-religious partner would be far too likely to try and convince her that there is no God, and that she might as well stop believing in him.

So, with a very heavy heart, Sana moves the cursor to the “remove from friends” button. Her finger hovers over it for a long moment, until she finally hits it, ending her only virtual connection with Yousef - if only it were that easy to remove him from her real life. Sana closes her eyes, listening to her uncomfortably thumping heart for a moment. She’s about to get up to go to the bathroom to maybe allow herself to shed some tears when the door opens and Isak walks in.

He flashes Sana a cheeky smile and drops down onto the chair next to her.

“Sana Bakkoush, have you not finished your homework?” he asks, raising both eyebrows at Sana.

Pursing her lips and swallowing around the lump in her throat, Sana throws him a warning look. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Isak chuckles and pulls his biology book out of his backpack. “Right, sorry, I forgot. You would  _ never _ forget anything important like that.”

Sana can’t help a tiny smirk curling her lips upward. “Exactly.”

Chuckling again, Isak puts his book on the table and watches Sana for a moment until she turns to him with an impatient sigh.

“What is it, Isabell?”

Isak smiles warmly at Sana and then clears his throat. “Listen, I just wanted to thank you.”

“What for?” Sana asks him, frowning slightly.

“For being a loyal friend to Even”, Isak says quietly, still holding Sana’s gaze. It takes a moment for Sana to realise what this means. “He told me everything about what happened last year”, Isak adds after a moment, his expression darkening a little. “You never said anything, without him ever asking you to keep quiet.”

Isak’s eyes are full of gratitude and admiration, and Sana has to fight tears for the second time today, but for an entirely different reason. Swallowing hard, she smiles back at him, and clears her throat. “Uh, yeah. It didn’t feel right to talk about Even’s past behind his back.”

Isak nods slowly. “Not everyone would see it that way. We are really lucky to have you as a friend, Even and I.”

Sana has to blink several times to avoid tearing up. “Thanks, I’m lucky too, to have you guys, I mean,” Sana manages to get out, and Isak briefly pats her shoulder.

“Don’t cry, Sanasol,” he whispers, making Sana shoot him an annoyed look.

“I’m not crying, I never cry.”

Isak chuckles again, ducking his head to get his notebook from his backpack. “Yeah, I know, I never cry either.”

Sana can hear the lie in his voice, just as well as he surely heard the lie in hers.

The rest of their classmates start filing into the classroom and Sana throws a look at her phone, surprised to see a new text from Chris.

Sana frowns slightly, wondering why Chris is asking  _ her _ about this. Typically, Chris asks Vilde or Eva for tips about good parties. But then she reads the text again and gets it. Chris wants the five of them to talk, not to party. Usually, spending an evening just with the girls instead of at some party where they get drunk and Sana just sits around would be exactly Sana’s idea of a great evening. However, considering the occasion, the suggestion makes Sana nervous. Still: Sana promised Jamilla she would talk to her friends, so she might as well take the chance. Taking a deep breath, Sana types a reply to Chris.

Chris answers within seconds.

Smiling to herself, Sana quickly replies:

and then puts the phone away. Maybe she’ll at least get one thing right this week. Talking to the girls about what she’s done is way overdue anyway, and Sana can’t help but think that she’ll feel better once they all know the whole truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	51. Episode 4, Thursday 4th May, 10:07: Announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	52. Episode 4, Thursday 4th May, 16:15: Check on me

Today is the first time Sana is going back to the mosque knowing Jamilla will be there without feeling afraid. On the contrary, Sana is looking forward to seeing Jamilla and discussing Sana’s plans to come clean to her friends tomorrow.

Sana is lying on her bed, trying to come up with the right words to start telling the girls everything, and just when she lets out a frustrated groan, Sana’s phone rings. It’s Chris.

With a hesitant smile, Sana picks up. “Hey!”

“Hey girl, how was your day?” Chris asks in her usual cheerful voice.

“I’m good. Missed you at school today.”

“Yeah, we took a day trip to the history museum with history class today.” Chris chuckles shortly. “Total waste of time if you ask me.”

Sana smirks at that. “I believe you.”

“Haha”, Chris laughs and then clears her throat. “Listen, do you have time to hang out later? My mum isn’t home and I don’t wanna eat alone so I thought I’d go out for some food.”

Sana frowns and chews her lower lip for a moment, trying to come up with a good excuse that doesn’t include the truth about going to the mosque. Although she’s not entirely sure why, Sana feels awkward about telling Chris about her evening plans. 

“Uh, I’d love to, but I promised my mum I’d help her cook and eat with her and my dad.” Sana sighs deeply, hoping Chris believes her. “Can’t you ask Vilde or Eva?”

Chris sighs as well. “I haven’t reached Vilde all day and Eva’s mum is coming home tonight, so she can’t either.”

Sana feels terrible, guilt rising like bile in her throat. She swallows hard and takes a deep breath before she replies. “I’m sorry, I really wish I could come. Mamma’s already in the kitchen.” For a second, Sana considers inviting Chris over for dinner until she realises that that excuse is a lie.

“It’s okay, Sana, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Chris sounds collected but Sana can tell she’s disappointed. It hurts and Sana wishes she had the courage to just tell her friend the truth.

“I’ll call you later when I’m back … I mean, when I’m done with dinner”, Sana promises, making Chris chuckle.

“You don’t have to check on me, girl.”

“But I want to”, Sana says firmly, wanting to at least try and be there for Chris.

“Alright, I’ll be up until late anyway”, Chris laughs and Sana forces a laugh as well.

“Okay, talk to you later”, Sana says then, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Later, Sana”, Chris answers and hangs up the phone.

The conversation leaves a bad taste in Sana’s mouth. She has no idea how she can be planning to tell the girls the truth about the email she sent to William while at the same time hiding much less embarrassing secrets from them.

_ It must be a force of habit _ , she tells herself and shakes her head to clear it for the evening at the mosque.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	53. Episode 4, Friday 5th May, 15:21: Don’t forget us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	54. Episode 4, Friday 5th May, 18:24: You always have my back

Sitting at the same table at Evita where she and Jamilla sat eleven days ago, Sana can’t help but doubt that this was a good idea. Because after the girls have all gotten their tea and the waiter has placed a plate of cookies in the middle of the table, the atmosphere is even more tense than Sana expected. But at least they now all have a cup to hide behind.

Chris is the first one to speak. “Alright, I think we have some stuff to talk about.”

Eva nods slowly, and Noora clears her throat. “Maybe we should discuss how to get Vilde back, first.”

That surprises Sana, but she still flashes Noora an understanding smile. “Yeah, good idea.”

“I just don’t get why the Pepsi Max Gang were so happy to ‘adopt’ her just like that,” Eva murmurs quietly, shaking her head.

Sana chews her lower lip, thinking for a moment. “I agree with Eva, they must be up to something”, she then says carefully, making Chris frown at her.

“What should they be up to? We only went to one party at Sara’s house, other than that we hardly even talk to them?”

Exchanging a doubtful look with Sana and Noora, Eva finally shrugs. “I don’t know. It just feels … strange? Sara kicked Vilde off their bus in first year and now they’re suddenly all over her.” Eva takes a deep breath and Noora puts an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder.

“They were your friends once”, she murmurs, and Eva laughs mirthlessly.

“Yes, and back then, particularly Sara was very fond of pulling pranks on people.” Eva sighs and leans back in her chair, giving all three of you a thoughtful look. “I doubt that’s changed.”

Sana suddenly feels very uneasy and is about to say that she agrees with Eva, when Sana’s phone rings. It’s an unknown number. Still, Sana apologises to the girls and picks up.

“Hello?”

“Sana, it’s Yousef.” His voice makes Sana shiver, not just because it’s Yousef, but also because it’s shaky, as if he were on the verge of tears.

“Hi, what’s going on?” Sana asks, forcing herself not to panic.

Yousef sighs and then goes on.“Elias, he … he got completely shitfaced and passed out. I can’t move him on my own. The others aren’t here and I can’t reach them, can you please come?”

The blood in Sana’s veins freezes. Why would her brother drink? He may not be a model muslim, but he always respected that particular rule. And Yousef sounds so worried Sana just has to ask if Elias is even alive. “Is he breathing?”

“Yes, yes, he’s breathing, but he’s unconscious.” Yousef sighs and clears his throat before he adds: “I have no idea what he drank, I barely managed to drag him out of the house he was in.”

_ Whose house was he in? And since when does Elias even touch alcohol?  _ Sana ignores the raging questions in her head and throws an apologetic look at the girls before answering. “Alright, where are you now?”

Yousef groans and Sana hears what must be your brother mumble something unintelligible. “Oh thank fuck, he woke up,” Yousef exclaims, and then clears his throat. “Uh, I … I managed to drag him to the edge of Frogner park, right next to Frogner badet.”

“Ok, I’m coming,” Sana tells him and hangs up the phone.

The girls are all frowning at her and Chris lays her hand on Sana’s shoulder. “What’s up?”

“My brother got drunk, I have to go get him,” Sana says dryly, looking at her hands. She feels Chris’ fingers tighten on her shoulder and Sana wonders if Chris knows what it means that Elias is drinking.

“I’m coming with you,” Chris murmurs, making Sana stare at her. Chris is smiling kindly and although Sana really wants to tell her it’s not necessary, she also knows she could use the help.

Sana gets up and smiles apologetically at Noora and Eva. “I’m sorry, I hope we can talk some other time?”

Both girls nod slowly, still looking a little confused, but Noora clears her throat and holds Sana’s gaze for a moment. “Is your brother going to be okay?” she asks and in her eyes Sana can see Noora’s concern is genuine.

“I’ll see,” Sana tells her and tries to smile back.

“Let us know, “ Eva demands with an encouraging grin, and Sana briefly nods at that as she puts her phone into her pocket. 

“Will do.”

Chris gets to her feet and both she and Sana wave at Eva and Noora before walking away in direction of the station.

The two girls hardly speak on their way to the the outdoor swimming pool on the edge of Frogner park. Sana texts Yousef as soon as she and Chris get on the tram to let him know when they’ll arrive and after getting off, Sana all but runs the rest of the way, Chris following on her heels.

When they reach the parking lot outside Frognerbadet, it doesn’t take Sana long to spot Yousef: He’s sitting on the lawn, his back leaned against a tree, looking distractingly handsome as always. He's wearing black jeans and a black jacket over a white t-shirt, and his dark hair is half hidden beneath a white snapback. Sana’s brother is lying next to him, wearing his usual black jeans and a grey hoodie, his head cushioned on Yousef’s lap and he looks to be asleep.

“Hey,” Yousef says with a kind smile when he spots Sana and Chris approaching. He sounds relaxed, as if he and Sana had agreed to meet here under completely normal circumstances. But Sana sees the worry in his eyes and it makes her stomach churn.

Clearing her throat, Sana kneels down in front of Yousef and looks into his eyes for a moment. “Hey, thank you for …” But Yousef just waves his hand in a dismissive gesture.

“Don’t mention it,” he says and then looks up at Chris. “Hey, you’re Chris, am I right?”

Chris nods and shakes Yousef’s outstretched hand, but Sana hardly notices: She shakes Elias’ shoulder impatiently to wake him up. “Elias, get up, we have to go.”

Elias groans in protest but at least he does open his eyes and squints at Sana. “What? Where am I?”

He looks completely disoriented and Sana can’t help but feel angry with him.  _ If you’re going to drink, can’t you at least stick to one or two beers at a time? _

With the help of Chris and Yousef, Sana eventually manages to haul Elias to his feet. “Where should we take him?” Yousef asks Sana, and that’s when it hits her: They can’t take her brother home in this state. Their parents mustn’t know that he’s drinking.

“Fuck,” Sana murmurs under her breath and is about to suggest they look for a cheap hotel when Chris clears her throat.

“He can sleep on my couch. My mum’s on a weekend trip with her friends, she won’t be back until Sunday.” Sana stares blankly at her but Chris just smiles with a shrug. “I can’t cook for shit, but I can give him an Aspirin in the morning and text you when he leaves.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Sana can’t help but laugh, mostly with relief. Yousef laughs as well and Elias mumbles something unintelligible, hanging between Sana’s and Yousef’s shoulders. Sana tries not to think about the fact that Yousef’s hand is only inches away from hers.

“Uh, are you sure?” Sana asks Chris, watching Chris’ face for a moment. Chris nods slowly, her smile growing warmer and kinder with every second she holds Sana’s gaze.

“You always have my back, I always have yours,” Chris says simply, and Yousef huffs a laugh.

“Your friends are awesome, Sana.” He holds up his free hand to Chris who gives him a high-five with an excited giggle.

And before Sana knows it, she’s on a tram to Chris’ place. Elias is lying on two seats across from Sana and Chris, Yousef is standing next to the compartment and recounting the events of the night. Sana watches him with a mix of curiosity and regret.

She knows Yousef not being muslim is an absolute deal breaker. Islam is important to her and she is aware that there is a reason for why muslims are not supposed to marry non-muslims. Should Sana ever have a crisis of faith, Yousef wouldn’t be able to help her through it because he doesn’t share her beliefs. Sana would always be alone in matters of faith. 

And yet … He seems so respectful.Sana remembers that during the last Ramadan, she never saw Yousef eat during the day, and more than once she heard him remind Elias that he hasn’t been to Friday prayers in a long time. 

And that suddenly makes Sana wonder if Yousef has never been muslim or just lost his faith. 

“We’re here,” Chris interrupts Sana’s thoughts. Sana gets up hastily to help Chris and Yousef drag Elias out of the tram. 

Thankfully, Chris doesn’t live too far away from the tram stop, and soon Sana and Yousef drop Elias onto the couch in the living room of Chris’s home. Before Sana can say anything, Chris brings a blanket and Yousef takes off Elias’s shoes. Sana takes the blanket from Chris with a grateful smile and drapes it over her brother. Elias mumbles incoherently for a while and then closes his eyes, starting to snore only moments later.

Looking at Yousef and Chris in turn, Sana suddenly has to stifle a laugh. The whole situation is just too comical. Chris ushers Sana and Yousef out into the hallway and shuts the door with an exaggerated sigh. “Let’s hope he’ll sleep through the night,” she whispers, making Sana giggle.

“Thank you so much, Chris,” she says then and puts a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I owe you for this.”

Chris shakes her head and pulls Sana into a one-armed hug. “Bullshit, this is what friends are for.”

Sana blushes slightly and hugs Chris back. “Thank you.”

Five minutes later, after making Chris promise she will kick Elias out the second he’s awake, Sana and Yousef leave Chris’s house and make their way back to the tram stop. When they get there, Sana sees that the next tram will arrive in fifteen minutes. Groaning in frustration, she turns to Yousef, who just shrugs and winks at her, sending a shiver down Sana’s spine.

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” he says, matter-of-factly, and somehow, it doesn’t even occur to Sana to protest.

“Okay, sure.” Sana ignores the suddenly rapid beating of her heart and starts walking, falling into step with Yousef. She forces herself not to think about the fact that the walk home will be rather long from here. But of course, it’s all she can think about instead of something she could actually talk about with Yousef, and it makes her even more nervous than she already is.

Throwing a sideway glance at Yousef, Sana realises he seems to have the same problem. He squares his shoulders and clears his throat repeatedly and when Sana catches his eye, he giggles nervously.

That calms Sana a bit, and eventually, she decides that one of them has to break the ice. “Yousef, why … why don’t you believe in Allah?”

Yousef stares at Sana for a few seconds, taking off his snapback and running a hand through his hair before putting the hat back on.

“Uhm, well … to be honest, I’ve always had problems with the idea of a God watching over me,” he begins, watching Sana’s face nervously, as if he’s expecting her to be angry with him. But Sana just looks back at him with genuine intrigue, so he goes on. “Ever since I was little, I have always pestered my parents with questions. ‘If God is so important, why can’t we see him? Why does God care about when and how many times we pray? Why do we need God to remind us that we have to be good people?’” He laughs and shrugs with an apologetic expression on his face. “I know those are mean questions, but I needed to ask them. My parents always willingly answered me, although I think it worried them that I was doubting our faith so much.”

Sana smiles gently at him. “I can imagine that.”

Yousef nods and adjusts his hat before he continues. “Anyway, by the time I was 12, I didn’t ask questions anymore. But I still hardly ever prayed, and when I did I always felt as if I was talking to myself. I never felt like I was actually communicating with God. I know that you’re not just supposed to pray Du’a when you need something, but also to give praise to God in the daily prayers. I did both, and neither ever felt genuine to me. So about two years ago, I finally realised that the existence of a God just isn't plausible to me.”

He sighs deeply and throws both hands in the air. Sana is surprised to notice he seems relieved. Not sad or afraid of what Sana might think, but relieved that he got this information about himself off his chest. 

“So you’ve never really been a muslim then?” Sana asks for lack of a better idea for what to say.

Yousef chuckles and shakes his head. “No, I never was a true muslim. But I don’t regret that.” He holds Sana’s gaze with a content smile. “All I regret is worrying my parents that I will become an irresponsible drug addict and gang member after ‘losing’ my faith. But by now, I think they’re at peace with my worldview.”

That surprises Sana. Her parents have always been open-minded, but she still thinks they would lose it if Sana, Ahmed or Elias would stop believing. Islam is an important part of the Bakkoush family life, and while Sana feels comfortable discussing her faith openly with her parents, she can’t imagine her or one of her brothers losing their faith would go down well with their parents.

“I’m glad your parents are okay with it,” Sana says, making sure to look steadily into Yousef’s eyes as she speaks.

“Thanks,” he says and chuckles shortly before his expression becomes serious. “But Sana?” 

Sana raises your eyebrows at him. “What?”

“You have to know that I would die to protect your right to believe what you believe. Just because I can’t imagine that there is a God doesn’t give me the right to dissuade anyone from their faith, whatever it is.” His eyes are glued to Sana’s now, and his serious stare combined with the words he has just said turn Sana’s knees into pudding.

“Uh, wow,” is all Sana can say at first. Clearing her throat, she looks at her shoes for a second before adding: “That’s … really awesome, Yousef.”  _ Pathetic!  _ Sana’s inner voice yells at her, but the almost proud look in Yousef’s eyes lets Sana know it was the right thing to say.

“I do what I can,” he says, shrugging with an embarrassed giggle and Sana catches herself wishing she could hug him.  _ You are too cute, damn it. _

“The most important thing is that you’re a good person to the people in your life,” Sana tells him and Yousef nods enthusiastically. It takes Sana a moment to realise that it’s probably as important to Yousef that Sana understands his point of view as it is for Sana that he knows that.

“I try to be the best person I can be. Even if I fuck up sometimes, as long as I remain honest and true to myself, I feel that I’m not completely failing.” He sighs and looks ahead of him at nothing in particular, suddenly lost in thought.

“You’re not failing,” Sana assures him, and it takes Yousef a moment to look at her. When he does, his smile seems half-hearted, and Sana can’t help but wonder what it is that turned his mood so somber in a matter of seconds.

“Thank you,” he says quietly and takes a deep breath, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Somehow, Sana finds the courage to search for his eyes again. “What is it?”

Yousef chuckles and bites his lower lip and then finally turns to look at Sana. “I just remembered a time when I really did fuck up. Badly.”

Sana’s heart starts beating faster when she sees the pained look in his eyes. But before she can ask what he means, Yousef goes on.

“Do you remember Even? The really tall, blonde guy we used to hang out with?”

It’s not the last thing Sana expected him to say, but she still stares at him for a second before she nods. 

“Well, I think we all fucked up when things went bad with him last year.” Yousef takes a deep breath and then looks around, apparently searching for something. The two of them have reached the “Idioten” playground and luckily, it’s entirely empty. Yousef points to a bench next to the basketball pitch and Sana nods in silent agreement.

Once they’re both sitting down, Yousef sighs and looks into Sana’s eyes for a long moment before continuing his story. “So, we were a little worried about Even because he suddenly started acting a little weird, doing all kinds of crazy stuff. We tried to help him relax, but nothing worked. Finally one evening, he tried to kiss Mikael, who pushed him away and ran.”

Yousef shakes his head and chews on his lower lip for a moment. “Elias almost punched Even, thinking he wanted to fuck with Mikael and threatened to hit Even if he ever tried that again. After that, Even posted some Koran verses on facebook where it says that being gay is wrong and all, and instead of realising that he was struggling, we just … we all just thought Even wanted to mess with Mikael. You see, Mikael’s parents are very religious, and if they found out that Mikael kissed a boy …”

Sana can’t help but gasp at that and puts a hand on Yousef’s arm. “Is Mikael … does he…?” she begins but Yousef just shrugs, looking down at Sana’s hand on his arm. Sana quickly pulls her hand away and clears her throat. “Well, that doesn’t matter … you said … Even  _ tried _ to kiss Mikael, so I guess Mikael didn’t want him to?”

Yousef shakes his head. “No, Mikael was scared of what his parents would think. And also, the last thing he wanted was to lose Even as a friend because of Mikael’s parents hating him.”

That doesn’t answer Sana’s question but she decides it’s none of her business anyway.“But you did lose him,” she says quietly.

Sighing deeply, Yousef nods and the look in his eyes makes Sana’s heart hurt. “He wouldn’t talk to us after the facebook thing … We heard from his girlfriend Sonja that he was depressed, and we tried to reach out by calling and texting, but he never responded. So in the end, we just figured he didn’t want to be friends with us anymore and left him alone.”

Although Sana understands that the boys didn’t want to intrude, she still doesn’t get why the boys just gave up. “Do you miss him? Even, I mean,” she asks although she’s almost sure she knows the answer to that question.

“Yes, I miss him. He …” Yousef laughs shortly and Sana sees a happy memory dance in his eyes. “He once challenged me to a dance battle. I have no idea what gave him the idea he could beat me, but then again, it was never about winning for Even.” He smiles softly and leans back to look up at the sky. “He made a complete ass of himself, but we all laughed so much our stomachs hurt for days afterwards, I swear.”

Yousef bursts into laughter and Sana can’t help but join in. “That sounds like him,” she says after a moment and when Yousef looks into her eyes again, Sana clears her throat before adding: “I think you should talk to him.”

Nodding slowly, Yousef gets to his feet and Sana does the same, following him back onto the street. It’s only five more minutes from here to Sana’s place and it’s already pretty dark by now. “I hope I will find the courage to do that one day. It’s just … I don’t know what to say to him,” he murmurs after a while.

“You could always challenge him to another dance battle,” Sana suggests with a giggle, making Yousef huff out a laugh. 

“I’ll keep that idea in mind, thank you.”

Both of them are silent for the rest of the way, but it’s not uncomfortable. Despite knowing now why Yousef is not muslim and that he most likely never will be, Sana feels closer to him than before. 

When they reach Sana’s front door, she is reluctant to go inside, particularly because Yousef can’t stop staring at her. His eyes seem to almost caress Sana’s face from afar, admiring her as if she was a work of art, making Sana’s knees feel like pudding again. Still, she looks back with the same admiration, as if trying to memorise every last one of his features: his slender nose, the high cheekbones, his thin but expressive lips and of course, his beautiful, dark eyes. 

Sana is about to ask him if he wants to meet her for that basketball rematch tomorrow when she suddenly hears her mother’s voice.

“Sana?”

Freezing on the spot, Sana realises she’s in deep trouble. The tone of her mother’s voice is not patronising, but nonetheless strict and worried - the worst combination.

“Uh, I have to go,” she tells Yousef, who clears his throat and takes a step back. 

“See you around, Sana,” he says and waves at her, smiling nervously.

“See you,” Sana calls back and then Yousef has already disappeared around the corner.

Sana takes her time going inside and up the stairs. Because not only does she have to think of an explanation why Yousef walked her home but she also has to explain why her brother isn’t coming home tonight.

In spite of all that though, Sana can’t stop smiling all the way up to her family’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	55. Glossary for Episode 5

Sharmuta: “Slut” in Arabic


	56. Episode 5, Saturday 6th of May, 10:34: If you tell anyone ...

Sana has been awake since seven o’clock, constantly checking her phone for a text from Chris or Elias while trying to study for her biology mock exam. At around ten o'clock, Chris finally texted saying Elias had just stumbled out of her house.

After that, Sana left her room to see if Mamma was at home. Sana found her in the kitchen, writing the grocery list for the week. Mamma made tea for the two of them and then asked Sana again why she came home with Yousef the night before. Sana sighed and repeated herself for what felt like the tenth time, explaining that she met Yousef at the end of the street and he decided to walk home with her since he was headed to a friend’s house close-by. To Sana’s relief, Mamma seems to finally believe the story: Maybe, hearing the same explanation several times did the trick, but Sana doesn’t really care: She’s just glad she won’t have to repeat the lie anymore.

Now Mamma has just left the house to go shopping and Sana flops down on the couch, briefly considering calling her brother to check on him. But before she can get her phone out of the pocket of her sweatpants, Sana hears a key turning in the lock.

Elias’ head appears in the doorway to the living room seconds later and he mouths _Is Mamma home?_ almost making Sana laugh. 

“She just left,” she tells him and Elias breathes a sigh of relief. He walks over to the couch facing the one Sana is sitting on and stretches out on it, letting out a long groan.

Sana purses her lips and clears her throat. “Rough night?”

Elias covers his face with the back of his hand and nods slowly. “Who was that girl? The one whose couch I slept on?” he croaks.

Sana rolls her eyes at him. “Chris, my friend from school. You met her twice before, Elias.”

Sana’s brother nods and sits up, reaching for a pillow and stuffing it under his head. “Yeah, now that you mention it. She’s nice.”

Rolling her eyes again, Sana leans forward to look at her brother’s face. There are dark rings under his eyes and he looks completely exhausted even though he must have slept more than twelve hours on Chris’ couch. And when his eyes finally meet Sana’s, the sadness in them makes her heart hurt.

“Elias?” Sana asks tentatively, and her brother raises one eyebrow at her.

“What?”

Sana takes a deep breath and clears her throat. “When did you start drinking?”

Elias groans dramatically and covers his face with both palms. “You’re not the boss of me, little sister,” he says harshly, but Sana knows that tone all too well: He always tries to make her angry when he’s hurt. She waits until he looks at her again before she replies.

“I’m not asking to be mean, Elias, I am actually worried about you, believe it or not.” Sana holds his gaze while she speaks, her voice steady and calm.

Elias frowns for a second but then throws up his hands in defeat. “Alright, you got me, I’m not happy with the way things are, not all the time okay?”

This time, Sana doesn’t reply, but just nods slowly and waits for him to go on.

Elias sits up, setting his elbows on his knees. “I hate that I can’t find work. The only reason I am taking a gap year is because despite my decent grades, nobody’s willing to hire me.”

Although Sana has suspected this ever since Elias announced he’d be doing nothing for a year, it still hurts to hear it. He finished school with good grades and started looking for apprenticeships in his last semester already. While most of his classmates were busy partying every night, Elias sat at home and sent out application after application, for all kinds of jobs and apprenticeships, but he never got a positive response. If he got a reason for the rejections, it was bullshit like _‘we don’t feel you’re right for this kind of work’_ or similar excuses. 

“I’m sorry, Elias,” Sana says softly. “That really sucks. Have you asked your friends to recommend you for a job you would like?”

Elias chuckles mirthlessly. “That’s the thing, I don’t even really know what kind of job I want.” He leans back on the couch again with a deep sigh. “I’ve been applying to every apprentice post I see without even having the slightest idea if it’s even right for me.”

He looks at Sana again with a mix of jealousy and admiration. “I’m so glad that you already know you want to be a surgeon, Sana. You know exactly what you want and what you have to do to get there.”

Sana gets to her feet and walks around the couch table, sitting down next to her brother. “You will find something you love, too, Elias!” Looking firmly into her brother’s eyes, Sana fights back a scowl before she goes on. “I know we fight a lot, but I actually believe you have a great future ahead of you. You’re kind, honest and straightforward, and one day, that will be of use to you.”

Elias stares at Sana incredulously. “Sana, you’re freaking me out. Did you just compliment me?”

They both laugh at that, and Sana stands up again, waving her index finger in front of his face with a threatening expression. “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.”

Elias chuckles and then takes Sana’s hand in his, making her look at him again. “Thanks, sister, it’s good to know someone believes in me.”

Sana squeezes his hand briefly and smiles at him. “You’re welcome, brother.” Sitting down next to him, Sana thinks for a moment before she adds: “Maybe you should talk to the boys, get their opinion?”

Elias sighs and then thinks for a moment, frowning slightly. “I’m not sure…” He hesitates and then clears his throat. “You know, this is the kind of thing I’d usually talk to Even about.”

Sana’s breath hitches at that. Of all the things her brother could have said, this is the last one she’d have expected. “Really?” is all she manages to get out.

Sana’s brother nods slowly and licks his upper lip. “He’s a good listener. I could tell him anything and he’d always know what to say.” Taking a deep breath, Elias leans his head back and stares up at the ceiling. “When you told me he misses us last week … it all came back, you know.” 

“What do you mean?” Sana asks, and Elias’s eyes find hers again. They’re full of regret and worry that Sana can’t help but feel are there because of her. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to you, I’m sorry ….” Sana begins, but Elias shakes his head.

“No, I should have known Even didn’t stop talking to us because he’s a dick, Sana,” Elias says, looking firmly into Sana’s eyes. “He’s one of the best people I know, he would never just abandon us for no reason. But we just let him walk away, we never even went to see him after … “

He trails off and Sana is sure that whatever it is he can’t tell her, it’s painful to him. Tears are shining in her brother’s eyes and almost automatically, Sana leans forward and wraps her arms around him. “Shh, Elias, it will be alright,” she says, fighting back tears herself. Elias hugs her back, breathing heavily with his head resting on Sana’s shoulder.

After a long moment, Elias gently disengages himself from Sana and wipes his face with both hands. Sana smiles at him and squeezes both his hands. “Even told me he wants to reach out to you guys. He really does miss you, he just needs some time.”

Elias nods slowly and tries to smile back. “Okay, I guess we’ll just wait and see then.” 

Sana nods as well, putting a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “He’ll come around, I’m sure of it.”

The hopeful look in Elias’ eyes almost makes Sana cry of joy. Joy over her brother opening up to her, but also joy over the fact that for once, her meddling into other people’s business might actually result in something positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	57. Episode 5, Saturday 6th May, 15:53: We’ll see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	58. Episode 5, Sunday 7th May, 09:03: See ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	59. Episode 5, Sunday 7th May 11:38: You were worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	60. Episode 5, Sunday 7th May, 14:13: You are correct

Sitting at one of the tables in Vulkan parken across from Noora with a warm cup of chai in her hands, Sana isn’t sure how to feel. Noora fidgets with her cup as much as Sana though, making it clear that Sana is not the only one feeling a little nervous.

“So …” the two of them say at the same time, making them both laugh.

“You first,” Sana says, smiling carefully and wrapping her fingers tighter around her paper cup.

Noora clears her throat and takes a deep breath. “I am sorry for just shutting you out like that. It wasn’t fair.”

Relief floods Sana’s heart and she lets out a long breath she didn’t know she was holding. “It wasn’t okay that I sent that email to William, though,” Sana says, looking down at her hands.

“Actually,” Noora giggles slightly, making Sana look up at her in surprise. “You sending that email kind of worked out pretty nicely for me in the end.”

Sana frowns at her. “Really? How?”

Noora purses her lips and then grins broadly. “Well, because when William came back, he seemed positive that I was desperate to get back together with him.” She chuckles and takes a careful sip of her coffee. “You should have seen the look on his face when he waited for me outside of school and I told him I was busy. He thought I was joking.”

“Ah, I would have loved to see that,” Sana tells her, suddenly feeling amused. 

“Yes you would have,” Noora says and takes another sip of coffee. Sana nips at her tea as well and marvels at the gleeful look on Noora’s face as she goes on. “Anyway, when I met him the next day, I basically told him I needed some time to think and that him coming back didn’t change the fact that he left me all alone with the whole Nico thing. You know what he replied?”

Sana rolls her eyes and pretends to think for a moment. “Uh, let me guess: He said ‘but you lied to me,’ or something like that?”

Noora giggles excitedly and holds up her hand. “Yes, you are correct, Sana.”

Laughing with her,Sana gives Noora a high-five, still struggling to believe this is actually happening. _Can it really be that easy?_ “So, when exactly did you … end things with him?” Sana asks, and Noora’s face falls just a little.

“Well, that was right before the five of us met up for kebab last Friday, actually.” She bites her lower lip with a guilty expression on her face. “William tried to make me feel guilty for leaving him, saying I saved him from being the bad person he was before he met me and that I was ruining everything by ‘just giving up.’”

Noora sighs deeply and Sana feels the sudden urge to punch William in the face the next time she sees him. “I’m sorry, Noora,” Sana says and reaches out to wrap her fingers around Noora’s wrist.

Noora blinks a few times. “No, it’s okay, Sana, I told you, the email …”

“Not about the email,” Sana interrupts her. “Well, about invading your privacy I am sorry too, of course. But I mean I’m sorry about telling you to try to understand him in our second year. That was bullshit. You should have stayed away from him, like you said.”

Noora smiles kindly and takes Sana’s hand in hers. “It was still my decision to stay with him. He treated me like crap for almost the entire time we were in London, and I stuck around for half a year before I left.” She takes another deep breath and lets go of Sana. Taking another sip of coffee, she stares at her hands for a moment and then goes on.

“Anyway, I should have gone home and punched my pillows instead of meeting you guys after breaking up with him. If I’d done that, I never would have exploded at Vilde the way I did.”

Sana purses her lips and nods slowly. “Anyone would explode at Vilde after having that kind of talk with an asshole like William.”

Noora laughs and nods slowly, but then her expression becomes serious again. “I still wonder about one thing.”

 _Uh oh, here we go._ Sana sits up straighter and tries to seem curious, although she already knows what Noora is going to ask. “What is that?”

“Why did you send that email? I mean … I know now you don’t approve of William, so why did you want him to come back?”

Sana takes a deep breath and tries to think of the right words. The truth would be the easiest and best choice, she knows that. But Sana is too afraid of losing Noora all over again if she tells her she doesn’t want Noora and Yousef to get together. Sending that email was the most selfish thing Sana has ever done, and she’s definitely not ready to let Noora know that.

“Well, I knew you needed to talk to him anyway,” Sana finally says, trying to sound as genuine as possible. “You just up and left him in London, and whether or not you would get back together, I knew you had to discuss things with him to get over him and to finally put everything that happened with his brother behind you.”

Noora studies Sana’s face while listening and when Sana is done talking, Noora nods slowly, but Sana can tell she’s not entirely convinced. “Well, I guess in that case, you’ve accomplished your mission,” she finally says and raises her cup.

Sana laughs nervously and raises her own cup to meet Noora’s. “I guess I did.”

“Still, before you ever do that again, please ask me first?” Noora adds, but Sana shakes her head.

“Nah, I’m not ever doing stupid shit like that again.”

Noora smiles kindly, but Sana is convinced Noora knows Sana hasn’t told the whole truth. It makes Sana sick to keep things from her friend, especially after Noora has just been so open with her. So although Sana is relieved that she and Noora are on speaking terms again, she feels like a damn coward for not having the courage to come clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	61. Episode 5, Monday 8th May, 07:42: Just look at her

Walking onto the school yard flanked by Chris and Noora, Sana feels happier than she’s felt in a while. Chris is telling Noora about what happened with Elias - she asked Sana’s permission first, which made Sana want to hug her for an eternity - making all three of them laugh every few moments.

“I was so worried he’d throw up on my mum’s favourite carpet in the morning, he looked white as a sheet,” Chris says, waving her hands dramatically. 

“He looked like that all day after he came home. I hope he will think twice before drinking that much next time,” Sana adds, rolling eyes. Chris nods slowly and Noora throws Sana a curious look.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it forbidden for muslims to drink alcohol?” she asks and Sana nods slowly, making a face.

“Yes, it’s not allowed. That’s why I’m a little worried about him.”

Noora’s about to say something else when Chris interrupts by tugging on Sana’s sleeve.

“Just look at her. It’s so weird seeing her with _them_ again.”

Sana follows Chris’s gaze and sees Vilde, standing amongst the Pepsi Max Gang, giggling and joking with them as if they’d been friends all this time. As if they hadn’t unceremoniously kicked Vilde out of their bus in first year and made fun of her ever since, until a few weeks ago.

Noora makes a face. “I feel kind of guilty for causing that.”

Chris frowns at her. “Vilde was already pushing for us to hang out with them before you got into a fight. She would probably be standing there regardless.”

Sana sighs deeply and puts an arm around Noora. “We have to figure out a way to get her back.”

Both Noora and Chris stare at Sana in surprise. They obviously didn’t expect her to say that.

“What?” Sana says with an exasperated sigh. “I know I snap at her a lot but I told you,” Sana looks at Noora, “that she’s the first one I’d bring to war with me, and I stand by that. Vilde may be annoying but she’s still our friend.”

Noora nods slowly and throws another glance over at Vilde who is bear-hugging Sara now. “I agree. I should apologise to her.”

Both Sana and Chris nod approvingly. “I saw her yesterday on my way home,” Chris says after a long moment. “She didn’t want to talk about the fight though.”

Noora scrunches up her nose. “Ugh, I guess I’ll wait a bit. She did say she wants us to go to a party this weekend right? Maybe we can meet up after or before that and talk to her?”

Sana and Chris both pat Noora’s shoulder. “We’ll figure something out,” Sana says encouragingly. Noora smiles gratefully and then links arms with the other two. Like that, the three of them march into the school building, grinning and giggling happily.

When they reach their lockers, Sana freezes and lets go of Noora and Chris. The two of them frown at Sana first and then follow her stare. Sana is certain that the last time she left her locker, the smeared writing of the word ‘Sharmuta’ was still on it, clearly readable - a nasty reminder of events Sana would rather forget.

But now, the locker is clean. Stepping closer, Sana recognises the distinct smell of nail polish remover. Chris and Noora stand behind Sana with bated breath while Sana slowly types in her code. As the locker swings open, a small piece of paper flutters to the ground. Sana picks it up and unfolds it with shaking fingers. A single sentence is written on it in an unmistakable handwriting.

Tears of joy well up in Sana’s eyes and she swallows hard around the lump in her throat. “Even,” she whispers to herself and jumps when she hears Chris’ voice behind her.

“What does it say?” Chris hasn’t seen the note and Sana quickly folds it to make sure Noora doesn’t see it either.

“Uh, it’s … just a piece of paper I forgot to throw away,” Sana murmurs and stuffs the note into her pocket. Noora and Chris frown incredulously, although neither of them questions that statement.

Noora steps closer to Sana’s locker and sniffs. “Nail polish remover. Why didn’t we ever think of that?”

Sana shrugs, relieved that Noora doesn’t ask about the note. “I thought of it once but kept forgetting to bring it with me.”

“I’m glad someone decided to help you out,” Chris says kindly and pats Sana’s upper arm. “Are you ready for German?”

Sana nods with a bright grin, gets out her books and shuts her locker again. “See you at lunch, Noora?” she calls out as Chris pulls her along down the hall. Noora gives Sana a thumbs up and waves at her and Chris before disappearing around the corner.

The first lesson on Monday morning has never been Sana’s favourite, but this morning, she can’t stop grinning. She decides that she has to come up with a really special idea to thank Even. Cleaning Sana’s locker may just be the single nicest thing anyone has ever done for her at school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	62. Episode 5, Monday 8th May, 16:37: You’re cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	63. Episode 5, Tuesday 9th May, 10:21: Better than no plan

Sana is sitting in a window sill on the stairwell across from Noora, watching Vilde talk and laugh with Sara, Ingrid and a few others of the Pepsi Max Gang in the schoolyard. Sara is talking and waving her hands while Vilde and the other girls listen and laugh every few moments. Sana lifts her head when she hears Noora clear her throat.

“Why the frown?” Noora asks, looking amused. 

With a sigh, Sana leans her head against the window and shrugs. “I don’t know, something’s off. When I came to school this morning, I walked past Sara and a few of her goons and she stared at me angrily. And after I passed them, they all giggled and whispered, and I swear I heard one of them say ‘This is the one you meant, Sara?’”

Sana looks into Noora’s eyes and shakes her head as if to chase the moment out of her head. “It might be nothing, but I feel like she’s planning something. Like she’s angry with me for some reason and wants to get back at me.”

Noora purses her lips and leans forward. “What reason would she have to be mad at you?”

“Several? I mean, at that party at her house I confronted her friends when they teased Ayaan, that girl you saw me with outside. And in first year, I threw water in her and Ingrid’s face for calling Vilde a slut.” Already while she’s talking, Sana realises those reasons are flimsy at best.

“That doesn’t sound like reasons to hate you, Sana,” Noora replies predictably, and Sana shrugs again.

“I know. It’s just … a bad feeling.”

Noora smiles at that. “Well, you might be able to talk to Vilde about it soon.”

That makes Sana frown at her. “What?”

“I texted Vilde yesterday, and she says she can’t meet us to talk before the party but that she would really like for us to go.” Noora hesitates for a moment before she adds: “She seemed rather excited about getting Eva to join. Apparently, Ingrid wants to talk to her again?”

“Hm?” Sana raises an eyebrow, not sure what to make of that.

Noora chuckles. “Yeah, that was my reaction too.”

She takes a deep breath and shrugs. “Anyway, she says the party’s at Christopher’s house, the guy Eva used to hook up with, you know?”

Sana nods slowly and then frowns at Noora. “Wait, Eva isn’t hooking up with Chris anymore?”

Inexplicably, Noora blushes slightly at that and hugs her knee. “No, she stopped seeing him a while ago. She told me he became too clingy.”

“Oh, okay.” Sana shrugs, not sure why Noora would feel bad for knowing more about Eva’s love life than Sana. “So wait, isn’t that going to be a problem then? I mean, will Chris want Eva and us to be at his house if they’re not seeing each other anymore?”

Noora giggles and looks at her red fingernails for a moment. “Yeah, actually, I told Vilde that too. She was convinced that we would get in there without a problem because Eva is hooking up with Chris.”

Sana smiles politely, wondering what the heck is going on in Noora’s head. But before Sana can ask, Noora clears her throat and goes on. “Anyway, Eva says she can talk to Christopher about it.”

Noora gets to her feet and stretches out her hand to Sana. Sana lets Noora pull her up and links arms with her. “Why are we meeting Vilde at a Pepsi Max Gang party anyway?” Sana then wonders, making Noora giggle.

“Well, it seems Vilde won’t meet us alone. So we might as well go to that party and try to corner her or something?”

Sana sighs deeply and nods. “Ok, it’s better than no plan, I guess.”

Both girls laugh at that, and by the time they’ve reached their Norwegian classroom, Sana knows that Noora is probably right. Still, Sana really doesn’t like the idea of trying to clear the air among her friend group at a party organised by the most vicious group of girls at school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	64. Episode 5, Wednesday 10th May, 15:49: Why not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	65. Episode 5, Thursday 11th May, 17:08: Ask the tough questions

After finishing her homework for the day, Sana decides to join Mamma in the kitchen. She’s peeling carrots when Sana walks in and greets Sana with a bright smile.

“Hey, Sana. How are you doing?”

Sana goes over to her mother and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “I’m good, how are you?”

“Good, good.” Mamma watches Sana for a moment and then puts down the carrot she has been peeling and lays a hand on Sana’s arm. “I don’t want to make you feel bad, but would you like to come to the mosque with me and Pappa tomorrow?”

Sana smiles uneasily and covers Mamma’s hand with her own. “I’d love to, but I am going out with the girls.” 

Mamma nods slowly, touching Sana’s chin. “That’s alright. I’d just have loved to have you with us, that’s all.”

Despite her warm tone, Sana can still hear Mamma’s disapproval in her voice. “I will go to the mosque again, and I pray regularly, so please don’t worry, okay?” Sana defends herself, sounding way too defensive for her liking.

Mamma purses her lips and hesitates for a second, but then she turns to face Sana and takes a deep breath. “I just sometimes feel like I don’t know you anymore, Sana.”

Without warning, hot anger flares up in Sana’s stomach and she narrows her eyes at her mother. “Why not?” she spits, a lot angrier than she means to. “Because some of my friends are non-muslims?”

Sighing deeply, Mamma looks at her hands for a moment before her eyes meet Sana’s again. “I just think you would be happier if you had more friends who share your faith.”

Sana closes her eyes for a second to stop herself from full-on yelling at her mother. It feels like Sana and her mother have had this discussion several times already. Sana hardly manages to swallow her anger, but when she does, she opens her eyes again, however not looking at her mother when she replies. “Mamma, I can be myself AND have non-muslim friends, I have told you this!”

“I know, Sana. It’s just … you know as well as me that there are some aspects of Norwegian culture that don’t fit the way we live our lives.” Mamma sounds more scared than scolding, but Sana still shakes her head and raises her chin defiantly.

“Well, there are things in Islam that don’t fit me either! Why is it okay for men to marry non-muslim women, but not the other way around for example? That’s incredibly sexist! Or the way most muslims still view homosexuality? The Quran says that we must adapt to each society we live in, and what do most of us do? Why are we isolating ourselves by sticking to old rules and outdated prohibitions?”

As usual in these kinds of situations, Sana didn’t mean to burst out at her mother like that, but she can’t help it. Mamma stares at Sana, but not with fear or disgust as Sana would have expected. Mamma’s right hand cups Sana’s chin and she’s studying Sana, her eyes asking the question before it leaves her lips. “Where is all this coming from, Sana?”

Letting out a long breath, Sana shrugs, although she knows exactly where all this is coming from. Sana’s inner conflict between her faith and her crush on Yousef and also the battle she’s fighting with her conscience about messing with her friendships has been getting to her. The fact that Mamma just questioned the very friendships Sana is having trouble with just hit a sore spot. But Sana can’t say that out loud. So instead she says: “I just want to be allowed to ask questions! Isn’t that what you and Pappa always say we should do? Ask the tough questions?”

“Yes, of course you are allowed to ask questions,” Mamma confirms immediately, smiling warmly at Sana. The worry in her eyes makes Sana’s heart contract and she has to look away. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, Sana.” Mamma’s tone is almost pleading now, but Sana still can’t hold back the anger. 

“I won’t get hurt!” she says, too fast and too angrily. And before Mamma can see that she’s actually fighting tears, Sana storms out of the kitchen.

She runs down the stairs and out of the house, away from Mamma, away from the troubling thoughts Mamma added to the storm of worries that has been raging in Sana’s head for days.

Before she can decide where she should go, Sana runs head-first into her brother at the corner of the house.

“Hey sister,” Elias says in a teasing tone as Sana hurries to move away from him while avoiding his gaze. “What’s up with you?” he adds after a second, and Sana is glad that he doesn’t touch her again. When she’s angry like this, Sana can’t guarantee for anything when people get too close, and Elias knows that better than anyone.

“Nothing, just leave me alone,” Sana mumbles through clenched teeth, but her brother shakes his head.

“I’m worried about whoever runs into you next, you’re too angry to walk the streets alone.” He chuckles at his own words, and in spite of her anger, Sana can’t help a smile curling her lips upward.

“Very funny, Elias,” she grumbles, still not looking at her brother.

“I know I’m funny, thank you very much.” Elias falls into step next to Sana, looking at his phone. By the time the two of them turn the corner of the playground, he stuffs it back into his pocket though, and Sana finally looks up at him. Elias smiles when their eyes meet and reaches out to pat Sana’s arm. “What’s wrong, Sana?”

Sana just looks at him for a moment and then clears her throat. “Nothing, I just … talked to Mamma. She doesn’t like my friends.”

Elias nods slowly. “Uhu, I know what you mean. Did she tell you it’s not good for you to have ‘so many non-muslim friends’?”

Sana stares at him. “How do you know?”

“I may have heard her voice through the window,” Elias admits with a cheeky grin, making Sana scowl. But her brother’s expression becomes serious again after that. “I don’t want to say she’s right, Sana. But you have to understand where Mamma comes from. She grew up in Morocco, with a completely different mindset and in a very different society.” He sighs deeply and Sana suddenly gets a feeling that Elias himself may have had the same conversation with their mother at one point.

“Mamma means well, but she doesn’t know what it’s like to be our age here in Norway,” he goes on and Sana can’t help but admit to herself that he’s right.

“I guess you have a point,” she mumbles, and for once, Sana’s brother doesn’t mock her for acknowledging that he’s not always an idiot: He merely smiles encouragingly, which would scare Sana if she wasn’t grateful for Elias being supportive right when she needs him to be.

For a long moment, neither of them says anything until Elias points to a bench nearby. “Should we sit?”

Sana nods curtly and follows him to the bench, feeling herself relax the second she sits down. She leans her head back and closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as the sun starts warming up her cheeks.

“So … what’s up with you and Yousef?” It takes Sana a full two seconds to realise what her brother asked. 

“Uh, what do you mean?” Sana’s reply comes out too quickly and she can’t meet his eye, so she’s not surprised to hear Elias chuckle knowingly.

“I’m not dumb, little sister. I see the way he looks at you. And the way you look at him.”

Sana is shocked and relieved at the same time to notice her brother’s tone is warm, not patronising or cold. But still, she tries to frown at him as if she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Uh, I don’t … look at him?”

Elias laughs quietly, and Sana realises it’s no use, so she gives up. “Alright, so what if I like him? He’s not muslim, so it’s not like anything can happen.”

Elias’ face is serious again now, and he makes sure Sana is looking into his eyes before he answers. “Yousef may not be muslim, but he’s the best guy I know, Sana. He doesn’t drink, he’s respectful and honest to everyone… I’d rather you be with him than with some muslim guy who lies, steals and drinks all the time. Because I know a lot of those.” He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “What is more important: To say you believe in Allah and not act like it or not to believe in him and act the way Allah would want it?”

Now Sana can only stare at him, as her heart starts beating a little faster. Her brother loves his boys, sure, but Sana never expected him to actually try and convince her to pursue his best friend. _You’re full of surprises, Elias Bakkoush._

Still, he’s not the only one who has to approve of Yousef. “Mamma and Pappa will never allow it,” Sana says darkly, looking down at her knees.

“I told you, Mamma grew up in a different time and country than us. And Pappa …” he pauses and then taps Sana’s shoulder with his finger, making her look up. “Pappa doesn’t care who you’re with, as long as you’re happy, believe me. You can do no wrong in his eyes.”

That makes Sana laugh. “I’m not so sure about that.” 

Elias groans and puts an arm around Sana’s shoulder. “Sana, I can’t say I’m over the moon about one of my boys dating my sister. But you’re your own person, it’s your life. And more than most people our age, you know what you want and aren’t afraid to say it. So really …”

He chuckles and tries to bop Sana’s nose, but she swats his hand away, which makes him laugh even more. “Instead of threatening to kill him if he hurts you, I should warn Yousef to never do anything that might make _you_ kill him. Because if there is one thing I’m sure of it’s that you can take care of yourself.”

Sana is glad that she manages to laugh so she can pretend the tears in her eyes are tears of laughter. In just a few minutes, Sana’s brother has managed to make her feel a hundred times better.

“That’s more like it,” Elias says, pointing to Sana’s face. “You better not lose that smile, little sister. Because if you’re sad, I am sad, you know that right?”

Sana bites her lower lip and nods slowly. Elias leans his head back and closes his eyes then, sighing contently when a ray of sunshine hits his face. For a long moment, Sana watches him carefully, wondering what she has done right for Allah to bless her with such a wonderful brother.

“So … maybe I don’t hate the fact that you’re my brother,” Sana finally says very quietly, half-hoping Elias doesn’t hear her. But of course he does. Turning his head to look at Sana, he winks and clicks his tongue.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he murmurs, squeezing Sana’s upper arm. “But I’m glad you’re my sister, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	66. Episode 5, Friday, 12th May, 20:13: Like old times

Although it’s another party at the house of someone she hardly knows and doesn’t really like, Sana is actually enjoying herself this time around. At first, she sits on a couch in the living room next to Chris, who talks Sana’s ear off about a guy she met and really likes. “He’s so funny Sana, almost as funny as me, do you know how rare that is?”

Sana laughs at that. “I believe you. How lucky you are.” 

Chris nods vigorously and gives Sana a hesitating look. Sana gets the feeling that Chris is about to say something more serious, but before Sana can find out, Eva flops down onto the couch next to her.

Sana turns around to find Eva pouting at both her and Chris. “Noora isn’t coming,” she says in response to Sana’s questioning look. “She threw up after she got home from school and feels like shit. Now what are we going to do?”

Chris makes a face. “Ah no, that sucks!” Sana pulls out her phone and checks the time. It’s only 20:15. And just when Sana is about to ask where the hell Vilde is, she spots Vilde walking into the living room with Sara and Ingrid. 

Sana, Eva and Chris exchange hesitant looks, but before any of them can make a move, Vilde is already on her way over, a bright smile on her face. She looks pretty in her blue summer dress and pink flower crown, but Sana can tell she’s just as nervous as the rest of the girls.

“Hey ladies, so good of you to come!” Sana, Chris and Noora hug Vilde hello, and then Vilde frowns. “Where is Noora?”

Eva clears her throat. “She’s not feeling well since this afternoon and decided to stay in bed.”

“Oh no, I hope she feels better soon,” Vilde says, but in her expression Sana reads that Vilde is not sure whether or not to believe Eva.

There is an uncomfortable silence between the four of them for a few moments, until Vilde purses her lips and then points to the other end of the room, where a makeshift bar has been built, stocked with all kinds of liquor and beer. “I’m going to get myself a drink, I’ll talk to you later.”

‘Later’ apparently means more than an hour later, when Sana, Chris and Eva are dancing together, stopping in between songs to try and come up with a plan to get Vilde away from Sara and Ingrid. Chris has just suggested that one of them should claim there is an emergency with Noora, when Vilde throws her arms around Eva from behind and cooes in her ear.

“Evaaa, Ingrid really wants to talk to you.” Vilde is obviously drunk and Eva, who is slightly tipsy herself, gently removes Vilde’s arms from around her, smiling kindly. 

“Alright, Vilde, I’ll be right there ok?” Eva looks nervous, so Sana reaches out to squeeze her shoulder encouragingly. Sana can’t help but think that maybe, Ingrid is serious about wanting to be friends with Eva again. 

“We’ll all come, is that okay?” Sana asks Vilde, who nods enthusiastically, her smile growing wider. Eva throws a grateful look at Sana and sighs soundlessly.

“Yes, come, all of you, like old times,” Vilde babbles and puts one arm around Chris, holding on to Eva’s elbow with the other. “I missed you, girls, and I really think we should all be friends with Sara, Ingrid and the girls, they’re so cool.”

By the time the girls reach the Pepsi Max Gang - who have claimed the hallway floor for themselves, sitting on throw-pillows and chattering over beer and white wine - Vilde is all but hanging between Chris and Eva, still babbling on about how she missed the four of them and doesn’t want to lose their friendship.

Sana is almost tempted to tell Vilde everything will be okay, when she suddenly catches Sara’s eye. She’s looking at Sana with unveiled hatred, making the blood in Sana’s veins freeze. Although Sara’s angry grimace is replaced by a stiff smile seconds later, Sana suddenly has trouble breathing. Neither Eva or Chris seem to notice though: Chris is busy holding Vilde upright and Eva eyes Ingrid nervously, who looks back with clear apprehension, neither of them making a move.

So Sana shakes her head and looks at Sara again. Sara is no longer staring at Sana but whispering something into the ear of a girl with dark curly hair standing next to her. The girl giggles and nods, and the gleeful look on her face while she types something into her phone makes Sana’s insides twist uncomfortably. _What is going on?_

Vilde points to Ingrid and smiles broadly at her. “Ingrid, I brought you Eva, since you said you wanted to talk to her.”

Ingrid smiles uneasily at Vilde and then turns to Eva, but before she can say anything, she’s interrupted by loud laughter, coming from Sara and the girl standing next to her.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe this,” Sara exclaims and points to Eva, still giggling. “Ingrid, before you so much as consider talking to _her_ , you should have a look at this.Eva obviously has some … enemies.”

The curly haired girl hands her phone to Sara, who turns it around to show Ingrid. Vilde, Chris, Eva and Sana lean forward to get a glimpse of it as well, and when Sana sees what’s on the screen, she instantly feels sick to her stomach.

The screen shows a Tinder profile with Eva’s name and a picture of her kissing some guy Sana doesn’t recognise, but the caption makes it clear it was definitely not created by Eva. “I fuck everyone, regardless. I don’t care if you have a girlfriend, a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do,” Ingrid reads out loud, her voice shaking slightly.

Eva stares at the phone and then at Sara, her eyes wide in shock. “What the fuck?”

“Oh don’t look at me, I don’t have a problem with you whoring around, not anymore. I mean, Ingrid forgave you so …,” Sara says in a sneering tone and hands the phone back to her friend. 

Both Ingrid and Eva frown at Sara, who then pulls out her own phone. “If it’s not yours …” she giggles at that. “... then I suppose it was made by the same person who made this.” She frowns at her phone until she finds what she’s looking for, and then she hands the phone to Eva.

“Oh no,” Eva whispers the second her eyes land on the screen. Sana hardly dares look, but she can’t help it. Sara’s phone shows an instagram profile with the title “ellevillevilde2”. Vilde squints at it but doesn’t seem to see what it’s about right away. But then Eva taps on the first post.

It’s a video of Vilde, seemingly tipsy, holding a black-out drunk Elias in her arms. Her hands are roaming his upper body while she murmurs to herself, and Sana can hear Yousef talking in the background. As if the video itself wasn’t bad enough, the caption is ten times worse.

_“Who cares about boyfriends when you can flirt with your friend’s hot brother?”_

“It’s not like we really needed proof, but now we have it: Vilde never loved that loser boyfriend of hers,” Sara announces, making a few people around her look around and focus their attention on the group. Vilde starts sputtering, but can’t get out any actual words. Eva puts an arm around her and scowls at Sara, shoving the phone back into her hands.

But before she can say anything, Sara turns to Sana, smiling the fakest smile Sana has ever seen. “Congratulations,Sana, this is better than any prank I could have come up with. You really know how to stick it to people.”

Blinking a few times, Sana scowls at Sara, suddenly feeling her heartbeat in her ears. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Sana spits the words at her, feeling Eva’s and Vilde’s eyes on herself like painful lasers. “You know I have nothing to do with this!”

Sara laughs and then fixates Sana with a threatening glare. “Just like you have nothing to do with sending an email to William from Noora’s account to make him think she wants him back?”

A ringing silence follows that sentence. Sana’s mouth drops open and she stares blankly at Sara, feeling as if someone had hit her over the head with a club.

When Sana finally manages to close her mouth, Eva and Vilde are both staring at Sana accusingly, and Chris looks flabbergasted, not moving a muscle.

“Sana, is that true?” Eva asks, sounding hurt and confused. So apparently, Noora really didn’t tell anyone about Sana’s email stunt...

Sana looks over at her and Vilde, opening and closing her mouth a few times, but nothing comes out. By the time Sana finally manages to swallow around the lump of guilt and shock in her throat, Sara clears hers, prompting everyone to turn back around to face her.

“I suppose all that frustration had to come out some time, eh Sana?” Sara doesn’t even look at Sana but is frowning at her phone, searching for something. Sana’s instincts tell her to run, but she can’t move an inch. 

Sara raises her phone once again, but this time, she only turns the speaker in Sana’s direction, watching all the girls’ faces. “I guess I should have known you would snap,” Sara goes on and exchanges a look with the curly haired girl next to her. Sana is about to ask what the fuck she’s talking about when she points to the curly haired girl next to her. “Laila was at Evita a while ago and heard you talking to a fellow muslim girl …”

Feeling her knees turn to butter, Sana has to lean against the wall and close her eyes. “Please, don’t,” she breathes, although she knows full well it’s no use. 

And before Sana can force herself to open her eyes again, she hears her own voice from Sara’s phone.

“ _Why does Eva always have to sleep with every guy she sees? It’s like … she doesn’t even care, as long as she’s never sober on a Friday night and never sleeps in an empty bed. It seems to me that Eva can’t have fun without drinking and sex._

_And why is it so hard for Vilde to understand that I can be muslim AND a Norwegian person, that those two things don’t contradict one another? She always acts like I am an alien when I mention basketball, and when I talk about my family she still assumes I will be married to my cousin some day. I really hate her for that sometimes, it makes me so angry!_

_And would it really kill Noora to admit that she doesn’t have everything under control? Like, she acts like she knows everything and is perfectly happy even though her boyfriend started seeing someone else behind her back. Now he … came back from London and for all I know she just took him back? She doesn’t talk to anyone, it’s almost as if she thinks I wouldn’t understand if she told me about her troubles.”_

Sana has to swallow hard to keep the tears from falling. All she can think is that of course, Sara cut the parts where Sana told Jamilla that she loves her friends, and that she just wishes they would understand Sana better sometimes. Of course Sara had to go and make it seem like all Sana told Jamilla was how much she hated their behaviour.

Finally, Sana manages to open her eyes, and as expected, Eva, Chris and Vilde are all staring at her with a mix of anger and confusion. Sana has to look away to avoid bursting into tears, so she fixates Sara and Laila with what she hopes is an angry glare. 

“How dare you? That was a private conversation.” Sana’s voice shakes and she clears her throat, but Sara puts up a hand to stop Sana from going on.

“Says the woman who used a friend’s _private_ email account without that friend’s permission,” Sara spits derisively, making the group of girls gathered around her laugh, and Sana hates that she’s right. She hates that Sara has found out the _one_ terribly wrong thing Sana has done in a long time and is now using it against Sana, for no apparent reason. While Sana is racking her brain for something- _any_ thing- she could have done to provoke Sara, Eva’s words from last week are suddenly ringing in Sana’s ears.

_Particularly Sara was very fond of pulling pranks on people._

That must be it. Sara pulling a prank on Sana just because Sana defended a muslim girl against Sara and her friends at that party three weeks ago? It makes no sense to Sana, but it’s the only explanation Sana can come up with.

Someone pushes Sana aside, waking her from her stupor, and only when she hears a stifled sob, Sana realises it’s Eva. Without looking at Vilde or Chris, Sana runs after her. She has to at least try to explain.

Sana catches up to Eva on the street, grabbing her by the elbow to stop her. Eva whirls around and frees herself roughly, letting out an angry groan.

“Leave me alone,” Eva calls and the pain in her voice makes the tears Sana has fought so hard to hold back spill over. 

“Eva, please! Let me explain! Sara …”

“Sana, just … stop,” Eva interrupts, holding up both hands as if she were warding off an attacker. 

So Sana shuts up and waits. Eva wipes her face with both hands and when she finally looks up, Sana almost gasps. Eva’s face is wet with tears and twisted into a grimace of pain. “I don’t know what to believe, but what you said about me in that recording … “ Eva stifles another sob, and Sana almost steps forward to hug her. But then, Eva looks up at Sana with a frighteningly cold, angry stare. “Sometimes, I think we are just too different.”

And with that, Eva runs away before Sana can say anything. Sana considers running after her, but her legs won’t move. In less than an hour, the friendships Sana has been trying to mend have broken apart. Eva certainly hates Sana, and Sana is convinced Vilde also believes it was Sana who posted that video of Vilde and Elias. Eva won’t waste any time telling Noora what Sana said about her, and Chris … well, Sana doesn’t expect Chris to stick with her if she believes only one bit of the show Sara put on tonight.

After what seems like hours, Sana finally turns around and starts walking. She remembers she left her jacket in the house, but she can’t bring herself to go back. Luckily, Sana has her phone and keys in her pocket. She has no idea how she makes it home. Walking into the living room, Sana finds Mamma and Pappa watching TV, and she even manages to hug them both and ask how their day was before excusing herself and going to her room.

Only when Sana is finally lying in bed, she allows herself to cry. She pulls her blanket over her head and lets the tears flow. Sana cries for what feels like hours, about everything. For some reason, she’s feeling all the pain from the last few years all over again. She hears the mean comments thrown in her direction in the hallways of the Oranienburg school in the back of her head.

_“Why do you wear a headscarf? Is it to make up for the fact that you go to school? I mean, aren’t girls your age usually married already?”_

_“I hope you get beaten up by your brother for wearing red, Sharmuta!”_

_“Maybe you just need a good fucking to realise how dumb it is to be muslim in today’s world.”_

_“How dare you wear hijab and play basketball? A good muslim girl doesn’t play sports.”_

The memories rush back as if someone opened a floodgate. The pain almost makes Sana explode and she has to let it out. So she bites into a pillow and lets out a muffled scream, praying that no one hears it.

It helps a little, but now Sana can’t stop crying. It feels as if all the tears she’s been holding back for weeks are finally spilling over, but instead of making the pain go away, every tear makes it worse.

For almost two years, things have been better. After being teased and threatened by muslim and non-muslim classmates for stuff that is nobody’s business but her own at her old school, Sana has managed to find a decent group of friends who at least tolerated her and were kind to her. 

But now, Sana is back to feeling alone and worthless. The only consolation is that she still has Jamilla on her side, but that doesn’t change the fact that Sana will have to face the last year at school completely alone. 

After what feels like an eternity, Sana has no tears left. She crawls out from under the blanket and puts a pillow under her head, trying to relax her breathing so she won’t start crying again. When she finally close her eyes, Sana catches herself wishing she will never wake up.

Life has treated Sana harshly countless times before, but for the first time ever, she feels like she’s truly lost everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	67. Glossary for Episode 6

Solli: Solli square tram stop

Mannen i mitt liv: “Man of my life” in Norwegian

Ramadan: The fasting month in Islam

Taraweeh prayer: Special prayer at the beginning of the night. It is prayed during

Ramadan, and particularly on the first night of Ramadan, many people

like to go to the mosque for that.

Russebus: Group of students who party together before graduation

Akerselva: River that runs through Oslo

Karpe Diem: HipHop Group from Oslo, nowadays called “Karpe”

Isha: 5th daily prayer, prayed at night


	68. Episode 6, Monday 22nd May, 08:16: We’ve had this conversation

Somehow, Sana has made it through last week without talking to anyone at school. With the exception for Chris, who cornered Sana at her locker on Thursday afternoon to give her the jacket Sana had left at Sara’s house. “I don’t believe what Sara said, by the way,” Chris said before Sana could run away, and ever since Sana has felt at least a little bit less alone. Chris texted Sana a few times during the weekend to ask how she’s doing and reassuring Sana that things will be okay - something Sana herself still finds very hard to believe.

After that horrible incident at the party, Sana seriously considered switching schools. But she quickly discarded that idea when she realised her parents wouldn't agree to that unless Sana gave them a very good reason. _All my friends hate me_ is neither a good reason nor one Sana wants to elaborate on. Her parents love Sana, but they would just tell her to find new friends. It's all so easy for them.

Since Sana is feeling particularly vulnerable today, she puts on her darkest lipstick and wraps her hijab particularly tightly and then goes to the kitchen. Mamma gasps when she sees Sana.

"Oh my goodness, is this a new trend or are you out to get me?" She laughs and Sana flashes her a smile, hoping it looks at least halfway genuine.

"I have a test in German today and my teacher doesn't like me," Sana says with a shrug. Mamma giggles and just as Sana sits down, Mamma places a steaming cup of tea in front of her.

"Oh, so you've decided to scare her by looking like an angel of death?"

This time, Sana laughs with her mother, albeit mirthlessly. "Haha, Mamma. You don't keep up with the latest trends, do you?"

Sana winks at her as Mamma puts a hand to her chest with a fake-offended gasp. "How dare you, Sana?"

After that, Mamma sits down next to Sana and while she chatters away about her co-workers new crush on their boss, Sana slowly feels her mood improving a little. Mamma works at the same hospital as Pappa: while Pappa is a neurosurgeon, Mamma works as a part-time nurse, and her stories are always entertaining.

After breakfast with Mamma, Sana feels a little less nervous. She knows it won't be easy to try to talk to the girls, but she has decided that she’s not going to let them believe what Sara told them without giving her side of the story.

Chris and Noora are most likely to come around, but Sana is very worried about Eva and Vilde … Although, maybe she does have a shot with Vilde …

Sana decides to walk to school today since she’s left the house early, and while strolling through the quiet streets, she remembers last Wednesday afternoon, when she got a glimpse at the reason why Vilde never talks about her family.

_Running out of the B-building before Chris could catch up to her, Sana jumped into the tram about to leave from Solli, although she was very much aware that it wasn't not going in the right direction. She just needed to get away._

_Getting off two stops later, Sana realised that it was going to take her about twenty minutes to walk home, and she decided to do just that. It was nice and warm out and Sana could use the fresh air._

_The anxiety of avoiding her friends – or should she think of them as former friends now? The thought made Sana feel sick – faded away after Sana had walked for about two minutes. She took a deep breath and looked around. The street she was in was quiet, and almost no one else was around. Except – Sana frowned when she saw someone slumped over on a bench on the opposite side of the street. The person was wearing a dirty, dark green coat and blue jeans. The laces of their trainers were undone and their long, light brown hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks._

_Crossing the street, Sana saw a part of the person’s face, realising it was a woman. Sana approached her carefully, and was about ten metres away when she saw that the woman was clutching a bottle of white wine in one hand. Very gently, Sana tapped her shoulder, and the woman jumped, staring at Sana with wide eyes._

_"I can't find her," the woman mumbled, evidently drunk out of her mind. She looked lost and so sad, a part of Sana just wanted to give her a hug. But Sana knew that wouldn't help._

_So instead Sana cleared her throat and crouched down to look into the woman’s eyes. "Who are you looking for? Can I help you?"_

_The woman smiled weakly and shook her head. "I think I lost her. She hates me. Because of … this." She held up the bottle of wine, and Sana pursed her lips, not sure what to say._

_"Can I bring you home?" Sana asked eventually, and the woman stared at her again, nodding slowly._

_"She won't mind," the woman mumbled and allowed Sana to help her get up from the bench. Sana was relieved to notice the woman was still able to carry her own weight. Asking the woman to stand still, Sana then crouched down again to tie the woman’s shoelaces. The woman watched Sana quietly, and hesitatingly put her hand on Sana’s shoulder to steady herself. When Sana straightened up again, the woman gave her a warm smile, making Sana feel as if they had known each other for a while and this was just a regular meeting for the two of them. Wrapping one arm around the woman’s waist, Sana cleared her throat again._

_“So, where do we go?” she asked. The woman just pointed ahead without saying anything, so Sana started walking, carefully guiding the woman along._

_"What is your name?" Sana asked after a while, trying to smile reassuringly when the woman looked at her again._

_"Annalise," the woman said quietly and then stared at her shoes._

_"Nice to meet you, Annalise. My name is Sana," Sana said and hesitated for a second before asking: "Who were you talking about before, Annalise?"_

_"My daughter," Annalise breathed, almost inaudibly, sounding like she was on the verge of tears all of a sudden. "She puts up with a lot, you see. I can't do anything properly. She's more my mother than I am hers, and I'm so ashamed … " She sighed deeply and peered at the bottle she was still clutching in her right hand. "And to forget how ashamed I am, I …"_

_The desperately sad look on her made tears well up in Sana’s throat, and she swallowed hard to get rid of them. "I' don’t think she hates you, though, Annalise. She's your daughter. I'm sure she loves you."_

_Sana knew she probably sounded pathetic, and Annalise confirmed her suspicions by chuckling mirthlessly. "She stopped loving me a long time ago, believe me."_

_"I don't know your daughter, but if she takes care of you like you said, I'm sure she doesn't hate you all the time," Sana contradicted firmly, and at that, Annalise gave Sana a weak smile._

_"Maybe not all the time," she conceded, and then she pointed to a red brick house on the right side of the street. "There is our house."_

_For a moment, Sana considered letting Annalise go inside on her own, but when Annalise dropped her keys the second she dug them out of her pocket, Sana automatically picked them up and unlocked the door. Sana then helped Annalise up the stairs, following her mumbled directions and let the two of them into Annalise’s apartment. It looked cosy but very messy, clothes and pieces of paper strewn out all over the floor and furniture._

_Annalise guided Sana to a bedroom, pointing wordlessly to show Sana where to go. Sana carefully sat Annalise down on the bed, took off Annalise’s shoes and jacket and asked her to lay down before covering her with the blanket. Annalise sighed comfortably and immediately closed her eyes._

_An almost happy smile curled Sana’s lips, and she thought it would be a good idea to make sure Annalise could drink something when she woke up. She made her way to the kitchen and searched the cupboards for a clean glass. Filling it up with water, she wondered how the heck she got here. Her mother taught Sana to always help people in need of course, but it still struck Sana as odd that she would meet Annalise today of all days - despite Annalise being so desperately sad and lost, Sana already felt a lot better than she did when she left school._

_Only when she set down the glass of water on Annalise’s bedside table did Sana realise what had made her feel better. It was the small smile on Annalise’s lips. However badly Annalise was feeling, somehow Sana had managed to put a smile on her face, and although that wasn’t much, it still raised Sana’s spirits significantly._

_On her way out, Sana found a stack of post-it notes on the dining room table and a pen next to it, so she decided to write a quick note._

_For a second, Sana considered signing with her name, but then decided against it. With Sana’s luck, Annalise’s daughter went to Nissen and would call Sana out for this. After what Sara pulled the weekend before, Sana had become very careful._

_So Sana checked on Annalise one last time - she was breathing deeply, the ghost of a smile still on her lips - and then slipped out of the apartment, hoping Annalise’s daughter wouldn’t be angry with the stranger who just walked into their apartment without official permission._

_Just after closing the door of the apartment, Sana noticed one of her shoelaces was undone. She crouched down to tie it and when she straightened up again, her gaze fell onto the name tag on the doorbell._

  1. Lien
  2. Lien-Hellerud



_A shocked gasp escaped Sana’s throat and she all but ran out of the building, terrified of running into Vilde. Luckily, Sana made it out of the house and around the corner without meeting a soul. But still, her heart didn’t stop beating frantically all the way home._

Sana shakes her head as if to wake herself up from a trance. Meeting Vilde’s mother that way was certainly very unusual and despite the fact that Sana feels horrible for Annalise and Vilde, she is glad she met Vilde’s mother. Ever since, Sana has begun to think differently of Vilde, and many things Vilde has said and done in the past are starting to make sense to Sana. Why Vilde never invited the girls to her home, why she always seemed to feel terribly guilty when she got drunk … 

Of course Sana has considered telling Vilde it was her who brought Annalise home. But whenever Sana tries to work up the courage to do it, she feels like a hypocrite. She’s afraid Vilde would think Sana only helped Annalise to suck up to Vilde, and to guilt Vilde into forgiving Sana. So Sana has kept quiet and tries not to look at Vilde for too long whenever she spots her, although Sana wishes she could just hug Vilde and tell her everything is going to be okay.

Sana is still lost in thought when she reaches her locker, so she doesn’t notice someone’s standing next to it until she bumps into them. 

Looking up, Sana is faced with Noora’s wide-eyed face. She looks scared and determined at the same time, and before Sana can so much as try to run away, Noora pulls her into a hug.

“Please don’t run away again,” Noora murmurs into Sana’s ear, and almost in spite of herself, Sana returns the hug. Noora pats Sana’s back awkwardly before she moves back and stares right into Sana’s eyes. “I have tried to reach out to Vilde, but she won’t talk to me, just so you know.”

Noora sighs deeply and when her eyes meet Sana’s, the warmth in them almost makes Sana cry.

“I’m so sorry, Noora,” Sana chokes out, but Noora just shakes her head.

“We’ve had that conversation, Sana, remember?”

Now Sana frowns at her. “I know we talked about the email, but I said some mean stuff about you on that recording …”

Noora interrupts Sana by putting a hand on Sana’s shoulder. “I saw you talk to that muslim girl at Sara’s party, remember? Where you told her you sometimes feel like we don’t understand you.”

Sana stares at her. Of course she remembers that, but not in a million years did she expect Noora to remember it, too. Swallowing hard, Sana tries to say something but nothing comes out. Somehow, Noora seems to understand, because she just smiles and goes on.

“I feel bad for never actually asking you about that. We are quite unfair to you sometimes without even noticing probably. Will you …” She hesitates for a moment, eyeing Sana nervously. “Can you just … try to tell us when we’re being idiots?”

For a moment, Sana is tempted to tell Noora everything. She knows it would feel good to unload all her insecurities and annoyances and to have Noora listen to her. But Sana is too afraid she’ll just burst into tears in the middle of school. Until a few minutes ago, she thought she’d lost her friends forever. If she starts talking about everything that has made her cry in the past few weeks, she’ll undoubtedly bawl her eyes out.

So Sana takes a deep breath and smiles gently at Noora. “I will tell you, just … not at school. Thanks so much though. For… not hating me.”

Noora makes a disapproving face and pulls Sana into a one-armed hug. “I could never hate you, Sana Bakkoush.”

And so Sana walks down the hallway arm in arm with Noora for the first time in what feels like ages. There is still a lot left to clean up, but at least Sana’s heart is now considerably lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	69. Episode 6, Tuesday 23rd May, 13:21: For goodness’ s sake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	70. Episode 6, Tuesday 23th May, 16:37: She’s so cute

Sana is just about to get up and get a glass of water from the kitchen when she hears a familiar mix of voices coming from the living room. With a groan, she falls back into the cushions. She can’t go out there, not when the boys - particularly Yousef - are lounging about on the couches. Although Sana knows she’s being a coward, she can’t face him. She still feels ambiguous about their talk a week and a half ago, plus she saw his name on Noora’s phone when Noora tried to stop Sana from running away from her last Friday.

At that moment, it surprised Sana how little the realisation that Noora was actually talking to Sana’s crush had hurt. In her mind, Sana had already resigned herself to the fact that she was just not good enough for Yousef.

Of course, Sana can’t resist perking up her ears to try and catch pieces of the boys’ conversation.

“Should we shoot another video?” Sana hears Adam ask. She’s pretty sure the one groaning in reply is Yousef - Sana has noticed he didn’t seem to be too happy in front of the camera that one time she watched one of the boys’ videos.

“We can do it later, I’m hungry,” Elias pipes up then and Sana grins to herself. _You could eat all the time, brother._

Mikael mumbles something Sana can’t hear properly but it makes the others laugh.

"So are we going to that party on Friday?" Mutta interjects and that makes Sana listen harder. Ever since Vilde invited Sana’s brother to that damn party at Sara's, Sana has decided to keep tabs on where her brother and his friends are going on weekends. Never again does Sana want to watch Yousef hit on Noora- or any of the others, for that matter.

Sana is pretty sure that Yousef is the one who answers Mutta, but again, she can't hear what he says. Both him and Mikael have much softer voices than the other three, a fact Sana usually appreciates …Just not now.

The next sentence from Adam however makes Sana wish his voice was half as loud as it is. "You just want to see Noora again, Yousef," he laughs and the others join in as Sana’s blood freezes in her veins. Still, she presses her ear to the wall separating her room from the living room, trying to hear Yousef's reply.

She catches something that sounds like 'Shut up, Adam,' from Elias, but she’s not sure. Still, it's enough proof. And while Sana fights back tears, she can't help but internally laugh at herself. It serves her right for going behind Noora's back with that damned email. No wonder it backfired and Yousef and Noora are falling for each other anyway.

But still, it fucking hurts.

And as if he heard Sana and wanted to prove her own point to her, Yousef suddenly speaks loud and clear and with an adorable little giggle: "She's so cute, I can't even …"

Sana hears Elias chuckle and mutter something under his breath, destroying her last hope that at least her brother would disapprove of Yousef dating Noora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	71. Episode 6, Wednesday 24th April, 14:26: A fake bitch

As usual in her free period between school and basketball practice, Sana is studying in the library. The damn biology mock exam is not far away and Sana still has a lot to learn. She’s sitting at one of the tables in the back, her biology book and papers spread out in front of her next to her laptop. She’s already managed to complete two practice tasks, when someone clears their throat next to her, making her jump.

"Halla," says Isak, a shy smile on his face.

"Hey," Sana greets back with a short nod.

Isak points to the chair opposite Sana. "Can I join you?"

"Uh, only if you're actually going to help me study." Sana raises both eyebrows at him, but Isak only laughs and sits down.

"Yes, boss." He digs his own biology books out of his backpack, together with a notebook. Right before he opens it, Sana notices a graffiti-like drawing of the words 'Mannen i mitt liv' on the cover. Isak sees her staring at it and chuckles, blushing slightly.

"Even?" Sana asks simply and Isak nods, a proud smile spreading on his face.

"He draws on everything, it's like he's unstoppable." As much as Isak tries to sound annoyed, he fails spectacularly. His voice is full of wonder and fondness, and Sana can't help but smile contently at him.

"Well, at least he's good at it," Sana says, which makes Isak giggle again.

"Yes, he is," he murmurs and then turns a few pages in his notebook until he finds an empty one. "What are you working on?"

"Cellular biology, I'm trying to get the Mendel laws into my head," Sana groans and points to the open page of her book.

Isak nods slowly. "I think I got that down, do you want to go over it together?"

It takes a while, but Isak explains the Mendel laws to Sana in a way that finally makes sense. And when she manages to repeat them to him without looking at the book, Isak applauds slowly, an almost proud smirk on his face.

"You got it, Sanasol!"

"Shut up, Isabell," Sana retorts, however not without smirking back at him.

Both Sana and Isak then pack up their books and notes, and when he's done, Isak watches Sana carefully for a long moment before he clears his throat again.

"Why are Vilde and Eva not hanging out with you guys anymore?"

The question hits Sana unexpectedly. She wouldn't have expected Isak to notice such a thing. Blinking a few times, she pretends to be struggling with the cable of her laptop, to avoid looking at him.

"Uh, why do you mean?"

"It's just … I noticed that two weeks ago, Vilde started hanging out with Sara and her goons, and now neither she or Eva have been sitting with you guys at lunch for over a week,” Isak elaborates calmly.

Sana looks up at him to see him shrug with an almost apologetic grin on his face. "I just … You do know Sara's a fake bitch, right?"

That makes Sana frown at him, but she doesn’t miss a beat. "Yeah. How do _you_ know?"

Isak clears his throat again and flings his backpack onto his shoulder just as Sana does the same. "I don't know if you remember, but she and I were sort of dating once."

Sana blinks in confusion a few times, but then it dawns on her. In the second part of their first year, Sara had been glued to Isak’s side whenever Sana saw her, and Sana remembers thinking it was strange. She didn’t know much about Sara or Isak back then, but their relationship looked fake and forced, even from afar. So Sana nods slowly and then clears her throat. "Ah, yes. I almost forgot."

As Isak and Sana walk out of the library and onto the courtyard, Isak goes on. "Well, as you can imagine, our relationship wasn't very … sexual. So she mainly used me as an online therapist."

Now Sana is really frowning. "What the heck does that mean?"

Isak laughs shortly. "Well, Sara mostly just complained to me about everyone she hates via messenger. And Vilde … well, there was hardly a day when Sara didn't have anything nasty to say about her."

Sana’s heart starts beating a little faster and she stares blankly at Isak, silently urging him to go on.

"And I think the only reason she didn't bitch about Eva to me was because she knew Eva and I are friends," Isak finishes and smiles awkwardly.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sana asks him, trying to look as uninterested as possible.

"Because Sara is a mean person and I don't like the idea of her destroying your friendships. So if you ever need … any kind of help…"

He trails off, and for a moment, Sana almost considers taking him up on that offer. She’s pretty sure that if Isak showed the girls old messages between himself and Sara, it would convince Vilde that Sara was never her friend …. And maybe it would even help Eva see that Sara was perfectly capable of framing Sana for a nasty attack on her. But Sana decides that asking Isak for help would be too risky.

"Uh, thanks, I guess," she finally says and gives Isak an awkward smile. "I'll .. keep that in mind."

Isak smiles back brightly and pats Sana’s shoulder. "Good. See you around, Sana."

"See you. Say hello to Even," Sana calls after him as Isak turns right at the main gate, waving with a nod.

"Will do," he calls and then walks away.

For a few moments, Sana watches him leave, wondering how the heck her biology partner changed from a pain in the ass to a real friend in such a short time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	72. Episode 6, Wednesday 24th April, 17:51: Something nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	73. Episode 6, Thursday 25th May, 16:34: World full of idiots

Sana is supposed to be studying for the mock exam, but instead, she’s sitting on her bed in front of her laptop, staring at a facebook post that is about to make her blood boil over. She opened the browser to research an article but her facebook was still open, and that damn post is at the top of Sana's timeline.

It was made by some wanna-be model-slash-socialite from Oslo who likes making provocative posts every once in a while. This is one such post, and the reason it’s on Sana’s timeline is that Sara tagged Vilde in a comment.

By now, Sana should be used to this kind of thing. The disdainful looks from people when she walks down the street, the hurtful comments they sometimes throw her way, that’s almost peanuts by now. But whenever Sana sees a post like this on social media, her blood still starts boiling immediately. It’s the unabashed hatred and twisted perception of her religion seeping from this one that really gets to Sana.

Why is it against Norwegian culture to wear a hijab? Norwegian values should be equality and peace for all who live here, and that’s something Sana loves about her country. Just because she chooses to cover her hair, that doesn’t mean Sana doesn’t wholeheartedly cherish those values, on the contrary.

Of course Sana knows that Vilde didn’t share that post, she was merely tagged in a comment by Sara. But still, Sana can’t help but think Vilde must at least partly agree with it. It hurts that Vilde doesn’t defend Sana, especially after what happened last week. Sure, Vilde doesn’t know who it was that helped her mother, but it doesn’t change the fact that Sana has stood up for Vilde time and time again, yet Vilde has never returned the favour. And that thought makes Sana’s already white hot anger explode.

She moves the cursor into the comment bar and starts typing.

Suddenly, Sana removes her fingers from the keyboard as if it was searing hot and closes the browser window. Closing her eyes, she takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. It doesn’t help, so Sana gets up from her bed and starts pacing on her carpet, still breathing heavily.

 _Why is the world full of idiots?_ Letting out a frustrated groan, Sana decides that an angry facebook comment isn’t going to do her any favours. She needs help. Preferably from someone who knows Sara and isn’t particularly fond of her …

Sana stops pacing and looks around to find her phone. Picking it up from her desk, Sana opens the messenger app and starts typing.

A few minutes later, Sana’s anger has subsided a bit. It’s still there, but now she has a plan to get back at Sara. Still, Sana can’t resist opening her facebook again to see if someone else left a comment on the post.

However, she can’t find the post anymore, which must mean Vilde untagged herself from the comment Sara made. Sana isn’t sure how to feel about that, but she still breathes a sigh of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	74. Episode 6, Friday 26th May, 16:17: How are things?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear Lulu @thelordvoldemort on Tumblr helped me out with the way Even talks about himself in this chapter, mostly to make sure nothing is over the top or exaggerated THANK YOU so so much!

As she rings the doorbell, Sana suddenly feels nervous. But that feeling is gone the second the door opens and both Isak and Even stand there with broad smiles on their faces.

“Hi Sana,” they say almost in unison, making Sana grin.

“Hey,” she greets back and the boys step aside to let her in. They’re both wearing white T-shirts and black jeans, and while Even’s hair is carefully styled, Isak’s curls are pointing in all directions, making him look as if he just got out of bed. “Welcome to our mess of a home,” says Isak with a chuckle, and Even sucks in a breath.

“Isak, we just cleaned!”

Sana walks through the tiny hallway into the main room, which is apparently their bedroom, dining room and living room at the same time. A double bed stands on the right side of the room- the sheets are neatly folded, Sana notices with a grin - next to two big turquoise dressers. The second one almost conceals a doorway Sana assumes leads to the bathroom. Right opposite the door, a big flat screen television is standing on a small shelf screwed to the wall. Walking to the centre of the room, Sana notices a square table to her left, just big enough for four people to sit at, with two chairs on either side of it. At the wall behind the door stands a big wardrobe with a mirror on one of the doors.

The apartment looks cramped but cosy, and Sana can’t help but smile a little at the two boys, who are standing in the doorway, leaning against each other and looking expectantly at their guest. _They look like a married couple already for goodness’ sake._

“It’s cosy here,” Sana passes her judgment, and both Isak and Even let out a faked sigh of relief.

“You don’t hate it?” Isak asks and both he and Even laugh. Sana shakes her head and chuckles shortly.

“No, why?”

Even points to Isak and walks over to pull out one of the chairs for Sana. “He told me we could clean up as much as we want and you would still think we’re living in a untidy hole.”

Sana sits down with a grateful nod at Even and watches Isak with a frown as he picks up his laptop from the table and drops it on the bed before taking a seat across from her. “Why would you say that?” Sana asks, and looking back at Even, who has followed Isak and cups his boyfriend’s neck with one hand, she adds: “And who says he isn’t right?”

Both boys burst out laughing at that, and Sana joins in after a moment. Minutes ago, she was tense and angry about everything going wrong in her life, but somehow, all the tension leaves her body together with the first real huff of laughter she’s let out in days.

“Alright, geniuses, I will let you study,” Even says after a moment and kisses the top of Isak’s head before raising his eyebrows at Sana in question. “Ramadan starts tomorrow, right? So you can still eat something?I tried out a cookie recipe my friend from work gave me and it’s really good.” He winks at Sana and she catches Isak staring at his boyfriend with a mix of adoration and amusement.

“Together with a glass of milk they would be the perfect study snack, if I get them right, that is. And for dinner, I am making chicken tagine - halal of course.” He winks at Sana again, and Sana feels herself getting hungry already. She knows that it was her mother who taught Even how to make tagine, and as far as Sana remembers, he was a good student.

“Sounds great,” she tells him and Even grins happily but then holds up a finger.

“Do you have to go home before Taraweeh prayers begin or can you stay for dinner?” he asks, and Sana feels the sudden urge to get up and hug him. She shouldn’t be surprised that Even knows everything about Ramadan. He was close friends with Elias and his boys for a long time, after all. But it still warms Sana’s heart that Even is being so considerate. Looking up at him, Sana nods slowly, still slightly stunned.

“Uh, I told Mamma I was having dinner with a friend, so...” Sana makes sure Even is looking into her eyes as she says that, letting him know she didn’t tell her mother who exactly she was having dinner with. Even beams and leans down to kiss Isak’s cheek before dashing out of the room.

“I’ll be done with dinner in an hour, have fun with biology,” he calls on his way to the kitchen, and Isak stares after him with a low chuckle.

The next hour flies by in an instant. Isak was quick to accept Sana’s offer to study together yesterday and she soon realises why: He may be a pro at genetics, but single-celled organisms are not his area of expertise. Sana spends most of the time hammering the difference between Eukaryotes and Prokaryotes into his head.

Just when Isak finally gets it and manages to list the characteristics of both types correctly, Even’s head appears in the doorway. He has two chocolate stains on his right cheek and is beaming like the sun itself. “Are you guys hungry?”

Isak nods enthusiastically and Sana notices the smell of freshly baked cookies coming from the kitchen. “Yes,” Isak calls, pumping his fist into the air, just as Sana flashes a grateful smile at Even.

Even blows a kiss at Isak and disappears into the kitchen again. A moment later, he comes back with a plate of round chocolate chip cookies in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. He sets both down on the table right as Sana closes her biology book and puts it into her backpack.

“Wow, thank you,” Sana exclaims and Even bows his head in reply.

“I will be right back,” he announces and saunters out of the room. Isak doesn’t wait for Even to return but snatches a cookie off the plate and stuffs it into his mouth. He then grabs his laptop and gets up to drop it onto the bed.

“Manners, Isabell,” Sana mutters under her breath with a fake-shocked expression.

“What’s that?” asks Even, coming back with two more glasses of milk in his hands.

“Mwothing,” Isak mumbles with his mouth full, making Sana and Even laugh.

Even sets the glasses onto the table and sits down next to Isak. “Are they any good?” he asks Isak, raising his eyebrows at him.

Isak nods and gives Even a thumbs-up while still chewing, and Even turns to Sana just as she reaches for a cookie as well. She takes a bite and instantly knows why Even was the only one of the boys her mother ever tolerated in her kitchen: he really knows what he’s doing. “They’re perfect,” Sana says after swallowing and picks up her glass to take a swig of milk.

Even smiles brightly and leans forward to grab a cookie himself, inspecting it from all sides before taking a bite. Chewing slowly, he frowns and after a while, nods with a satisfied smile. “Good recipe,” he remarks, making Isak chuckle.

“Good cook,” he says, and Even leans over to kiss him.

Even then picks up a cookie from the plate and downs half his glass of milk in one go before getting to his feet again . "I'm sure you have some work left to do? I'll go finish on dinner while you wrap it up ok?"

Isak scrunches up his nose and gives Sana a hesitant look. "We could go over the entire chapter again, to make sure we didn't forget anything?"

"Sure," Sana nods and puts the rest of her cookie into her mouth before digging the biology book out of her backpack again.

With the help of the cookies, Isak and Sana go over the chapter on cell biology and single celled organisms in what feels like a matter of minutes, and when they're done, Isak claps his books shut with a satisfied sigh.

"I think I got the gist of it," he says and Sana grins at him with raised eyebrows.

"I sure hope so," she murmurs, making Isak scoff.

"You want to keep going? Because I think Even's done with the food and it already smells amazing."

Sana notices he’s right, but before she can reply, Even walks back into the room and joins them at the table.

"Only a few more minutes. Are you guys done?" he asks as his hands caress Isak’s shoulders.

Both Sana and Isak nod as Even reaches for the cookie plate. "I can't wait for the chicken," says Isak, raising both eyebrows at Even.

"I hope it will be good," Even replies, giving Sana a hesitant look. "It's been a while since I made it."

"I'm sure it will be great," Sana reassures him with a kind smile.

For a moment, the three of them sit in silence, but it’s not awkward. Somehow, Isak and Even make Sana feel at ease without even trying.

“So, Sana, do tell us,” Even says after finishing his cookie. “How are things?”

He turns his upper body towards her, giving Sana his full attention, the look in his eyes warm and full of kindness. With a sideway glance at Isak, Sana notices he has the same expression filled with kind concern on his face. And that’s probably the reason why Sana blurts out “Everything’s a mess,” without thinking, instantly clapping a hand to her mouth.

Isak and Even just keep looking at Sana expectantly, but they don’t make her feel judged or scrutinised.

“Do you want to tell us?” Isak asks carefully, reaching out to push the plate of cookies a little closer to Sana.

“Yes,” Sana admits, surprising herself. And before she can change her mind, she takes another sip of milk and then starts talking. She tells them about the party at Unnar’s house a month ago where Noora met Yousef and that she’s pretty sure the two of them are together now. When Sana sees the frown on Isak’s face, she quickly explains that she’s sort of into Yousef who is a friend of her brother’s, and Even almost spits into his glass of milk.

Sana ignores that, though and goes on to tell them about the email she sent to William and how she hoped it would just bring Noora and him back together, but then Noora broke up with him and lashed out at Vilde after Sana told Noora what she did and Vilde started hanging with the Pepsi Max Gang. And then she tells them about the mess at Penetrator Chris’s party two weeks ago and that she did say those awful things Laila had recorded but that they were taken out of context and that Sana doesn’t hate her friends, she just wishes they tried to understand her better because Sana really doesn’t care what they do as long as she doesn’t have to feel like she’s an alien all the time….

“Wowowow, slow down, Sana,” Even stops Sana’s rant, hesitantly touching her arm with a gentle smile on his face. He looks a little scared, and it suddenly hits Sana that she just spoke about one of his old friends without thinking about what that would make him feel.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to …” she begins, but Even shakes his head, squeezing Sana’s arm.

“It’s okay, Isak knows, remember?” He smiles gently, letting go of Sana and reaching for Isak’s hand. Sana takes a deep breath and nods slowly.

“So, you like Yousef?” Even asks, and Sana purses her lips before looking up at him and Isak.

“Kind of,” she admits, suddenly feeling her heartbeat in her ears. She hasn’t actually said that out loud yet, and acknowledging the fact makes it mind-numbingly real and scary.

“That’s cool,” says Even with a smile and then Isak clears his throat, leaning forward to look into Sana’s eyes.

“I always knew Sara was a bitch, but that’s low, even for her.”

Sana doesn’t know what she expected, but Isak wholeheartedly believing her without a trace of doubt in his eyes is almost too good to be true. Blinking a few times, she swallows around a lump in her throat before trying to grin at him.

“Somehow, I must have really pissed her off. I have no idea how though.”

Isak shakes his head and exchanges a concerned look with Even before he goes on. “That doesn’t matter. Destroying your friendships like that isn’t okay, no matter what it is you’re supposed to have done to her.”

Even nods earnestly, his hand running up Sana’s arm to squeeze her shoulder. “You don’t deserve to be treated that way, Sana. Ever.”

Sana looks up at him with gratitude in her heart and then turns back to Isak, who seems to read Sana’s mind, because before she can ask what he thinks of her sending that email to William, he asks:

“Why did you hack Noora’s email account though? I thought you said you can’t stand it when someone fucks over their friends?”

The question stings, but Sana knows he’s right. “I … I just wanted Noora …”

“... to back off,” Even finishes the sentence for Sana, and Sana is surprised to see an exasperated grimace on his face when she looks at him.

Even sighs and turns to Isak. “Do you have _any_ idea what I would have done to get that damn girl _Emma_ to leave you alone last year?” He rolls his eyes at the name, and Isak blushes bright red. “I didn’t have access to your email, but if I'd had it, I can’t say that I wouldn’t have sent her one in your name saying that you think she’s ugly or something,” Even goes on, making Isak giggle.

Sana looks from one to the other, the knots in her stomach dissolving into a warm puddle when she realises that Even is actually defending her actions, or at least showing genuine understanding for what she did.

“You really were desperate,” Isak murmurs and Even sighs dramatically before letting himself be pulled in for a kiss. Isak wipes the chocolate stain off Even’s cheek with his thumb and kisses him again, humming contently.

“You have no idea,” Even breathes against Isak’s lips. He kisses him again and then leans back in his chair. “I’m not saying it was okay to send that email, but I _definitely_ understand why you did it.”

Isak nods slowly and his expression becomes serious again. “But back to the thing with Sara,” he says, and Sana sits up a little straighter, watching him nervously. “The girls don’t actually believe you made those hate accounts, or do they?”

Sana shrugs and then thinks for a moment. “I think at least Vilde and Eva do,” she says after a while, making Isak frown. “I mean, Sara showed them a recording of me telling Jamilla nasty things about them. That really happened, I just … didn’t _only_ say nasty shit, I was just … angry and ...sad, I guess.”

Picking up her glass of milk, Sana half hides her face behind it before adding: “It was supposed to be a private conversation. And Jamilla made me promise I would talk to my friends without being a bitch about what annoys me. The girls were never supposed to hear that shit, not that way at least.”

Both boys nod understandingly, and then Even gets to his feet, stacking the cookie plate and the three empty milk glasses together. “I'll go get some water,” he announces and then walks out of the room.

Isak watches Sana carefully for a minute and then clears his throat. "So I guess your friend Jamilla knows you have a tendency to be a bit ... too direct?"

Sana stares at him. "Excuse me?"

Isak sighs and bites his lower lip before he goes on. “Sana, I don’t want to be rude but … have you ever considered that maybe, you’re a little too harsh with people sometimes?”

Sana narrows her eyes at him, suddenly feeling defensive. “Why do you mean?”

Isak purses his lips and then continues. “When someone does or asks you something you don’t like, you can be quite rough, Sana. Remember our conversation last year, when I asked you why you are religious?”

Sana sucks in a harsh breath but Isak puts up a hand to stop her before she can say that he was being an ass that day.

“I was being an asshole, I know,” he says, and the two of them exchange a smirk. “But still, while your answer about religion was fair and correct, your tone and the look in your eyes made me want to die.”

Sana considers that for a moment. By now she knows why Isak asked that question in such a provocative way. It doesn’t make it any less of an asshole move on his part, but it does explain it, and Sana has forgiven him a long time ago.

However, it doesn’t change the fact that most people who ask questions like that are doing it just to provoke Sana. In her experience, a lot of Norwegians have racist prejudice against muslims and it shows in the way they behave and talk towards Sana and her family.

So Sana clears her throat and sits up straighter just as Even walks back into the room with a jug of water and three new glasses. He smiles silently and sits down again, waiting for Sana to continue.

“Not everyone is as understanding as you two, you know,” she begins, as Even fills their glasses with water. “Just last week, I was on my way home with Elias when someone actually spit at his feet, calling him an ‘oppressive bastard.’ Elias, who has warned me not to wear the hijab many times because he’s afraid I’ll get hate! And every time someone asks about my religion, they want to know who is forcing me to wear the hijab and when I will be getting married to my cousin. No one ever asks genuine, smart questions about my religion, they only ever want to patronise me or ‘save’ me. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to go out every day having to prove to an entire nation that you aren’t oppressed?”

Sana tries to reach for her glass and notices her hand is shaking. She stares at it for a long moment, realising she has shouted the last few sentences. But just when she’s about to apologise, Sana feels a hand on her shoulder.

She looks up and her eyes meet Even’s. He smiles softly and holds Sana’s gaze for a long moment. “You're right. We have no idea what you go through every day, Sana.”

His voice is calm and gentle, and Sana lets out a shaky breath of relief, smiling gratefully. She then hears Isak clearing his throat and turns to face him.

“I agree with Even, we have no idea about your daily life, and I’m sure there are a lot of idiots out there.” He hesitates for a moment and looks Sana in the eye before he goes on. “But my point stands. There are always going to be stupid questions from ignorant people. And if you don’t answer them or if you answer them with the same anger they are asked with, you’re not going to change anything.”

He pauses, watching Sana carefully, but she just nods, urging him to go on. Isak and Even have both made Sana feel heard, and for the first time in a long time, she doesn’t feel like she’s fighting windmills while discussing her religion with people who aren’t muslim. So she simply reaches for her glass of water- her hand has stopped shaking now- and listens to Isak.

Isak smiles and clears his throat again. “What I mean is, if you don’t give people proper answers to their stupid questions, they’re going to make up their own answers, and that’s fucking dangerous. Or even worse, they’re going to get their answers from social media or newspapers, where muslims are only ever shown as dangerous, angry people who want to convert or kill everybody. So, even if those people are fucking stupid, they’re going to stay stupid and influence others around them if you don’t put up with their questions and answer them in a way that makes them realise how dumb they are.”

Both Sana and Even stare at Isak for a long moment. Even with a slight frown and Sana with a dumbfounded expression, wondering if those words really just came out of the mouth of Isak Valtersen.

“Who are you, actually?” Sana finally asks, making Isak frown at her. “You almost sounded like my Imam just now,” Sana explains, and Isak leans back in his chair with a grin, emptying his glass in one go.

“Did I now?” He puts the glass back down on the table and his expression becomes serious again. “Look, I’m not saying there are no unteachable idiots in Norway, that would be stupid. But I also think that if you let _every_ angry idiot make _you_ angry, you’re just going to end up miserable.”

Sana watches him thoughtfully, realising that Isak is somewhat speaking from experience. He confirms that when he goes on. “Before I came out, I heard so many people making negative comments about being gay and internalised them, hating myself and the people making those comments at the same time. Myself for not saying anything and others for being ignorant. Only when I did come out did I realise that most people accepted me the way I am, and I just ... stopped caring about what others think.”

“That’s not the same, though,” Sana interjects, and then empties her glass as well before she elaborates. “I know there are still a lot of homophobic morons in Norway, but you don’t have any of them around you in your daily life. Your friends love you for who you are, as you said. Basically, the only battle you fought was the one in your head. I don’t want to say that wasn’t hard.” Sana pauses and makes sure Isak looks into her eyes before she continues. “... but it’s not the same thing. I go out and my mere appearance is seen as a political statement. Just because I wear a hijab, I apparently owe everyone proof that I make my own decisions, and it’s never enough. No matter how many times I explain that I wear the hijab because I want to, and that I pray five times a day because it gives me peace and not to please my father or something, people still assume I'm being oppressed. I’m sick of having to justify my every move just because Norwegians don’t understand that I can be muslim AND think for myself.”

This time, Sana doesn’t raise her voice, and she doesn’t feel angry when she finishes her last sentence. Isak nods slowly, looking impressed. He exchanges a glance with Even, who is watching Isak and Sana with calm interest, and then leans his forearms on the table. “I get what you’re saying and I didn’t mean to be an ass again.”

Sana laughs at that, shaking her head at Isak. “No, you were being honest.” Taking a swig of water, she leans back in her chair and throws a grateful look at both Isak and Even. “Thanks boys, that felt good.”

Isak smiles gently and then looks into Sana’s eyes. "You're welcome. And for what it's worth: you did apologise to me about saying homosexuality was a genetic dead end and therefore wrong. That meant a lot."

Sana smirks at him. "I'm not wrong often but when I am, I need to say it."

"That's why you're such a good friend," Isak says, making Sana blush.

Even then clears his throat then and leans his elbows on his knees, looking at both Sana and Isak with a determined expression. “But what are we going to do about your friends?”

Isak raises his eyebrows at his boyfriend, as if he only just remembered how this conversation started. Sana can’t blame him for losing track, though. “Uh, right. So, do all of them actually believe that you hate them? Noora, too?” Isak asks, frowning at Sana who shakes her head.

“Chris and Noora don’t believe Sara, and Noora even told me she’s not angry with me. But Eva and Vilde …” Sana shrugs and looks down at her hands, suddenly feeling hopeless again.

With a deep sigh, Isak gets up and walks over to the bed to get his laptop. Sitting back down on his chair, he opens the laptop and then looks at Sana across the top of his screen. “Let me see if I can still find my old conversations with Sara,” he says simply, a mischievous grin on his face.

Sana stares at him. “Why?”

But Even grins and nods enthusiastically, getting up and putting his hands on Isak’s shoulders. “I like the way you think, baby.” He then grabs the three empty glasses and the jug and walks out of the room, announcing that the tagine must be done by now.

Isak licks his lips, grinning to himself and then at Sana. “I’m gonna send you screenshots of some of the shit she said about you, Vilde and other people. With that, you should be able to convince the girls that Sara set you up.”

Sana can’t say anything, completely flabbergasted by Isak’s offer. He doesn’t seem to notice, frowning at his computer while presumably scrolling through his messages. “There we go,” Isak says after a while and starts clicking and typing. And seconds later, Sana feels her phone buzzing in her pocket.

Only then does Sana manage to speak again. “Uh, did you just … “

“Yep,” Isak interrupts, pointing his finger at Sana while closing his laptop again. “Just don’t show it to anyone else but the girls, ok? And tell them not to confront Sara about it if they don’t want her to retaliate again. She’s not one to walk away from a fight.”

Nodding slowly, Sana digs her phone out of her pocket and unlocks it. Isak has indeed sent her several screenshots of messages between him and Sara.

Scrolling through the messages, Sana is not sure how she feels. A part of her is appalled that anyone would say such nasty things about other people. But another part of her feels hopeful. Showing Vilde and Eva that Sara is very fond of talking shit behind other people’s backs is Sana’s best shot at convincing them that she had nothing to do with the hate accounts Sara made in their names.

Looking back up, Sana smiles gratefully at Isak and clears her throat. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Isak just shrugs and gets up to put his laptop back onto the bed just as Even walks in with three plates and cutlery in his hands. “I feel a bit guilty for not telling her off back then anyway. And I don’t like it when people fuck with my biology partner, “ Isak says matter-of-factly, and all three of them burst out laughing at that.

Even then murmurs that he will go get the tagine, and Sana helps Isak set the table. A minute later, Even walks back into the room, balancing a tray with an actual tagine pot - wherever did he find that one? - a bowl of what looks like humus and a plate full of pita bread.

“Masha’Allah, Even, are you kidding me?” Sana calls out, staring incredulously at the tray and then at Even.

“I hope you like it,” he says shyly and carefully sets the tray down on the empty chair next to Sana.

Even starts by serving Sana and then Isak, who licks his lips and stares at his boyfriend with unabashed admiration. “Even, this looks amazing,” he murmurs and Even blushes slightly, leaning over to kiss Isak’s cheek.

Of course, the food is fantastic. Even’s cheeks go bright red when both Sana and Isak dig in and instantly burst out in praises. The meat is perfectly tender and Even’s humus is just as good as Sana’s mother’s, if not better. The self-made pita-bread is slightly burnt at the edges, but that doesn’t make it any less tasty.

When all three of them have cleared their plates, Sana feels full to the brim, not just with food. She’s about to say she should probably leave when Even clears his throat and looks at Sana with a mix of curiosity and admiration.

“What is it, Even?” Sana asks, and Even shakes his head lightly before clearing his throat.

“I told you before that Isak knows everything about what happened with the boys,” he begins, and Sana nods slowly. “And you haven’t asked me about it yet,” Even goes on, and Isak’s eyes go just as wide as Sana’s as he looks from her to Even and back.

“I don’t have a right to know,” Sana says with a shrug, and Even’s soft laugh makes her blush.

“Sana, sometimes I think you’re too good for this world.” He bites his lower lip and Sana opens her mouth to say he shouldn’t feel obligated to tell her what happened, but Even holds up a hand to stop her. “I want you to know, Sana, because you're our friend and I trust you.”

Closing her mouth again, Sana clears her throat and nods, suddenly feeling nervous. “Okay,” she says quietly as Even reaches for Isak’s hand.

Isak watches his boyfriend with an expression Sana has only seen a few times, and only ever when he looks at Even. His eyes are full of warm support and love, and once again Sana thanks Allah for bringing those two together.

Clearing his throat, Even shifts on his chair before looking into Sana’s eyes again. “So, I guess you know by now that I’m bipolar?” he begins and when Sana nods, he smiles uneasily. “Well, I kind of only found out about that last year, when everything went to hell … We were in our last year and me and the boys were starting to get stressed out because of the finals. And while Yousef wanted us all to study together, Elias and Adam were all about partying with our Russebus, and in between all that, everything became too much.”

Even’s expression is darker now, but he holds on to Isak’s hand while Isak runs his thumb over Even’s knuckles soothingly. “Anyway, that’s when I had my first ever manic episode. I suggested we go swimming in the Akerselva in the middle of February. When the boys realised I wasn’t kidding, I had already taken off my jacket, hoodie and T-shirt. So when Mikael put his arms around me to stop me from going into the water, I tried to kiss him …”

A shaky breath escapes Even, and Isak moves his chair closer to him, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder. With a deep sigh, Even leans into Isak’s embrace, closing his eyes for a moment while Isak holds him and buries his nose in Even’s hair.

Sana doesn’t know what to say, and since she doubts that Even is finished, she stays quiet, giving the boys some privacy by looking at her own hands. Despite knowing that it can’t be easy for Even to recount these events, Sana is glad she now knows why he just disappeared. She can’t blame him. If anything remotely similar had happened in Sana’s life, she would have switched schools as well. But at the same time, Sana is convinced that there is no way her brother and his friends resent Even. And when Even raises his head to face her again, Sana makes sure that he looks into her eyes.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. It must have been horrible to find out about your mental illness this way.”

Even gives a short laugh, winking at her. He looks relieved and Sana realises that telling her all this must - at some level - feel good to him. “It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park.” Leaning over to put his arm around Isak’s waist, Even smiles softly and hesitates for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Actually, it got so bad that I thought I couldn’t live with it anymore …” Even’s voice sounds casual, but Sana can tell he’s making an effort to not sound weak. He sits up a little straighter and takes Isak’s hand in his. “I tried to take my own life, shortly after posting that horrible stuff on facebook. I just wanted the storm in my head to stop, I wanted to stop feeling anything.”

Taking a deep breath, Even looks up at Isak, who smiles bravely and leans his head on Even’s shoulder. For a moment, Even closes his eyes, sighing contently before looking at Sana again.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad,” he says softly, but Sana shakes her head.

“It’s okay,” she croaks, trying to think of something - anything - to say. The boys had talked about Even attempting to take his life last year, and a small part of Sana had always hoped it was a false rumour. But in her heart, she always knew it was true. Still, hearing it from Even is heartbreaking. The thought that he felt so alone, so hopeless that he saw no other way out makes Sana think she should have done something to help.

“You couldn’t have done anything, Sana,” Even murmurs, as if he’s reading her mind. “I didn’t talk to anyone about ...what was going on, no one could have known what I was up to.”

Getting to her feet, Sana walks around the table and puts her hand on Even’s shoulder, suddenly fighting tears. Even covers Sana’s hand with his own, and both he and Isak look up at her with gentle expressions, as if to comfort her. “I’m still ...I’m so sorry Even. If only we could go back in time and undo everything …”

Even squeezes Sana’s hand and shakes his head, smiling softly. “If it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be where I am now. So I’ve … kind of made my peace with it.”

Sana smiles at the two of them as Isak hums contently and kisses Even’s cheek. “That’s great to hear,” she says and then walks back to her chair while wiping her face.

Even kisses Isak’s chin and then turns to Sana again, his expression a little more serious. “I really want to talk to the boys, I do. I just have to think of what to say to them. And maybe, meeting not all of them at once would be good.”

Nodding slowly, Sana makes a mental note to warn Elias not to try and ambush Even or something. “Is it okay if I tell Elias that?” she asks carefully, and Even nods.

“Yes, that should be fine.”

Sana nods back at him and for a long moment, the three of them sit in silence, until Isak clears his throat and speaks for what seems like the first time in hours. “So, any more secrets to share, anyone?”

The three of them laugh at that, and in spite of the fact that Sana still hasn’t cleared the air with the girls and Yousef, she feels at peace right now. She closes her eyes for a second and silently thanks Allah for Isak and Even, for their hospitality, their kindness and their candid but never hurtful honesty.

By the time Sana leaves Isak and Even’s home, it’s already past nine o'clock and she feels like singing in the streets. Sana never sings, only with her mother in the kitchen when no one else is home, and even that hardly ever happens. But right now, on her way to the mosque, Sana is humming one of her favourite melodies from Karpe Diem to herself, her heart feeling as light as a feather.

She meets her parents outside the mosque at a quarter past nine. Jamilla joins them soon after that, and together with her and Mamma, Sana walks into the mosque to pray Isha.

In between Isha and Taraweeh prayers, Sana and Jamilla sit together on a bench outside the mosque. Sana tells Jamilla that Noora reached out to her, and Jamilla snaps at Sana when she hears that Sana still hasn’t talked to Noora about Yousef.

“She’s obviously not angry at you, Sana. Be the brave woman I know you to be, for crying out loud!” They both laugh at that, and then Jamilla watches Sana with a content smile, studying her face carefully.

“What?” Sana asks after a moment, frowning at her.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you so happy,” Jamilla remarks quietly. “Are you looking forward to fasting that much?”

Grinning broadly at her, Sana hesitates for a moment before she decides she doesn’t want to lie to her. Not here, right outside the house of Allah, and also, you never want to lie to Jamilla again in general.

“I had dinner with two friends of mine. And I told them about everything that happened with the girls and so on.”

Jamilla nods slowly, looking impressed. “Wow, that’s awesome! What did they say?”

Sighing deeply, Sana looks into Jamilla’s eyes and goes on. “Well, Isak definitely agrees with you about the ‘bitching doesn’t count’ thing. And his boyfriend Even …” Sana pauses for a second there, expecting Jamilla to flinch or her eyes to widen. However, Jamilla doesn’t seem fazed but just keeps listening, frowning when Sana doesn’t go on right away.

Clearing her throat, Sana internally scolds herself for thinking Jamilla could ever be a bigot. “Even agrees but they both understand why I am angry. So Isak gave me screenshots from his conversations with Sara where she bad-mouthed Vilde and other people in the past, so I can show the girls what kind of person Sara is.”

Jamilla is still frowning when Sana looks up again. “Wait, screenshots of what conversations? How is Isak connected to this Sara person?” She laughs shortly and puts an arm around Sana. “Damn girl, I am starting to feel like I’m on an episode of a soap opera.”

They both laugh at that, and Sana pulls Jamilla into a hug. “Welcome to my life, Okhati.” Letting go of Jamillah to check her phone, Sana sighs dramatically. “How much time do we have?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	75. Glossary for Episode 7

Suhoor: Meal before dawn during Ramadan

Iftar: Breaking of the fast, after sunset

Ramadan kareem: “Have a blessed Ramadan”

halal: “permissible” or “allowed” in arabic; describes foods muslims can eat,

as well as behaviours that are allowed etc


	76. Episode 7, Saturday 27th May, 12:27: I could eat a whale

The first day of Ramadan is always the hardest. No matter how much Sana stuffs herself at Suhoor, she always feels hungry at least three hours later already.

Sana is trying to distract herself by reading a book for German class, but she’s barely read a chapter when she hears her phone ping. It turns out, Chris has created a new chat group with just her, Noora and Sana, titled “Girls on a mission.” Sana frowns and is about to ask what Chris is up to but Noora is faster:

Sana giggles to herself and shakes her head, but of course, she agrees with Chris. So does Noora, apparently:

Sighing deeply, Sana consider lying to them. She’s done it many times before. The girls know what Ramadan is and that it means Sana is fasting during the day for one month a year. But since Vilde said last year that ‘fasting doesn’t even help you lose weight in the long run’, and that ‘it’s very unhealthy to not even drink water during an entire day’, Sana hasn’t mentioned anything about it again to not get into a fight.

But Sana knows she should really start being more upfront about her religion if she wants a chance at getting close to her friends again. So she takes a deep breath and types a reply.

For a moment, Sana wonders if she should explain what that means. After all, Chris and Noora may have forgotten about Ramadan entirely. But before Sana can begin typing again, both girls respond almost simultaneously.

A broad smile creeps onto Sana’s face. She didn’t expect the girls to be so understanding.

Sana can almost see Chris’ expression before her inner eye. Pursing her lips, she types back another honest answer.

Chris’s reply makes Sana let out a relieved laugh. Who knew that being honest could result in such a sweet exchange? While typing her response, Sana internally scolds herself for not doing this much earlier.

Usually, Sana would feel uneasy about her friends meeting up without her. But Chris openly asked Sana if it’s okay, making it impossible for Sana NOT to trust that Chris will be true to her word. 

Sana drops her phone onto the bed, hardly daring to believe what just happened. If she’d known it would be so easy to be honest with the girls about the parts of her life she usually hides, Sana would have done it much earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	77. Episode 7, Saturday 27th May, 18:34: Ramadan kareem

Sana finally manages to drag herself out of the house. It’s been a sunny day but now the playground is in the shade. And since it’s still more than four hours until Iftar, Sana decides to try and make time pass a little faster by shooting some hoops.

For some reason, Sana feels like wearing something colourful, so she puts on her yellow hijab and a green long-shirt, together with her black sweatpants. Smiling at herself in the mirror, Sana makes a mental note to wear colours more often. They don’t make her look as ridiculous as she sometimes thinks, and since her mood is better than it has been in what feels like ages, Sana feels yellow and green really match her state of mind today.  _ Who knew Noora and Chris can be so understanding. Give them more credit, Sana Bakkoush. _

Once Sana is on the playground, she only does some stretches to warm up before she starts shooting hoops. Since it’s the first day of fasting, she doesn’t want to to run today, to avoid getting too dehydrated. 

Almost every time she throws the ball, it hits the basket, which improves Sana’s mood even further.

But then she hears an all-too familiar voice behind her, one that makes Sana simultaneously want to run away and never move again.

“Halla?”

The greeting is a question, a very hesitant one.  _ Can I dare talk to you? _ Very slowly, Sana turns around to face Yousef, who is standing with his back to the fence, hand in his pockets and an uneasy smile on his lips. He looks more handsome than ever, wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt, but no snapback this time. His dark hair is a beautiful mess, and when his eyes meet Sana’s, she can’t help but return his smile.

“Hey,” she says curtly, clearing her throat. “Where is everyone?”

Only then does Sana look around and notices Elias standing a few steps away from Yousef. Her brother clears his throat as well and fights back a grin. “Uh, I forgot … my phone in my room, I’ll be right back,” he says, and before Sana can shoot him an angry glare, Elias turns around and hurries back to the house.

Yousef shrugs and winks at Sana, blushing bright red. “I guess now’s as good a time as any.”

Sana frowns at him. “For what?”

“Our rematch? Or did you forget?” The mock-offended expression on his face makes Sana laugh.

“How could I?” she tells him and bounces the ball towards him. “So how do you want to do this?”

As Yousef catches the ball, Sana sets her arms akimbo and raises her eyebrows challengingly at him, feeling her heartbeat in her ears. Yousef’s eyes don’t let go of Sana’s, and Sana catches herself thinking that she could stand here forever, just looking at him. He’s taking his time bouncing the ball up and down for a few moments, still looking at Sana with a shy smile every two seconds.

“How about this time, you try to take the ball from me?” he finally suggest, and Sana scoffs loudly. 

“Did you say ‘try’?” 

Yousef giggles and catches the ball in both hands, his voice a little higher than usual when he speaks again. “Yeah, I mean, obviously you’ll be able to, but I just want to see if my practice pays off.”

That makes Sana raise her eyebrows again. “You’ve been practicing?”

Now Yousef lets out a short laugh that sends a chill down Sana’s spine. “Well, you’ve been putting off this rematch for so long, I figured I might as well try to improve my chances.” The look on his face is concentrated now and he bends forward a little, starting to bounce the ball again.

Still holding Sana’s gaze, Yousef smirks and asks: “So are you ready?”

Instead of answering, Sana makes a move, diving sideways and reaching for the ball. However, Yousef switches hands easily, evading Sana’s attack. After two more failed attempts, Sana realises that Yousef didn’t lie: he has definitely been practicing some moves.

It still doesn’t take Sana long to figure out what he can and can’t do. She thoroughly enjoys playing with him, though. He doesn’t make it too easy for Sana and is still a good sport whenever he loses the ball to her and even cheers when she scores afterwards. It doesn’t take Yousef much to make Sana feel appreciated without it seeming like he’s sucking up to her.

“Well, that wasn’t as easy as I expected,” Sana says when Yousef finally puts up both hands in defeat. The ball rolls to the edge of the field, and for once, Sana doesn’t go after it immediately but stays still while Yousef approaches her, his expression a mix of disappointment and delight.

“I take that as a compliment.” Yousef is panting and when she feels his breath on her face, Sana notices he’s standing only a metre away from her.

“It is,” Sana confirms quietly, drowning in his dark brown eyes and feeling her knees turn to butter in a matter of seconds..

Yousef squares his shoulders and then takes a deep breath, apparently trying to think of something to say. However, Sana is almost glad he can’t get out a single word - her brain is completely empty.

_ Ask him _ , a little voice in the back of Sana’s head suddenly yells at her, but she can’t even open her mouth. Both she and Yousef are still breathing heavily, staring at each other as if daring the other to move first.

_ Just ask him if he’s dating Noora. The way he’s looking at you it seems like he isn’t, so just ask him.  _

When their breathing has slowed down to a normal pace, Sana clears her throat and plucks up all her courage. “Yousef, I …”

“Broo, here you are!” Adam’s voice interrupts, making Sana jump a few steps back. Adam walks onto the playground with his arms spread out wide, Mikael, Mutasim and Elias following close behind him. 

Yousef turns around to hug and greet them one by one, but if Sana didn’t know any better, she’d swear his voice is shaking a little.

“Are you ready to go?” Mikael asks Yousef, shooting Sana a questioning look. 

Sana stands up straighter and clears her throat. “Where are you guys headed?”

Elias throws his arms around Mikael and Mutta from behind and flashes Sana a broad grin. “We’re going to the botanical gardens to shoot a video,” he announces and Sana rolls her eyes at him.

“Is anyone even watching your videos?” she asks, trying hard not to look at Yousef. She’s scared the guys will notice that her voice is trembling a bit, so she looks around for her ball and hurries to pick it up.

“I will have you know we have over five hundred subscribers, little sister,” Elias announces, which prompts the boys to cheer and high-five each other.

“Isn’t that nice,” Sana says sarcastically, flashing them all a big fake smile, and Mutta points at her, his eyes suddenly wide.

“I bet we’d get even more if you joined us, Sana.” He sounds serious, and the boys turn to look at each other, seemingly intrigued.

“What, you want to shoot a video of Sana contradicting everything I say?” Elias asks, lightly punching Mutta’s upper arm.

Mikael giggles at that and winks at Sana. “I might enjoy that, actually.”

Yousef flashes Sana a bright grin and she can’t help but smile back before she waves goodbye at the group. “Maybe some other time, I have homework to do, boys.”

The five of them wave back and Sana is about to turn around and walk back to the house when her heart almost stops.

“Sana, wait,” Yousef calls, and Sana hates how fast she turns around at the sound of his voice. He’s standing only a few steps away from her again, hands in his pockets and a shy smile on his lips. “I just wanted to say … Ramadan kareem.”

Sana happily returns his smile, nodding her head in thanks. “Shokran, Yousef, that’s kind of you,” she murmurs, and internally curses voice for sounding so stiff. But she can’t afford to sound affectionate in front of her brother.

Yousef’s smile grows impossibly wide and he waves at Sana again. “See you around,” he says and then turns back to the boys. 

Sana hardly hears them teasing Yousef, since the frantic beats of her heart seem to fill up her entire body. It might be because she hasn’t eaten all day, but she suddenly feels light-headed.

Luckily, Mamma and Pappa aren’t home and Sana hurries to her room, drops her ball on the floor and flops down onto her bed, hugging herself and giggling like crazy. She feels her heart beating a million miles a minute and hopes that what just happened wasn’t a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	78. Episode 7, Sunday, 28th May, 10:13: One of us

Today, Sana already finds it easier not to think about food all the time. After Suhoor, she prayed Fajr together with Mamma, Pappa and Elias, something they haven’t done as a family since last Ramadan. Now Sana is sitting cross-legged on the lawn in the backyard, listening to music on her phone and letting the sun warm her face.

Sana feels peaceful like this. Praying in the morning always has that effect on her, but today it was particularly soothing. Hearing her family murmur the words of the prayer next to her while saying them herself made her feel closer to them than she already feels anyway. It made Sana realise again that Ramadan isn’t just a month of torturing oneself by not eating all day. It’s a time where Sana learns to focus on her family, on being grateful for everything she has. And yes, Sana might have problems with her friends at the moment, but her family is always there for her.

“Alhamdulillah,” she murmurs to herself, smiling happily and just when she’s about to lie down on the grass, Sana feels a hand on her shoulder.

She opens her eyes to find Mikael smiling down at her. He sits down beside her while Sana removes her earbuds and nods at him.

“Hey,” she says, wondering what brings him here.

“Hey Sana,” Mikael says, still smiling, looking a little nervous. “How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you. And you?” Sana studies Mikael’s face as he nods slowly while chewing his lower lip.

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

For a moment, they’re both silent, but then Mikael sighs deeply and clears his throat.

“So… Elias said you talk to Even sometimes?”

_ Oh!  _ Sana smiles hesitantly before she nods her head. “Yes, he goes to Nissen now.”

Mikael nods too, watching Sana carefully. “I know Elias asked you to say hi to him …”

“Yes he did.” Sana doesn’t know what else to say.

“Did he … what did Even say to that?”

For a moment, Sana hesitates. But then she remembers the longing look on Even’s face when she told him the boys miss him. “He was terrified at first. Apparently he thinks you guys are angry with him.”

Mikael stares at her. “Angry? He thinks we’re mad at him? But … WE abandoned HIM.” He looks crushed, shaking his head incredulously. “There’s not a single day since … when I don’t wish I had just … talked to him after …”

Pulling his knees up, Mikael hangs his head, and Sana reaches over to pat his back. “He misses you guys, too. I think it’s only a matter of time before he reaches out.” Sana tries her best to sound comforting, and apparently it works.

Mikael looks up, his expression suddenly hopeful. “Really?” but then his face falls again. “Are you sure he said he misses  _ me _ ? After all, I’m the reason …” He trails off, and although Sana doesn’t like talking about Even without him present, she has to reassure Mikael.

“I know that Even tried to kiss you while he was … not doing well.” Sana holds Mikael’s gaze when she goes on. “And since you didn’t know why, it’s understandable that you reacted the way you did.”

Sighing deeply, Mikael rubs his lower arms, looking uncomfortable. “I pushed him away though. And I never went to see him, to ask how he was … “ He buries his face in his hands and groans desperately. “He must hate me.”

That makes Sana chuckle slightly, and Mikael looks up at her again, a puzzled look on his face. “What?”

“Mikael, you know as well as I do that Even is incapable of hating anyone,” she tells him, smiling confidently. 

Mikael smiles back weakly, but nods after a moment. “I guess you’re right.” He takes another deep breath and looks up at the sky. “I just … I miss him. He’s like a brother to me. It never mattered that he isn’t muslim, and I don’t care about him liking guys, at least not anymore. He’s one of us. Period.”

Sana nods slowly, and when Mikael looks at her again, she sees tears glistening in his eyes. “Can you please tell him that?” he all but whispers, his eyes pleading.

“Of course,” Sana whispers back and squeezes Mikael’s shoulder. 

Mikael chortles out a laugh and wipes his eyes. “Gosh, look at me going all mushy on you. I’m sorry.”

Sana grins at him and shakes her head. “Don’t you worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks,” Mikael says, smiling gratefully. 

For a moment, they sit in silence again, but then Sana suddenly wonders why Mikael is here alone.

“Where are the boys?” she asks, and Mikael turns to her with a cheeky grin.

“You’re not used to seeing me without them, are you?”, he observes, but before Sana can reply to that he goes on. “Adam and Mutta are trying to write a song, Elias is still in bed and I think Yousef is on a date.”

Sana’s insides turn to ice at his last words. “A date?” she asks before she can stop yourself.

“Yeah,” Mikael says slowly and Sana hopes her expression doesn’t show her fear and desperation. “I think he’s meeting Noora, they talked quite a lot via facebook recently.”

Suddenly, Sana feels like throwing up.  _ I should have known _ . Yousef was probably trying to tell her about Noora yesterday when he stared into Sana’s eyes after that stupid basketball rematch. Come to think of it, he was probably working up the courage to ask for Sana’s blessing.

“Uh, I gotta go,” Sana croaks and gets to her feet. Mikael frowns at her, mumbling something that sounds like ‘Did I say something wrong, Sana?’ but Sana hardly hears him. 

She stumbles out of the garden and back into the house, not stopping until she’s in her room. Closing the door behind her, Sana throw herself onto her bed and covers her head with her pillow before she finally allows herself to cry.

But after about a minute, something strange happens. Sana becomes angry. Not at Yousef or Noora, but angry at herself for not ever taking a stand, for always standing back and letting people take from her without protesting. She is Sana Bakkoush, a proud muslim, basketball playing, bad-ass woman who knows what she wants. And right now, that woman wants to know what the fuck is going on.

So Sana wipes those stupid tears off her face, sits up on her bed and looks for her phone. Taking a deep breath, she opens the chat with Noora and starts typing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	79. Episode 7, Sunday 28th May, 14:53: The world doesn’t hate you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	80. Episode 7, Monday 29th May, 17:48: I will be there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION PLEASE! For this chapter, the wonderful Carola Marin has created the clip picture! I am so incredibly honoured to be allowed to use her incredible art for this story!

“Yes, Sana, that’s what I’m talking about!”

Sana’s coach Helena approaches her and holds up her hand to Sana for a high-five. Slapping her palm to Helena’s, Sana grins happily and turns around to her team, who are all applauding her.

During today’s practice, Helena has taught the team some tricks for jump shots. Sana has been taking breaks in between - it’s only the third day of Ramadan after all, and Helena is more than understanding - but when it comes to playing an actual match, Sana can’t just sit at the sidelines.

At the end of every practice, Helena lets the team play a fifteen minute match, and just now, Sana has successfully pulled off a turnaround jump shot, proving once again why she’s an asset to her team.

“You know, when we say you’re the best defense player ever, we’re lying to people,” Tamara says and wraps an arm around Sana’s shoulder, looking proudly at her and then at at the rest of their teammates. “You’re actually our secret weapon.”

Sana is smiling so hard the corners of her mouth start hurting a little. “Stop it,” she murmurs and pats Tamara’s back.

Coach Helena crosses her arms in front of her chest and nods at the team with a satisfied grin. “I agree, Tamara, but you were all great today! Awesome practice, I can’t wait to see what you’ll do to our friends from Drammen in a few weeks.” 

Sana joins the whole team in their enthusiastic hoots and shakes Helena’s hand on her way out. “We have to kill it in Drammen, ladies,” says the team captain, Sigrid, with a determined look on her face as she opens the door to the changing room.

“Word,” Sana agrees and the others nod and cheer in response.

After showering and changing back into her street clothes, Sana hauls her sports bag onto her shoulder, waves goodbye to the girls and walks out of the changing room, feeling tired but happy. She hums to herself as she leaves the gymnasium and heads to the bus stop, where she’s pleasantly surprised to spot a familiar face.

Ayaan, Jamilla’s cousin whom Sana met after Sara’s party is sitting on the bench, and when she sees Sana approach, Ayaan’s face lights up.

“Sana? Is that you?” Ayaan gets up and while she walks over, Sana can’t help but admire Ayaan’s look. She’s wearing wide, red pants and a white shirt underneath a leather jacket, and her shiny black head scarf matches her black sneakers.

“Ayaan, hey!” Sana calls out and wraps Ayaan in a hug. “You look gorgeous! How are you?”

“Awh thanks, you too! I’m good, and you?” Ayaan replies and kisses Sana’s cheek. Sana lets go of Ayaan and they both sit down on the bench.

“Tired, I just had basketball practice,” Sana says with a content sigh, and Ayaan’s eyes widen with interest at that.

“Oh yeah, Jamilla told me you play basketball! That’s awesome, Sana! And you train during Ramadan, too? Impressive.”

Sana winks at her with a cheeky grin. “I am beginning to regret that. But still, I was not bad today.”

Ayaan giggles. “According to Jamilla, ‘not bad’ is quite the understatement for your skills.”

Sana feels herself blush and lets the sports bag slide to the ground next to the bench. “I see your cousin has told you things about me.”

Ayaan nods enthusiastically and touches Sana’s forearm. “Don’t be mad at her, sister. Jamilla was so happy when I told her I met you. I made her promise to let me know when the two of you are talking again, and she did. She called me right after she met you for tea and couldn’t stop gushing.”

Sana laughs joyfully at that and makes a mental note to hug Jamilla extra tightly the next time she sees her. “She is amazing, isn’t she?”

Ayaan nods with wide eyes and then gets to her feet as the bus approaches. Sana follows her into a four seat compartment, asking if Ayaan is going to the city centre as well. To Sana’s delight, Ayaan affirms that, which gives them enough time to talk.

After they have exchanged some tips for not feeling too hungry during the day while fasting, Ayaan tells Sana she found the courage to talk to her friends after Jamilla told her about she and Sana reconnected.

“They were confused at first, but they listened to me and agreed that they weren’t always fair to me.” Ayaan smiles happily. “They even apologised to me and made me promise I would tell them if they hurt me again without wanting too.”

“Alhamdulillah, that’s great Ayaan!” Sana’s heart is suddenly beating a little faster, and it takes her a moment to realise why. 

“I know, right? Have you spoken to your friends as well?” Ayaan asks and Sana shakes her head, making a face.

“It was a little tough with us lately, but … Jamilla has encouraged me to confront them.” Sana takes a deep breath before she adds. “... and tomorrow I’m meeting Noora, and Insha’Allah I will find the courage to be truthful with her.”

“Insha’Allah,” Ayaan says earnestly and reaches for Sana’s hand. “I will think of you.”

When both of them get off the bus at the main station, Ayaan asks when Sana has the next basketball game, because she would like to come watch Sana play.

“Uh, I don’t remember the exact time, but I will let you know,” Sana promises and hugs her again.

“I will be there, “ Ayaan promises and squeezes Sana’s shoulders with a bright smile.

“See you soon then,” Sana says and waves at her. Sana’s smile only grows wider as she watches Jamilla’s cousin walk off across the square.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	81. Episode 7, Tuesday 30th May, 15:19: I knew it!

Waiting for Noora in the courtyard, Sana closes her eyes and says a short prayer.  _ Please give me the right words to talk to Noora so she will understand.  _ It doesn’t do much to stop Sana’s hands from shaking, but at least she can breathe again.

Luckily, Noora appears at the main entrance before Sana’s brain can go into panic mode, and the smile on Noora’s face is somewhat reassuring.

“Hey Sana,” Noora calls brightly and wraps her arms around Sana. 

“Hey.” Sana hugs her back half-heartedly and forces herself to smile back. “So where do you want to go?”

Noora briefly shakes her head and links arms with Sana. “Just tell me what you want to tell me and then we’ll go for coffee at KB, okay?”

That surprises Sana. It’s almost as if Noora has an inkling of what Sana is going to tell her and correctly assumes that Sana wants to get it out as soon as possible. Sana decides to take advantage of that.

“I didn’t write the email because I wanted you to talk to William,” she begins, immediately searching Noora’s face for a reaction. Sane expects Noora to look confused or angry, but instead, Noora grins broadly.

“Uhu, I didn’t think so anyway,” she says calmly and leads Sana out of the school yard and down the street in direction of the city centre. “Why did you send it then?”

Taking a deep breath, Sana stops walking, squeezes her eyes shut and just … says it. “Because I like … I like Yousef and I didn’t want you to start dating him.”

Sana keeps her eyes closed, unable to look at Noora’s most certainly upset face. So she is more than surprised when she hears Noora squeal excitedly. Before Sana knows how to react, Noora’s arms are wrapped around her and Sana feels Noora press a kiss to the back of her head with a happy giggle.

“Oh my God, I knew it!” 

Finally opening her eyes, Sana stares at Noora, who’s holding Sana at an arm’s length now, her hands on Sana’s shoulders and her smile even broader than before.

“What.. what do you ...mean you knew?” Sana stutters after a long moment, completely stunned. That is NOT the way she expected this conversation to go. 

“First of all, you should know: Yousef and I aren’t dating, there is absolutely nothing going on between us,” Noora says, looking firmly into Sana’s eyes. “Do you believe me?”

Sana nods slowly, unable to deny to even the most doubtful parts of herself that Noora is obviously being honest.

“Okay, good,” Noora chirps and links arms with Sana once more. The two of them start walking again as Noora goes on. “Secondly, there are two reasons why Yousef and I have been talking a lot. One of them is that he likes to write and wanted some tips from me. And the other is …  _ you _ .”

For a moment, Sana doubts her hearing. Her head is spinning all of a sudden and she’s very glad Noora’s holding on to her arm. “What?” Sana finally chokes out, closing her hand around Noora’s wrist and staring at her, eyes wide with disbelief.

Noora nods enthusiastically with a gleeful giggle, her eyes sparkling. “Yes! I can’t believe you didn’t notice! Yousef has the biggest and cutest crush on you.”

Sana blinks several times, trying to process what she’s hearing. “Uh, how do you know that?” she manages to get out, making Noora rolls her eyes.

“Because he told me, silly.” Noora looks around and then points across the road to the Kaffebrenneriet. “Come on, I’m buying, you look like you could use a cup of tea.”

Nodding slowly, Sana lets Noora pull her along. She’s still stunned, and her heart is beating as fast as if she had just run a marathon.  _ What is happening? _ Noora sits Sana down in a chair outside the café and grins at her, asking: “So, coffee or tea?”

Sana clears her throat and smiles weakly. “Green tea, please.”

Noora exaggeratedly bows her head with another giggle. “Coming right up,” she trills and then hurries inside.

Taking a deep breath, Sana leans back in her chair and drops her backpack on the floor. Merely minutes ago, she was bracing herself for Noora yelling at her for trying to sabotage Noora’s romance with Yousef by invading her privacy. And now, Sana has just found out that apparently, Noora has been trying to play matchmaker for _ Sana _ and Yousef? Sana shakes her head incredulously, but then she suddenly realises what this actually means.

Yousef was never in love with Noora. On the contrary, he told Noora he has a crush on  _ Sana _ . Her heartbeat speeds up again at the thought and she has to close her eyes for a second. Of course, this doesn’t change the fact that Yousef isn’t muslim and the world of problems that entails, but … at least Sana didn’t imagine everything. The subtle glances, touches and smiles … 

“Here you go!” Noora’s cheerful voice startles Sana, and she has to blink several times until Noora’s face comes into focus. Noora is still smiling brightly as she pushes a paper cup into Sana’s hands and sits down across from her.

“So, don’t you want to ask me some things?” Noora winks at Sana and for the first time in what feels like ages, Sana lets out a genuine laugh. 

“Uh, sure, “ she says then and closes her fingers around the paper cup, leaning forward and smiling at Noora. “What exactly did Yousef say to you? Somehow I find it hard to believe he uttered the words ‘I have a crush on Sana.’”

Noora scrunches up her nose and nods. “You’re right, he wasn’t  _ that _ cheesy.” She puts her paper cup down on the table and digs her phone out of her pocket. “See for yourself.”

Noora unlocks her phone, opens her messenger app and hands it to Sana. Raising both eyebrows, Sana takes it from her, hesitating slightly before tapping on Yousef’s name. Noora leans over and swipes her finger across the screen to move the cursor to the top of the conversation. “There you go,” she says and sits back down with a self-satisfied grin on her face.

Scoffing quietly, Sana looks down at the beginning of Noora’s conversation with Yousef and starts reading.

The conversation about Yousef’s writing apparently continued over several days. Sana skims over Noora encouraging Yousef to keep going and giving him tips, and Yousef replying how grateful he is and that he’s really starting to get the hang of it.

But then Sana gets to the Saturday after the party at Sara’s house, where the boys left early and Noora made the joke about marrying Yousef, and Sana’s breath hitches.

Sana looks up at Noora, who peers onto the phone to see which messages Sana is reading and then makes a face. “Uh, yeah, about that …”

“You don’t know me at all, do you?” Sana calls out, and although the realisation hurts a bit, she can’t bring herself to be mad at Noora. Not when Noora obviously tried her best to help Yousef talk to Sana - although that backfired spectacularly.

“It seems I really don’t …” Noora says, biting her lip. “He later told me that you didn’t respond to his challenge for a rematch after that, so I figured I messed up …But then you told me about the email, I broke up with William and things with Vilde went to shit, so I didn’t talk to Yousef for a while.”

Sana sighs over-dramatically and takes a sip of her tea. “I don’t want to say you messed up … but you kind of did.”

Noora looks at Sana with a knowing smile. “Hey, I’m not the only one. Instead of telling me you have a crush on Yousef, you wrote an email to my crazy ex to get him to come back to me. I never would have gotten a chance to mess this up if you had just told me how you feel.”

Sana can’t argue with that, so she reaches for Noora’s hand and looks into her eyes. “You’re right, I’m sorry! That was really horrible of me.”

But Noora shakes her head vigorously and points to her phone. “Stop, we were both stupid, okay? Now keep reading!”

They both laugh at that and then Sana scrolls further down in Noora and Yousef’s conversation.

Reading that message almost tears a hole in Sana’s heart. If she had known how Yousef feels, she might have tried to talk to him first before just unfriending him…

Noora’s reply however makes Sana smile.

Sana swallows hard after reading that latest reply from Yousef and blinks a few times before looking up at Noora. Noora smiles hesitantly and clears her throat. “Did I mess up again?”

“No,” Sana croaks and shows her the message from Yousef you just read. 

“Oh, yeah, that one almost made me cry,” Noora says, covering Sana’s hand with hers. “He really respects you, much more than I do, huh?”

Sana huffs out a laugh that sounds like a sob and squeezes Noora’s hand. “You’re great, Noora. I never should have thought I can’t talk to you. That was stupid.”

Noora blushes a little and takes a sip of her tea. “Thank you, darling, you’re great too. But now keep reading!”

Giggling again, Sana nods, takes a big gulp of tea and then looks at the next messages.

Sana scrolls a little further down and sees hat Yousef and Noora agreed to meet up several times, and indeed the last time was on Sunday.

She puts the phone down and pushes it back to Noora who picks it up and frowns at Sana. “So, I guess you still have some questions now?”

Nodding slowly, Sana raises her cup to her lips again before clearing her throat. “What did you tell Yousef that was too complicated to discuss via text?”

Noora sighs deeply and thinks for a long moment. “Okay, I’m going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

Sana nods slowly and puts a hand on her heart. “Wallah, I won’t breathe a word to anyone.” Realising she just said something Noora won’t understand, Sana quickly adds: “Oh, that means I swear by God.”

To Sana’s surprise, Noora nods knowingly. “I know. Yousef said he would use that expression if he were muslim when I asked him if he was sure … wait, no he should tell you that himself.” 

Of course Sana wants to ask what the heck that is supposed to mean, but Noora doesn’t give her the chance.

“So, I met Yousef after school on the 11th, to tell him why you and I had gotten into a fight and why I thought you weren’t telling me the whole truth. He was very kind and understanding, so I ended up confiding in him about something I haven’t told anyone so far.”

Noora hesitates again, and Sana takes a gulp of her almost cold tea, waiting for Noora to go on. “I … there is another reason I broke up with William. It wasn’t just because he’s been an asshole to me. I also .. have had feelings for someone else for a long time.”

That makes Sana gasp. “Oh my gosh! Who?”

With a deep breath, Noora squints her eyes shut and then says “It’s a girl,” so fast Sana almost thinks she didn’t hear right.

Noora watches Sana with a mix of curiosity and fear, and it takes Sana a moment to realise Noora’s afraid Sana will judge her. “Oh wow,” Sana says, blinking a few times and then reaches out for Noora’s hand. “What’s her name?” she asks, making sure Noora is looking into her eyes.

Giggling excitedly, Noora squeezes Sana’s and and then shrugs apologetically. “I can’t tell you, she … she’s not ready to … let people know.”

“Oh,” Sana nods quietly, still processing the information that Noora is in love with a girl. It doesn’t bother Sana in the slightest - all love is equal in Allah’s eyes and in hers. But it’s still a shock and combined with finding out that Yousef has a crush on her and that Noora has been trying to play matchmaker, it’s a lot to take in.

“But she likes you back, right? She’s not playing with you?” Sana wonders after a while. 

Noora nods slowly with a grateful look in her eyes. “She does, Sana. Thank you for caring so much.”

Sana smiles brightly at her and finishes her tea in one big gulp. “Then everything will be okay,” she reassures Noora with an encouraging smile.

“I hope you’re right, Sana.” Noora empties her cup as well and then leans on her elbows, a curious expression on her face. “Now, can I ask  _ you _ something?”

_ Uh oh _ . Sana swallows hard and nods slowly. “Yeah, sure.”

“I never believed for one second that you had anything to do with the insta and tinder profile,” Noora begins and Sana breathes a big sigh of relief. A part of her was worried Noora would ask if Sana made the profiles.

“Thank you,” Sana breathes, but Noora just smiles and pats Sana’s arm. 

“You’re not a vengeful person, Sana, I know that. But what you said on that recording … was that real? Or did Sara do something to make it sound like your voice?”

Sana bites her lip and shakes her head. “It was me. But some parts were cut out. I also said I feel ignored by you guys when you talk about boys or when you forget that I have to eat halal and so on, it’s not like I  _ only _ bitched about you.”

Noora reaches for Sana’s hand again and smiles kindly. “That’s what I thought. You were pouring your heart out to someone and Sara’s friend took advantage of that.”

Sana almost bursts into tears with relief, clutching Noora’s hand like a lifeline, her entire body suddenly shaking. “Yes!”

Still smiling, Noora touches Sana’s shoulder with her free hand. “By the way, who was it you were talking to?”

Sana lets out a shaking breath and smiles back weakly. “That was Jamilla, my brother’s fiancee and one of my oldest friends.”

Noora stares at Sana in confusion. “Jamilla from the Hijabi police?”

Sana laughs shortly. “Yes, but there was a huge misunderstanding, if you remember. And I finally reached out to her a few weeks ago. The day Sara’s friend made that recording was the first time I saw her in over a year.”

The smile on Noora’s face grows a little. “I’m so glad you sorted things out with her.” She pauses for a moment and then asks: “What did she say when you told her about your problems with us?”

Blushing slightly, Sana bites her lower lip. “Uh, she has been bugging me to talk to you guys.”

Noora scrunches up her nose, still smiling. “I think I might like her.” They both laugh at that, and then Noora purses her lips. “So, do you still feel that I think you won’t understand my troubles?”

Sana grins at her, but then she remembers that what she said about Eva and Vilde on that recording was more severe than her remarks about Noora. “No. But I have to apologise to Vilde and Eva.”

Noora nods slowly and pats Sana’s lower arm. “Eva will need some more time. She has a lot going on with …” Noora looks down at her knee for a second before she goes on. “... with her mum and stuff, but I know she doesn’t hate you, okay? And Vilde …she will come around once Eva does, I think.”

For a moment Sana considers telling Noora about meeting Vilde’s mother, but she decides against it. Vilde wouldn’t want Sana to expose her like that.

Noora sits up a little straighter and nips on her tea again. Then she suddenly frowns at Sana. “You know what I really don’t get though? Why on earth did Sara want us to believe you hate us?”

Sana shrugs and purses her lips. “I’ve been wondering that ever since that party.”

She then gets her phone out of her pocket, searches for the screenshots Isak sent her and shows them to Noora. “These are from Isak’s conversations with Sara while they were dating.”

Noora stares at the phone and then at Sana. “How did you get those?”

“Isak sent them to me,” Sana says, smiling fondly at the memory of the evening at Isak and Even’s place. “I told him what happened …”

Smiling brightly, Noora nods. “That sounds like Isak.” She then takes the phone from Sana and swipes right a few times, glancing briefly at the messages and shaking her head every time. “Wow, Sara sure  _ is  _ a vengeful person, that’s clear. Why would she say that stuff about Vilde and you? I mean, she hardly knows you, and Vilde was only on her bus for a short time?”

Sana shrugs again as Noora hands her the phone back. “I have no idea.” Hesitating for a moment, Sana then clears her throat and adds: “But that doesn’t really matter, I just … I have to get Eva to listen to me so I can apologise.”

Noora smiles softly and pats Sana’s hand. “I’ll try to talk to her. I think she was just very hurt …” She trails off and bites her lip, making Sana suspect that Noora wanted to say something else but is holding back for some reason.

But Sana decides that both of them have revealed enough for one day.

“Thank you, Noora,” she says and squeezes Noora’s hand, smiling gratefully.

“Of course,” Noora grins and then reaches for her bag, getting to her feet. “I should go home and study. We have a big Spanish test on Friday and I haven’t prepared enough yet.”

Nodding slowly, Sana lets out a long breath and picks up her backpack as well. “Don’t remind me, I have a biology mock exam coming up and it’s killing me.”

Noora puts an arm around Sana and together they start walking in direction of the tram stop at Solli. “I’m sure you’re going to be great at it!”

By the time they reach the tram stop, the two of them are laughing and joking together as if nothing had ever happened. Actually, Sana doesn’t think she’s ever felt this close to Noora. For the first time ever, Noora really listened to Sana and she also opened up about things that bother her. Sana feels acknowledged and trusted by her friend, and that is an amazing feeling.

Noora’s tram arrives shortly after they’ve sat down on the bench, and Noora hugs Sana close. “See you tomorrow, Sana. Tell me how things go with Yousef.”

That makes Sana stare at her, and Noora adds: “You’re going to call him or text him, aren’t you?”

“No, I need to sort out things with Eva and Vilde first. Feels wrong otherwise,” Sana explains quickly, and Noora frowns but still smiles at Sana.

“That’s your decision, I guess. Just don’t leave him hanging for too long.”

Noora giggles and waves at Sana before getting on the tram. Sana waves back and then starts walking: She can’t take the tram right now, feeling the need to clear her head.

The walk home has never felt shorter though, and Sana can’t help but think it has something to do with her heart being as light as a feather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	82. Episode 7, Wednesday 31st May, 15:33: No such thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	83. Episode 7, Wednesday, 31st May, 19:28: I like your thinking

Sana and Jamilla are sitting at the kitchen table in Sana’s family home. Jamilla agreed to come help Sana study for biology, and Sana is very glad about it: Biology was Jamilla’s favourite subject at school,and on top of that she really knows how to explain difficult topics.

After only a bit more than an hour, Sana feels confident that she will rock the mock exam on Tuesday, thanks to Jamilla’s help and encouragement.

“Thank you so much, Okhati, I don’t think I’d have gotten anything into my head today without you,” Sana sighs gratefully with a bright smile at her friend.

Jamilla chuckles quietly. “You’re welcome, any time.” She then clears her throat and throws Sana a curious look. “Are you still worried about Vilde and Eva?”

Sana chews her lower lip for a moment and then looks into Jamilla’s eyes with a deep sigh. “I just .... I have no idea what to say to them.”

Smiling kindly, Jamilla throws her bright green hijab over her shoulder - she combined it with a white blouse under a black blazer and black pants today. “Have you prayed about it?”

Sana nods slowly, staring down at her hands. “I have. So far I haven’t gotten an answer.” When Sana looks back up, Jamilla is watching her with a knowing look.

“Do you doubt Allah sometimes, Sana?” she asks, but it’s not a patronising question. It sounds like Jamilla is asking because she knows how it feels to have doubts in faith.

So Sana only hesitates for a moment before she nods again. “Yes,” she admits with a deep sigh. “I don’t want to, but I can’t help it sometimes.”

Jamilla reaches out to touch Sana’s arm. “I know how you feel, I really do.” She takes a deep breath and waits for Sana to look up at her before she goes on. “Last year, after Ahmed proposed to me, I prayed to Allah because I didn’t know if I should still become a nurse after marrying him or just be a wife and mother.” She chuckles shortly. “Allah didn’t answer me, although I prayed every day, at home and in the mosque, asking for a sign so I would know what I should do.”

Sana puts her hand over Jamilla’s and looks into her eyes, her heart hurting at the thought of the pain Jamilla went through. “I’m so sorry, Okhati. That can’t have been easy.”

Jamilla smiles and laces her fingers together with Sana’s. “But you know, just when I was about to lose hope, I got an answer, however not in prayer.” She smiles happily. “When I finally decided to talk to Ahmed about it and ask him what he thought I should do, he told me something I didn’t expect. He said it was my decision and that no one could make it for me. That Allah could not answer a question I needed to answer for myself.”

Nodding slowly, Sana feels a sudden warmth spread inside her from head to toe. “It’s your life. Allah wanted you to decide for yourself,” she whispers, awestruck.

Jamilla nods as well, her smile full of warmth and happiness. “Yes. And when I finally decided to study to be a nurse, I felt so happy and full of hope and confidence. It felt so right, and I knew I had made the right choice.”

She is still holding Sana’s hand and after thinking for a long moment, Sana finally lets out a long breath. “You’re right,” she admits then. “I will talk to Eva on Friday. That’s her birthday, so maybe she’ll be in a particularly good mood.”

“I like your thinking,” Jamilla says cheerfully and then lets out a deep sigh. “How much longer until Iftar?”

Sana groans quietly and pulls her phone out of her pocket. “It’s exactly 19:47, so that means …” Sana frowns at the ceiling for a few seconds. “Two hours and thirty-six minutes.”

Jamilla covers her face with her hands. “Soon the first week of Ramadan will be over,” she sighs and looks up at Sana again. “I always feel that after the first seven days, it gets easier, because a routine is established, you know?”

Knowing exactly what she means, Sana nods and gets up from her chair. “Yes, I know.” 

Jamilla frowns at Sana, but gets to her feet as well. “Where are you going?”

“Do you want to see something funny?” Sana asks and motions for Jamilla to follow her to her room. “Elias and his friends recorded another video last week, it’s hilarious.”

Stopping dead in her tracks, Jamilla frowns at Sana. “I thought you said your brother’s attempts at v-logging were pathetic?”

Sana feels herself blush, but before she can make up her mind whether or not she should tell Jamilla why she started watching those videos, Jamilla sucks in a breath.

“Wait, don’t tell me …” She giggles excitedly. “Are you still crushing on Yousef?”

Groaning frustratedly, Sana grabs Jamilla by the arm and drags her along. “Keep your voice down.” Sana’s hissed warning ends in a giggle as she slams the door of her bedroom shut behind Jamilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	84. Episode 7, Thursday, 1st June, 15:21: He makes you happy

The double Norwegian lesson on Thursday afternoon is always kind of deadly. But since it’s the first week of Ramadan, Sana is on the brink of collapse by the time she reaches her locker. At least she doesn’t have to study for the biology mock exam anymore: thanks to Jamilla, Sana is certain that everything she needs is in her head.

Sana has just closed her locker and turns around to walk out of school when Chris approaches her, grinning hesitantly. “Hey girl, are you heading home?”

“Yeah, finally,” Sana replies with a tired smile.

“Great,” says Chris, biting her lower lip. “Can we talk?”

Sana has to bite back a groan.  _ Please not more drama.  _ But it seems Chris is reading Sana’s mind.

“Don’t worry, this is not about the fight or anything, I just need someone to talk.”

Sana smiles, but then she frowns curiously. “And Vilde, Noora or Eva don’t have time?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask them?” Chris replies, frowning back, and that makes Sana smile. She smiles even wider when Chris adds: “You’re my cynical touchstone, and I think I need that right now.”

So Sana links arms with Chris and starts walking. “I’m gonna take that as a compliment. Do you want to come to my place?”

Chris nods slowly, her eyes wide with surprise. “Uh yeah, if that’s okay?”

“I’m inviting you, so of course,” Sana says with a sarcastic undertone, making Chris grin.

The tram ride to Sana’s place is quiet but not really awkward. Chris tells Sana that she thinks she didn’t mess up the German test last week as badly as expected, and then she asks if Sana is ready for the biology mock exam.

“Yes, I am,” Sana says confidently. “Do you remember Jamilla?”

Chris nods, looking slightly taken aback, which makes Sana laugh out loud. She then spends the rest of the way telling Chris about how she reunited with her childhood friend.

“She sounds awesome! I want to meet her,” Chris says when Sana unlocks the front door of her building and pushes it open.

“Awh, I’m sure you will,” Sana laughs happily, feeling her heart jump in her chest at the thought.

Once they’re in Sana’s room, the two girls flop down onto Sana’s bed. Sana offers Chris a glass of juice, but when she mention that she herself can’t drink until after ten o’clock, Chris flat out refuses. “I’m not torturing you, are you kidding?”

Sana just has to hug her for that. “I love you so much, Chris,” Sana says, feeling her heart soar as Chris hugs her back.

“I love you too,” Chris murmurs at Sana’s shoulder and then kisses Sana’s cheek.

Then Chris clears her throat and moves her head back, folding her hands in her lap. “Okay, so … I have to tell you something. Remember that guy I told you about at the party at Penetrator Chris’s house?”

Sana nods slowly and tries not to think about the rest of that night. “Yeah, the one who’s almost as funny as you?”

Chris chuckles quietly and even blushes bright red. “Yeah, he’s not just … funny though.” She giggles nervously, hiding her face in her hands, and that’s when it occurs to Sana that she’s never seen Chris look so happy before. Not just laughing at funny jokes, but genuinely happy, like her heart is singing.

“He makes you happy,” Sana whispers and it’s not a question. 

Nodding enthusiastically, Chris takes both of Sana’s hands in hers. “He does, Sana, he really does. I become a goddamn cheese ball around him and I even like it.” Chris rolls her eyes but laughs at the same time, and Sana can’t help but laugh with her.

“So where did you meet him?” Sana asks then and Chris’ eyes dart to the side for a moment before she answers. “Uh, right so .. that evening at Evita, when you and I had to leave early...”

Chris makes a face at the same time as Sana, and Sana says darkly: “I’m afraid I remember, yes.”

Chris giggles. “Yeah, well, as usual, I was hungry right before we were supposed to meet, so I went to my favourite kebab place on the way to the café. I was late, and while standing in line, I must have seemed nervous, because the guy in front of me turned around and offered me his spot.”

At that, Chris looks up at Sana, and although Chris still looks nervous, the sparkle in her eyes warms Sana’s heart. 

“He had beautiful dark curls and the smile of the century, so I didn’t know what to say at first, so he asked me what I wanted to get. I somehow managed to say that I loved the Falafel there and wanted to get a box of four, and before I knew it, the guy had ordered and paid for me.”

“Awwwwh” Sana coos before she can stop herself. Sana almost never coos, but Chris’s story and the fact that she shares it so readily with Sana is making her want to sing with joy.

Chris stares at Sana with faked outrage. “Oh my God, I’ve become so sappy I even make you sappy, what the heck?”

Both of them giggle at that, and Sana reaches for Chris’s hand. “Sappy isn’t so bad,” she reassures Chris and then asks: “So what’s his name?”

“See, that’s the reason I wished I had told you sooner,” Chris murmurs, her expression suddenly serious again. “Uh … it’s … his name is Mutta … Mutasim, actually.”

Sana sucks in a breath and stares incredulously at Chris. “Mutasim Tatouti? My brother’s friend? The clown?”

Chris makes a face. “Uhu? Is that … I mean I know I’m kind of a hypocrite since I promised I’d help you stop Vilde from fixing Noora up with one of your brother’s friends …”

But Sana holds up both hands and shakes her head before Chris can continue. “Chris, stop.”

Chris sighs and nods, watching Sana expectantly, so Sana takes a deep breath and goes on. “When I said my brother’s friends are idiots … I was talking as a sister, not as an objective person.” Sana makes sure Chris is looking into her eyes before she continues. “Mutasim is very honest and as annoying as he can be, he’s a good person. So don’t worry, really.”

Chris beams at that and pulls Sana into a hug. “Thank you, this means a lot.”

“I swear, people keep asking me about my brother’s friends at the moment,” Sana murmurs without thinking, and Chris moves her head back, looking confused.

“What do you mean?”

Squeezing her eyes shut for a second, Sana purses her lips and then clears her throat. “Uh, I can’t say … It’s … not my story to tell, but I’m sure you’ll find out eventually. Also, it’s nothing bad, so don’t worry.”

Chris nods understandingly, but Sana can see in her eyes that Chris fears Sana doesn’t trust her. So Sana makes a surprising decision.

“You know what’s funny?” she asks, smiling softly at Chris. “I … like one of my brother’s friends as well.”

Letting out a giggled squeal, Chris reaches for both of Sana’s hands. “Please tell me it’s Yousef!”

Sana stares at her. “How do you know?” she asks, confused but unable to hide a smile.

“Aah, so it is him?” Chris insists, and when Sana nods, Chris pumps her fist in the air.

“Yes, so Mutta was right!”

“Oh no, please don’t tell me the boys  _ all  _ know about … this mess?” Sana covers her face with both hands, groaning exasperatedly.

“No, no, at least I don’t think so,” Chris hurries to put Sana’s mind at ease. “Mutta just has a feeling that Yousef likes you, and he has no idea how you feel,” she elaborates, and Sana lets out a long breath of relief, looking up at Chris again.

“That’s … okay, I guess,” Sana murmurs, and Chris’s understanding smile makes all the reasons Sana kept her crush on Yousef a secret suddenly seem stupid. So Sana sit up a little straighter and looks into Chris’s eyes.

“He’s … Yousef isn’t muslim, you know. But the more I get to know him, the less I care about it. Sana begins and Chris nods slowly.

“Mutta said that too. That Yousef isn’t muslim but still behaves like Allah would want it, or something,” she says and Sana grins at her, remembering her brother saying something similar exactly two weeks ago. “I mean, I’m not muslim either, but Mutta says he doesn’t mind.”

Sana leans forward and takes Chris’s hand. “Who would have thought, huh? You and I both dating boys across different ways of thinking?”

Chris laughs brightly and squeezes Sana’s hand. “I like it, you know? Hearing about his religion makes me think about things. Like, this week he explained that you fast during Ramadan in memory of Mohammed receiving the Qu’ran. And I don’t know why, but whenever I’m with him, I don’t eat or drink either this month, and not just because I don’t want to torture him. It’s also because I want to show respect in a way, you know? I care about him a lot, and if I can show that by not eating or drinking in his presence while he’s fasting, that’s an easy thing to do.”

Sana watches Chris with fascination as she speaks, and when Chris is done, Sana pulls her into a hug. “You’re amazing, Chris, do you know that?”

Chris laughs and hugs Sana back tightly. “So are you, Sana.”

They let go of each other again and both take a deep breath. “Okay, so … Yousef thinks pretty much the same as you, actually,” Sana says, smiling fondly at the memory of that significant conversation. “We talked for a long time about three weeks ago, and if I hadn’t been so convinced that he and Noora had a thing …”

Chris holds up a hand at that. “Wait, what?”

Sana groans with exasperation and then explains the whole silly story about how she thought Yousef and Noora were interested in each other and how she finally found out it wasn’t true at all.

When Sana is done telling Chris about the meeting with Noora on Tuesday, Chris sighs heavily and puts a hand on Sana’s shoulder. “Sana, why did you not talk to us earlier? I would never believe nasty rumours about you, you must know that?”

Suddenly embarrassed, Sana gives Chris a long look and finally shrugs. “I have no idea. I guess I just thought … I thought you guys wouldn’t understand?”

Chris’s expression suddenly darkens and she nods slowly, as if she just remembered something. “Yeah, I get what you mean.” She swallows hard and then looks back up at Sana. “And I’m sorry I didn’t understand earlier … it took a similar experience for me to realise how you must be feeling around us sometimes.”

That confuses Sana, but she doesn’t say anything, instead waiting for Chris to go on. “You know, on the Saturday after that shitty party where Sara showed us the accounts and the recording, Eva asked me to go out and party with her.”

Chris sits up straighter and purses her lips. “I had already made plans with Mutta, so I asked if he could come too. Eva said she didn’t mind and even congratulated me on ‘snatching up a cute boy’, and for a while we actually had a good time. But then, she took a picture of Mutta and me cuddling somewhere in a club and sent it to Isak with the caption ‘Forever alone.’”

Sana makes a face. “Ugh, that’s not nice.”

Chris nods slowly and rolls her eyes. “That wouldn’t have been so bad, but then Eva and I went to the bathroom together and she said that she’s not surprised that Mutta likes me because ‘in arab cultures, voluptuous women are seen as more desirable.’”

Wincing slightly, Sana puts a hand on Chris’s arm. “Oh no, I’m so sorry. That’s … bad. I’m sure Eva felt bad though?”

Chris nods and takes a deep breath. “She noticed right away and apologised, but I was already angry anyway. Not just because of her treating my relationship like some sort of punchline, also about the party on Friday, so it wasn’t just Eva’s fault ... Still, I went on to tell her that I’m fucking tired of being seen as the ‘funny fat friend’ who always knows where to get booze. I’m not just funny, and the fact that I’m not skinny doesn’t define me, either. I’m a person with feelings who happens to have found someone who sees me as a person and is interested in me as such, and not just as a joke. I told Eva that the reason I never talked about Kasper to you guys was that I always felt you guys didn’t take our relationship seriously.”

Sana feels a little guilty upon hearing that. “The party on that rooftop last summer,” she says quietly. “I laughed at you when I saw you and Kasper kiss. I’m sorry, that wasn’t okay.”

Sighing deeply, Chris smiles broadly at that and squeezes Sana’s shoulder. “See, you still remember that, but Eva doesn’t. She said she didn’t even think me and Kasper were serious because she only ever saw us make out at parties.”

“Did she get that? How unfair that is?” Sana asks, smiling encouragingly at Chris.

“Kind of, yeah. She apologised and said she wouldn’t mock me and Mutta again. But I think the way she thinks of me won’t just go away.” Chris plays with the strings of her hoodie for a moment, and Sana sighs deeply.

“Gosh, I feel you so much right now,” she says, making Chris look up at her. “I never told you guys about Yousef mostly because I felt you wouldn’t take me seriously. I mean, I’m a muslim, therefore I can’t hook up with anyone, and what kind of guy is still willing to wait until marriage, right?” Sana looks down at her hands, hesitating slightly before she adds: “That’s actually why I think Yousef and I won’t work out …”

Chris shakes her head at that, taking Sana’s hand again. “Listen, if Yousef won’t wait until you’re ready, he’s not worth it. But please, don’t give up on him before you found out where both of you stand.”

Sana can’t help but smile at Chris, feeling so grateful to have her. “I have no idea what to say to him.”

“Well, for starters, you could add him on facebook again,” Chris says and picks up Sana’s phone from where Sana dropped it on the mattress after showing Chris the screenshots of Sara’s conversations with Isak.

“How do you …?” Sana begins, but interrupts herself, nodding with a knowing grin. “Mutta told you?”

Chris nods and hands over Sana’s phone. “Yousef was desperate, so he told Mutta about it, asking what he should do. Now add him, please?”

Laughing nervously, Sana opens her facebook app and types Yousef’s name into the search bar. Chris watches her intently as Sana takes a deep breath and finally hits the “Add as friend” button.

“Yes,” Chris exclaims and pumps her fist in the air again. “Now, once he accepts, promise me you will ask him out, okay?”

Sana laughs again and can’t help but nod. “I might ask for your help with that, but I will try.”

Chris nods enthusiastically, but then her phone pings and she digs it out of her pocket. “It’s Vilde.”

“Oh, is she talking to you again?” Sana asks suddenly feeling hopeful.

Chris nods slowly at that. “She reached out to me last night, saying that someone sent the link to that insta account to Magnus.” She frowns at her phone. “And apparently, Magnus won’t believe her that nothing happened between her and Elias.”

“Oh no.” Sana’s heart is suddenly thumping uncomfortably. “Ugh, all this is my fault. I should talk to Magnus,” she says, but when Sana looks up again, Chris is shaking her head.

“It’s Sara’s fault, and I’m sure she was the one to send that link to him. Also, you and I both saw Elias shortly after that video was taken and can vouch for him. He didn’t sleep with Vilde, he was too wasted.” Chris seems confident, but Sana still has her doubts.

“I will see if I can talk to Magnus,” she insists, and the proud smile on Chris’s face makes Sana blush a little. Chris is about to reply, when suddenly the doorbell rings.

Frowning slightly, Sana gets up from her bed and Chris follows her into the hallway. It’s Jamilla at the door, and she’s holding a big folder labelled “Biology.”

“Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?” Jamilla asks when she sees Chris standing behind Sana, but they both shake their heads, stepping aside to let Jamilla in.

“No no, come in,” Sana says happily, pointing to Chris. “This is Chris, my best friend at school. Chris, this is Jamilla, my brother’s fiancee and a very good friend of mine.” Chris blushes a bright red and shakes Jamilla’s hand.

“Hey, nice to meet you,” Chris says brightly and both girls smile at each other. 

“Hey Chris, so good to meet you too,” Jamilla replies and then hugs Sana briefly. “I brought you my biology notes, just in case you were planning on getting only top marks from now on.”

She winks at Sana and Chris’s eyes go wide. “Ooh, can I have a look at those too?”

The three of them laugh and then go back to Sana’s room. Both Jamilla and Chris stay over until Mamma comes home. Introducing Chris to her mother makes Sana feel so giddy and excited she thinks she could uproot a tree.

Chris gets ready to leave soon after that, saying her mother wants her home for dinner, and Jamilla nods, mentioning that she wants to pick up Ahmed at work. They both hug Sana and her mother good-bye and Chris wishes them both a good Iftar, making both Jamilla and Sana’s mother stare incredulously at her.

After closing the door behind Chris and Jamilla - they decided to go to the tram together since they’re headed in the same direction - Sana turns to her mother with the biggest grin on her face. 

“Your friends know about Ramadan? Your non-muslim friends?” Mamma asks, and Sana is so happy about how this afternoon went she almost tells her mother about Chris and Mutta dating. But she catches herself at the last second.

“Chris knows. She’s very smart and kind, you know. I am so lucky to have her.” Smiling so hard the corners of her mouth are starting to hurt, Sana throws both arms around her mother, who scoffs with surprise but then hugs Sana back, humming contently at Sana’s shoulder.

“Masha’Allah, my sweet Sana. You deserve friends like that. And I’m glad you have her, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	85. Episode 7, Thursday, 1st June, 20:32: How have you been?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	86. Episode 7, Friday 2nd June, 0:01: I miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	87. Episode 7, Friday 2nd June, 13:43: Done with the bullshit

Sana is searching her locker for her biology book - she’d left it there yesterday but has now decided to still try to study a bit more over the weekend, just to be safe, when she suddenly hears loud whispers behind her.

Turning around, Sana sees three girls from Sara’s Pepsi Max Gang standing on the other side of the hallway. They stop talking the second Sana turns around, so she’s sure they’ve been whispering about her.

_ For fuck’s sake,  _ Sana thinks and slams her locker shut.  _ Will they ever grow the fuck up?  _ Sana wants to storm away and focus all her angry energy on a basketball session later, but when she opens the front door, she spots Sara standing in the courtyard. For once, Sara’s alone, typing on her phone.

Sana might as well take the chance to confront her. So, without thinking, Sana walks up to Sara and taps her shoulder. Sara looks up and jumps back, but Sana doesn’t wait for Sara to tell her to fuck off.

“Alright, whatever it is that’s your problem, I’m done with the bullshit. Can we talk?” Sana speaks calmly and distinctly, although she can feel her heartbeat in her ears.

Sara stares at Sana for a long moment, her mouth agape, and when she finally clears her throat, Sana can’t believe her ears. “Sure, if you think that’s necessary?” she mumbles and then clears her throat before going on. “Just not today, I’m waiting for the girls.” Sara smiles a fake smile, but Sana doesn’t bother to do the same.

“I have my last exam on Wednesday, so how about we meet right here after school?” Sana suggests, wondering why Sara didn’t just yell at her to get lost. “Are you off at 15:15 as well?”

Sara nods at that, clearing her throat again. “Uh, yeah. So we meet here then?”

Sana purses her lips and nods. “Yeah. But just you and I, okay?”

Sara snorts at that. “Agreed, I don’t need your friends making a scene.”

Sana feels a sharp pain in her heart at that remark.  _ They won’t even know about any of this. _ “No worries, it will be just me.”

“Good,” Sara says coldly and bends down to pick up her bag. “See you then.”

“See you,” Sana gives back weakly and watches Sara walk away, still feeling stunned.  _ How can it be this easy? _

Sana can’t shake the thought that Sara might be up to something again. But she decides to focus on the fact that Sara agreed to talk and catches herself already planning which question to ask Sara first next Wednesday.

Everything will be alright in the end, it just has to be.

And just when Sana reaches the gate, she sees Magnus and Mahdi standing in a corner. Magnus looks upset and Mahdi is apparently trying to cheer him up.  _ Might as well get  _ that  _ out of the way as well, _ Sana thinks to herself and makes a beeline for the two boys.

“Hey,” she says hesitantly and waves at both of them. Mahdi turns around and smiles kindly at Sana.

“Hello, you’re Sana, right?” he asks with a kind voice. Sana nods curtly and then looks at Magnus, clearing her throat.

“I just wanted to say something. I know about the insta-account in Vilde’s name where someone posted a video of her and Elias.” Magnus frowns at Sana, but the look in his eyes tells her he’s intrigued.

“Elias is that fucker’s name. Good to know who I will be beating up if I ever see him,” he says darkly, but Sana raises her eyebrows and points a finger at him.

“Careful, that’s my brother you’re talking about.” 

That makes Magnus stare incredulously. “What?”

“My brother, yes. He was only at that party for about half an hour until his friend dragged him out. I helped his friend bring him home, and trust me, he was in no state to hook up with anyone. Plus, he kept saying he can’t touch Vilde because she has a boyfriend. Also, my brother’s friend heard Vilde say she had to call you right when he left with Elias. So I’m positive nothing happened, okay?”

Sana takes a deep breath and makes sure Magnus is looking into her eyes before she adds: “Magnus, Vilde loves you. She talks about how happy she is with you all the time, there is no way she’d ever cheat on you.”

“Okay, thanks,” Magnus says hesitantly and purses his lips. “I … I guess I should talk to her then.”

“Yes, you should,” Mahdi chuckles and punches Magnus’ upper arm. “I told you, that video looked like someone made it to mess with your girlfriend, man.”

Sana nods and smiles gratefully at Mahdi. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that.”

“Thanks,” Magnus repeats, already looking a lot less grumpy. “See you around Sana.”

“Cheers,” Sana says with a brief smile and then walks away. Both boys call “Bye Sana” after her in unison, and Sana thinks that for today, she’s done enough things that make her heart race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	88. Glossary for Episode 8

Halwa Chebakia: Moroccan sesame cookies

Baklava: Middle eastern pastry with pistachios and honey

Shish Barak: A kind of Arabic ravioli

Allahu Akbar: “God is great” in Arabic


	89. Episode 8, Saturday 3rd June, 11:04: You’ll come up with something

For the first time in a while, Sana has slept surprisingly well. After Suhoor, she went back to bed and woke up only an hour ago, despite the millions of thoughts racing through her head.  _ Alhamdulillah for giving me peace to sleep. _

For the past twenty minutes, Sana has been looking at old pictures of her and the girls on facebook, wishing everything was as it used to be. Since Eva still hasn't replied to Sana’s birthday text, Sana has started doubting everything again, and until now she hasn’t gotten up the courage to talk to Eva. She has considered calling Chris and asking for her advice, but Chris texted last night saying she and Mutta were going to the cinema, and Sana couldn’t bring herself to ruin her friend’s evening with her whining.

With a deep sigh, Sana closes her laptop, gets up from her bed, and goes to the living room. She’s not surprised to find Elias there, sprawled out on one of the couches, his laptop on his stomach.

“Hey,” Sana greets him softly, and Elias looks up with a nod.

“Hey. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I’m already hungry again though,” Sana admits, making her brother scoff.

“Tell me about it. Somehow this year is harder than last year.”

Sana grins weakly and then takes a deep breath. “Elias, have you texted Even?”

Elias freezes, staring blankly at his sister. “No, I haven’t. I thought I’d wait for him to be ready to reach out, you know?”

Sana nods slowly. “I get that, I guess ... .”

Now her brother frowns at Sana, sitting up a little straighter. “Why are you so invested in us being friends again? Do you have a bet going on or something?”

Sana chuckles at that, shaking her head. “I don’t do bets.”

Elias still frowns incredulously, his expression almost suspicious now, so Sana adds: “You could say, I can tell you’re sad about losing one of your friends, and if you’re sad, I’m sad, so there.”

A broad smile lights up Elias’s face and he points a finger at Sana. “Haha, you just quoted me, little sister. Smooth, very smooth.”

Both of them laugh at that and then Sana shrugs, trying to seem indifferent. “I have no idea what you mean.”

Elias laughs again and then his expression becomes serious. “You are right, though. I should probably text Even.” He takes a deep breath and scratches the back of his head. “I’ll just have to think about what to say.”

Sana smiles as kindly as possible and inclines her head. “You’re a smart guy, you’ll come up with something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	90. Episode 8, Saturday 3rd June, 15:42: If you interfere …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	91. Episode 8, Sunday 4th June, 14:25: I love rainy Sundays

Sana is sitting on her bed, leaned against a pile of cushions and scrolling through instagram. Most of the new posts either make her scoff or roll her eyes, but then she sees a picture of Isak and Even.

They’re pressed closely to each other, and Even is kissing Isak’s cheek while making the victory sign with his right hand. The caption reads ‘happy pride month, peeps’ and is followed by three hearts in the colours pink, yellow and blue.

Sana smiles happily and does a quick google search to find out that the three colours stand for pansexual pride. Since Sana is pretty sure that Isak is gay, the flag colours must represent Even’s sexuality. Knowing that he once struggled so much with it, Sana is very glad to see how comfortable Even is with his sexuality - and also how obviously he and Isak are still very much in love.

Smiling to herself, Sana puts her phone aside and is about to pull her laptop towards her when she suddenly remembers something: She wanted to thank Even for cleaning her locker a few weeks ago. With all the girl drama going on around her, that completely slipped Sana’s mind.

She thinks only for a moment before she gets up from her bed and goes to the kitchen. As expected, Mamma is sitting at the table, solving a crossword puzzle.

“Hey,” Sana calls brightly and plants a kiss on Mamma’s hair.

Mamma turns around and takes Sana’s hand in hers as Sana sits down next to her. “Hey Sana, how are you doing?”

Sana points outside - it’s positively pouring today - and beams at her mother. “I love rainy sundays.”

Mamma laughs and then gestures to her crossword puzzle. “Me too. Do you want to help me?”

Pursing her lips, Sana hesitates briefly before she answers. “I’d love to, but Mamma?”

“Hm?” Mamma asks, looking at Sana with fond eyes.

“Can you help  _ me _ with something?”

“I can certainly try,” Mamma gives back, gently pinching Sana’s cheek. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well, there is this friend of mine who did something really nice for me recently, and I want to give something back. So, I was thinking I could make some Halwa Chebakia for him?”

Mamma puts down her pen and her smile grows impossibly wider. “Oh, that’s a wonderful idea, and of course I will help you!” She hesitates for a moment before she adds: “Are you sure your friend likes Moroccan pastry though?”

Sana scowls at that. “Mamma, do you think I’d be friends with people who don’t like Moroccan pastry? Such people cannot be trusted.”

Laughing out loud, Mamma puts an arm around Sana. “That’s true, I guess.”

Mamma then gets up and opens the cupboard above the stove, starting to look for ingredients. “Is it that girl Chris who was here on Thursday? She seemed so nice.”

“No, actually … it’s a boy, and you know him already.” The words tumble out of Sana’s mouth before she can stop them, and she’s suddenly very glad Elias and his friends aren’t here today.

Mamma turns around, raising both eyebrows at Sana. “Oh? Who is it then? And is he really just a friend or …”

“Don’t worry, Mamma, he’s dating ... someone. And ... it’s Even, actually,” Sana tells her, watching Mamma’s face carefully.

Mamma’s face lights up. “Even Bech Naesheim?”

Sana nods with a small smile on her lips, and Mamma almost squeals. “Oh, how wonderful. I miss having him around, he's the only man I know who can bake proper baklava!”

Sana laughs out loud at that. “Yes, I remember you rubbing Pappa’s nose in that fact every time Even helped you cook.” Pausing for a moment, Sana considers telling Mamma about Isak, but thinks better of it. “Anyway, since he goes to Nissen now, we’ve become quite good friends.”

“That’s wonderful, Sana.” Mamma walks across the kitchen to the fridge, still smiling broadly. “May I ask what he has done for you to deserve Halwa Chebakia? I don’t remember you ever volunteering to bake for anyone.”

Biting her lower lip, Sana looks at her mother for a long moment before she replies. “Do you remember that fight I had with Jamilla last year?”

Mamma turns around with the butter dish in her hand, frowning slightly. “Yes. But I don’t remember what it was about exactly.”

So while her mother lines up the baking ingredients on the counter, Sana tells her the whole story again, not leaving anything out like she did right after it happened. Mamma gasps when Sana mentions the “Sharmuta” smearing on her locker and asks if the teachers have taken action.

“No … but Even did,” Sana retorts, smiling happily. “He cleaned my locker with nail polish remover and left a little note to let me know it was him.”

Mamma covers her mouth with her hand, staring at Sana incredulously. “Masha’Allah, I always knew that boy has a heart of gold,” she says then and Sana’s smile is now so wide the corners of her mouth are starting to hurt.

“He really does, Mamma,” she says quietly, and Mamma kisses Sana’s forehead.

“You know, I think I owe you an apology,” Mamma says then, prompting Sana to frown.   
“For what?”

“For what I said about your non-muslim friends.” Mamma moves her head back to look into Sana’s eyes. “I never said that to Elias about Even, and I can’t say it’s only because Even is good at cooking Moroccan food.”

“Mamma, it’s okay, really …” Sana begins, but her mother holds up a hand, shaking her head.

“Let me finish, please. I always trusted you, and just because you’re becoming a woman now, I shouldn’t just stop trusting you. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a mother’s right to worry …” she smiles gently and cups Sana’s face with one hand. “But you and Elias are both mature and smart enough to make your own choices. I understand that now.”

“Mamma,” Sana croaks and throws her arms around her mother before she can see the tears of joy in Sana’s eyes. “I know I can be stubborn, but please always tell me what you think.”

Mamma gently disengages herself from Sana and nods, her eyes looking a little glassy, too. “I will, I promise.”

And then, Mamma giggles slightly, touches Sana’s shoulder and points to the ingredients on the counter. “So, are you ready?”

Sana giggles as well and pulls a hesitant grimace. “Uh, I will need a  _ lot _ of help, though.”

The next two hours fly by, as Sana and Mamma make Even’s favourite Moroccan pastry. As far as Sana remembers, Even loves nothing more, except maybe Mamma’s Shish Barak. She doesn’t remember the last time she laughed so much with her mother, and it feels so good. By the time Sana puts the Halwa Chebakia in the oven, they both have flour and sesame seeds all over their hands and faces, and Sana feels blissfully happy from the inside out.

“I think you’re better at cooking than you think,” Mamma says and picks a few sesame seeds from Sana’s hijab.

Smirking at her, Sana leans over the sink to wash her hands. “Technically, this is baking.”

Mamma laughs again and when Sana turns off the faucet, her mother pulls her into a hug. “Do you think Even would like to come visit us some time?” she asks quietly, but Sana can hear the worry in her voice. Sana has no idea how much her mother knows about the incident last year, but she knows Mamma was sad when Even suddenly stopped coming over.

So, with a deep sigh, Sana moves her head back and crosses her hands in Mamma’s back. “I’m sure he’d love to. He just has to sort out some things first.”

Sana looks into Mamma’s eyes, and just like her brother, Mamma understands immediately that Sana can’t tell her more than that. “Oh, alright then,” she says and nods. So Sana buries her face at Mamma’s shoulder, breathing her in.

“How long do those things have to be in the oven?” she asks and then lets go of her mother, grinning brightly. “I don’t want to burn them.”

“I already set the kitchen alarm, don’t worry,” Mamma laughs. “This was a great idea, Sana. Why don’t you go find a small box to put some of the pastry in for Even? We can have the rest for Iftar.”

Sana winks at her and nods. “Aha,  _ that’s  _ why you doubled the amounts in the recipe. I like the way you think.”

Mamma’s cheerful laugh follows Sana into the living room, and Sana thinks that making Halwa Chebakia for Even may just be the best idea she’s had all year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	92. Episode 8, Monday 5th June, 09:53: We need a date

Technically, Sana doesn’t have school today since it’s Pentecost Monday, but the school offers a two hour exam prep course, and because Sana always feels she lacks structure when studying, she has to go.

Sana has barely entered the school yard when Chris walks over and links arms with her. “Hey girl, are you ready for the prep course?”

Rolling her eyes, Sana smiles weakly at her. “As ready as I’ll ever be, and you?”

“Yeah, should be okay,” Chris says and then points to the table they and the girls usually sit at, where to Sana’s surprise, the rest of the girls are sitting, all of them looking uncomfortable.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think they wanna sort things out now,but we need a date,” Chris says and pats Sana’s arm.

And with that, Chris steps up to the table, clearing her throat. Sana follows her and sits down on the right side, a few feet away from Vilde who sits motionless, arms wrapped around herself and eyes glued to the table. She looks up and tries to smile at Sana for a second and then all four of them look at Chris, who claps her hands together, looking determined. “Alright, ladies, I don’t want to make a fuss, but I will also not accept contradictions.”

Sana exchanges a look with Noora, who makes an impressed face and then puts her arm around Eva. Vilde looks a little lost, but she still manages a weak smile at Chris, who scowls at no one in particular before going on. “We will meet at my place on Wednesday at six. I checked with all of you separately, no one has plans, so no excuses! I want us to sort everything out, and mum will make dinner for all of us. So yeah, just … be there.”

She throws up her hands with another scowl and you can’t help but grin at her. So that’s why she asked Sana on Sunday via text if she wanted to come over on Wednesday. Sana should have known.

“I’m in,” Sana says and winks at Chris. She loves that Chris cares so much about sorting things out. It reassures Sana that she’s not the only one in the group who sees that they have issues that need solving.

“Me too,” says Noora, squeezing Eva’s shoulder.

“Alright, count me in,” Eva mutters with a hesitant look at Noora, who smiles happily. Vilde clears her throat, watching the four of them warily for a moment before she speaks.

“Uh, I guess I can come, too,” she finally says, sounding so small and afraid, Sana wishes she had the courage to just get up and hug Vilde.

“Alright, that’s settled then,” says Chris and nods, a satisfied expression on her face. “I wish you all good luck with this .. whatever this course is, and I guess … see you on Wednesday.”

With that, Chris sits down across from Sana asVilde gets up, mumbling something about going to the bathroom. Eva and Noora leave as well, Noora announcing that they want to reserve good spots in the classroom, and then Sana is alone with Chris.

“We should go inside,” Sana says, but Chris shakes her head, a curious grin on her face.

“First, you’ll tell me how things are going with Yousef,” she demands, winking cheekily, and Sana can’t help but laugh a little.

“I texted with him on Thursday,” she admits, her cheeks heating up the second she starts talking. “I told him I want to sort out things with Eva and Vilde first, but that I will explain everything.” 

Chris nods slowly, looking impressed. “That’s a start I guess. Just don’t make him wait for too long.”

Sana chuckles at that, shaking her head. “No, I won’t. I think after Wednesday, the drama should be over so …” Sana hesitates for a second before she goes on. “I’m meeting Sara after school then, so I hope she and her goons will leave us alone after that?”

Chris’s eyes widen at that. “Oh wow. How .. I mean when …?”

“I ran into her after school on Friday and decided to confront her.” Sana frowns to herself at the memory of that strange conversation. “She agreed to meet me on Wednesday because she has her last exam then. I mean, I think it’s weird she agreed to it so quickly, but well .. I just want to know why she did what she did.”

Nodding slowly, Chris gets up and Sana does the same. Together, they walk towards the main entrance of the A-building. “I really hope she’ll leave us alone after that,” Chris mutters darkly as she opens the door for Sana.

“Same,” Sana sighs and links arms with Chris. “I can’t wait for things to go back to normal.”

Both of them laugh at that, and Chris sighs deeply. “Well, at least back to  _ our  _ kind of normal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	93. Episode 8, Monday 5th June, 15:47: I believe you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	94. Episode 8, Tuesday 6th June, 16:38: You’re a good person

With the biology mock exam finally behind her, Sana finds it harder to distract herself. The fear of the conversation with Sara tomorrow is threatening to swallow her up. Checking her phone, Sana is relieved to see it’s time for Asr, and she decides to pray, hoping it will help her mind relax.

After the prayer, Sana feels much better already. Taking a deep breath, she flops down on her bed and reaches for her phone. She has a new message from Vilde, which makes Sana gasp and her heartbeat speeds up instantly.

The phone falls out of Sana’s hand and she launches herself at her biggest pillow, hugging it close to her chest. Tears of joy run down her face and she lets out a half-laugh, half-sob, feeling as if the weight of the world has just been lifted off her shoulders.

Eventually, Sana lets go of the pillow and picks up her phone, wipes her face with her free hand, and types a reply.

Vilde replies almost instantly, making Sana smile.

Dropping her phone on the mattress again, Sana takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She can’t help but remember the conversation she had with Jamilla last week about doubting her faith. And it almost feels like Vilde’s text arrived as Allah’s reply to Sana’s prayer, even though she hadn’t even asked Him for anything. “Allahu Akbar,” she whispers quietly, her heart feeling so full she almost bursts with joy.

Sana jumps up from her bed and decides to go outside for a walk. It's a beautiful day and Sana is finally more confident that everything will soon be okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	95. Episode 8, Wednesday 7th June, 13:51: You can do this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	96. Episode 8, Wednesday 7th June, 15:26: You still have friends?

Sana is sitting on the bench in the corner of the courtyard, nervously tapping her foot. This morning, she made sure to put on the darkest make-up possible - black eyeliner and thick mascara as well as pitch black lipstick. She’s also wearing wide, black pants, and a black long-shirt under a black short-sleeved sweater, and of course, her hijab is black too. Black has always been Sana’s armour, and she has never needed it more than today.

When Sara turns the corner, Sana is relieved to see she actually is alone. She didn’t expect Sara to stick to their agreement to meet up without any of their friends backing either of them up.

But Sana’s relief is short-lived, because Sara has barely crossed half the courtyard when six more girls appear behind her, and before Sana can so much as consider running away, the seven of them are standing in front of Sana in a half-circle, blocking her from leaving.

“Well, look who we have here,” Sara sneers, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “If it isn’t the badass muslim conspirator.”

Sana feels fear rise up like bile in her throat, but somehow she manages to swallow it and gets to her feet, crossing her arms as well. “I thought we were going to do this like grown-ups, Sara,” Sana says, surprised to hear that her voice is much steadier than her heartbeat.

“I’m a grown-up with real friends, you’re … someone  _ without  _ friends, so …” Sara and her friends laugh at that, and Sana has to fight the urge to spit an insult at the lot of them. She instead clears her throat and decides to just get on with it.

“Whatever, can you just tell me what it is I did to you to make you lash out not only at me but also at Vilde and Eva, who both never did anything to you? I’d like us to move on, this is getting ridiculous.”

Sara’s self-satisfied smirk turns into the same hateful stare Sana remembers from that awful evening at Penetrator Chris’s party. A cold shiver runs down Sana’s spine and she leans at the table behind her to steady herself.

“Where should I start? There is so much you and your friends - or should I say,  _ former  _ friends - messed up for us …” Sara puts a finger to her lip and pretends to think for a moment, and then looks into Sana’s eyes again.

“Vilde was just a means to an end: We needed to get dirt on Eva, mainly pictures for the Tinder account, and we needed you and her to come to a party where we were as well. When we noticed Vilde wasn’t hanging out with you guys anymore we knew we had to take our chance, and Vilde’s stupid as fuck, so it was easy. Making that insta account was just a little extra. She was so embarrassing at that party with your brother …” 

Sara and her friends laugh at that before she continues. “We figured it's a little payback for Vilde almost ruining our Russebus group in our first year, with her ridiculous suggestions and her fucking stupidity. Oh, and later we found out that her mother is an embarrassing drunk! How we ever let her join our bus is beyond me. And of course, she made an even bigger fool of herself by dating that  _ imbecile _ ... I have never seen an uglier couple, there really should be a law against that kind of thing …”

Sara’s friends are still laughing, but Sana feels sick to her stomach.  _ How can someone be so evil?  _ Sana takes a deep breath and closes her eyes to keep herself from punching Sara.

When Sana opens her eyes again, Sara is watching her with a cruel smile. Pursing her lips, Sana inclines her head and decides to get this over with as fast as possible.

“What about Eva?” Sana looks at Ingrid, who is the only one of the six girls who seems to be uncomfortable with the situation: She’s stepping from one foot to the other and biting her lower lip. She barely looks Sana in the eye when Sana asks: “I thought you and Eva were on good terms again?”

Ingrid bites her lip with a guilty-conscious expression on her face, but before she can say anything, Sara groans angrily.

“Ugh, Eva became the official school slut the second she hooked up with Jonas, but that’s not why we hate her. It’s like I said, Ingrid forgave her, so I don’t mind her whoring around.”

She pauses for a second, apparently unsure what to say next. Sana is about to ask why she decided to hurt Eva and blame Sana for it when Sara goes on. “But what she’s done with Chris is just downright disgusting.”

Sana frowns at that. “Why would you care about Chris? He doesn’t go here anymore?”

“He’s a really sweet guy, you know, and Eva’s just using him. She kept hooking up with him and still called him a ‘fuckboy’, making him feel miserable about himself. He actually had feelings for her at one point, but when she completely discarded him to be with a GIRL …”

Sana almost gasps at that but catches herself at the last second. Noora said she’s in love with a girl who isn’t ready for people to know … and Noora and Eva have been spending a lot of time together .. could it be …

“Let’s just say, she broke his pride and ruined his reputation in one move, and if that’s not disgusting, I don’t know what is,” Sara finishes angrily, scowling at Sana as if it was Sana’s fault that Eva isn’t in love with Chris. Sana wants to ask why Sara cares about Chris so much when it falls like scales from her eyes.

“You’re in love with him,” Sana states quietly, trying very hard to sound confident although she almost feels dizzy with the two realisations that just hit her.

Sara clenches her teeth. “So what? At least I don’t fuck every boy I meet only to mock all of them by hooking up with a girl afterwards?” Sana is relieved to notice Sara obviously doesn’t know who Eva is with, because that means she can’t out Eva.

“Well, I guess Eva can’t help what she feels - or doesn’t feel for Chris,” Sana finally says, earning dirty looks from Sara and her friends. But before Sara can spit a reply, Sana adds: “I suppose your reason for attacking me isn’t any more plausible. What have  _ I  _ done to you to provoke you to frame me for what you did to my friends?”

The second the question leaves Sana’s lips, Sara’s smile becomes cruel and Sana feels her stomach fall. It’s obvious Sara is proud and happy about what she did to Sana, and if Sana didn’t already know that at least two of her four friends aren’t buying Sara’s lies anymore, she would be terrified.

“Ah,  _ now _ we get to it,” Sara says and her friends giggle excitedly as she stands up straighter and clears her throat. “You see, I was willing to overlook the fact that you threw water in Ingrid’s face last year for something that didn’t concern you. As I said, Ingrid forgave Eva, and since that happened, we kind of let go of everything you guys did to us in first year.”

Sana wants to yell at her that neither she nor her friends ever did anything to Sara personally, but she swallows her anger, biting the inside of her cheek and waiting for Sara to go on.

“But then you went and called the cops at my party? Just because a girl I don’t even know who is stupid enough to subject herself to the patriarchal  _ bullshit  _ that is your religion was asked legitimate questions by my friends? We almost got arrested because someone was smoking pod in my backyard and the cops smelled it when they arrived, and I  _ know _ they didn’t just casually stroll through my neighbourhood, so don’t even try to deny it.”

Now that’s something Sana didn’t expect. “I didn’t call the cops, what the heck?” she blurts out, staring at Sara with a mix of anger and confusion. “All I did was stand up for someone your friends were bullying for no other reason than her religion and choice of clothing. We went outside, talked for a bit and then left,” Sana defends herself, but Sara shakes her head, her expression growing more hateful with every word Sana says.

“Stop lying, Sana. We  _ know _ it was you.” She sighs exasperatedly and throws up her hands, fixating Sana with an angry glare. “Why do you even go to parties? Do you want to show the rest of us how immoral we’re being? No one cares that you don’t drink, hook up or do anything else that is normal for people our age. Why do you have to try and ruin the best time of our lives for the rest of us just because you chose to waste it?”

Sana knows she shouldn’t care, but Sara’s words hurt nonetheless. She’s dead wrong of course and like many others, she has no idea what Sana’s religion means to her and why Sana chooses to live the way she does. But maybe that’s exactly why it hurts to hear how Sara thinks - because Sana knows that many people think alike.

Realising that her confidence is fading, Sana asks the last remaining question she needs answered. “Believe what you want about that, I really don’t care,” she says, and this time her voice is shaking a little. Sana clears her throat before she goes on. “Just one last thing: How did you know about the email I sent to William?”

A malicious grin tugs at Sara’s lips and she flips her hair over her shoulder. “Well, unlike Eva, I actually care about what Chris has to say, you know,” she begins and Sana instantly know where this is going.

“After Eva told him she couldn’t date him because she was in love with a girl, he came to me.” Sara’s expression becomes arrogant, and Sana can tell she thinks she sort of saved Chris from Eva. If she were anyone else, Sana would feel pity for Sara for falling for a guy like Chris.

Sara then fixates Sana with an angry glare. “And after he and I both got drunk, he told me that William went through something similar just shortly before. He told me that William got an email from Noora, saying she wanted him back. So he came to Oslo, hoping to get back together with the girl he loved, only to find out that YOU sent that email to mess with him. You embarrassed him so horribly! He came here to make a big romantic gesture, only to get dumped by Noora? Do you have any idea how cruel that is?”

Sana presses her lips together to hold back a remark about the irony in Sara’s words. Instead, Sana clears her throat and tries to sound as neutral as possible. “Thank you for telling me,” she says calmly and Sara stares at her incredulously, but Sana continues without waiting for a reply. “I don’t really care if you think I called the cops on you, but hopefully you can leave me and my friends alone now that you have taken revenge on me, Vilde and Eva?”

Sara smirks maliciously and looks around at her friends before raising her eyebrows at Sana. “You really think you still have  _ friends _ ?”

The cold tone of Sara’s voice makes another shiver run down Sana’s spine. But before Sana can reply, Sara continues. “Spending time with Vilde to get the material we needed may have been annoying, but we learned a lot about what she and the others think of you. Did you know Vilde still blames you for ruining her chances with William? Sure, Noora is the one who ended up dating him, but Vilde said you completely crushed her confidence by telling her he’s not into her and saying she has no integrity, and so on and so forth.” Sara and her friends burst out laughing, as Sana’s heart starts thumping uncomfortably. But Sara isn’t done.

“Vilde also told us that Eva feels very uncomfortable partying with you because you always seem to give her judgmental looks when she hooks up with boys. I mean, I told you what I think of that, but if your so-called friends see it the same way … are you sure you wouldn’t be better off in the muslim version of a convent or something? I’m sure there is such a thing, I mean muslims love nothing more than locking women up and telling them what to do, don’t they?”

Without warning, Sana is suddenly close to tears. Hearing Sara rant at her like this not only reminds her of the party three weeks ago where Sara exposed Sana in front of her closest friends. It also reminds her of the bullying she endured at her old school. Just like after that damn party, Sana is struggling to breathe and fighting tears. She’s trying hard to find a believable reason to leave before she actually starts crying in front of Sara and her gang.

“Oh my God, are you crying?” Sara asks, smirking coldly while her friends start giggling, and just when the first tear escapes Sana’s eye, she suddenly hears voices from the nearby street. Trying to ignore the laughter of Sara and her friends, it takes Sana a moment to realise the voices are shouting her name.

“SANA, SANA, come here!”

Sana turns her head to see a red minivan approaching, and when it comes to a halt at the gate, she spots Vilde, Eva and Noora hanging out of the windows, waving their arms and screaming Sana’s name over and over again.

The side of the van is labelled “LOS LOSERS” with white tape, and somewhere in the back of her head Sana realises that this must be the bus Chris said she might be able to come by.

But that doesn’t matter right now.

A wide smile spreads on Sana’s face and the first tear of despair turns into a tear of joy. She doesn’t bother to wipe it off and picks up her backpack from the bench next to her. With a brief sideways glance, Sana notices the stunned faces of Sara and her friends as she pushes past them without saying a word. On wobbly knees, Sana runs over to the bus and once she’s close enough, Vilde reaches out to frame Sana’s head with both hands and plants a kiss on Sana’s forehead. 

“Hi, you look so beautiful,” she says and looks into Sana’s eyes with an expression that makes Sana want to cry. Sana briefly closes her fingers around Vilde’s wrists and smiles at her, unable to say anything.

The door to the back of the van is open now and Sana is faced with Noora and Eva. They’re both grinning from ear to ear and when Sana turns to them they start gesturing at the inside of the van, Eva saying “Look what we got,” at the same time as Noora calls: “Can you believe this?” Despite feeling completely overwhelmed, Sana peeks inside and notices that the interior is decorated simply but effectively: There are white leather benches on either side and a long, line of colourful, blinking LED lights decorates the roof and parts of the walls.

Looking into Eva’s face, Sana can tell she’s been crying by the traces of tears on her cheeks and when she catches Sana’s eye, Eva moves forward to wrap Sana in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry,” she murmurs at Sana’s ear, and now Sana is really crying.

“It’s okay,” she breathes back and then lets go of Eva to hug Noora and simultaneously high-five Chris who is leaning over from the driver’s seat.

Chris winks at Sana with a wide grin, and when Sana moves back, Chris turns around to grab the steering will and calls: “Finally, we’re complete. Get in, Sana!”

So Sana climbs into the van, right in between Noora and Eva who both wrap an arm around her while Noora shuts the door. Sana is just about to ask how they got the van when she hears Vilde’s loud and angry voice yelling at Sara and the Pepsi Max Gang.

“If you fuck with Sana, you fuck with us,” Vilde screams, leaning far out of the window and giving the group the middle finger. Eva joins in and sticks both her fists out of the rear window, with both her middle fingers pointing to the sky.

“Bitches,” both Eva and Vilde yell at the Gang just as Chris restarts the engine.

As soon as the van turns the first corner, Sana feels like she’s leaving behind every horrible thing she’s done and every hurtful thing that was done to her in the past few weeks. Now, Sana is back where she belongs, with the official biggest losers of the school, and she has never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	97. Episode 8, Wednesday 7th June, 16:43: Start talking

“Alright, so since we’re all here now, why don’t we start talking?” Chris says just as Noora comes back from the kitchen with a steaming pot of tea in one hand and five mugs in the other.

Chris has taken the five of them on a brief city tour with the new bus and then Noora suggested they go to her place, since it’s not as far away as Chris’s home. Now, all five girls are sitting on the floor of Noora’s room in a circle; Sana is sat in between Vilde and Eva, facing Noora and Chris.

“Yes, let’s do it,” says Eva and winks at Sana, making Sana suck in a breath. She still can’t quite believe that Eva’s no longer angry with her. “Why don’t we start by explaining to Sana how today happened?”

Chris, Eva, Noora and Vilde all laugh and Sana can’t help but join in, albeit hesitantly. “Sure, let’s do that,” says Vilde and takes Sana’s hand. “So, it all started with me running into Isak this morning after English,” she begins, smiling so warmly Sana almost starts crying again.

“He asked me if I’d talked to you yet, and I said I was meeting all of you later today. Somehow that made him think I still didn’t believe you were innocent. Because he launched into quite a speech about how Sara was the meanest bitch ever and that we should finally try and understand you better instead of ignoring you all the time …”

Sana squeezes Vilde’s hand to make her look up. “Wait, Isak told you that?” she asks, staring at Vilde incredulously.

Both Eva and Vilde chuckle at that. Noora sets down a steaming mug of tea in front of Sana and hands one to Eva, Vilde and Chris as well. Everyone smiles gratefully at Noora and then Vilde clears her throat.

“Yes, he did. And then he showed me some screenshots of his old conversations with Sara, where she insulted you, me and a bunch of other people for the most random things, seemingly just because she wanted to be angry.” Vilde sighs and puts down her mug to reach for Sana’s other hand, looking into her eyes. “I should have known before that, but seeing those messages made me realise how stupid I’ve been. I am so sorry for ever thinking you would do something like make a fake instagram account, Sana!”

Sana tightens her hold on Vilde’s hands, leans forward and clears her throat, her eyes swimming with tears.“I wasn’t always nice to you, though. For example last year when I told you William isn’t into you .. I could have been kinder.”

Vilde frowns at Sana for a moment and then gasps. “Oh no, Sara told you that I complained about that, didn’t she?”

“Yes, how did you know?” Sana confirms, lets go of Vilde’s hands and picks up her mug from the floor, thinking that Vilde really is much more perceptive than people give her credit for. 

“Ugh, I hate her,” Vilde exclaims and takes a sip of her tea before looking into Sana’s eyes again. “I told her that stuff to suck up to her after the fight with you guys happened … But, I mean, you weren’t being a bitch about William … you were just .. right.” Vilde looks down at her hands, and Sana reaches out to touch her lower arm.

“It was still harsh of me, Vilde.” Both of them sigh deeply and then Vilde clears her throat.

“But I mean, I was very idiotic sometimes, with the stupid stuff I said about your religion and so on…”

Sana grins at that. Just a few weeks ago, she would have never thought she’d have this conversation with Vilde, let alone that Vilde herself would acknowledge that fact. But now that Vilde said it, Sana doesn’t know what to say in response. She absent-mindedly turns her mug in her hands for a moment, and then lets out a long breath.

“Well, maybe yes, but I didn’t respond in a way that would have explained things to you, either,” she says with a warm smile at Vilde. “How about you just ask me questions if you wonder about my religion or something, and I try to answer nicely instead of like the grumpy bitch I am sometimes?”

Vilde laughs softly and pulls Sana into a one-armed hug, pressing a kiss to her hijab. “Deal. And I will listen to you and believe what you say. ‘Fuck clichés and stereotypes’ is what Isak said to me, and I believe he’s right.”

“Wow, I really underestimated Isak. I had no idea he could be so … awesome?” says Eva and Sana huffs out a laugh, nodding in agreement.

Vilde grins happily and looks into Sana’s eyes. “By the way, you’re my favourite grumpy bitch ever,” she says, and all five girls start laughing.

Sana puts down her mug, wraps her arms around Vilde’s waist and kisses her cheek. “And you’re my favourite naive romantic,” she murmurs quietly, making Vilde giggle.

As Sana and Vilde let go of each other, Noora clears her throat. Sana is surprised to see her frown. “Sana, did you ask Sara how she knew about the email you sent to William? Did you talk about that to Jamilla when Laila was listening?”

Blinking several times, Sana stares at Noora. “Uh, she said William told Chris and Chris told her.” Sana chuckles mirthlessly, remembering the utter confusion she felt at realising that the main reason Sara lashed out at Eva was because she has feelings for a fuckboy. “She’s kind of in love with him and that’s why she wanted to hurt you,” Sana adds with a careful glance at Eva.

Eva bursts out into giggles, but Noora covers her face with her hands with an exasperated groan. “You mean to tell me that bitch lashed out at you, Vilde  _ and _ Eva because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut?”

Sana raises her eyebrows and reaches out to remove Noora’s hands from her face and look into her eyes. “I didn’t expect you  _ not _ to tell William it was me? I mean, how else would you have explained that you don’t want him back? Plus, she also did it because she thinks I called the cops at her party, remember?”

Noora shakes her head and takes both of Sana’s hands in hers. “I had no idea, Sana! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s alright, Noora, I guess I deserved it …” Sana begins, but now Eva interrupts.

“Oh my God, you definitely didn’t deserve that, are you kidding!” Eva makes sure Sana is looking into her eyes, but then she frowns. “Wait, that reminds me: Why did Sara do all this shit with the insta- and tinder account and the recording?” she asks, looking at Sana. “Was it just because you defended that girl at her party and because I was hooking up with Chris? That doesn’t explain why she attacked Vilde though.”

Taking a deep breath, Sana nods at the four of them. “That’s right, I didn’t tell you.” She looks at Vilde, who is staring at her knees, seemingly embarrassed. “Vilde …” Sana scoots a little closer to Vilde and puts a hand on her shoulder. Vilde looks up with fear in her eyes, so Sana smiles gently and cups Vilde’s cheek with one hand before she goes on. “Sara said she saw that you weren't hanging out with us anymore ... “ Sana hesitates for a moment and gently brushes a strand of hair out of Vilde’s face.

“She said you’re stupid and therefore easy to manipulate. The only reason she and her friends took you in was so you would talk us into going to that party so she could expose us. And the insta account was just a ‘little extra’ to make sure you would hate me too, I guess.” 

Vilde sucks in a breath and then shrugs. “She's right, though. I am stupid.”

“No, Vilde, you’re not.” Shaking her head, Sana smiles at Vilde and then pulls her into a hug again. “You're a naive romantic but not stupid, okay?”

Giggling slightly, Vilde nods at Sana’s shoulder. “You always had my back, Sana, even when I was a bitch to you. I can't believe my luck sometimes.”

Sana moves her head back and feels herself blush a little. “You're such a strong person, Vilde. I’m glad to have you as a friend.” Looking into Vilde’s eyes, Sana hopes that Vilde can read in her eyes what Sana isn’t saying out loud.  _ What you do for your mother is amazing. _

Vilde lets go of Sana and wipes her eyes “Thank you, Sana,” she says quietly with a sweet smile.

Sana smiles back and then turns to the other three, finally raising her mug to her lips. “So how did you guys get that bus? Was it you?” she asks with a smirk at Chris.

Chris chuckles and puts down her mug, clearing her throat. “One thing after another,” she says with a wink. “So, Vilde called me after school and said that Isak told her you were meeting Sara later today.”

“Yes,” says Vilde and nods, her eyes wide. “I had overheard Sara telling her  _ bitches _ that she was going to ‘show the school’s biggest loser who’s boss’ when I got to school this morning. And after what Isak told me, I instantly knew she meant you.”

“That’s why she then told me we needed to go and get you” Chris chimes in, grinning from ear to ear. “Luckily, my uncle dropped the bus off at my house yesterday. My cousin used it last year and uncle Bjoern spray-painted it red for me before bringing it over. So when Vilde called, I told her to get Noora and Eva to come to my house with her. I then had just enough time to write “Los Losers” on the bus with some tape until they all arrived.”

Sana is suddenly fighting tears of joy, all while smiling so hard the corners of her mouth almost hurt. “That’s why you texted me, isn’t it? To make sure you got the right time?” Sana asks, grinning at Chris across her mug as she takes another sip of tea.

Chris nods slowly, looking very pleased with herself. “That was the best thing we ever did, ladies. We should do such a stunt anytime one of us is in trouble or something, it’s fun!”

All five of them laugh and cheer in agreement. But before Sana can tell the girls how much it means to her that the girls showed up for her like that, Eva sits up a little straighter and touches Sana’s arm.

“My turn,” she murmurs and Sana would be nervous, if Eva’s expression wasn’t so warm and kind.

“Okay?” Sana chuckles in reply and squeezes Eva’s hand.

Eva keeps Sana’s hand in hers as she goes on. “I agree with Vilde, I should never have believed that it was you who set up that Tinder account.”

Sana pulls her hand back and puts it up to get a word in. “But I did say that I think you shouldn’t be partying and hooking up all the time,” Sana tells Eva, feeling her stomach twist slightly. “I’m so sorry, that was a very bad thing to say. It wasn’t my place.”

Eva gives Sana a long look and sighs. “I know, I was hurt at first, and I’ll admit it took me a long time to even listen to Noora about why I shouldn’t be so angry with you.” She looks down at the mug in her hands and takes another deep breath, apparently working up courage for something.

Sana looks up to see Noora watching Eva with a mix of expectation and affection, and suddenly remembers the realisation she had this afternoon. But before Sana can start wondering about it again, Eva lets go of her mug and slowly moves her hand to interlock her fingers with Noora’s.

Vilde stares at both of them and Chris nods with a knowing smile. Sana smiles too, feeling giddy and excited all of a sudden.  _ This explains a lot. _

“Noora and I … we hooked up after we ran away from our kebab date a few weeks ago …,” Eva says hesitatingly, looking first at Sana, then Vilde, and then Chris, apparently anxious for their reactions.

“Oh my God,” Vilde calls out and throws up both hands. “How did we not notice?”

Chris frowns at her, but before she can say anything, Vilde giggles happily. “Dumb question, I was busy being an idiot with the Pepsi Max Gang.”

“No, Vilde,” both Sana and Noora say at the same time, making everyone laugh.

Vilde then shushes them all and looks expectantly at Eva and Noora. “Keep talking. What happened next?”

Giggling slightly, Noora kisses the back of Eva’s hand and then clears her throat. “Well, at first, Eva thought it just happened because I was angry at William and because she was not happy with her situation with Chris.”

Eva groans and covers her face with her free hand. “I can’t believe you even  _ pretended  _ to believe that.”

Noora leans in and kisses Eva’s cheek. When she pulls away Sana notices that she can’t seem to stop smiling. Both Noora and Eva have never looked happier. 

“I was trying to give you time, Eva,” Noora says quietly, and Eva nods, her eyes so full of affection Sana is almost tempted to pinch her cheeks.

“Anyway, we kissed a few more times during the next two weeks, mostly during ‘study sessions’ for Spanish.” Eva is now holding Noora’s hand in both of hers, and watches her carefully for a few moments before she goes on. “And then, on the Friday we were going to that damn party at Chris’s house … I made the horrible mistake of mentioning that I could maybe hook up with Chris again.”

Noora purses her lips and Eva leans forward to kiss her. It’s just a short peck, but Sana can tell how much emotion is in that little kiss. Vilde cooes softly and Chris leans back against Noora’s bed, looking proud and content.

“I was afraid of what it meant that all I really wanted was to go to that party holding Noora’s hand and kissing her on the dancefloor for everyone to see.” Eva then goes on, her eyes not leaving Noora’s.

A little gasp escapes Noora at that, and she reaches out to frame Eva’s face with her hand. “I wanted that, too,” she says quietly, and while Sana is very happy for her two friends, she suddenly misses Yousef. Of course Sana knows she shouldn’t … But the way Noora and Eva look at each other reminds her of Yousef’s smile when his eyes meet hers, and it really makes her want to see him again.

“So, because I’m a fucking coward,” Eva says, but Noora shakes her head. Smiling softly, Eva kisses Noora’s wrist before she continues. “Naturally, I pushed Noora away, saying hooking up with her was just an experiment, like kissing Vilde last year. Noora then told me to piss off and that she regrets ever making a move on me, and I came to the party on my own.”

“So of course, I couldn’t come that night,” Noora says, looking at Sana again. “I wish I had though, since apparently, I might have been able to shut Sara up about the email thing at least.”

Sana waves her hand in a dismissive gesture. “It’s okay, really.”

Both Noora and Eva smile gently at Sana, and then Eva takes a deep breath, looking into Sana’s eyes. “Anyway, I came to that party feeling terrible about hurting Noora. And when Sara made her move with the fake Tinder and Insta account and the reveal about the William email and the damn recording … I just lost it. It felt like the whole world was against Noora and me being together. To me, it seemed obvious that you tried to bring Noora and William back together and even I had told her I didn’t want her. Also, the recording of you talking about me hooking up with guys every weekend made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for Noora anyway, since apparently, even my own friend thinks I am a slut.”

Sana makes a pained face and reaches out to take Eva’s free hand in hers. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am about what I said, Eva. You're not a slut, no matter what anyone says.”

Eva smiles warmly at that. “I understand, Sana. Noora told me about the talk you two had last week, and I thought for a long time about how we talk over you a lot and don’t really listen to you. Hell, I’m surprised you never yelled at us for being complete and utter idiots.”

Shuffling a little closer, Sana pushes her and Eva’s mug away to avoid knocking them over and wraps an arm around Eva, leaning their foreheads together. “It doesn’t matter, you’re all here now, listening. And I still should not have said that about you, and not just because I had no idea what was going on with you.” Sana moves her head back and hesitates before she goes on. Finally, Sana decides that she will no longer hide the way she thinks from her closest friends. 

“Allah says that we must respect everyone, regardless of how they live their lives. And when I said to Jamilla that I don’t think you should hook up with boys and get drunk so much, I was being unfair and bitter. It hurt to feel left out, and that’s why I let out everything that made me feel like an alien among you guys, but that doesn’t make it okay. It was horrible of me, to judge you girls without really knowing what you were going through.”

Sana lets out a long, shivering breath. Hardly ever has she said so much at a time to the girls - or to anyone really. And of course, she has never before spoken to the girls about her faith, at least not in this way.

So when Sana looks up and finds all four girls smiling kindly and feels Vilde’s hand on her shoulder, tears of joy well up behind her eyes for the hundredth time today.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak of Allah before,” says Chris then, her eyes sparkling.

“Is it scary?” Sana asks her, smiling awkwardly.

Rolling her eyes, Chris sighs dramatically. “Terrifying.”

All five girls laugh at that, and then Vilde touches Sana’s lower arm, frowning slightly. “Isn’t Jamilla that girl from the Hijabi police?”

Chris laughs out loud at that and Sana can’t help but chuckle along. “I reached out to her a few weeks ago, and we’re getting along again now,” Sana explains to Vilde.

“Oh, great,” Vilde says, smiling happily. “Isn’t it great that we all get along again too now? No more fights and no more misunderstandings.”

Sana is about to nod when she catches Chris’s eye. Chris nods at Sana and takes a sip of tea. Sana wants to ask if Chris and Eva are okay after the fight they had when going out together with Mutta, but then, as if she had read both their minds, Eva clears her throat.

“I owe one last apology,” she murmurs and looks up at Chris. “... to you.”

Chris stares at Eva and opens her mouth, most likely to tell her not to bother, but Eva is already going on.

“I know I technically apologised to you once, but that doesn’t count, because we both know I was drunk and didn’t really mean it.” 

Eva sighs and Chris watches her with an insecure expression on her face. “It was unfair of me to mock you, and you’re right: You are definitely not just our funny fat friend.” She smiles gently at Chris, who blushes slightly and turns her face away. “You’re the mum friend who brought the gang back together, for fuck’s sake,” Eva continues, making all five girls laugh.

But then, Vilde looks from Eva to Chris and back with a confused expression, both she and Noora shrugging when their eyes meet.

“Are we missing something?” Noora finally asks, prompting Chris to giggle.

Eva slaps a hand to her mouth and stares at Chris. “Fuck, that’s right, not everyone knows! I’m sorry, Chris!”

But Chris reaches out to pat Eva’s arm with a smile. “I guess that means it’s my turn to tell a story.”

Chris sits up a little straighter and turns to face Noora and Vilde, clearing her throat. “I’m … well, I’m together with Mutta.”

Noora’s eyes widen with surprise and Vilde squeals happily. Both of them raise their palms, encouraging Chris to give them a high-five. Chris slaps her hands to Noora’s and Vilde’s at the same time, letting out an uncharacteristic, excited giggle.

“Chris, that’s awesome,” says Noora, looking genuinely happy for Chris. “But what does that have to do with what Eva said?”

Eva takes a deep breath and then tells the same story Chris told Sana a week ago. “After that horrible party at Chris’ house, I asked Chris to go out on Saturday. She said yes but asked if Mutta can come along, since she already had plans with him. I didn’t really care, so we all went out for drinks. Chris and Mutta sat in a corner at one point, being cute and cuddly,” Eva pauses for a minute and winks at Chris, who’s blushing and hiding her face in her hands. “... and I had to go and be an asshole: I took a selfie with those two in the background, and I sent it to Isak with the caption ‘Forever alone’.”

Noora winces slightly and Vilde smiles fondly at Eva. “I have to admit I’m a bit relieved to hear that I’m not the only one who does stupid shit sometimes,” she says with a wink.

Eva nudges Vilde’s upper arm with her elbow, whispering “Oh, shut up,” before turning back to Noora and going on. “And to make it worse, I was drunk enough to let out a really offensive line when we were in the bathroom …” Eva pauses again, shaking her head at her former self. “I said I wasn’t surprised Mutta liked Chris because in ‘arab cultures’, voluptuous women are seen as gorgeous.”

Looking up at Sana, Eva folds her hands, a pleading look on her face. “Sana, please forgive me for even thinking that!”

Sana pries Eva’s hands apart and lets out a mock-frustrated groan. “Eva, please! You were drunk, unhappily in love and hurt, I understand.”

But Eva shakes her head, freeing her hands from Sana’s grip. “It’s never okay to say such things about a culture I have no clue about.”

The look in her eyes makes a shiver run down Sana’s spine. She’s dead serious, and in that moment Sana realises that Vilde isn’t the only one who learned a lot about the consequences of her words and actions. “Thank you, Eva,” Sana says quietly, giving her a grateful smile.

“The same goes for me, by the way,” says Vilde as if she’d heard Sana’s thoughts. “I’ll never judge a muslim again, I swear.”

Sana taps Vilde’s shoulder, realising that the corners of her mouth are really starting to hurt from smiling so much. “Awesome, Vilde.”

Vilde smiles again and then clears her throat, turning to Chris. “Did you check with Sana if that’s okay though? You dating Mutta I mean.”

Both Sana and Chris laugh at that, and Sana waves a finger in front of her face. “Only my brother is off limits.”

Noora catches Sana’s eye and slowly shakes her head with a knowing look on her face, and Sana knows she’s right. It’s Sana’s turn to confess something as well. Clearing her throat, she looks down at her hands and then adds quietly: “Well, my brother and … Yousef.”

For a moment, no one speaks. Noora and Chris are watching Sana with kind expressions, while Eva and Vilde are frowning slightly. But then, Vilde lets out a gasp.

“Do you … You like Yousef!” she squeaks, pointing at Sana.

Sana feels herself blush and suddenly can’t help but burst into giggles. Instead of answering, she just nods and hides her face in her hands.

“Awwh, Sana!” Sana hears Eva’s voice and a moment later, she feels four pairs of arms wrap around her. All four girls are wishing Sana well and saying they’re sure everything will work out with Yousef.

Sana is almost tempted to believe them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	98. Episode 8, Wednesday, 7th June, 21:34: I don’t even know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	99. Episode 8, Thursday 8th June, 18:23: Go Mamma Berg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	100. Episode 8, Friday 09th June, 17:58 : You can come in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear Lulu @thelordvoldemort on Tumblr was so kind and patient with me for this chapter!! She reviewed it and made sure I got Even's feelings and state of mind right, thank you so so much darling!

Sana is standing in Chris’s backyard, watching the group of people around her with a happy smile. Isak, Even, Magnus, Jonas and Mahdi as well as Linn and Eskild arrived shortly after Sana and Vilde - Vilde had insisted to meet Sana in town so they could arrive together.

Everyone helped spread out the snacks and salads on the table Chris and Noora prepared and now they’re all standing around, talking and chatting over glasses of juice, water or bottles of beer.

“So, how do you like living together?” Sana asks Isak and Even, who are standing in front of her, holding hands and both grinning from ear to ear.

“Well, he’s a handful sometimes,” says Even, ruffling Isak’s hair with his free hand.

Isak swats Even’s hand away and half-groans half-laughs before looking at Sana and clearing his throat. “Uh, it’s okay. As long as Even doesn’t make me help him look for his keys every day.”

All three of them laugh, and Even pulls Isak close, kissing his cheek. He murmurs something in his boyfriend’s ear that Sana can’t hear, mostly because Chris comes running out of the house, waving her arms and yelling “They’re here, they’re here. Everyone, hide!”

Isak and Even run to hide in the gazebo while Sana looks around for a moment and then follows Mahdi and Jonas behind a big rose bush. Jonas is giggling like a small child while Mahdi tries to shush him - without success.

“Sana, can you smack him for me, I don’t hit children,” Mahdi says and rolls his eyes at her. Sana gives him a wanna-be cold stare, but she’s sure the look in your eyes gives away how amused you are.

“What, and you think I _do_ hit kids?”

Jonas suppresses a laugh. “Yeah, Mahdi, why would anyone hit kids, seriously, you’re a monster.” He then raises his fist to Sana and she bumps it with hers.

“Shh!” Vilde hisses from behind a garden chair a few steps away from her and the two boys. “Jonas, Mahdi, you have to duck!”

The boys obey and Sana crouches down as well, exchanging an amused look with Jonas.

Seconds later, Sana hears Eva’s voice coming from the veranda. “Where are you taking me, Noora?” 

No one replies, but a moment later, Eva sucks in a breath. “Wait, where are we? This isn’t a restaurant, is it?”

And that’s when Noora says the agreed signal phrase. “No, it’s a party.”

Everyone jumps out of their hiding spots at once, yelling “Happy Birthday!” making Eva squeal and then laugh.

She’s standing on the terrace, already being hugged by Chris, Vilde and Eskild while the rest of the group is cheering and clapping around them.

“Aaah, I can’t believe this, you guys are so sneaky!” Eva yells and lets go of Vilde to throw her arms around Sana and Jonas at the same time. “Hi, so good to see you all.”

Soon, Eva is holding a bottle of beer and raises it, looking around at everyone. But when her eyes meet Sana’s, she clears her throat and hides the bottle behind her back for a moment.

“I’m so sorry Sana, you can’t drink yet, can you? How much longer?”

Sana laughs cheerfully and wraps an arm around Eva’s shoulder while getting her phone out of her pocket to check the time. “Exactly three hours and 11 minutes.”

Eva groans and rolls her eyes at Sana. “Are you okay? Isn’t it awful for you to just watch us eat and drink for three hours?”

“I’ll be fine, Eva, thank you,” Sana murmurs and looks into Eva’s eyes. “You just focus on celebrating your birthday, although we’re a week late.”

Nodding slowly, Eva squeezes Sana’s shoulder and then bops Sana’s nose with a serious expression on her face. “Come find me when the sun sets, I want to clink glasses with you when you break the fast, okay?”

“Awh, yes, I will,” Sana coos, feeling herself blush. A part of her wants to kick her former self for not opening up to her friends earlier. Because ever since Sana has started doing that, they keep showing her that _yes_ , they _do_ want to understand her better, and _no_ , they _don’t_ think Sana is weird for being different. Come to think of it, all five of them are different, each in her own way. And together, they are ‘Los Losers’, the official weirdos of the school, and proud of it.

Sana sits down on a garden chair on the terrace with a content sigh and watches her friends dance and celebrate while remembering the evening before. That Thursday evening at Noora’s kollektiv will go down in history as one of the best of Sana’s life, she’s sure of it.

Because after the initial awkwardness, last night was nothing short of amazing. Once the girls were done questioning and encouraging Sana about Yousef, they all started asking questions. Vilde wanted to know why exactly Sana fasts for a month, and if it is at all about losing weight. The rest of the girls groaned at that, but Sana knew where Vilde’s question came from - she had overcome an eating disorder herself after William had told her she wasn’t pretty enough last year. So Sana just smiled kindly and explained to Vilde that most people actually gained weight during Ramadan because of all the delicious food they eat between sunset and sunrise. She also elaborated that according to Islam, Mohammed received the Qu’ran from Allah during Ramadan, and Muslims commemorate that event by fasting from sunrise to sunset for a month.

Eva then asked how it works with falling in love, if Sana will ever be allowed to kiss Yousef without being married to him. That question made Sana smile and blush. She explained to Eva that for Sana, being muslim doesn’t mean she will have her first kiss after getting married. Eva’s mouth fell open at that and Sana went on to tell her that what is most important to her is privacy, winking conspicuously. They instantly took the hint and didn’t ask any further questions.

Next, Chris wanted to know about Sana’s basketball team and if there were actual games where people could come watch. Sana confirmed that happily and then told the girls about the game in Drammen at the end of the month. They all said they wanted to come, and Noora hesitantly asked if Sana could invite Jamilla as well, because Noora really wanted to meet her.

Sana’s trip down memory lane is interrupted by Vilde who pulls up a chair and sits down next to her. “Hey,” she says cheerfully with a broad smile.

“Hei Vilde, are you having a good time?” Sana asks, and points to the cup in her hand. Sana can see it’s filled with coke and not beer, as would usually be the case. “I see you’re serious about not drinking as much anymore. I like it.”

Vilde nods and grins even wider. “I don’t need to drink to have a good time, not when I’m around the best people in the world instead of a bunch of backstabbing bitches.”

That makes Sana laugh and Vilde puts and arm around her. “I wanted to ask you something,” Vilde then adds, and Sana immediately stops laughing, looking curiously at Vilde.

“What’s up?”

“Why did you help my mum that day? She’s … most people just think she’s a drunk and don’t pay attention when she’s lying on a bench somewhere. But you just … brought her home?” Vilde takes a deep breath and reaches for Sana’s hand, looking into Sana’s eyes. “She still talks about that, saying you made her feel like an actual person, not just like a failed mum who does everything wrong and deals with her problems by getting drunk.”

Biting her lip, Sana nudges Vilde’s shoulder with her own. “I felt bad for her, Vilde. She looked so alone and so unhappy. Also, it was pretty cold out, and I didn’t want her to get sick.”

“But you didn’t know who she was, did you? In the note you wrote ‘to Annalise’s daughter’, and not my name so …” Vilde frowns and lets out a sigh. “Are you … were you so kind to her because of your religion?”

That question catches Sana off-guard. Usually, she would ask a passive-aggressive question back, but Sana remembers her deal with Vilde. “Allah wants us to be kind to everyone, yes. But that’s not why I helped your mum,” Sana explains, looking into Vilde’s eyes. And that’s when Sana realises Vilde is close to tears.

“Why did you do this for my mother when I was so horrible to you so many times?” she asks, her voice breaking and Sana reaches out to wrap both arms around Vilde.

“Oh Vilde,” Sana whispers at her ear, running her hands up and down Vilde’s back, while Vilde clings to Sana and buries her face at Sana’s shoulder. “I saw a person who looked unhappy and troubled, and it just felt right to help. I would do it again any time. For you, for her, and for anyone who needs help.”

Vilde moves her head back and wipes her face with the back of her hand. Sana reaches for a napkin on the table in front of her and hands it to Vilde, smiling encouragingly. “Plus, you already apologised to me several times yesterday. I’m no longer angry with you, Vilde. So please don’t feel bad, okay?”

Vilde nods and sniffles a bit, and then Sana sees Magnus approaching the two of them, a worried look on his face.

“Are you okay, Villy?” he asks and takes Vilde’s hand, smiling gently.

“Yes, I am,” Vilde says and looks at Sana again. “Thank you so much again, Sana. Mamma wants to meet you some time, when she’s … well when she’s feeling okay.”

Sana’s eyes flit over to Magnus. She expects him to look confused, but his expression is unphased. “Is your mum feeling bad again?” he asks with a concerned frown, but Vilde just shakes her head.

“No, I just thanked Sana for bringing Mamma home about three weeks ago.” 

Magnus nods and smiles kindly at Sana.”Ah, yes. That was so nice of you, Sana.”

Sana smiles back, feeling herself blush. “Uh, thanks, Magnus,” she says, impressed by how honest Vilde and Magnus are with each other.

“I’ll get a beer, do you want one?” Magnus asks Vilde, who shakes her head. He then kisses her briefly and nods at Sana again before walking off to join the boys.

“He’s awesome. I’m so glad he believed me that nothing happened with Elias,” Vilde says and smiles brightly at Sana. “Thanks to you, again.”

“You’re so welcome, Vilde. I felt responsible in a way,” Sana admits. It still feels foreign to be so completely honest with Vilde. But it’s a good feeling, Sana decides.

Vilde’s smile grows impossibly wider and she gets to her feet to hug Sana again. “I love you, Sana.”

“I love you too,” Sana breathes and hugs her back, feeling dizzy with happiness. Vilde then leans back and is about to say something else when both of them suddenly turn around at the sound of Eva’s loud laugh. 

She’s standing next to Isak, who’s holding a champagne glass with his entire fist and grinning like an idiot. Isak obviously just told Eva a joke, because she is bending over, holding her stomach and laughing so much she has to gasp for air every few seconds.

After a while, Isak pats Eva’s back and pulls her upright again, murmuring something to her, and Eva nods with a bright grin. The two of them hug, and Sana smiles to herself, thinking that seeing Eva and Isak laugh together again might just be the best thing she’s seen all day.

Vilde walks over to Magnus, who wraps his arms around her from behind and kisses her cheek, making her smile and curl into him with a soft sigh. She looks so happy and relaxed, and after what Sana just witnessed, she’s not surprised: Vilde has found someone who accepts her for who she is and very obviously loves her just like that. With a happy grin, Sana leans back in her chair and then checks the time on her phone.

It’s only 18:43, and Sana decides she might as well give Eva her gift now, if for no other reason than to forget about food for a moment.

Luckily, Jamilla’s brother was in Morocco last week and came back two days ago. He was in Marrakech on his last day, so Jamilla asked him to bring something home for Sana’s friend. Sana is not sure if Eva will like it, but she has a similar piece at home and has a feeling that it will suit Eva as well.

Sana goes inside the apartment and makes her way to Chris’ bedroom, where she picks up the small dark red box wrapped with a simple white ribbon from the bed. With a pounding heart, she walks back outside and looks for Eva. 

To Sana’s relief, Eva is sitting alone on a bench a little away from the rest of the guests, most of whom are dancing and laughing in the middle of the lawn. Sana smiles at Eva and sits down next to her, carefully putting the red box in Eva’s lap.

“For me?” Eva asks and her face lights up as she inspects the box, running her fingers along the ribbon and untying it. “It looks so fancy, what is it?”

Sana shrugs with a wink. “Don’t know, open it.”

Eva giggles and then lifts the lid of the box, peeking inside. A surprised gasp escapes her and she claps the lid down, staring at Sana with wide eyes. “Sana, you shouldn’t have!”

Smiling broadly, Sana thinks that using two monthly allowances for Eva’s gift was everything BUT a waste of money. “Do you like it?” Sana asks, frowning slightly.

“Do I LIKE it? Sana, this might just be the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen!”

Eva lifts the lid of the box again just as Noora walks over and sits down on Eva’s other side, craning her neck to get a look. “Oh my God, Sana,” she exclaims and takes the lid out of Eva’s hand, placing it next to her on the bench.

Leaning her head against Eva’s shoulder, Noora stretches out a hand to touch the silver cuff bracelet Sana asked Jamilla’s brother to bring from Morocco.

While Noora carefully removes the bracelet from the box and inspects it with wide eyes, Eva throws both arms around Sana and kisses her cheek. “Thank you so so much, Sana, this is incredible! I will wear it every day! Or at least whenever I wear blue, it looks so gorgeous!”

Sana hugs her back, feeling happy and relieved. “You’re so welcome, I’m glad you like it.”

“Again, I don’t like it, I love this,” Eva insists and then holds out her right arm to Noora, who carefully slides the bracelet onto Eva’s wrist.

Holding up her arm, Eva stares at the piece of jewelry with sparkling eyes and a proud smile before turning to Sana and hugging her close again. “Thank you so so much, I really love this!”

Sana kisses Eva’s hair instead of replying and then watches her leap up and show her gift to everyone, making Sana blush with every impressed look thrown in her direction. “Look what Sana got me,” Eva says to Vilde, who gasps and points at Sana with an astonished stare.

Sana gets up and walks over to the two of them with Noora on her heels but before she’s even halfway across the lawn, Sana freezes on the spot, staring at the veranda.

Elias is standing there, smiling uneasily, apparently looking for someone. Sana is about to walk over to him and ask what the heck he’s doing here when Adam, Mikael, Muttasim and Yousef follow behind him, all looking just as awkward, and Sana knows exactly why.

Following their gazes, Sana notices Isak standing in the middle of the lawn, rooted to the spot, his mouth half-open in shock.

Sana’s head whips around and she spots Chris, emerging from the living room behind the boys with a slightly confused look on her face. But then Chris sees Isak’s expression and pales almost as much as him. If Sana didn’t know better, she’d say there’s a trace of guilt on Chris’s face, but when her eyes meet Sana’s, Chris just shrugs and mouths ‘what’s wrong?’

Finally, Sana’s brother clears his throat. “Happy Birthday, Eva,” he says brightly, walks over to Eva and shakes her hand. Eva smiles kindly and welcomes the boys to ‘the best birthday party ever,’ seemingly oblivious to the tension between Isak and the newcomers.

Yousef meets Sana’s eyes for a moment, smiling hesitantly. Sana smiles back but then shrugs apologetically, mouthing ‘Talk to you later.’ Frowning slightly, Yousef nods and then turns to shake Magnus’s hand.

While Elias, Mutta, Adam, Yousef and Mikael start greeting people and the tension slowly dissolves, Sana keeps her eyes on Isak, who is now staring at his phone. While Sana watches him, Isak slowly makes his way to the house, apparently forcing himself not to run. And that’s when Sana remembers seeing Even go inside while she was talking to Eva and Noora.

Sana follows about five steps behind Isak, and when she notices her brother making a move to go inside as well, she steps up to him, shaking her head. “Don’t,” she says as softly as she can, holding Elias’s gaze for a moment. Elias nods slowly, looking frustrated, but Sana has no time to soothe him. With one last glance back at Yousef - who’s looking at Sana as if he were debating whether or not he should go with her - Sana slips her shoes off at the veranda door and follows Isak into the apartment on bare feet.

Isak is crouching down in front of the bathroom door by the time Sana finds him, softly knocking at it with his knuckles. “Even?”

To Sana’s surprise, Isak’s voice is calm, and it hits her that Isak has probably gone through things like this with Even before. He doesn’t say anything else, but just presses his palm against the door.

Sana crouches down next to Isak, who throws a concerned look at her but doesn’t say anything.

After a moment, Sana hears laboured breaths from inside the bathroom, and her heart hurts at the thought of Even struggling to breathe just because Sana’s brother and his friends decided to crash the party.

Of course, Sana understands that the boys want to talk to Even again, but she would have thought they’re smarter than this. Ambushing him at Eva’s party was a pretty dumb idea and Sana makes a mental note to have some words about this with Elias later.

Sana is about to ask if she should leave, when suddenly the key turns in the lock and the bathroom door opens. Just a crack, though and Isak doesn’t go in right away. He slowly straightens up and then he meets Sana’s eye with a kind smile. “Stay here,” he mouths, so Sana gets up as well and leans against the wall, while Isak slowly pushes the door open and slips inside.

“Hey,” Sana hears him murmur, and then there is only silence for a few moments. Sana feels nervous, but since Isak obviously wanted her to stay, she doesn’t move away but just … waits. Isak has pushed the door half-close behind himself, but Sana can hear him muttering under his breath and Even mumbling short responses.

After about a minute, Isak says Sana’s name. “Sana’s in the hall,” he murmurs quietly, and Sana holds her breath, unsure what to expect.

Another moment later, Sana hears Even’s voice, barely audible. “Okay,” he says, his tone accepting, making it sound as if he’s stating a fact instead of agreeing to something. Sana frowns to herself, shuffling her feet. _Okay, what?_

“That means you can come in,” Isak clarifies as if he’d heard Sana’s thoughts. Still feeling incredibly awkward, Sana takes a deep breath and then finally moves her hand to the doorknob. She pushes the door open very slowly and sees Even and Isak sitting on the floor with their backs against the bathtub.

Even looks so small, knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. His head is resting on Isak’s upper arm, and he keeps wrapping the shoelaces of his left shoe around his fingers again and again. Watching him carefully, Sana can tell he’s not really seeing what his hand is doing. His jaw flexes from time to time, and he’s blinking a lot, as if he were trying to focus on something.

Sana has never seen Even like this and it’s worrying. But the fact that Isak is sitting next to his boyfriend with a relatively calm demeanor reassures her a little. When Even takes a deep breath, Sana realises that something about the way he's breathing isn't right. What really hits her though is that although it seems as if Even has just been running for his life and is now struggling to breathe normally again, he still looks like he has barely moved for days.

Isak looks up at Sana and gestures to the opposite wall with his chin, still not saying a word. Sana smiles uneasily at him and then points to the floor opposite him and Even, wordlessly asking if she should sit down. Isak nods and Sana slowly slides to the floor, facing the two boys. Even doesn’t seem phased, staying exactly as he was. Sana takes that as a good sign.

For a few minutes, the three of them just sit in silence, and just when Sana is beginning to think she better leave the two of them alone, she feels something nudging the side of her foot. Looking up, Sana notices it’s Even’s shoe, and she considers apologising, thinking that he must not have wanted the contact.

But then Even does it again. He moves his left foot and nudges Sana’s with it, not looking up or giving any other indication that he’s aware of what he’s doing. Still, it makes Sana smile a little.

She watches Even carefully as he buries his face at Isak's upper arm, taking a deep breath. Isak stays still, just looking at Even, patiently waiting for him to be ready move.

Very slowly, Even’s breathing becomes less laboured, and after what seems like at least ten more minutes, he nods to himself and sits up a little straighter.

It takes another while until Even is ready to get up. He gets on his hands and knees and then stands up, and Sana is glad to notice he’s steady on his feet. Looking at his shoes, Even then starts moving his right hand up along his left upper arm to cup his neck and back down, as if to soothe himself.

Sana is not surprised to see that Isak doesn’t touch Even after getting up himself. Even’s posture and expression make it clear that Even doesn’t want to be touched right now.

So Sana makes sure to move slowly while getting to her feet, afraid of startling Even. But he looks much calmer already, although he's still not looking at either Sana or Isak.

After a while, Even cracks half a smile, as if to apologise, hardly meeting Sana’s eye though. Sana shakes her head to let him know he has nothing to apologise for, but Even doesn’t seem to see it.

Instead he briefly looks at Isak, who opens his mouth to speak, but then Even steps forward and wraps his arms around Sana. Before Sana can even think to hug him back properly, he lets go. And with another look at Isak and a not-quite smile at Sana, he walks out of the bathroom.

Isak nods gratefully at Sana and then he's hugging her too.

“Thank you,” he murmurs at Sana’s shoulder and then follows Even without another word.

After Sana hears the front door click shut behind them, she needs a few minutes to recover from what she just witnessed. Somehow, she feels honoured that Even was comfortable to have her around while he was feeling so vulnerable. Yet, Sana still feels guilty. She didn’t invited the boys, but she did encourage Elias to text Even, and Sana remembers Elias telling her he’d done that on Thursday … Even must have been feeling anxious before he even showed up at the party …

After a while, Sana steps back out onto the terrace, and within seconds, Chris, Noora, Eva and Vilde are standing in front of Sana, their faces full of confused concern.

“It’s okay, Even and Isak went home,” Sana says with a hesitant look at all four of them. “Even is okay, I think. At least he will be.”

“What happened?” asks Vilde, sounding curious but also careful.

And before Sana has a chance to explain, tears start running down her face. Sana tries to wipe them off, but then Vilde throws her arms around her, pushing her back into the apartment, out of sight of the other party guests.

By the time the five of them reach Chris’ bedroom, Sana is actually sobbing, unable to stop. She’s not even sure why exactly. It must be a mix of guilt for causing Even to panic and the painful memories of her past who have come back to haunt her lately.

Just like after the party at Chris’ house, Sana cries for what feels like hours, but this time, she’s not alone. This time Sana has four pairs of arms, four soothing voices, and most importantly, four open minds, ready to listen to her and make her feel better - once she can finally stop crying at least.

And it’s that thought that turns at least a few tears of sorrow into tears of joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	101. Glossary for Episode 9

msemen: Moroccan square pancakes

Marhaba: “Hello” in Arabic

Darija: Arabic dialect 

Habibi: “Darling” in Arabic, male form

Kubb: Nordic skill game for outdoors

Øya: Øya Music Festival in Oslo

Habibti: “Darling” in Arabic, female form

Du’a: “Supplication”, used for open prayer, mostly in the believer's mother tongue

Bismillah hir Rahman nir raheem "In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful" in Arabic, a phrase used to address Allah in Du’a


	102. Episode 9, Saturday 10th June, 03:15 Right about what?

Waking up to her Suhoor alarm, Sana quickly turns it off to not wake the others. She lets out a soundless yawn and suddenly notices that Chris’s arm is wrapped around her waist. Very carefully, Sana lifts up Chris’s wrist to slip out of bed. Chris sighs in her sleep and then turns around to face Vilde. 

Sana picks up her phone from the nightstand and remembers just in time that Eva and Noora are sleeping on the floor. Tiptoeing across the room, she carefully opens the door and then risks a look back at her sleeping friends. Chris has her back turned to Sana, and Sana can’t see Vilde from here, but she smiles at the sight of Noora and Eva, who are curled up under an extra blanket on a thin mattress. They’re facing each other, their hands intertwined, looking so peaceful Sana feels tempted to kiss both their cheeks.

With a huge smile on her face, Sana softly closes the door and makes her way to the bathroom. She brushes her hair and splashes some water on her face, slowly waking up.

While she ties her hair into a knot with a hairband, Sana’s mind wanders back to the night before. The girls brought Sana back here, refusing to leave her alone, although she couldn’t tell them much. Sana didn’t want to talk about Even and the boys, plus she was too upset to speak more than necessary anyway. So Sana merely said that Even and the boys knew each other from before, but that it wasn’t her place to talk about it. 

Sana dimly recalls Chris asking Sana’s mother if it was okay for the four of them to sleep over because ‘we need to talk about some stuff. Girl talk.’ Mamma was surprised but seemed to notice that Sana needed her friends to be around. And before Sana knew it, the girls manoeuvred her into her room and gently helped her change into her pajamas.

Sana smiles at the memory of Vilde asking her three times if it was okay for her to take off Sana’s hijab before very carefully removing the pins. Vilde neatly folded the scarf and underscarf, placing it on Sana’s nightstand and then she gently removed Sana’s hairband, admiring Sana’s shiny black hair. Sana takes good care of it, so she knows her hair looks good, but Vilde’s gasp still surprised her. “Sana, your hair is so beautiful,” Vilde said and Sana could tell Vilde swallowed a remark about it being a pity that Sana hides her hair underneath a hijab. 

Instead, Vilde cleared her throat and added: “I think this - “ she twirled a lock of Sana’s hair between her fingers, smiling kindly at Sana. “- is a treasure worth hiding. Only people who are worthy should ever get to see it.” The other three agreed, making Sana cry all over again. _Alhamdulillah for my amazing friends._

Just remembering those moments from last night makes Sana smile so hard her mouth hurts. She cried a lot last night, but it felt like it was long overdue. And now, Sana feels at peace and ready to take on the next challenges in her life - like, for example … not hiding from Yousef anymore?

But first, it’s time to eat.

Sana nods at her reflection and then washes the last traces of tears and make-up off her face. Now she feels properly awake, not to mention, a little hungry. Although, Sana has had plenty of great food last night already.

At Iftar last night when Sana’s alarm went off, Eva brought her a piece of birthday cake, a bottle of water and a champagne glass filled with coke to clink glasses with Sana, as she had announced earlier. After emptying the bottle in twenty seconds, Sana raised her glass to Eva’s and congratulated her again. Then Sana dug into the delicious cake. She had barely eaten two bites, when Chris and Vilde arrived with several plates laden with food from the buffet. They had put it aside in the fridge to make sure there was still some left by the time Sana could eat.

Unfortunately, Vilde’s pasta salad had non-halal ham in it, and she apologised at least three times, but Sana merely shushed her. Of course Sana still had to try some of it, picking the ham pieces out. But unlike countless other times, it didn’t feel frustrating, because Sana’s friends were aware and accepting of her dietary restrictions.

Elias, Mutta, Mikael, Adam and Yousef soon joined the girls at the dining room table, and although Sana felt exhausted from fasting and the incident with Even earlier, sharing food and some laughs with all of them considerably raised Sana’s spirits.

That memory makes Sana’s stomach rumble, and she takes a last look at her reflection before she heads to the living room. To her surprise, Sana finds Elias setting the table for Suhoor. 

“Morning, Sana,” he calls, but Sana shushes him instantly.

“My friends are still sleeping,” she berates him, causing Elias to nod with a smug grin.

“Sorry, little sister, “ he says softly, putting down a jug of juice on the table. “I’m not used to you having friends over.”

His voice is full of warmth, so although Sana rolls her eyes, she can’t avoid a tiny smile curling her lips. “I hope Mamma and Pappa like them,” she says before she can stop herself.

Sana’s brother puts the last fork down on the table and comes over to put a hand on her shoulder. “Sana, your friends are awesome!” 

Sana stares at him but before she can ask anything, Elias lets out a low chuckle and goes on. “Did Vilde tell you we made a deal to stop drinking? Whenever we’re at the same party, we will not let the other drink anything. And Mutta has never been happier, Chris is really good for him. Also, latest when Mamma and Pappa see how good they are to you, there is no way they won’t like your girls, I promise you.”

 _Ok, WOW, that’s too much for half past three in the morning_ . “Vilde and you made _what_?” Sana asks, almost forgetting to speak softly. 

“Of course, _that’s_ the only part of that you heard huh?” Elias says, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m hurt, Sana.”

Clearing her throat, Sana smiles at him. “Alright, sorry. Thank you, and I hope you’re right.”

“Right about what?” asks Mamma, coming out of the kitchen with a huge tray laden with food: A pan full of fresh scrambled eggs, msemen pancakes, almond milk, fresh berries, home-made bread and yoghurt. Just looking at the tray makes Sana’s mouth water. Elias hurries over to take the tray from Mamma and answers her question.

“Sana is worried you won’t like her friends.”

“Elias!” Sana hisses, but when she sees Mamma’s confused frown, she already knows he didn’t really do any damage.

“Now, why would I not like them, Sana?” Mamma asks as she and Elias spread out the food on the table. “I already met Chris once before, and I think I told you she seems kind. And the other three are just as lovely.” 

With a big smile, Mamma then walks over to Sana and cups her cheek with one hand. “But most importantly, they obviously care about you a lot, and that’s all I need to know.”

“Thanks, Mamma,” Sana murmurs softly just as Pappa walks in.

“Marhaba, my beautiful ladies,” he sings, making Mamma hiss quietly.

“Saïd, we have guests who are still sleeping, don’t raise your voice,” she says in Darija and Pappa raises his hands in defeat, chuckling shortly.

“Forgive me, my love,” he replies and walks over to the table, kissing Mamma’s cheek. “And Elias, what gives us the honour of seeing you at Suhoor?”

“I went to bed on time for once,” Elias says, grinning widely. Sana catches his eye and smiles back knowingly. _I went to bed on time_ is obviously code for _I didn’t get drunk last night,_ and Sana makes sure Elias sees her approving nod. _I’m proud of you._

The four of them then sit down to eat. As usual, Suhoor is a quiet meal. Since the will all be fasting for nineteen hours, they savour every bite. But although they hardly speak, Sana loves every minute sitting at the table with her parents and Elias. All of them exchange quiet smiles and satisfied sighs whenever they are enjoying a certain food particularly much - mostly Mamma’s almond milk, which is just … unparallelled.

Shortly before four o’clock, they all help each other clearing the table and once again, Sana stares incredulously at her brother when he volunteers to do the dishes. “That’s the son I raised,” says Pappa and grabs a towel from one of the hangers next to the fridge. “You ladies, let the men do the chores today and go back to sleep.”

Mamma laughs happily and wraps her arms around Pappa’s shoulder. “I love you, habibi,” she murmurs and kisses Pappa’s forehead. Sana marvels at the two of them while Elias pulls a pretend-disgusted grimace in the background. For some reason, Sana’s parents are still embarrassingly cute, after over twenty-five years of marriage.

Sana can only hope she and her future husband will be the same one day ...

She wraps her arm around Mamma’s shoulder and walks her to her parents’ bedroom. “I hope you can sleep some more,” Sana tells her and Mamma kisses Sana’s cheek.

“You too, Sana. I’ll make breakfast for your friends later, just wake me up …”

“I don’t think they’ll let me do that, Mamma. They’re all very polite,” Sana retorts, not without pride.

Mamma chuckles quietly and nods, a thoughtful look on her face. “Sleep well, Sana.”

Minutes later, Sana crawls back into bed. Chris seems to be half awake because she moves aside a little to make room for Sana. Smiling to herself, Sana curls up under the blanket, feeling full and happy, and not just from the food.

Within minutes, she’s gone back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	103. Episode 9, Saturday, 10th June, 11:03: I’m so dumb

"

Okay, Meryem, I think it’s settled: your pancakes are better than Mamma’s,” Eva declares and smiles brightly at Sana’s mother. 

“Eva!” Mamma acts shocked. “Don’t let your mother hear that!” She chuckles quietly though and pats Eva’s shoulder. “You should say they’re _different_ , because they’re actually not pancakes but msemen.”

“Shit, right, I’m sorry,” Eva says, immediately clapping a hand to her mouth. “Argh, I’m not supposed to curse, am I? Sana said during Ramadan ..”

“Breathe, Eva,” Sana says, touching Eva’s arm. “It’s okay.”

Eva smiles at Sana with relief and then reaches for Noora’s hand under the table. “Anyway, do you think I could get the recipe?” she asks and bats her eyelashes at Mamma.

Everyone laughs at that and Vilde clears her throat. “No offense, Eva, but you can’t cook.”

“But my girlfriend can,” Eva says and kisses Noora’s hand. Noora blushes slightly and giggles, throwing a hesitant look at Sana’s mother.

Mamma welcomed Sana’s friends with open arms last night already. But this morning, when Sana led the girls into the kitchen, Mamma was waiting for them with breakfast - mostly leftovers from Suhoor - and introduced herself with her first name. 

Sana has never been prouder of her mother. 

Especially now, when Noora leans over to kiss Eva’s cheek and Mamma just chuckles happily, Sana wonders why she’s ever doubted that her mother would like her friends - exactly the way they are.

“Thank you so much for breakfast, Meryem,” says Noora and smiles brightly at Mamma. “You can’t even eat after sunrise and you made all this for us!” She hesitates for a second and then adds: “If you want, I would love to invite you and Said for dinner at my place once?”

Once again, Sana is smiling so hard her mouth is starting to hurt. “Oh, Mamma, Noora is an amazing cook,” Sana says very earnestly, which makes Noora blush again.

“I’m sure she is! Thank you, Noora, we’d love to come by some time,” Mamma says with her hand on Noora’s shoulder. “And I will gladly write down the msemen recipe for you.”

Only when the girls get up and thank Sana’s mother for breakfast again, Sana realises that Chris has been unusually quiet. She makes a mental note to text Chris later to ask if something is up. But then, Chris suddenly clears her throat while the other three are putting on their shoes.

“Uh, I think I’ll stay behind for a bit,” she says, giving Sana an intense look. “I … have a question about … our German homework.”

Staring at Chris for a second, Sana blinks two times and then catches on. “The simple past form, I remember,” she says quickly with a slow nod.

Noora, Eva and Vilde all frown at Chris and Sana. “You still have homework for German?” asks Vilde and bends down to tie the laces of her trainers.

“That sucks,” Eva chuckles, making a face and wrapping her arm around Noora’s waist. “Have fun, I guess?”

Noora bops Eva’s nose with her index finger, leaning into her and then turning to Sana, Vilde and Chris. “We should do something together tomorrow? Maybe go out for coffee or something?”

This time, Sana doesn’t even consider lying to her friends. “Uh, I don’t know if I’ll have time, I’m thinking of going to see Isak and Even.”

Chris pales slightly at that. “Oh?”

“That’s nice of you,” Vilde says and smiles fondly. “I’m glad they were there for you when we ..”

Shaking her head, Sana walks up to Vilde and gives her a hug. “Nei, Vilde,” she whispers at Vilde’s ear, making both of them giggle.

“Who knew that your biology partner could become your best bud, huh?” Eva chuckles with a wink at Sana.

“Excuse you, the position of my best bud is taken,” Sana gives back, grinning broadly. She then opens her arms, waiting for all four girls to come closer for a group hug. “You’re my favourite people of all time,” Sana says into the circle, looking at them one after another.

“Awh, Sana, you’re gonna make me cry,” says Noora with a bright smile and touches Sana’s chin. “Likewise, though. I’m so glad we worked things out.”

The other three agree, and then Sana and Chris hug Vilde, Eva and Noora goodbye. Sana promises them to text as soon as she knows if she’ll have time to meet up tomorrow, and then Sana and Chris are alone.

Chris sighs deeply and is about to start talking, but Sana holds up a hand. “Not here, my brother is bound to walk in on us any minute,” she explains, grabs a hold of Chris’s arm and swiftly walks them both back to her room.

As the two of them settle on Sana’s bed, Chris giggles nervously and runs a hand through her hair, looking into Sana’s eyes and then at her own knees again.

“Alright, what is it?” Sana asks eventually, not sure what to expect. Chris doesn’t usually act like this, so it is a little disconcerting to see her giggle like a little kid.

Chris sighs deeply and then clears her throat. “I’m so dumb sometimes, Sana. All I wanted was Mutta to be there as my boyfriend and for him to see Even again, but I had no idea it would go to shit like that.”

For a long moment, Sana doesn’t say anything, processing what Chris just said. Eventually, Sana realises that Chris just admitted to inviting the boys to the party. The first thought going through Sana’s head at that is that she’s very glad she didn’t confront the boys last night already about ambushing Even like that.

“Sana?” Chris waves her hand in front of Sana’s face, looking worried. Sana sits up straighter with a start.

“Sorry, I’m … So … you invited your boyfriend AND his friends to the party?”

Chris groans helplessly and nods. “I said it was okay if all of them came. Mutta never told me why exactly he and the boys stopped talking to Even. He just mentioned that he misses him when I told him that I know Even. I had no idea it would upset Even so much. I feel terrible.”

Sana shakes her head incredulously and reaches out to touch Chris’s arm. “I’m not going to lie, Even was quite upset.” Chris makes a face, clenching her hands into fists, but when Sana smiles gently, she relaxes a little. “However, I know that my brother and his friends don’t hold grudges. I think they’ll forgive you.”

“What about Even though? What if what I did caused him to have an episode or something?” Chris bites her upper lip, looking terrified. Sana gets up on her knees and puts her hands on Chris’s shoulders.

“I don’t think it’s that bad, Chris. Even and I … we’ve been talking,and he’s told me he wants to see the boys again. So he’s probably been working up the courage to meet them again anyway.” 

Letting out a long breath, Chris nods slowly as Sana sits back down. “So you think he wasn’t entirely blind-sided?”

Again, Sana shakes her head. “No. I think he definitely didn’t expect to see the boys that day, but I guess he’s sort of been preparing himself to meet them again.” For a moment, Sana hesitates before adding: “If you want, I could tell Even tomorrow when I see him?”

Chris’s eyes go wide and she nods eagerly. “Yes, please. I would feel awkward to just walk up to him and tell him … you know him better than I do.” She sighs deeply and bites her lower lip. “Tell him I’m incredibly sorry and hope he can forgive me.”

Sana nods and smiles at Chris. “Like I said, I think he won’t be mad, but I will tell him.”

“Thank you,” Chris says simply, smiling back gratefully.

After a moment of silence, Chris clears her throat again. “I still should have asked if I can invite your brother, that wasn’t okay. Vilde did the same thing a few weeks ago…”

“Shush, Chris I’m not mad at you, okay?” Sana gently interrupts. “I’m just … a little worried about Even.”

Chris waits for a moment and then sighs deeply. “I want to apologise to the boys, and to Even. How should I do that?”

Sana thinks about that for a moment. “To be honest, I don’t think Even would want you to apologise. He’s a very forgiving person.”

Chris makes a face. “I am not surprised.” Pursing her lips, she adds: “Damn, why did I have to be so damn thick?”

“Why didn’t you tell us you invited the boys anyway?” Sana asks, although she has an idea already.

Chris sighs deeply and rolls her eyes before she replies. “I wanted to surprise Mutta. And …” She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip. “I also wanted it to be … natural that Mutta is there, you know? I guess I wanted to show you guys that we are serious… I know Eva apologised and meant it, but …” Chris looks at her hands, twiddling her thumbs and Sana feels a wave of sympathy for Chris.

“I get it,” Sana murmurs earnestly,, hoping that Chris sees in her eyes just how well Sana understands her. “Really, Chris, I do.”

“Thank you,” Chris says and leans forward to wrap her arms around Sana. “You’re really amazing you know that, right?”

Blushing slightly, Sana pulls back and shrugs with a small smile. “I’m just … honest?”

Chris nods slowly, holding on to Sana’s wrist. “Hell yes, you are.”

“Likewise,” Sana gives back and then she thinks of something. Putting up a hand, Sana perks up her ears. After a few seconds, she hears what she expected: Loud chatter and laughter coming from the courtyard.

Sana gets to her feet, walking over to the window. “Yup, the boys are outside, playing Kubb. Do you want to go talk to them?”

Chris’s eyes go wide again, this time with a mix of surprise and fear, but she nods after only a moment. “Uh, sure?”

Sana walks around the bed and links arms with Chris, leading her out into the hall. “Just a heads-up, they might try to fake being angry just to mess with you,” Sana warns Chris while both of them put on their shoes.

“Good to know,” Chris chuckles and then follows Sana downstairs. She stumbles a few times, obviously nervous, but smiles bravely every time Sana catches her eye.

When the two of them step out of the back door and into the sunlight, the boys all look up, calling “Hey Sana” almost in unison, making Sana grin. Mutta smiles at Chris who blushes and smiles back at the same time as Sana returns Yousef’s grin. _Damn, we’re such saps._

“Do you girls want to join in?” Adam asks, winking at the two girls. Sana chuckles shortly and shakes her head.

“Not really, thanks. But Chris has something to say.” Sana smiles at her friend, who is standing next to Sana with her hands in her pockets, looking a little flustered.

“What did we do now?” asks Elias with a doubtful look on his face, but his lips curve upward in an almost-smile when he sees how nervous Chris is.

“You didn’t do anything, I did,” Chris blurts out, making all five boys frown at her. Mutta steps closer and puts an arm around his girlfriend.

“What are you talking about?” he asks softly and Chris smiles at him before looking at the other four boys.

“Uh, so … I know I kind of screwed you over by inviting you to that party. I didn’t tell Sana you guys were coming, and I had no idea Even would be so upset…” She takes a deep breath and throws a glance at Sana before clearing her throat and adding: “I’m really sorry, and I hope that I didn’t ruin your chances of … getting along with Even again.”

Chris leans into Mutta who puts both arms around her and kisses the top of her head. “I know you meant well,” he murmurs gently, and Sana can’t help but smile happily at the two of them. 

Elias then clears his throat, making everyone look up at him. “Hey, I can’t speak for everyone, but for what it’s worth: I am not mad at you.”

Chris grins at him with a wink, and Sana can tell she sees the silent _“Thank you for letting me crash on your couch and not telling anyone about me getting drunk”_ in his eyes.

Adam, Yousef and Mikael nod in agreement and smile forgivingly at Chris, who lets out a long breath and leans her head on Mutta’s shoulder. “Thanks, boys, I’m really glad.”

Sana grins contently at the six of them, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I suppose you guys still want to talk to Even again?”

The boys and Chris all turn to Sana, looking hopeful and confused at the same time. Yousef is the first to speak. “Of course we do,” he says with a conviction that makes Sana smile far too much. He grins back and winks at her, which turns her knees into butter. Forcing herself to calm down, Sana is about to say that she could try and talk to Even about the matter, when she hears Mikael’s soft voice speaking up.

“But it has to be on his terms.”

Sana turns to look at him. Mikael purses his lips and clears his throat, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I mean …” he looks down at his shoes for a moment as Adam wraps an arm around his shoulder. “It was because of me … I made Even feel like I hated him, and I … can’t hurt him like that, not again.”

Mutta, Yousef and Elias all shake their heads and Adam pulls Mikael a little closer. “We all made a mistake, Mikael, not just you.”

The other three boys nod, and then Mutta turns to Sana with a hesitant smile. “Do you think … how should we go about talking to Even?”

Sana makes a face. “To be honest, I think Mikael’s right. You should wait for him to make a move,” she says earnestly. Mikael nods approvingly as Sana goes on. “I’m pretty sure it won’t be long, though.”

The boys all nod slowly and Elias clears his throat. “Alright, then. Thanks, little sister.”

“Now, who’s up for some Kubb?” says Adam, and to Sana’s surprise, Chris raises her hand.

“I haven’t played in ages, so if you don’t mind explaining the rules to me again, I can join,” she says hesitantly, making Mutta beam at her with pride in his eyes.

“Of course,” all five boys say at once and start talking at the same time. Chuckling happily, Sana can’t help but think that her former self who decided her brother and his friends meeting the girls was a bad idea … well, that Sana was definitely absolutely wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	104. Episode 9, Saturday 10th June, 17:03:  just bribing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	105. Episode 9, Sunday 11th June, 15:08: She misses you too

Sana is not as nervous as the last time she came here, but when the door opens, she’s certainly surprised. A beautiful, short-haired blond girl, wearing blue jeans and a white T-shirt stands in the doorway, and when she smiles brightly, Sana remembers that she’s seen this girl before.

“Hi, you’re Sana, right?” the girl says and Sana nods slowly, clearing your throat.

“Uh yes, and you’re Sonja, if I remember correctly?”

Sonja nods and steps aside to let Sana in. “Yes. I think we met at that neon party at Isak’s kollektiv last year.”

“Ah yes,” Sana confirms, unsure what to think of the fact that Even’s ex-girlfriend is at his and Isak’s apartment.

But before Sana can so much as think of asking a question, Even appears in the doorway to the main room. “Sonja, I think Isak just broke his thumb trying to hammer in a nail …”

Sonja winces and hurries past Even, rolling her eyes. “I think I told you to keep your hands off anything that can break bones, Isak?” Sana hears Sonja say, her voice chastising and amused at the same time. Isak grumbles something unintelligible in response, making Sana roll her eyes at Even.

However, Even just shrugs before he gallantly takes Sana’s jacke from her and hangs it on one of the coat hooks next to the door. “Both Isak and I suck at hanging pictures; Sonja is our handyman,” he explains.

“Aha,” Sana says curtly, smirking at Even when he turns back around to face her. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and a black T-shirt with the word “Illuminati” printed on it in white. Although he still looks a little rattled, Sana is relieved to notice that Even seems much calmer than the last time she saw him.

Even leads Sana to the kitchen, where he pulls out one of three chairs standing around a tiny table and points to it with an inviting smile. Sana thanks him with a nod, as Even sits down across from her.

Just like on Friday, Even’s eyes aren’t really focused on Sana, almost as if he were half lost in thought. Sana doesn’t want to overwhelm him, so she just sits in silence with him for a moment.

Sonja and Isak are talking and laughing in the other room and just when Sana is about to ask if she should go help them, Even sits up a little straighter and clears his throat.

“Uh, I’d offer you a glass of water, but you still have two weeks of Ramadan left, right?” he says with a slight frown on his face.

“Yes, I am counting the days to Eid,” Sana replies, which makes Even laugh shortly. 

He smiles absent-mindedly and when he doesn’t reply, Sana decides to take the opportunity to dig the box of freshly baked Halwa Chebakia out of her backpack. 

“Isak tells me you still like those,” Sana murmurs and puts the box on the table.

Even stares at the box for a moment and then smiles, lifting the lid. When he sees what’s inside, his face lights up even more. “Halwa! Again!”

He reaches across the table to take Sana’s hand in his and his eyes meet Sana’s for the first time. “You shouldn’t have, but thank you so much,” he says with his warm, deep voice.

“You’re welcome.” Sana hesitates for a second before she adds: “Mamma insisted I bring you some when I told her I’m coming over.”

Sana is relieved to see a smile curling Even’s lips upwards. But then his face falls again and he looks - almost embarrassed. “I miss your mum,” he admits, staring at the box of Halwa in front of him.

Shaking her head, Sana covers Even’s hand with her own. “She misses you too, Even,” she all but whispers, and when Even meets her eye again, Sana goes on. “In fact, she said I should tell you that if you ever want to come over again, the door is always open for you.”

Even gasps at that, but then an incredulous smile appears on his face. “Really?” He slowly starts rocking his and Sana’s joint hands back and forth, his expression suddenly hopeful.

“Of course, Even! Mamma always loved you, and she never stopped.” Sana is fighting tears now, but she’s not sure why. Even’s breath hitches and Sana notices his grip on her hand loosens a bit. He’s no longer moving their hands back and forth, and Sana wonders why she’s suddenly so emotional. Maybe it’s because both she and Even know they’re not just talking about Sana’s mother, but also about the boys, although Sana would bite her tongue off before mentioning them to Even. After what happened on Friday …

“Hey Sana,” Isak’s voice interrupts Sana’s thoughts, making her look up with a start. He and Sonja are standing in the doorway with matching grins.

“Hey,” Sana replies with a smile at Isak.

“We managed to hang all four frames,” Sonja announces and walks over to the counter, opening one of the cupboards. “Does anyone else need some water?”

Isak puts up his hand and smiles at Even, who shakes his head, motioning his chin towards Sana. Isak’s eyes go wide for a second and then he nods at Even, pulling up the third chair and sitting down next to him. Flashing Sana a kind smile, Isak clears his throat.

“Uh, actually, no thanks. Sana can’t drink yet so ..”

“Oh my gosh, guys, you don’t have to be _that_ polite,” Sana calls out and then turns around to Sonja, who’s frowning slightly. “It’s Ramadan, I don’t drink or eat until sunset, but please,” Sana puts up a hand when Sonja moves to close the cupboard again without taking out a glass. “Drink if you’re thirsty, otherwise I’ll feel stupid.”

Sonja laughs shortly, filling up a glass and then leaning at the counter. “I didn’t know you’re not even allowed to drink during the day,” she says, watching Sana with a mix of worry and interest. “Isn’t that really hard? I mean it’s so warm out.”

Sana shrugs with a grin. “I get used to it after a while.”

Sonja smiles back shyly, taking a sip of her water, and when Sana notice Sonja doesn’t know what to say to that, she adds: “plus, the food we get to eat after sunset is really amazing so ..”

Suddenly, Even pats the box Sana brought and pushes it across the table to Sonja. “This, for example,” he says, grinning broadly.

Sonja’s face lights up with curiosity and she lifts the lid to peek inside. “Oh, that smells so good.” She throws a hesitant look at Even. “Can I try one?”

“Sure, Sana brought them for us,” says Even with a hint of pride in his voice and smiles at Sana, making her blush.

“Oh wow, this is really good,” says Sonja, after biting off a part of a piece of Halwa, looking at Sana with intrigue. “Did you make these?”

Sana exchanges a grin with Isak. “My mother, but I helped,” she replies, ignoring Isak’s quiet snigger.

“Well, this has got to be the best pastry I’ve tasted in a while,” Sonja says, looking genuinely impressed. She hesitates for a second and then looks at Even and Isak. “Do you think I could bring some home for my mum?” 

Even nods and Isak shoots Sonja a mock-distrustful look. “Eh, not more than three though …”

Sonja laughs, patting Isak’s upper arm while emptying her water glass in one gulp. “No worries, I’ll just ask Sana for the recipe.”

She winks at Sana and then turns to Even, who has already gotten up and is wrapping four pieces of Halwa in a paper towel. “Awh, thank you Ev,” Sonja cooes and smiles brightly at him.

Even grins and winks at her as she takes the little package from him. “No problem.”

Sonja grins happily and then clears her throat. "Alright, I think I'll go to the studio for a bit. Anders says if we record the rest of my songs by the end of this week, he can give it to his friend and I might have a shot at getting a slot on a tiny stage at Øya!" She lets out an excited squeal and Isak's eyes go wide.

"Wow, that would be awesome, Son! Anders sure has some useful friends," he says, his voice full of honest admiration.

Sonja waves her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Listen, like with all of my brother's friends, I don't trust Anders's words until he actually proves they're worth something." She winks with a cheeky grin and then points at Isak and Even.

"Anyway, don’t forget to let me know if you have any friends who love music and are looking for a job, okay? Anders is desperate to find an intern for the sound technician, they’re quite short-handed right now.”

Both boys nod dutifully and Sonja turns to Sana. “It was so good to see you Sana! Maybe some other time?”

“Same,” Sana replies and gets to her feet at the same time as Isak and Even to hug Sonja goodbye. “I’d love that, yes.” Sana is not surprised to notice she means it.

“Bye Even,” Sonja says and briefly wraps an arm around his shoulder. Even smiles fondly at her and hugs her back. 

“See you soon, Sonja,” he says gently and then sits back down as Isak accompanies Sonja to the hallway.

Sana looks at Even again, who takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes for a moment. 

Not wanting to startle him, Sana waits for Isak to come back without saying anything. Once Isak has sat back down, he studies Even for a moment and then turns to Sana.

“So, did you just come here to bribe me for my bio notes with pastry, Sana?” he asks, smirking cheekily.

Both Sana and Even chuckle slightly at that and Sana shakes her head. “No.”

Even raises Isak’s and his linked hands to his lips and kisses his boyfriend’s wrist. “Isak said he already told you I am not accepting your apology.”

He winks at that, making Sana giggle. “I know, but ... “ she takes a deep breath. “I still wanted to explain … how Friday happened.”

Both boys watch Sana expectantly with their linked hands on the table and Sana notices Isak’s thumb drawing circles on Even’s palm.

“Chris asked me to tell you that it was her who invited the boys. She’s incredibly sorry and hopes you can forgive her.” Sana gets the words out quickly, and when she looks up, Even is staring at her incredulously.

“Wait, what? Chris?” He looks over at Isak, who shrugs and then looks at Sana as well.

“Your friend, Chris? The one with the ice cream spoon?”

Sana chuckles at that. “I can’t believe you’re still not over that, but yeah.” Hesitating for a moment, Sana realises Even must be familiar with the spoon story, because a knowing grin spreads on his face.

“She’s dating Mutta and wanted to surprise him,” Sana says without thinking, and that makes Even’s mouth drop open in shock.

“Mutta? Muttasim Tatouti?” he says slowly, narrowing his eyes a little. Sana almost groans, cursing herself for just blurting that out.

“I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen …” Sana begins but Even reaches out to cover her hand with his. Looking up, she sees a faint smile on his face and a trace of hope in his eyes.

“You said she wanted to surprise him …” he begins and trails off, staring at his fingers for a moment.

When he looks back up at Sana, she makes a face and nods. “Yes. Mutta told her he misses you and Chris thought it would be a good idea to invite you all to the party so you would meet again.”

Even lets out a harsh breath and runs a hand through his hair. “Huh.”

“Well, I can’t say it _was_ a good idea,” Isak pipes up and kisses Even’s knuckles. Even smiles absentmindedly at him with a small nod. “... but I’m sure Chris meant well.”

Even nods again and looks into Sana’s eyes. “Tell Chris I’m not angry with her, okay?”

“I will,” she assures him, smiling warmly. “Thank you.”

Even’s smile is genuine when he adds: “I really want to see the boys again, and I know I’ve waited too long.”

Sana shakes her head and frowns at him. “Even, my brother and his boys know they fucked up okay? They all told me that they’re aware they should have acted differently after … what happened, so please … take your time.”

Sana sighs deeply and makes sure Even’s looking into her eyes before going on. “Mikael literally said that if they talk to you again, it has to be on your terms, and the others agree with him. And for what it’s worth, so do I.”

A rather loud silence follows Sana’s words and Even stares at you for a long moment, his mouth half-open. He thinks for a moment, and then closes his mouth again.

“They really said that?” Isak asks after a while, sounding impressed. Sana nods in reply, and Isak taps Even’s shoulder to make him look up. “That’s really nice of them, I think.”

Even smiles hesitantly at Isak and then finally nods, his expression still a bit thunderstruck, but also hopeful. “Yes, that’s nice of them.”

For a moment, the three of them sit in silence. Eventually, Even sighs and throws an apologetic look at Isak, who nods and leans in to press a brief kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

Even smiles at Sana and then gets to his feet. “Uh, I think I should lie down for a bit,” he murmurs with a slow smile.

“Of course,” Sana replies quietly, getting up as well. “I should let you rest.” 

Sana puts up a hand as Isak opens his mouth to protest. “It’s okay, I wanted to shoot some hoops anyway.”

Both boys smile at that, and Even’s expression grows soft again. “Thank you for coming, little sister,” he says and pulls Sana into a one-armed hug, adding: “and thanks for the Halwa.”

Sana hugs Even back and looks up at him. He’s so tall she has to crane her neck to meet his eye. “You are very welcome.” 

Even grins back and then lets go of Sana, briefly running his hand through Isak’s hair on his way out of the kitchen. Seconds later, Sana hears him flop down on the bed with a content sigh.

“You don’t have to go,” Isak says, but Sana shakes her head with a thin-lipped grin.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Take care of your boyfriend, okay?” 

Isak nods dutifully, bowing his head in gratitude. “Yes, boss,” he says in an exaggerated tone that makes Sana laugh briefly. They both walk into the hallway, where Isak patiently waits while Sana puts on her shoes. When Sana straightens up again, she finds him smiling knowingly at her. 

“What?” she asks him, frowning slightly.

“Nothing, you’re just ... “ Isak clears his throat. “You’re a good person, Sana.”

Sana is grateful for the dim light in the hallway, because she feels her cheeks heat up. “You too,” she gives back quietly and reaches for the door handle. “See you tomorrow, Isabell,” she adds with a wink and waves at Isak.

“See you, Sanasol.”

Isak’s joyful laugh follows Sana down the stairs and she can’t stop grinning all the way to the tram stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	106. Episode 9, Monday 12th June, 15:28: Too lazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	107. Episoe 9, Monday 12th June, 22:43: As true as they come

Sana always knew Noora could cook. But tonight, she’s outdone herself again: Her Chicken Tikka Marsala is nothing short of spectacular.

The girls are gathered around the round dining room table at the kollektiv, which is subtly but tastefully decorated: Placemats in various colours and a set of candles in wooden holders decorated colourful ribbons make the table feel cosy and stylish at the same time.

Everyone praises Noora’s cooking from the first bite on, and every remark makes Noora blush.

“It’s just food, girls,” she says after a while, but Eva shakes her head and plants a kiss on Noora’s lips.

“No, babe. It’s spectacular, freshly home-made food. You are amazing.”

Noora stares into Eva’s eyes with a blissful smile and then leans forward to kiss her again. “You too,” she whispers quietly, her cheeks even redder than before, and it occurs to Sana that Noora has never looked more beautiful.

“She’s right, but I’m not going to kiss you,” says Chris, making everyone laugh.

Eva scowls at Chris across the table, wrapping one arm possessively around Noora’s shoulders. “Like I would let you.”

“Haha, who knew Eva can be jealous?” Vilde giggles and puts a fork full of rice into her mouth. She’s sitting between Sana and Chris, looking positively smug while her eyes dart back and forth between Chris and Eva.

Looking around at her four girls, Sana realises she can hardly speak, that’s how full her heart is. Filled to the brim with pride of the people sitting here with her, and just as full of love for them. All four girls didn’t eat a bite until Sana’s Iftar alarm went off, clinking their glasses of water to Sana’s in celebration, and Sana’s heart almost burst with joy. Noora even told Sana which butcher shop she went to, just to make sure she got the right kind of meat.

“Noora, this is really the best chicken I’ve had in a long time,” Sana finally manage to say and puts a hand on Noora’s arm, shrugging as Noora hides her face in her hands. “What, it’s true,” Sana adds with a giggle.

“Excuse my girlfriend,” Eva says in a tone that makes it clear she’s not used to calling Noora her girlfriend yet but is thoroughly enjoying the fact that she can. “She’s a bit shy.”

“Oh my God, we know you’re in love with her, alright?” Chris sounds not nearly as indignant as her words and grimace would suggest. “Vilde, do you get now what we meant about you and Magnus?”

Since she’s chewing a mouthful of Naan bread, Vilde merely nods with a cheeky smile, and both Noora and Eva stick their tongues out at Chris. “You’re lucky Mutta isn’t here, otherwise everyone would see what a hypocrite you are,” says Eva, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Chris blushes a bright red and quickly stuffs a piece of chicken into her mouth. “No idea ‘at you’re talking ‘bout,” she mumbles, making the rest of the girls laugh.

Noora inclines her head, grinning cheekily at Chris, who makes a face and swallows her bite, grinning at both Noora and Eva. “I’m just realising: You two are the only ones who get around the ‘no boyfriends allowed’ rule now …”

Again, everyone laughs, except Eva, who protests. “Eh, we’re not really getting around it, we just have each other instead of boyfriends.”

The argument about the rule quickly becomes an argument over why the rule exists at all, until Vilde mentions with a giggle that Magnus told her the boys had had the exact same argument about Isak and Even.

Chris almost chokes on her mouthful of chicken and Vilde pats her back, frowning at her. “Are you alright?”

Nodding hastily, Chris gasps for air and takes the glass of water in front of her, emptying it in one gulp. Then she takes a deep breath and looks at Sana with a mix of hope and fear in her eyes. “Speaking of Isak and Even,” she begins, but Sana holds up her hand before she can go on.

The other three are watching Sana and Chris with frowns on their faces, and that reminds Sana that they have no idea what Chris is talking about. But before Sana can ask to speak to her alone, Chris clears her throat and sits up a little straighter, looking around at everyone.

“I … it was me who invited the boys to the party. Knowing Even would be there, I kind of hoped they would sort of reconnect or something …”

A confused silence follows that statement until Vilde finally taps Chris’ lower arm. “So you knew Even, Elias and the others were friends once? Before Sana told us I mean.”

Chris nods. “Mutta asked if I know Even because I mentioned him once. And when I said yes he told me he misses Even a lot … So .. silly me thought it was a good idea to surprise him, Even and the boys ...by inviting everyone to the party.”

She looks miserable, but Eva, Noora and Vilde all look at her with kind eyes. “You didn’t know it would be that bad,” says Noora and Sana nods in agreement, clearing your throat.

“Even said I should tell you he’s not mad at you. Not at all. He and Isak both understand you only meant well.”

Chris lets out a long breath of relief at that and Eva and Noora exchange a knowing look. “Isak has never been one to hold a grudge,” Eva says, not without a trace of pride in her voice.

Sana smiles happily at her and nods in agreement. “Neither has Even.”

The words escape Sana’s mouth before she can stop them. But it’s too late: the girls are already watching Sana curiously, waiting for her to go on. 

When Sana doesn’t say anything, Vilde purses her lips and leans forward to look into Sana’s eyes. “You’ve known Even for a long time, haven’t you?” she asks carefully.

Sana hesitates for a moment, but then she nods. “Yes. He’s been friends with my brother and his boys for … well, ever since I can remember.”

The girls all smile at Sana, except Chris, who still looks very unhappy with herself. “And I made Even afraid to talk to them instead of making it easier,” Chris mutters under her breath, and that’s it for Sana. 

“Enough, Chris. Stop hating yourself over a mistake that could happen to anyone. Look at me: I got jealous of Noora just because I assumed she was dating Yousef, and that’s why I went and sent a very stupid email to William, which got all of us into a big mess. Mistakes happen, okay? Everyone makes them, it’s not the end of the world.”

A ringing silence follows that sentence, and Sana notices she’s spoken considerably louder than usual. But before she can apologise, Sana hears a familiar voice from behind her.

“Well, isn’t that a statement as true as they come!”

Sana wants to roll her eyes but when he starts clapping, she can’t help but turn around to face Eskild with a smile. He’s standing next to Linn, who looks a little lost beside her extroverted roommate.

“Hello, my beautiful ladies,” Eskild calls and walks up to the table, putting a hand on Sana’s shoulder. “Sana, not only do you utter wonderful wisdom in our living room, you also look incredible!”

He smiles warmly and runs a hand over the hem of Sana’s yellow hijab while looking her up and down. “The yellow really brings out the spark in your eyes, and I adore that floral blouse, ah!”

Sana returns his bright smile while trying to hide the fact she’s blushing furiously. “Thank you, Eskild, you look gorgeous too!” she says and takes him in as well. He’s wearing a tight blue T-shirt - Eskild would probably call it ‘baby blue’ - with matching white jeans, and while he walks around the table to kiss all the girls hello, chattering happily, Sana notices his white socks have pink and green unicorns on them.

“Hey Linn,” Sana says then and turns to Noora’s more quiet roommate who is standing behind Sana’s chair now and very shyly returns Sana’s smile.

“Hi, you’re Sana, right?” she asks, playing with the strings of her hoodie and stepping from one foot onto the other.

Sana nods at Linn and is about to ask if she wants to join the table when Noora clears her throat. “Why don’t you get two more plates for you and Linn so you two can join us?” she asks Eskild and points to the space between Chris and Eva. “There’s enough room over there.”

Eskild nods eagerly and stares admiringly at the pots and plates on the table. “Thank you so much, Noora. As always, it smells amazing! Come on Linn, sit down next to Chris, I’ll get the plates and glasses,” he says and Chris pulls out the chair next to her. Linn takes a seat, looking hesitantly at the five girls.

“I don’t want to ruin your evening, my mood isn’t the best today,” she says, making a face, but Eva shakes her head decidedly.

“You don’t have to be entertaining, Linn. We have Eskild for that.” She winks at Linn, making both of them giggle.

Eskild comes back, carrying two plates with two sets of cutlery in one hand and two glasses in the other, setting everything down in front of Linn. “So, Sana, I assume - forgive me for eavesdropping but you weren't exactly whispering - you were talking about the email you sent to William being a mistake?”

Sana freezes mid-chew, not having expected Eskild to pick up the subject again. “Uh, yeah,” she admits after swallowing, giving him a hesitant look. 

Eskild beams at Sana while setting the table for himself and Linn and then pulls the pot of rice towards him. “Well, I can only say that you may think of it as a mistake, but I am very happy you sent that email,” he says and starts piling rice onto his plate. “Because, as handsome as William is, I like Eva much better. Plus, she makes Noora laugh, which William hardly ever did so …” He flashes Sana the brightest smile she’s ever seen. “Thank you, for making that mistake.”

Everyone laughs at that, and Sana squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, but then she smiles back at Eskild. “You’re … welcome, I guess.”

Linn nods approvingly and hands her plate to Eskild. “William was … he always looked at me like I’m crazy,” she says slowly and Noora scrunches up her nose, leaning her head on Eva’s shoulder.

“He’ll never step foot in here again Linn,” she says softly and Linn smiles happily at her and Eva.

“That’s good,” she says and then sniffs at the plate full of chicken, rice and Naan Eskild puts down in front of her. “Oh, that smells amazing.”

Eskild sits down next to Linn and makes a sound as if he’s close to an orgasm after taking the first bite. “Honestly darling,” he says dramatically and reaches across the table for Noora’s hand. “You need to open a restaurant.”

“Thanks, Eskild, I’ll go to university first though,” Noora giggles, and Eskild rolls his eyes. When he’s swallowed his bite of chicken, he turns to Sana again.

“So, Sana. Forgive me for prying, but … why did you send that email to William, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Sana looks down at her hands and takes a deep breath. “Uh … well, that was kind of stupid.” Letting out a short chuckle, Sana then looks up at Eskild. “I’m … I thought Noora was interested in … someone I have a crush on.”

Eskild sucks in a shocked breath. “Wait, are you into girls as well?”

Sana throws an amused look at Noora and Eva and then shakes her head. “No, I thought Noora was in love with Yousef.”

For a moment Sana expects she’ll have to explain who Yousef is, but Eskild nods knowingly, grinning at her. “Ah, that must be the gorgeous boy who couldn’t tear his eyes off you on Friday.”

Sana feels her cheeks heat up and looks down at her plate, pretending to focus on soaking up a bit of sauce with her Naan bread.

“Don’t be shy Sana, I’m glad he feels the same way as you,” Eskild says softly, and Sana just has to look up at him again. His warm smile makes her blush even more, but not of embarrassment this time. “So, why didn’t you just tell Noora to back off?” Eskild then asks, and Sana’s eyes dart over to Noora again.

Noora grins cheekily and quickly answers in Sana’s stead. “I … well, all four of us made Sana feel a little awkward sometimes,” she says. Her blunt honesty surprises Sana. She’s still trying to process what Noora just said when Eva chimes in.

“You’d think we’d know better by now, but all of us kind of assumed that Sana doesn’t fall in love just because she’s muslim.”

Okay that’s just … Sana has to pinch herself to make sure she’s not dreaming. “Uh, Eva …,” she begins, but again, she's interrupted.

“I bet people have bullied you because you’re muslim.” 

All heads turn to Linn, who seems to have spoken as if to herself and looks shocked when she notices all eyes are on her. Still, she elaborates, albeit hesitantly. “I mean … I know that people who are different are usually not exactly popular,” she adds, blushing slightly.

Sana reaches past Chris to touch Linn’s arm. Linn smiles and Sana can see in her eyes that she knows exactly what Sana’s talking about. Swallowing hard, Sana nods slowly and squeezes Linn’s arm, before she clears her throat and turns to look at Eskild and the rest of the girls.

“Linn is right.” Sana hesitates for a second and then decides to just take the opportunity and jump into cold water. “I feel like I owe you an explanation for … why it took me so long to … really trust you girls.” Sana’s tongue feels horribly dry, but she forces herself to look at her friends. 

Everyone except Linn and Eskild is done eating by now, but even they are looking at Sana. However not one of them is looking at Sana with doubt or apprehension. Eva and Noora wear matching expressions of concern, Vilde has her lips pressed tightly together as if to keep herself from crying and Chris just smiles warmly, as if to tell Sana that she doesn’t have to say anything she doesn’t want to share.

“It’s okay, you can tell us,” says Eskild, his voice unusually quiet and careful, and when Sana feels Linn’s hand on her arm, she nods slowly and takes a deep breath.

“So, I think you guys know I went to Urra before I came to Nissen,” Sana begins, and the girls nod in unison. “To make it short, going to school there was … not fun for me. I was teased for wearing a hijab by non-muslims and cursed at for playing basketball by muslims. I have no idea why, but somehow, I was never Norwegian enough for Norwegians and not muslim enough for muslims.”

Shrugging slightly, Sana looks around at everyone, trying to smile. “That’s it really. I just … didn’t have anyone to rely on, except Jamilla … But she’s two years older than me and therefore wasn’t in the same classes, so she couldn’t always look out for me.”

After a moment of silence during which the only sound is the clinking of Eskild and Linn’s cutlery as they eat, Eva clears her throat.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Sana.” Her voice sounds a little broken and when Sana looks into her eyes, she can tell Eva knows Sana is playing down what happened to her. But Eva is not about to make Sana admit how much it really hurt, and Sana is immensely grateful for that.

So Sana smiles bravely at everyone, noticing that they all seem to have read between the lines of what she said.

“You’ll never be alone again,” Noora says quietly, her smile so warm Sana feels it from head to toe.

“I know that now,” Sana says, her voice shaking a little. She can’t believe she just shared the most shameful part of her past and no one so much as pities Sana. Except maybe Vilde: she looks shocked and Sana is almost worried that Vilde’s going to burst into tears. So before that can happen, Sana lets out a small chuckle and turns to Eskild and Linn.

“I hope I didn’t ruin dinner for you two.”

Both Eskild and Linn shake their heads and Eskild bursts out into praises of Noora’s cooking, making Noora groan with embarrassment and the rest of them laugh. 

By the time Eskild and Linn have emptied their plates, the conversation has moved on to school and the fact that the summer holidays are approaching fast. “Does anyone else still have exams this or next week?” asks Vilde, looking around at the other four girls.

“Spanish,” Eva and Noora say simultaneously, Noora’s tone indifferent while Eva sounds as if she’d just announced the death of her pet. “I will fail so badly,” Eva adds and Noora puts an arm around her, cooing softly.

“Not if you study with me.”

Eskild scoffs audibly and rips a piece off his Naan bread. “Honey, I hate to break it to you, but studying with your girlfriend will never lead to anything. I mean, the two of you just started dating, how are you supposed to focus …”

He trails off when he notices Noora’s death glare, and clears his throat. “Or well, you know, I guess it’s better than not studying at all,” he corrects himself, his voice considerably higher than before.

By the time Sana leaves Noora’s kollektiv with Chris and Vilde, it’s almost midnight and Sana knows she’s going to be more than tired tomorrow. At least she’s so stuffed that she’s confident she’ll be able to skip Suhoor in the morning, which will give her a little more time to sleep.

But not in a million years would Sana regret spending that evening with her girls. For the first time since she left Urra, Sana talked about what happened there, and no one judged her. And that is worth more than the longest night’s sleep in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	108. Episode 9, Tuesday 13th June, 09:03: What is it about?

Sana should have known this would happen. After getting home shortly before one o’clock last night, she got up at four o’clock because she forgot to change her alarm. She took advantage of it by drinking at least one liter of water and went back to bed. But she couldn’t really sleep anymore, so basically, Sana is running on three hours of sleep.

Which is why Sana shouldn’t be surprised she’s late. It’s the first time ever Sana’s late for school and not even on purpose. While running up the road towards the school, Sana is making up an excuse for why she’s not on time when she hears Eva’s laugh from across the road.

Eva and Noora are walking on the opposite side of the streets, hand in hand and not at all in a hurry. Noora is apparently telling Eva a story that has Noora bending over with laughter, and somehow, noticing that she won’t be the only one running into English class after the bell calms Sana’s nerves.

“Hey girls,” she calls out, making the two lovebirds look up.

“Hey Sana,” they reply in unison and as Sana walks over to them, they hold out their arms for a group hug. 

“And why are you two late for English?” Sana asks, and both Eva and Noora look genuinely shocked.

“Fuck, really?” Eva curses, and pulls out her phone to check the time. She shows it to Noora, who gasps and slaps her hand to her mouth. She’s wearing red lipstick again, which makes her look very fancy in her fitted blue blouse and mom jeans.

“Oh snap,” she giggles and pulls both Sana and Eva close again. “Let’s skip! It’s such a beautiful day, way too nice to spend all morning in a classroom.”

Eva bursts into giggles as well nodding enthusiastically. “Now you’re talking,” she says and kisses Noora’s cheek. “Come on, Sana, let’s go sit down somewhere in the sun.”

She holds out her arm and Sana takes it without hesitation, however muttering a half-hearted “You guys are nuts” under her breath.

“Yes, we know, thank you very much,” Eva trills, her eyes sparkling with glee. She flips her hair across her shoulder and Sana notices she’s wearing the same green top she wore last night, underneath one of Noora’s blazers. _She must have slept over at Noora’s_ , Sana thinks, her heart jumping for joy.

The three girls sit down at their usual table on the school yard and for a moment, Sana just watches her love-struck friends giggle and tease each other with a content smile on her face.

“Stop grinning like that, Sana, you’re in love too, remember?” Noora suddenly says, pointing at Sana. “Or wait, did you ever … have you asked Yousef out yet?”

Noora sets one arm akimbo and when Sana makes a face and shakes her head, Noora lets out a frustrated groan. “For freak’s sake, Sana! Ask him out, NOW!”

“I don’t know what to say … what if he’s tired of waiting? I mean .. I have taken forever to even admit to myself that I like him?” Sana knows her excuses are stupid, but at the same time she is relieved that it’s so easy now to open up about how she feels.

Eva runs her hand through Noora’s hair and shakes her head. “No, Sana. I saw the way he looked at you on Friday, he is _definitely_ still interested.”

Noora nods and leans forward to close her fingers around Sana’s wrist. “Okay, I have to tell you something.” She hesitates for a moment, pursing her lips. “Remember that I told you I know what ‘Wallah’ means when we talked a week ago?”

Frowning at Noora, Sana nods slowly. “Yes, and I think you said you know because Yousef explained it to you? But you wouldn’t tell me why.”

Rolling her eyes, Noora nods. “Yes, because I was hoping he would tell you himself,but since you aren’t talking to him ...” she bops Sana’s nose with her index finger and takes a deep breath.

“Alright, you already know that Yousef told me about having a crush on you via text, but we also talked about you in person.”

Sana feels her heartbeat speed up at Noora’s words and hardly notices Eva’s gleeful giggle. “O-okay?” she stutters, not sure what to respond.

Noora smiles brightly, very obviously enjoying this. “So, the first time I met him for coffee, Yousef suddenly burst out into a rant about everything he finds awesome about you. And at the end of that rant, he said ‘Sana is so amazing. I really think we are soulmates, Noora. If I still believed in God, I would say ‘Wallah’, that’s how serious I am.’”

Sana is beginning to feel dizzy. “He said that?” she asks weakly, frowning at Noora although she knows Noora has no reason to lie.

“Yes, he did. Sana, that man adores you.” Noora giggles happily and squeezes Sana’s hand. “And not to mention, he’s an amazing person in general, but I guess you know that already.” Noora huffs out a laugh and adds: “Honestly, when he told me about the children’s book he’s writing I almost lost it, the guy is too cute.”

 _Whaaat?_ “He’s writing a children’s book? What is it about?” Sana asks, blinking in confusion.

Noora sits up a little straighter and clears her throat. “Alright, so, you know that he works in a kindergarden, right?”

“He told me that, yes,” Sana replies and impatiently waves her hand to urge Noora to go on. With a cheeky grin, Noora obliges.

“So, through his work, he meets children from different cultural and religious backgrounds. And apparently he has seen kids - or their parents - get into conflicts because of that. So he decided he wants to try and write a story about two kids from different backgrounds who become friends without knowing about the other’s religion.” 

Noora lets out a happy chuckle, pushing a strand of hair out of her face before she continues. “And when they find out that one of them is muslim and the other is jewish, they are shocked at first. But in the end, they decide that if the differences between their faiths didn’t occur to them before they were friends, it would be silly to let those differences separate them now that they do know.”

Sana stares incredulously at Noora, still feeling her heartbeat in her ears and therefore not entirely sure if she heard right.

Noora leans back into Eva’s arms with a self-satisfied smile on her face while watching Sana come to terms with Noora’s revelation. For a moment, Sana can’t say anything, her mind racing with a million thoughts.

It has occurred to Sana before that in spite of his lack of faith, Yousef is the most honest, kind and decent person imaginable. And what Noora just told her makes Sana want to sing with joy. Before, Sana was worried that even if she and Yousef worked out as a couple, she would still be completely alone in matters of faith. 

But his idea for a children’s book about friends from different religions … Sana feels ridiculous, but she’s almost tempted to think that he came up with the idea to prove a point to her; That just because Sana is muslim and Yousef is not, that doesn’t have to mean they can’t work. Yousef obviously believes that different ways of thinking shouldn’t keep people apart, and that fact alone is enough to drive Sana to make a decision.

Very slowly, as if in trance, Sana gets her phone out of her pocket and unlocks it. Eva and Noora gasp with surprise but don’t move an inch, as if they’re afraid Sana will change her mind if they say something.

Sana looks for Yousef’s contact and starts typing without thinking too much.

Looking up at Eva and Noora, Sana finds them clutching each other as if they were watching a scary movie, staring at Sana with raised eyebrows. Sana is too nervous to laugh, so she squeezes her eyes shut and blindly taps the screen of her phone in the bottom right corner.

Opening one eye to peer at it, Sana sees that the message has been sent and instantly drops her phone on the table like a hot potato, burying her face in her hands.

“Did you send it?” asks Eva, eyes wide and her arms still wrapped around Noora’s shoulders when Sana opens both her eyes again.

Sana nods wordlessly, and now both her friends are squealing. They jump up and pull Sana to her feet, hugging her tightly and telling her over and over again how proud they are of her and that they’re sure everything will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	109. Episode 9, Tuesday 13th June, 16:12: Aren’t you charming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	110. Episode 9, Tuesday 13th June 16:32: Head over heels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	111. Episode 9, Tuesday 13th June, 21:39: In love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	112. Episode 9,  Wednesday 14th June, 16:17: Back home

It’s not often that Sana skips Basketball practice. But since it’s the third week of Ramadan, Sana isn’t even lying when she calls her coach to say that she’s exhausted. Helena has always been very understanding and today is no exception.

“Don’t worry about it, Sana. You should take care of yourself and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Sana smiles happily and nods although Helena can’t see it through the phone. “Absolutely. I can’t wait for us to beat Drammen.”

“Ah, yes! We’ll definitely crush them!” Helena calls enthusiastically. “Alright, I should get changed now. Enjoy your evening, Sana, and see you tomorrow!”

Sana laughs happily at Helena’s infectious enthusiasm. “Totally! See you, and thanks a lot! Tell the girls I said Hi.”

“Will do. Bye Sana,” says Helena and hangs up. Sana drops her phone on her bed and leans back into her pillows for a moment. But then she remembers it’s past four o’clock already and Isak and Even are probably going to be here soon.

Jumping to her feet, Sana looks at herself in the mirror. She adjusts her hijab - it’s a bright green one today - and then grins at her reflection, feeling pretty good about herself. Her black long-shirt and white pants make her look fierce, Sana thinks. She still touches up her pink lipstick to make sure she looks her very best.

That has absolutely _nothing_ to do with the fact that Yousef will be here today. Not in the slightest.

With one last satisfied look at the mirror, Sana leaves her room and goes to the kitchen. Mamma is standing at the counter and smiles brightly when Sana walks in.

“Sana, when is Even coming?” Mamma asks right away, making Sana laugh. She notices the kitchen is gleaming: Mamma has evidently been cleaning, as if she’s expecting Even to want to cook when he gets here.

“I’m sure they’ll be here soon,” Sana reassures her mother and walks over to her. “Are you nervous?”

Mamma laughs and puts a hand to her cheek with a bashful smile. “A little?”

“Awwh, Mamma!” Sana pulls her mother into a hug and kisses her hijab. “Even is more nervous, trust me.”

Mamma laughs again, and then she frowns at Sana. “So, Isak is Even’s … boyfriend, right? They are together, like Noora and Eva?”

“Yes, they are,” Sana confirms, biting her lower lip because she knows what Mamma will ask next.

“Is that the reason you wondered about why some muslims view homosexuality as sin? Because you have friends who are in such relationships?” she asks carefully, a shy smile on her lips.

Sana merely nods and swallows hard, not sure what to say to that. Mamma reads Sana’s mind though and hurries to reassure her.

“Pappa and I always told you that love is the most important thing. And although I may not always understand everything, I see how happy Noora and Eva are together. If Even smiles only half as much because of Isak as Noora and Eva do because of each other, I have no right to not be happy for him.”

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, Sana smiles at her mother, blinking away happy tears. “I love you, Mamma,” she croaks and pulls her mother close.

Mamma laughs softly at Sana’s shoulder. “I love you too, habibti.”

Moving her head back, Sana decides to try and distract the two of them. She gets her phone out of her pocket and holds it up. “Do you want to see some pictures of me and the girls?”

A slow smile spreads on Mamma’s face. “Of course!”

Sana opens her gallery app, taps on the first picture and hands the phone to her mother. Then, she leans her head on Mamma’s shoulder and looks at the latest photo with her. 

“I took this yesterday. Just look at them, they’re so in love.”

Sana feels like a sappy fool, but Mamma nods with a bright smile, looking at the photo of Noora and Eva, sitting on their group’s bench in the school yard. They’re facing each other, Eva’s hands are on Noora’s waist and Noora is holding Eva’s face between her palms. Both of them are smiling like fools and Sana makes a mental note to print that picture and give it to them as a gift.

“Gosh, they really are! How long have they been together?” asks Mamma and swipes right to the next picture.

“I think a few weeks?” Sana grins and then comments the next picture. “Ah, that’s Chris, Vilde and Noora jumping on that trampoline on the playground close to Noora’s apartment.” The memory makes Sana giggle. “We jumped on it for like ten minutes until Eva almost fell off, that’s why she’s not on the picture.”

Mamma laughs at that. “You five really have a lot of fun, huh?”

Sana laughs with her. “Yes, we do.”

Swiping to the right again, Sana freezes in shock when she sees the next picture. It’s one of Yousef, from his facebook profile. Sana couldn’t resist downloading it because of how handsome and kind he looks in his grey sweater and black jacket, sporting his brightest smile.

Very slowly, Sana turns her head to look at Mamma, expecting the worst. Mamma is not smiling, but she doesn’t seem angry or concerned either. So before her mother can ask, Sana decides to just be honest. 

“Yes, I like Yousef,” Sana admits, bravely looking into her mother’s eyes. “He’s not muslim, but we’ve been talking a lot, and I get the feeling he’s … very supportive, you know?”

Nodding slowly, Mamma reaches out to cup Sana’s face with one hand. “And you think it can work?”

Her voice sounds careful, but not condescending, and when she smiles softly, Sana smiles back with an enthusiastic nod. “Yes, Mamma. He’s …” an excited giggle escapes her, “... He wants to write a children’s book about two kids who become friends and only later find out that they have different religions. So they decide to be friends anyway, because their differences don’t have to separate them.”

Mamma’s smile grows a little wider and she wraps her arm around Sana’s shoulder. “Well, he has always been a very polite and respectful boy, I have to admit that,” she says slowly, looking into Sana’s eyes again. “I suppose I don’t have to tell you that it can be difficult to be with someone who doesn’t share your faith? Even if he’s very respectful and understanding, you could end up feeling lonely if you ever feel like God is letting you down. Yousef can’t help you in a crisis of faith for example.”

Sighing deeply, Sana disengages herself from Mamma and puts both hands on Mamma’s shoulders. “I know it may not always be easy. But I also know I have you and Elias and Jamilla, wonderful people who _do_ share my faith and to whom I can talk about anything.” Sana points her finger at Mamma because she just remembered the conversation she had with Jamilla two weeks ago. “Actually, Jamilla and I have had such a talk already, and she was able to give me a perspective I did not expect.”

Mamma looks impressed. “You’re right, I don’t know everything,” she concedes then, making Sana smile proudly. “And I have no doubt that you’re not alone. Just … forgive me for worrying anyway, because I care very much about you, you know?”

Sana laughs joyfully, hugs her mother close and then looks into her eyes. “Yes, you have a mother’s right to worry, I remember.”

Mamma is about to reply, but then the doorbell rings, startling them both. “I’ll go get them. Don’t forget to breathe,” Sana announces and winks at her mother, who watches Sana leave with a nervous smile.

Walking into the hallway, Sana notices her heart is beating a little faster than usual, although she doesn’t have a reason to be nervous. She’s excited for her mother though, and of course also for Even.

Sana opens the door and finds a nervously fidgeting Isak holding a hesitantly smiling Even by the hand. “Hey boys,” she says brightly and steps aside to let them in. 

“Hey,” Even whispers breathlessly. “Are they …?”

“They’re late, as usual. But Mamma’s in the kitchen,” Sana tells him with a calm smile.

Even nods and grips Isak’s hand a little tighter. “Okay,” he says, almost more to himself than to Sana. The boys then take off their shoes and follow Sana to the kitchen.

Mamma is leaning at the counter with her arms crossed in front of her chest, but when she sees Even, she unfolds them and smiles brightly.

“Even,” she says, her voice almost a whisper and opens her arms. “Welcome home.”

Sana hears Even’s breath hitch and he hesitates for a second, but then he lets go of Isak’s hand and walks into Mamma’s embrace. She pulls him close and hooks her chin on his shoulder with a happy laugh. Even lets out a shivering breath and then hugs her back, closing his eyes.

“Hi Meryem,” he murmurs quietly, sounding incredulous, as if he can’t believe this is real. “I missed you.”

Mamma lets out a half-sob, half-laugh and moves back to look at Even. “I missed you too.” She briefly touches his cheek, smiling happily, and then she lets go of him and turns to Isak, who’s standing behind his boyfriend with a nervous grin on his face. “Hello, you must be Isak?”

Isak clears his throat and shakes Sana’s mother’s outstretched hand. “Yes, hello,” he says, smiling hesitantly.

Mamma smiles back warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you. I hear you’re a pretty good biology partner?”

Chuckling quietly, Isak throws a knowing look at Sana. “Am I now? Last year Sana told Even I was just ‘useable.’”

“You got better,” Sana retorts with a wink, making all four of them giggle. Sana sits down at the table as her mother checks her watch with a frown.

“Where are your brother and his boys?” she asks, rolling her eyes at Sana. “They have no manners sometimes.”

“It’s okay,” Even says with a warm smile and takes a deep breath, reaching for Isak’s hand again.

Isak bumps Even’s shoulder with his own, giving him a reassuring nod. 

“I think I hear them,” Sana says suddenly and sure enough, a moment later, Elias’s voice proves her right.

“Come on, boys, we’re already late,” he says and the nervous tone in his voice makes Sana smile. For a few moments, the kitchen is silent and Sana catches herself holding her breath in anticipation. And then, Yousef appears in the doorway.

He meets Sana’s eye first, smiling happily and Sana is glad she’s sitting down: Every time Yousef looks at her like _that_ , Sana’s knees threaten to give way … She smiles back at him, but then Yousef’s gaze lands on Even and his smile fades.

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Even’s not moving a muscle, and Yousef’s stepping from one foot to the other, apparently not sure what to do or say. When Even looks down at his feet, Yousef throws a glance over his shoulder, and then the other four walk into the kitchen behind him, looking awkward and curious at the same time.

Mamma looks back and forth between Even - who’s still holding Isak’s hand for support- and the other five boys. She smiles knowingly for a moment and then clears her throat.

“I’m going to make a phone call,” she says and waves at everyone. “Elias, be a good host and offer our guests something to drink, please,” she adds and Elias nods absent-mindedly, not taking his eyes off Even and Isak.

Mamma smiles proudly and then leaves the kitchen. She’s barely out the door when Yousef moves forward to stand in front of Even, looking into his eyes. Watching him, Sana notice Yousef is fighting tears, which makes her heart beat faster and hurt at the same time.

Isak lets go of Even’s hand and takes a step back, grinning happily at Sana. Sana returns his smile and considers saying something to get the boys talking, but then Yousef finally speaks.

“Hey man,” he croaks and then, without warning, Yousef throws both arms around Even. A surprised grunt escapes Even but he wraps his arms around Yousef’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Hey,” Even breathes and closes his eyes with a deep sigh, as if all of this is too good to be true.

“I missed you, Even,” says Yousef, and somehow, those words jumpstart the other boys into motion.

Adam and Mikael walk up to the two of them and push Yousef away. They both launch themselves at Even at the same time, making everyone laugh. “Welcome back, bro,” Adam all but yells and pats Even’s shoulder blade when he releases him, but Mikael holds on a bit longer, wrapping his arms tightly around Even’s shoulders.

“It’s good to be back,” Even murmurs, looking at Adam, Mutta, Elias and Yousef while hugging Mikael. His voice is steadier now, and the smile on his face grows wider as Mikael lets go of him and steps back so Elias and Mutta can greet their old friend.

Elias hugs Even briefly but looks firmly into his eyes when he tells him: “It’s been too long, man!”

Even just nods and makes a face. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, Even,” Mutta calls out and wraps Even in a tight embrace, kissing his cheek when he lets go. “We were all dicks.”

That makes everyone laugh, and then Even takes Isak’s hand again, looking into his eyes for a moment before turning to the boys.

“Guys, this is Isak, my boyfriend.”

Even’s voice is full of pride and love, and Sana isn’t surprised when the boys all smile kindly at Isak.

“Hey man, good to meet you,” says Elias and shakes Isak’s hand, grinning broadly. “I’ve heard good things about you from my sister.”

“Shut up,” Sana pipes up with a barely concealed grin, making both boys chuckle.

The other four greet Isak enthusiastically as well, and before long, they’re all locked in a group hug with Even at the center.

“Let’s never not talk to each other again, okay? That sucked,” Mikael calls and the rest of the boys all murmur their approval. Eventually they disentangle themselves from each other and Elias clears his throat.

“We should go sit on the couch, and catch up, come on guys.” He ushers the boys out of the kitchen and then puts up a hand. “Isak, Even, do you guys want to drink something?”

Both Isak and Even shake their heads and Sana can’t suppress a groan. “They refuse to eat or drink in the presence of anyone who’s fasting, it’s ridiculous,” she informs her brother, who grins and then follows the boys into the living room.

“Yousef, did you hear that? You should take a leaf out of their book,” he says with a wink at Sana. He holds her gaze for a second, the warm smile on his face a silent _thank you_ to his sister. Sana nods in reply with a soft smile of her own. _You’re welcome, brother._

And with that, the seven of them settle on the two couches in the living room, laughing and chatting away as if it had only been yesterday that they gathered like this.

Sana watches them from the doorway for a moment and then clears her throat. “I’ll go … finish some homework,” she tells them. Yousef winks and waves at her, but Even looks into Sana’s eyes, holding her gaze for a long moment. 

_Thank you_ he mouths and beams so brightly Sana feels happy tears well up in her eyes.

 _You’re welcome_ she mouths back at him and then turns around to walk to her room. Her work here is done, besides she really has to let Chris know that the boys are getting along again.

Because that’s an honour Sana doesn’t want to leave to Mutta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	113. Episode 9, Thursday 15th June 15:17 : What. Did. I. Say?

Sana’s nerves are fluttering with anticipation as she rushes out of Norwegian. Today’s the day: In a little more than an hour, she will be on the field at Høybråten, hopefully kicking some Drammen ass.

Since she wants to be in the gymnasium in time for warm up,Sana all but runs out of Norwegian class, waving a quick goodbye to the girls without looking back. They know Sana has a game today and for some reason they haven’t wished her good luck today. It stings a little, but Sana doesn’t think too much of it since things have been so much better lately.

Sana is one of the first students to leave the school, which means that for once there are no throngs of people to push through to get to the street. However, Sana doesn’t make it there before she hears an all too familiar, sneering voice from the corner of the courtyard.

“Eh Sana, are you bald?”

Although Sana knows she should just keep walking, she automatically freezes on the spot and turns to look at Sara. She’s strolling towards Sana, flanked by Laila and a blonde girl, all three of them sporting self-satisfied grins.

“Excuse me?” Sana asks with a frown and does her best to ignore the uncomfortable thumping of her heart. _Will this shit ever stop?_

Sara and her friends giggle childishly and then Sara sets both arms akimbo, looking at Sana as if she was a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk.

“I was just wondering, since you wear this,” Sara points to Sana’s white hijab, “every day, and still pretend to be an ‘independent woman’ … you probably have an ugly secret to hide.”

Laila and the blonde laugh out loud and the blonde adds: “You know, what is it with the tight pants and wide shirts? Isn’t that like … teasing men? Wearing tight pants and then hide your ass under a big shirt, I mean .. as a guy I’d feel … cheated?”

Sana hates the fact that she’s blushing and that her heart is racing. If only she could just tell Sara to fuck off. But six years worth of bullying have left their mark on Sana. And in spite of the fact that she’s proud of who she is, Sana forgets all about it and becomes the intimidated girl she was three years ago under Sara's cruel gaze. And like countless times before when her bullies have had a go at her, Sana feels that her only option is to swallow her pride and walk away.

But then, Sana hears them. One by one, the voices of her friends drift over from across the yard, and Sana doesn’t have to turn around to know they’re coming for her.

“Sana?” Vilde says first, sounding worried.

Eva gasps: “Oh shit, that’s Sara.”

“Uh oh, she’s asking for trouble that one eh?” Noora sounds incredulous.

And by the time Sana hears Chris say: “Let’s go, girls,” in her darkest voice, Sana is already smirking at Sara and her goons. _Bitch, you thought._

The three of them stare over to where Sana supposes the girls are coming from, and Sara seems to want to say something. But before she can so much as breathe in, Vilde rushes past Sana and gets into Sara’s personal space, arms akimbo and chin raised with what Sana is sure is a threatening expression on her face.

“What. Did. I. Say?” Vilde snarls, the low, dark tone in her voice making a shiver run down Sana’s spine. Sana is so shocked she hardly notices Chris and Noora linking arms with her on either side as Eva joins Vilde in staring down Sara and her two bitches.

For a moment, no one speaks. Sara stutters something, evidently not prepared for an angry Vilde. Sana hears both Vilde and Eva breathing heavily for a few seconds until Eva answers Vilde’s question.

“You fuck with Sana, you fuck with us, Vilde told you,” she hisses, making all three girls in front of her and Vilde recoil with fear in their eyes.

“If you fucking _bitches_ , “ Vilde spits and pauses for a second. “If you so much as look wrong at Sana ever again, a fake Insta or Tinder account in your name will be the least of your worries.”

Sana’s heart is beating even faster now, but with excitement instead of fear. Luckily, Noora and Chris are holding on to her arms like bodyguards, otherwise Sana would have to worry about her knees giving out. 

Sara is still sputtering, trying to think of something to say to Vilde, but nothing comes out of her mouth. 

“Just leave Sana alone if you value your peace and quiet,” Noora says with a voice that sounds like she’s bored out of her mind but is laced with ice-cold disdain. 

“Yeah, I don’t want to have to dig up my old karate moves,” Chris adds, and Sana turns to her just in time to notice the most hateful expression she’s ever seen on Chris’s usually kind face.

Vilde and Eva are still standing in front of Sana, staring Sara down with what Sana can only imagine to be death glares, because by now, the three girls look as if they’d shrunk several inches.

“Girls, come on, we have a basketball game to get to,” Noora suddenly says, making Sana stare at her. “Surpriiiise,” Noora adds with a blinding smile, ignoring the three girls who just moments ago scared the shit out of Sana.

“I .. uh … what?” Sana stutters and now she really has to hold on to Noora and Chris to avoid falling over, dizzy with pride and excitement.

Out of the corner of her eye Sana sees Sara and her goons shuffle away and out of the courtyard and then Eva and Vilde are smiling at Sana too. “We’re coming to see you kick some ass on a basketball court,” Vilde says and cups Sana’s face with one hand. The look in her eyes is full of kind protectiveness and Sana make a mental note to let Vilde know later how much her actions mean to her. Right now, Sana is too incoherent.

“When … I mean .. you just decided that now?” Sana manages to get out when Vilde lets go of her, feeling so overwhelmed she’s struggling to stand up straight.

All four girls laugh and then Chris and Noora turn Sana around, walking her towards the gate. “No, I asked Jamilla via facebook the other day if she knows when and where exactly your game is taking place,” says Chris, making Sana frown incredulously.

“Why didn’t you just ask me?”

Chris shrugs with the sweetest smile imaginable and Eva rolls her eyes at Sana, however smiling as well. “We were going to surprise you, but then we saw Sara being a bitch to you, so ... “

Biting her lower lip, Sana looks at all four of her girls, awestruck and still hardly believing that the last three minutes really happened. “I can’t believe you,” Sana laughs out loud. “Thank you.”

“What for?” Vilde asks, prompting Sana to stare at her. 

“For proving me right, Vilde,” Sana replies without thinking and lets go of Noora and Chris to wrap an arm around Vilde, who hugs Sana back with a slight frown on her face.

“That’s right, I remember!” Noora chimes in, giggling happily. “Sana told me once that you’re the first one of us she would take to war with her,” she says to Vilde.

“Oh my God,” Vilde says, blushing a bright red and looking at Sana with a blinding smile. “Is that really … did you mean that?”

Sana pulls Vilde a little closer and kisses her cheek. “Yes, I did mean that and I still do.” Looking into Vilde’s eyes, Sana has to take a deep breath to avoid tearing up. “You’re a rockstar, Vilde Lien-Hellerud.”

Vilde lets out a nervous laugh and throws both arms around Sana. “You too, Sana Bakkoush,” she says at Sana’s ear and then pulls back, grinning brightly. “I can’t wait to see you play!”

The other three agree noisily with Vilde, and then they’ve already reached the tram stop. “This will be awesome,” Eva says and takes Noora’s hand.

“Are you an offense or defense player, Sana?” asks Noora and Chris puts up her hand because she knows.

“Defense, but her team call her a secret weapon because she can do surprise jump shots,” Chris says, grinning brightly and motioning for Sana to high-five her.

Slapping her palm to Chris’s, Sana laughs joyfully. “I see you remembered.”

The tram arrives just then and Sana spends the ride telling the girls about her favourite hobby. They all listen eagerly and ask questions, cheering when Sana talks about her achievements and laugh with her at the funny stories.

Before Sana knows it, Sana is in the gymnasium of the Høybråten school and she has just told the girls where they should go to get the best view, when she gets another surprise.

“Jamilla? Ayaan?” Sana calls, laughing out loud with joy and running towards the two of them. “You’re here too?”

Behind Sana, Chris groans: “Did you really think I was getting info about your game from a friend who isn’t planning to come too?” but Sana hears the laugh in her voice while hugging Ayaan and Jamilla at the same time.

They’re both giggling happily. “I told you I was coming,” says Ayaan, trying to sound offended, but her bright smile betrays her.

Rolling her eyes at Ayaan, Sana puts an arm on Ayaan’s shoulder and the other around Jamilla, turning around to face her friends. “Girls, for those of you who haven’t met her: This is Jamilla, my former bodyguard from Urra and my brother’s awesome fiancée. And this is Ayaan, her amazing cousin.”

Sana throws a glowing look at all her friends and then adds: “And now I really have to go change and warm up, so go get some decent seats and I’ll see you after kicking some Drammen ass!”

The girls all cheer as Sana walks away towards the changing room, and when she turns around halfway down the hall, she sees her four school friends girls hugging her two muslim friends and complimenting Jamilla and Ayaan’s clothes. 

Sana opens the door to the changing room and wonders if it’s possible for anyone to ever be happier than she is right now.

She seriously doubts it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	114. Episode 9, Thursday 15th June, 19:54: That’s my sister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	115. Episode 9, Thursday 15th June, 20:39: Playing for the NBA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	116. Episode 9, Friday 16th June, 18:57: Soul mates

Standing in front of her closet with half-dry hair, Sana is breathing deeply and trying hard not to panic. She’s meeting Yousef in less than two hours and she still has no freaking idea what to wear.

Sana runs a hand through her hair and then walks over to her desk, to grab her phone and open the group chat with the girls.

Sana gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. Of course, the girls got along wonderfully with Jamilla and Ayaan yesterday, but Sana still didn’t expect this. Smiling happily, she watches her screen as Noora types.

Sana looks down at her black pants with white stripes at the bottom seam and her equally black long shirt and then replies with a sigh.

With bated breath, Sana waits for her friends to react. It doesn’t take long.

Sana’s heart jumps a little when she reads that last message. Ayaan knows what she’s talking about: All three times Sana has met her so far, Ayaan was wearing colours from head to toe. Never too bright and always incredibly stylish. So Sana smiles as she types a reply.

Sana is smiling so hard the corners of her mouth are starting to hurt as she replies to that question.

The next hour passes by in a blur. Sana puts on and takes off at least ten different outfits, sending photos of each one in the group chat.

In the end, when Sana’s hair is finally dry, she puts on the lilac hijab with a white underscarf, wide light grey pants and a dark grey T-shirt combined with a white long shirt underneath. 

Sana decides to only wear nude lipstick. Dark make up is her armour, but today, Sana doesn’t need it. Despite being horribly nervous, she wants to trust Yousef to see her real, un-armoured self.

Nodding at her reflection, Sana takes a deep breath, snaps a mirror selfie and sends it in the group chat. Jamilla is the first to react, but the others aren’t far behind. 

Sana thinks about that for a moment. Looking at her reflection again, it strikes her that she looks and feels like herself. Not like her usual cynical self, but like the real Sana; a hopeful, self-confident and cheerful person. Grinning contently, she replies in the chat.

Sana nods at her phone as if Ayaan could see it. Ayaan right, the pearl earrings will look great with the lilac hijab. It doesn’t hurt that they’re Sana’s favourites either. 

Instead of typing a reply, Sana puts the earrings on and then sends a picture of her head in the chat.

The girls’ replies make Sana blush.

Sana takes a deep breath and thinks for a moment. Before she showered, Sana prayed Maghrib already, but she feels like asking for Allah’s support for the evening ahead in Du’a. With a soft smile, she types:

Sana puts the phone down and sets it on mute. She then walks over to the balcony door, opens it and closes her eyes, letting the light evening breeze hit her face.

With a deep breath, Sana raises her open palms in front of her face and listens to the birds chirping for a few moments before she addresses Allah in Arabic and then continues her prayer in Norwegian instead of Arabic, as she usually does in Du’a.

“Bismillah hir Rahman ir raheem. I ask you to accept my fast today, although I have behaved badly. May you watch over me as I meet Yousef tonight, and help me do nothing you would not want me to do. Help me to be open and honest with him and still be kind.”

Sana pauses for a moment, and a wide smile spreads on her face as she thinks of all the people in her life she is grateful for.

“I ask that you watch over Eva and Noora, Vilde and Chris. And please watch over my sisters Ayaan and Jamilla. Also watch over Isak and Even. And of course, keep my dear brothers safe, Elias and Ahmed.”

Sana’s heartbeat speeds up a little and her smile grows even wider as she adds one last name to her supplication. “And please look after Yousef, whatever happens. Amin.”

Then, Sana covers her face with both palms and slowly runs them over her eyes and cheeks to her ears. When she opens her eyes again, Sana feels completely at peace. 

She’s ready.

Picking up her phone again, Sana sees two new messages in the group chat.

Sana stares at her screen incredulously. Sure, she’s aware that Noora took religion last year and that she was good at it, but still … this is surprising. And Sana isn't the only one who's impressed:

Sana grins proudly at her phone as she types back.

With a deep breath, Sana puts her phone in her pocket and then takes one last look at her reflection and then walks out of her room.

She finds Mamma sitting on the couch in the living room. Mamma looks up with a smile when Sana walks in.

“Oh, you look so pretty, Sana,” she says, gets to her feet and opens her arms.

Letting out a nervous giggle, Sana walks into her embrace, leaning her head against her mother’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Sana then moves her head back and bites her lower lip. “I’m meeting Yousef,” she confesses with a hesitant smile.

Mamma looks surprised at first, but then she purses her lips and nods slowly. “That’s good.” She pauses, smiles warmly at Sana and then goes on. I trust you, Sana. You’re your own person, and I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

Sana throws both arms around Mamma and hugs her close. “Thank you,” Sana murmurs again, and Mamma kisses Sana’s forehead before letting go of her.

“I’d say bring him home some time,but he’s almost a part of the family already anyway...”

Both of them laugh and Sana lightly shoves Mamma’s upper arm. “Don’t get too excited, we’re not engaged yet.”

“A mother can dream though, right?” Mamma giggles and kisses Sana’s cheek. “Alright, go, have a great time!”

“Will do,” Sana calls out, already on her way out to the hall. She can’t stop grinning while putting on her shoes, and only when she opens the front door does Sana realise she’s most definitely going to be late for her date.

Making a face, she gets her phone out of her pocket and is surprised to see a new message from Yousef.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Sana types back.

Sana is pretty proud of how relaxed she it at this point. She’s about to go on her first date ever, but all she feels is genuine excitement and joy. And with that reassuring mindset, she all but floats on her way to the tram.

_________________________________________________________________________

About forty-five minutes after meeting Yousef on Radhusplassen, Sana can’t remember why she was nervous about this date. The two of them are joking around in between discussing school, their friends and family, and it feels as if they’d done this a hundred times before.

Yousef and Sana walked back and forth on the pier in Aker brygge and are now approaching the opera house. Yousef suggests they sit down on one of the benches on Langkaia and Sana happily agrees.

Once again, Sana notices it’s the small things that make her like Yousef so much. Like the fact that he sits down first, letting Sana decide how close she wants to sit beside him. Smiling like an idiot, Sana leaves only about an arm’s length between the two of them, however not daring to look into his face as she sits down.

They sit in silence for a few minutes until Sana finally clears her throat, making Yousef look at her.

“So, Noora tells me you’re writing a children’s book?”

Yousef blushes a bright red, and briefly hides his face in his jacket. “Uh, yes,” he says hesitantly, letting out an embarrassed giggle. “It’s nothing, really, just an idea.”

Slowly shaking her head, Sana waits until he meets her eye. “I love the idea, though.”

“Oh, she told you what it’s about?” Yousef sounds surprised.

This time Sana nods, a slow smile spreading on her face. “Yes, she did.”

Yousef looks into Sana’s eyes for a long moment, which turns her knees into butter again. “It’s a very important subject to me … So often, we think our differences are reasons to hate, but really they should be reasons to talk to each other, to exchange and discuss ideas.”

A loud silence follows his words, during which Sana tries to think of something to say. What Yousef just said is exactly in tune with Sana’s opinion on different ways of thinking.

“Sana? Are you still here?” Yousef asks, chuckling nervously.

Shaking herself, Sana blinks a few times and looks at him again. “Sorry, you just … what you said … I think exactly the same way,” she says slowly, holding his gaze.

The broad smile spreading on Yousef’s face could certainly power the city for an entire day. “Yeah?” he asks incredulously. “That’s good, don’t you think?”

Sana smiles back and nods at him. “Yes, I do.”

“Maybe your faith and my lack of it don’t have to separate us, huh?” Yousef says then, his eyes searching Sana’s face for a reaction.

Sana’s smile doesn’t fade and she leans a little closer. “I think you’re right about that,” she admits quietly.

Letting out a shaky breath, Yousef closes his eyes for a second and then smiles at Sana again. “I’m glad to hear that, Sana,” he murmurs. His voice is so gentle and full of respect, Sana is afraid her knees will never carry her again. 

The next few minutes pass without either of them saying anything, as if they had wordlessly agreed that they both needed a moment to digest the exchange they’ve just had.

“I think the sun will set soon,” Sana finally says, and Yousef nods with a bright grin. He then touches Sana’s arm, pointing to the rooftop of the opera house.

“Do you want to watch the sunset from up there?”

Smiling back at him, Sana nods. “Sure, I haven’t been on the roof in ages.”

Yousef stares at her with what Sana supposes should be a shocked expression. “Sana, it’s your  _ patriotic duty _ to check out that view at least once a month, didn’t you know?”

Sana can’t suppress an amused giggle, but she still tries to look serious as she replies. “Oh my gosh, I had no idea! Do you think I’ll have to pay a fine?”

“You’re in luck,” Yousef says with a cheeky smile. “I’m the only one who checks if people do it on a regular basis, so if you bribe me, I’ll forget that you’ve been neglecting your responsibility to your country.”

This time Sana can’t hold back a laugh. “Wow, okay. What should I bribe you with?”

Yousef slowly shakes his head. “Ah, I’m not going to tell you. The art of bribery consists in knowing what the person you want to bribe most desires and then offer it to them.”

“You’re so full of it,” Sana chuckles and gives him a light shove. 

“What, it’s true!” Yousef protests, but he can’t hold back a laugh either. He stops walking and turns to look at Sana. “Just look into my eyes and try to find out what I want the most.” His voice is much quieter than just before and his expression sends a shiver down Sana’s spine.

She bravely takes a step closer to him and holds Yousef’s gaze, her heart suddenly hammering against her chest. For a moment, the two of them just stand there, staring at each other as if in a contest. Yousef’s face seems calm on the surface, but Sana can tell he’s nervous by the way he purses his lips every few seconds. And she’s pretty sure he’s holding his breath while he keeps looking at her.

His eyes are full of admiration, even the cynical part of Sana has to admit that. Yousef looks at her exactly the way Sana’s mother always told her a man should look at a woman.  _ In his eyes, you should be the most precious treasure in the world.  _ Mamma’s words ring in Sana’s ears and she can only hope that she’s looking back at him with the same kind of awe.

Finally, Sana shakes herself out of her trance, giggling nervously. “I don’t know, can I guess?”

“Three guesses,” Yousef laughs and pulls up the hood of his sweater. 

“Oh, just three? Okay, let me think,” Sana puts a finger to her lips him and winks at him. If she didn’t know better, she could swear he’s blushing.

They both start walking towards the opera house again and Sana studies Yousef’s face for a long moment before making the first guess.

“Do you want another rematch in basketball?” Sana suggests, making both of them laugh.

“My pride has suffered enough. So thanks, but no thanks,” Yousef giggles, throwing Sana a glowing look that makes her blush.

“Uh, okay … “ Sana thinks for another long moment while the two of them slowly make their way up the steps. “I would offer to cook for you, but I’m no good in the kitchen.”

Yousef laughs at that, nodding slowly and then patting Sana’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I can cook.”

Sana stares at him, expecting him to admit it was a joke, but his expression is serious. “What, I mean it. I cook for the kids at the kindergarden all the time.”

“Wow, really?” Sana is honestly impressed. “What do you cook for them?”

Yousef laughs again and then tells her about a few of the recipes he’s tried and how he fared with them. “I will never forget the first time I made Risotto … I actually started by cooking the rice, which is just completely wrong!”

“Uh, isn’t rice usually cooked?” Sana asks, feeling rather stupid. 

“Not when you make Risotto, that’s completely different!” He clears his throat and then starts explaining how to properly make Risotto with a passionate expression on his face. Sana could listen to him forever. He uses his hands when he talks, waving them around in imitations of cooking movements and although he clearly knows what he’s talking about, he doesn’t sound the least bit arrogant.

By the time he’s done, the two of them have reached the top of the roof and Sana is not surprised to hear her stomach rumble.

“Wow, you’ve made me hungry now,” she announces, smiling brightly at Yousef to let him know it’s not an accusation.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Yousef apologises anyway, slapping a hand to his mouth. “I didn’t think, I’m so sorry! But I can make it up to you.”

Sana frowns at him. “How?”

Shaking his head, Yousef points to the slowly setting sun. “You’ll find out at Iftar. Only …” he pauses to check the time on his phone. “Twenty-one more minutes.”

“Ugh,” Sana groans and scowls at the sun, as if that could make it set faster. “Okay, distract me.” Turning around to face him, Sana leans at the wall at the edge of the roof terrace. She hopes her expression is challenging, but she knows she’s probably smiling too brightly for that.

“Distract you?” Yousef sputters, obviously caught off guard. “Uh, what .. did you have in mind?”

“Just … go with your gut,” Sana suggests and winks at him with a cheeky grin. Thankfully, there are not many people up here at this time of day, otherwise Sana would have felt a lot more awkward being this direct.

Yousef laughs at that and then runs a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath and looking at his shoes for a long moment. He leans his forearms on the wall next to Sana and when he looks up again, his expression is serious.

“Do … do your parents know you’re out with me?”

That question catches Sana off guard. But she’s still glad he asked. With a fond smile, Sana nods her head. “Yes. Well, my mum knows.”

Yousef raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Really? And … what does she think?”

Still smiling, Sana remembers the kind look on her mother’s face earlier when she said she trusts that Sana knows what she’s doing. “She trusts me. I mean …” Sana clears her throat and looks into Yousef’s eyes as she goes on. “She’s obviously worried, but she said she knows you’re a good person and that the most important thing is that we can talk about everything, and that we respect each other.”

A bright smile spreads on Yousef’s face at those words. “I always respected Meryem, but wow … This is really really awesome. Tell her I am grateful for her faith in me.”

Sana laughs brightly and nods as well. “I will.”

Yousef laughs with her, albeit quieter than Sana. He hesitates for a moment and then turns his hand around so his palm is facing upward and then clears his throat. “I hope … I can’t promise you this will be easy, Sana,” he says softly, looking into Sana’s eyes again. “But it’s like I said: I would die for your right to believe what you believe … and I know you would never force me to do or say anything I don’t believe in.”

He takes a deep breath and Sana notices that her hand has moved closer to his, almost out of its own accord. Before Sana can think of something to say, Yousef goes on. “ And I will never ask anything of you that you can’t or don’t want to give, Sana. If we agree to always support and respect each other, I think … “

With a soundless gasp, Yousef stops talking when Sana reaches for his hand. “I think so too,” she agrees quietly and wraps her fingers around his. Yousef stares at their joint hands for a moment and then gives Sana the brightest smile she’s ever seen on his face.

“Good,” he croaks and squeezes Sana’s hand, his eyes still locked in on hers. Sana grins back, feeling her heart beating so fast she’s almost worried it will jump out of her chest. After a long moment, Yousef lets go of Sana’s hand with a happy giggle.

“Damn, you’re so cute, you know that?” he says, immediately slapping his hand to his mouth, looking mortified. “Sorry, but .. it’s true,” he adds, his voice almost a whisper.

That reminds Sana of something and before she can change her mind, she decides to just go ahead and ask. “Didn’t you say that about Noora just two weeks ago though?”

Yousef stares at Sana, suddenly looking completely lost. “What?”

Rolling her eyes, Sana wishes she hadn’t asked, but she’ll have to explain herself now. She stands up a little straighter and looks into Yousef’s eyes. “I once heard the boys teasing you about ‘just wanting to see Noora again’, I think you were in our living room, discussing whether or not you should make a new video or something? And you said that you think ‘she’s so cute.’” 

Realisation dawns on Yousef’s face and he covers it with both palms, groaning loudly. “Oh fuck, I know what you mean.” He lets out a short laugh, obviously embarrassed. “I think Mikael suggested that we ask you and your friends if we should go out together again, and I said that sounded like a good idea. And then Adam said that I just wanted to see Noora again, that’s right.”

He sighs deeply, and then looks up at Sana again. “I denied and Elias told Adam to shut up and that I was going to try my luck with his sister.”

Sana feels herself blush as Youse goes on. “They laughed at me for that of course, and in the end I couldn’t help but admit that I find you … cute.”

His voice is all but a whisper now and Sana quickly reach for his hand again. “I’m sorry, Yousef …” She looks down at their joint hands, feeling stupid and flattered at the same time. “I can be such an idiot sometimes.”

At that, Yousef shakes his head and huffs out a soundless laugh. “No, trust me: If anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me.” He’s about to go on, but Sana decides she doesn’t want to hear him talk shit about himself.

“Let’s just agree that we were both idiots and will stop now, okay?” She smiles gently at him, hoping he can tell she means every word. “From now on, we’ll just be chill and honest with each other.”

Yousef nods slowly and lets out a long breath. “Yes, I am so totally with you on that.”

“Good.” Sana looks into his eyes for a long moment, thinking that no matter how much shit she went through because of her crush on Yousef, she’s glad it led her here, onto that rooftop, illuminated by the last sun rays of the day, making it look like a set for a damn romance movie.

Speaking of the sun ...

“It’s almost Iftar,” Yousef calls and points to the sun, which is about to disappear behind the horizon.

Sana follows his gaze and sucks in her breath. “Yes, it’s about time!”

Together, Sana and Yousef watch the sun sink lower and lower, and then it finally disappears. Sana lets out a long sigh of relief and calls out: “Finally!”

She’s about to ask if Yousef will come with her to buy some food and water, but he’s already set down his backpack and is digging around in it. “Are you thirsty?” he asks and holds out a full bottle of water with a bright smile.

“Oh gosh, yes! Thank you so much,” she calls out and takes the bottle from him with a grateful smile. Sana opens it impatiently and downs it almost entirely in one go. The water feels like an elixir of life, but Sana has to eat soon, otherwise she’ll collapse.

But when she looks at Yousef to give the bottle back to him, he’s still kneeling over his backpack. “I suppose you’re hungry too?” he asks and looks up with a knowing grin, holding out a Tupperware container.

Sana gasps incredulously. “What? Did you make food?”

Yousef nods, looking pleased with himself. “I told you I can cook.”

Taking the container from him, Sana notices it’s still warm. “I can’t believe this!”

Yousef points to the steps a few feet to the side and suggests Sana sit down to eat. Sana follows him readily, clutching the warm container to her chest while trying to catch his eye.

Yousef is apparently a little embarrassed.

He lets out a nervous laugh and then finally looks up at Sana again. “Did you honestly think I was going on a date with a girl who’s been fasting for nineteen hours and not bring food? Do you even know me?” Yousef doesn’t sound the least bit indignant, unlike his words would suggest.

“Awwh.” Sana giggles happily when she sees him blush, and Yousef hides his face in his hoodie.

“Don’t ‘awwh’ me, I’m embarrassed enough as it is. Just try the food and tell me if it’s at all good.”

He doesn’t have to say that twice. Sana has just sat down on the steps leading down from the roof - they’re still a bit warm from the sun - when Yousef hands her a fork as she removes the lid of the container. She almost drops the fork when the delicious smell hits her nose.

“Oh my gosh, Musakka!” Sana calls delightedly, and then instantly digs the fork into the delicious casserole.

Yousef watches Sana take the first bite and laughs happily when she closes her eyes and turns her face up to the sky with a loud “Mmmmh!”. 

“You know it?” he asks curiously and Sana opens her eyes to nod at him.

“Yes, it’s one of my favourite dishes ever! Mamma has a friend from Turkey at work who gave her the recipe. This is …” Sana takes another bite and nods enthusiastically while chewing. “This is amazing, Yousef! I can’t believe you made this, it’s so good!”

“Mamma said if I wanted to prove to you that I can cook, making Musakka is the best idea,” Yousef says, chuckling happily. “I’m glad you like it.”

“She was right. You realise you’re going to have to cook for me all the time now?” Sana announces, nudging his upper arm with her elbow.

Yousef laughs happily and nods. “That was kind of the point, yes.”

_________________________________________________________________________

Once Sana is done eating - she’s emptied the entire container in less than fifteen minutes- she and Yousef decide to start heading home. They’ve just crossed the square in front of the main station when Sana lets out a loud yawn.

“I’m getting tired,” she admits and Yousef nods understandingly.

“No wonder, after fasting for so long. Soon it will be over though.” He points to a tram and Sana nods gratefully, following him inside.

“Yes, just one more week until Eid,” she confirms and sits down across from Yousef.

Raising his eyebrows at Sana, Yousef clears his throat. “Elias says your mum wants to throw a party. I guess I’ll see you there? Unless this date was so horrible you never want to see me again.”

Giggling happily, Sana shakes her head. “Nah, you can come, it wasn’t so bad.” Sana then hesitates for a moment before asking: “Do you know if … is Elias okay?”

Yousef gives her a surprised look, but then Sana sees the realisation dawn on his face. “You mean because of the drinking?”

“No, I know he stopped with that, I think he even has an agreement with Vilde. He will not drink at all and she can’t drink whenever Elias is at the same party,” Sana explains, not without pride. Yousef nods with a knowing smile. 

“Ah, yes, now I remember. That’s really cool.” Then he frowns curiously. “Did he not tell you he might get a job?”

That makes Sana stare at him. “What?”

Yousef laughs shortly. “Yeah, remember our little reunion with Even on Wednesday? Well, he and Elias met up again on Thursday to go over Elias’s CV and stuff. Apparently, Even’s ex-girlfriend told him about a job opening at a music studio where she is recording a demo tape.”

Sana’s eyes go even wider. Of course, she remembers Sonja mentioning that job to Even, but Sana did not expect Even to suggest Elias for it. “Wow, he’s interested in that kind of thing?”

Yousef chuckles a that. “Uh, your brother is totally nuts about music and recording studios. I have no idea why none of us ever suggested that to him before.”

Now that Yousef says it, Sana remembers how happy Elias was when their older cousin gave him his old record player last year and how much time he spends choosing and editing tracks for the videos he and the boys make on a weekly basis.

“You’re right, it never occurred to me either,” Sana admits. “So nice of Even to help him.”

Yousef smiles happily and touches Sana’s shoulder. “We have our reasons why we missed him. And thank you, by the way, for encouraging him to come back. I know you had a hand in that.”

Sana puts up both hands, trying to look innocent. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Both of them laugh at that, and then Sana notices the tram has arrived at her stop.

Yousef walks Sana all the way home, and when they stand still in front of Sana’s house, he looks into her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“So, do you think we can go out again some time?” Yousef asks shyly, hands in his pockets and a shy smile on his lips.

Giggling happily, Sana nods. “Yes, definitely.”

“Phew, good,” he laughs. “I was worried my bad jokes ruined everything.”

“No, your jokes are okay actually,” Sana reassures him with a wink. 

Neither of them knows how to say goodbye, so they just stand there and giggle awkwardly for almost a minute until finally, Yousef steps forward and hesitantly opens his arms.

Sana smiles happily and steps into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his waist. Yousef hugs Sana around the middle, carefully keeping his hands well above her hips. 

“Thanks for tonight, Yousef. I had an awesome time,” Sana says earnestly and catches herself breathing in his cologne. 

“You’re so welcome, and thank you too,” Yousef murmurs at Sana’s ear, sending a shiver down her spine. “We should do this again, soon.”

Sana squeezes him briefly and then lets go, moving back to look into his eyes. “Yes, we will!”

Yousef waits while Sana walks backwards towards the house, still looking at her with that same awestruck expression Sana first noticed earlier tonight. Only when Sana opens the front door to her house does Yousef finally raise a hand to wave goodbye and then turns to walk away. 

Walking up the stairs, Sana can’t help but remember the last time Yousef dropped her off here. Sana had to make up an excuse about why he was out there with her and felt bad for lying to her mother. But now, Sana can’t wait to go up there and tell Mamma all about her date with Yousef, the kindergarden teacher and excellent cook with the most beautiful smile Sana has ever seen.

She can’t forget to text the girls later though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	117. Glossary for Episode 10

El Dorado: Norwegian bookstore chain

Chorba: Northern African soup

Stockfleths: Norwegian coffee shop chain

Taboulé: Couscous salad

UIO: University of Oslo

Maghrebi: “from the Maghreb region”, meaning Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria and Western Sahara

Zaalouk: Moroccan Tomato-Cucumber salad


	118. Episode 10, Saturday, 17th June, 10:28: VILDE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big THANK YOU to my Vilde-betas, @gayaisanerd and @skamzombie who made sure this clip is as in character as possible!

Mamma still hasn’t gotten out of bed. It’s been three days and she just can’t get up, except to go to the bathroom and back every few hours. She hasn’t been drinking, not since Sana brought her home that Wednesday afternoon, but she fell right into depression afterwards and has only had a few good days since. The last one was Wednesday: She surprised Vilde with a home-cooked dinner and they talked about school and love and life all evening. That day, Vilde thought that maybe, her mother was finally going to feel better again. But then Vilde came home on Thursday and found Mamma hadn’t eaten nor gotten up all day. She told Vilde that she was feeling like there was a huge rock on her chest, and that she hated herself for it. Vilde’s heart still breaks every time that happens, although she should be used to it by now.

Vilde sits down at the side of Mamma’s bed after putting a glass of water and her mother’s pill on the nightstand. For a moment, Vilde hesitates and then reaches out to caress her mother’s shoulder. Mamma’s eyes flutter open and she looks up at Vilde with a tiny smile. 

“Vilde?” Her voice is so small it almost makes Vilde cry. She can tell Mamma is worried about her, even though Mamma is the one whose mind is constantly making her miserable.

“I’m here, Mamma,” Vilde murmurs, swallowing her tears and wrapping her arm around Mamma’s waist. 

Mamma sighs again, sounding relieved. “I dreamt you left me …”

“I’ll never leave you,” Vilde whispers. “I promise.”

Taking a deep breath, Mamma reaches for Vilde’s right hand and laces their fingers together.

“That’s good,” Mamma sighs and then closes her eyes again.

Very carefully, Vilde disentangles her fingers from her mother’s and sits up a little straighter, caressing Mamma’s back. She’s about to get up when her phone buzzes in her pocket. With a frown, Vilde digs it out and unlock it. she has a new text from Sana.

By the time Vilde is done reading the text, she’s smiling so hard the corners of her mouth are starting to hurt. She’s started feeling closer to Sana ever since Vilde and the girls picked Sana up in the school yard a week and a half ago, and this message feels like a wonderful confirmation that Vilde didn’t just imagine it. Sana was always rather reserved, even cold sometimes, but in the last two weeks Vilde has realised how much love that girl has in her heart.

Vilde presses her phone to her chest for a moment and then lets out half a laugh, startling her mother awake. 

“What is it?” Mamma asks sleepily, but Vilde shushes her and runs her free hand over Mamma’s hair.

“I’m sorry for waking you, I just got a really nice text from my friend Sana,” Vilde blurts out before she can stop yourself. “She invited me to a party next Saturday.”

Mamma turns around to face Vilde, frowning slightly. “Sana … isn’t that your friend from school? The one who brought me home? She’s throwing a party?”

Nodding slowly, Vilde smiles at her mother, feeling as if her heart will burst with pride and joy at any moment. “It’s to celebrate the end of Ramadan, the fasting month,” Vilde explains.

“Oh,” Mamma says warmly, a small smile appearing on her lips. “That sounds very nice.” Mamma watches Vilde thoughtfully for a moment, her smile growing a little wider. “I’m glad you have such good friends, darling,” she murmurs and cups Vilde’s face with one hand.

“Me too,” Vilde replies, smiling back at her mother.

“You need them with a mother who is always sad,” Mamma then adds looking down at the mattress, but Vilde reaches out to lift her chin, looking into her mother’s eyes as she shakes her head.

“Mamma, don’t say that. You can’t help that you’re sick, and I like taking care of you.” A hesitant smile curls Mamma’s lips but before she can contradict, Vilde adds: “Besides, when you’re doing well, you take such good care of me! It’s only fair that I return the favour.”

Letting out half a sob, half a laugh, Mamma throws her arm around Vilde’s shoulder, pulling Vilde down with her. “I love you, Vilde,” she murmurs into Vilde’s hair, caressing her daughter’s back with both hands. 

Vilde hugs Mamma back and closes her eyes, burying her face at her mother’s neck. “I love you too, Mamma.” Feeling Mamma’s arms tighten around her, it hits Vilde that no matter how hard things can get with her mother, moments like this one make it all worthwhile. So when Vilde moves back to look into Mamma’s eyes again, she’s not lying when she says: “I’m so glad you’re my mother, you know?”

Mamma kisses Vilde’s cheek and hugs her again, sighing deeply. “And I’m so glad your friend was right,” she says, causing Vilde to frown.

“Sana? What do you mean?”

“She told me that since you’re my daughter, she’s sure you love me no matter what.” Mamma’s voice sounds a little brighter than before and when she moves her head back to look at Vilde, the smile on her face almost reaches her eyes.

“Sana is great, isn't she?” Vilde murmurs, biting her lip to fight back tears of joy.

Mamma nods slowly and runs her hand down Vilde’s arm. “Yes, she is. And so are you.” 

With that, Mamma lets out a deep sigh and lies back down with an apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry, I think I have to sleep some more.”

“It’s okay, Mamma. Chris is coming over soon and then we’ll go out for a bit,” Vilde tells her and pulls the blanket up so it covers Mamma’s upper body entirely.

“Have fun,” Mamma murmurs and closes her eyes as Vilde gets up from the bed and leaves the room.

Vilde has barely closed the bedroom door when her phone vibrates again.

Chewing her lip, Vilde considers buzzing Chris in for a moment but then decides that she’s almost ready anyway, and Mamma’s asleep so …

Chris replies right away.

Smiling at her phone, Vilde walks down the hall to her room and carefully pushes the door open. As suspected, the room is still dark and Magnus is fast asleep in Vilde’s bed, lying on his stomach, his face turned towards the door. For a moment, Vilde watches him with a fond smile and then leans down to kiss his forehead, putting her phone on the nightstand.

Magnus stirs and rolls over to his side with a soft groan.

“Morning,” Vilde breathes softly and kneels down next to the bed, framing Magnus’s head with her arm. He turns onto his back, eyes still closed and pulls Vilde on top of him. 

Giggling happily, Vilde lets his arms envelop her and presses a kiss to his bare chest. “Chris is waiting for me,” she says then, making a face. Magnus buries his nose in Vilde’s hair and she feels him nod.

“Mhm, let her wait for a few minutes,” he murmurs, rolling over so they’re lying side by side, facing each other. His hand finds Vilde’s waist, and as he nudges her nose with his own, he finally opens his eyes to look at Vilde. “I want to kiss you good-morning first,” he breathes before he does just that.

Vilde’s hands come up to cup his face as Magnus’s lips brush hers, gentle and sweet. A shiver runs down Vilde’s spine when she feels his hand slip under her sweater and t-shirt onto her back just as he parts her lips with his tongue. Vilde sigh into his mouth and closes her eyes, just letting herself be kissed while she caresses Magnus’s cheeks with her thumbs. 

No one but Magnus has ever kissed Vilde like this. He has a way of making her feel desired and loved without it always having to lead to sex.

It took Vilde a while to accept this: When Magnus first told her that they don’t have to have sex every time they make out, Vilde almost had a breakdown trying to explain that it’s fine, that she understands guys are more sexual than girls and that she will always try to give him what he wants.

Vilde will never forget the shattered look on Magnus’s face after she said that. “You don’t have to give _me_ what _I_ want _,_ Vilde,” he told her, holding her face in his hands. “ _We_ should do what _we both_ want. We have to make each other feel good. If you don’t want to do something, then I don’t want it either. It’s not _your_ job to make sex good for _me_ , okay? I want to make you feel good as much as you make me feel good. It’s a give and take, you know?”

Both of them cried that night - it was the first night Vilde spent at Magnus’s place, and the first time the two of them had sex. Unlike William, who only took from Vilde what he wanted, Magnus was careful and incredibly gentle with her. He took his time, making sure Vilde was feeling comfortable and even though it wasn’t her first time, it still felt like it. Because that was the night Vilde learned that sex is not just good for guys. 

“I got a text from Sana,” Vilde announces after a while, her forehead leaned against Magnus’. “She invited me to an Eid party at her house.”

A slow smile spreads on Magnus’s lips. “That’s cool. Do you think I can come too?”

“I can ask I guess,” Vilde tells him and kisses him again.

Magnus hums against her lips and cups her face with one hand while roping his other arm around her waist. Vilde’s eyes flutter shut again as her hands run up and down along his sides. Tipping her chin up with his thumb, Magnus deepens the kiss, making Vilde sigh happily. It doesn’t matter how many moments like this she has with him, it never ceases to amaze her how utterly safe she feels in Magnus’s arms.

“Hey, do you know what?” he says after a while, looking into Vilde’s eyes with a smile that makes her knees go weak.

“What?” she whispers and smiles back at him.

“I should go see if I can find that biography about Angelina Jolie you wanted to read. There’s a sale at El Dorado I think.” Magnus winks and kisses Vilde again before he adds. “I agree with you, she’s really hot. Not to mention a very strong woman.”

Vilde feels herself blush. Only months ago, she would have looked down and apologised for being such a weird girl. But without ever asking her to explain her orientation to him, Magnus has fully accepted Vilde’s bisexuality and supports her without question. His love and acceptance gave Vilde the courage to finally tell Chris that she finds girls attractive, too. Chris only laughed and said she had wondered when Vilde was going to tell her that and added that she couldn’t care less who Vilde finds sexy as long as she’s happy. 

And after the last week with the girls, Vilde is starting to think she’ll soon be ready to come out to the rest of her friends. She doesn’t think it will change much, not at the moment anyway, since she’s so happy with Magnus she could just giggle all day. But it will be great to not have to hide anything, especially since Magnus’s and Chris’s support makes Vilde feel safe and confident about her sexuality.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Vilde says quietly and buries her face at the crook of her boyfriend’s neck. “I really want to read that book.”

Magnus’s soft laugh reverberates in Vilde’s entire body. “Good.” He kisses her hair and runs his hand up and down her back.

Vilde presses a kiss to his collarbone and then looks up at him again. “But I have to go now, Chris is going to get impatient.”

“Alright,” Magnus breathes and captures Vilde’s lips in another kiss. “Is Annalise okay?”

Vilde nods slowly with a grateful smile. “I put her pill on the nightstand, could you maybe check if she took it before you leave?”

“Sure,” Magnus says softly and kisses Vilde’s nose. “Do you still have enough money for groceries this week?”

The unspoken offer in his words makes Vilde’s heart jump in her chest. Magnus would never just offer to pay for food since he seems to know that makes Vilde feel uncomfortable. But he has brought food over a few times, each time supposedly to cook dinner for Vilde and her mother, although he bought way more than he would have needed for just one meal. 

“We’re good, thanks,” Vilde replies shyly and then kisses his throat, his chin and his lips, her hand resting on his shoulder. “Stay as long as you want okay?”

“I’m meeting the boys later, but do you want to come sleep over at my place?” he asks softly, his finger tracing Vilde’s jawline. 

“Sure, if Mamma’s okay I’ll be there,” Vilde tells him, not a trace of doubt in her voice.

Even after several months with him, Vilde is still surprised by how easily Magnus accepted her situation with Mamma. Vilde was so ashamed when she ran into him at the pharmacy waiting for her mother’s prescription to be filled. When the pharmacist came back and basically shouted the name of the medication her mother takes to help with her alcohol withdrawal symptoms, Vilde was ready to die. But Magnus just smiled, took Vilde’s hand and said it was nice of her to pick up her mother’s medication for her. Then, he walked Vilde home and when she finally agreed to let him come upstairs, Magnus didn’t ask questions about her mum. Instead, he just helped Vilde clean up the kitchen and later held her in bed and caressed her hair until she fell asleep. 

That was about two months after Vilde and Magnus started dating. Ever since, Magnus has only ever asked hesitant, kind questions and never argued when Vilde didn’t want to answer them. One day, when Mamma was feeling well enough to make dinner for the three of them, he came over with flowers and in his best shirt, declaring that it was an honour to meet Vilde’s mother. Both Vilde and Mamma nearly cried, and ever since Vilde hasn’t felt like she needed to hide anything from Magnus.

Finally, Vilde manages to get up again - not without kissing her boyfriend a few more times - and walks out of her room. “See you later,” she calls to Magnus who blows her a kiss.

“See you, baby,” he murmurs and then crawls back under the sheets as Vilde closes the door.

Vilde ducks into the bathroom to quickly check her outfit in the mirror. She’s wearing her favourite black skirt and a light pink sweater. She tugs the skirt down a bit and pulls the sweater into shape, and then smiles at herself. On days like today, when three different people have shown her love before noon, Vilde actually manages to think of herself as beautiful. 

She applies some mascara to her lashes and some gloss to her lips, and finally, she ties her hair into a ponytail.

With a last content smile at her reflection, Vilde leaves the bathroom and plucks her denim jacket off the coat rack in the hall on her way out of the apartment.

Downstairs, Chris is sitting on the ground next to the letterboxes. She smiles when she sees Vilde and lets Vilde pull her up.

“Hi, are you ready?” Chris asks, linking arms with Vilde. 

“I think so,” Vilde replies. “Where should we go first?”

“I am buying you a hot chocolate,” Chris declares, making Vilde blush and giggle.

“Why, what’s the occasion?”

“You got Sana’s text, right? Our girl is throwing a party!” Chris laughs and throws an arm around Vilde’s shoulder. “We have to celebrate that.”

Vilde laughs with her and wraps an arm around Chris’s waist. “Yes, you’re right. Also, we should get her a gift, don’t you think?”

“Now you’re talking. We should kidnap Yousef, gift wrap him and sneak him into her room,” Chris calls cheerfully, making Vilde laugh even more.

“Can you imagine the look on her face?” Vilde gets out in between almost crying with laughter. She thinks that if today gets any better, this Saturday might just be the best day of the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	119. Episode 10, Saturday 17th June, 14:12: Love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	120. Episode 10, Saturday 17th June, 17:57 : Friends 4ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	121. Episode 10, Sunday 18th June, 15:17: My date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	122. Episode 10, Sunday 18th June, 18:43: MAHDI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you to my Mahdi-beta @Carolus, who reviewed this chapter for me!

Mahdi has always been good at Fifa, but he can’t deny that being the only one of the boys to ever beat Even really feeds his ego.

“Fuck, man, are you kidding me?” Even calls out and shoves Mahdi with his controls while the rest of the boys all cheer and hoot behind the two of them.

Shrugging innocently, Mahdi grins at Even and hands his controls to Isak, who’s sitting next to Mahdi with a smug grin. “Hours and hours of practice are one thing, but I was born with talent, dude.”

“Hear, hear,” Magnus calls and pats Mahdi’s back before handing him a beer.

“Alright, let’s see if you can beat me, too,” says Elias as Even gets to his feet, announcing he’s going to get a beer from the kitchen.

“What makes you think you’re better than Even?” Mahdi challenges Elias, making Mutta and Adam whistle through their teeth.

Elias grins at that and sits down next to Mahdi with a nod, wordlessly accepting Mahdi’s challenge.

“This guy has balls,” Yousef remarks and then he, Mutta and Adam sit down behind Mahdi and Elias with expectant grins on their faces.

“Come on, Mahdi, show them who’s boss,” says Jonas, sits down next to Mahdi and gestures for Magnus to do the same.

“Where’s Isak?” Mahdi asks with a frown, and both Jonas and Magnus look around the room for a moment, and then they let out a simultaneous groan.

“He followed Even to the kitchen,” says Mikael, frowning when Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi all slap their hands to their foreheads with exasperated sighs.

“It’s been more than six months, you’d think they’d have learned to keep their hands off each other for more than ten minutes at a time, but noooo.” Magnus sounds half-annoyed, half amused. Mahdi and Jonas nod and grin at the other five boys, whose frowns turn to cheeky smiles in a matter of seconds.

“You mean they’re making out whenever they’re alone?” Adam asks with a giggle, and Jonas nods darkly.

“Not only when they’re alone.”

“You’re just jealous,” Isak’s voice comes from the kitchen, making everyone laugh.

“Whatever, you’re the ones who are going to miss Mahdi kicking Elias’s ass!” Jonas calls back, and seconds later, Isak and Even appear in the doorway, their hands joined and their hair looking as if they’ just gotten out of bed.

Mahdi shakes his head, yet he can’t help but smile happily at them. They’re a little too cheesy for Mahdi’s taste sometimes, but he can tell that Isak is very happy with Even. Not to mention, Even is a super chill guy who loves sharing his weed with Mahdi- it’s sometimes even better than Mahdi’s own stuff. And of course, Mahdi really appreciates that Even and Isak are happy to host lots and lots of Fifa sessions at their apartment - like today. 

“Alright, let’s see,” says Even with an encouraging grin at Elias as he and Isak lean sit down at the table. “Defend my honour, bro,” he says to Elias and then winks at Mahdi, who grins cheekily in response.

“I apologise in advance,” he tells Even, but Even just shrugs.

“I learned all my best tricks from Elias, so …”

Swallowing hard, Mahdi tries to pretend that information doesn’t phase him at all. _I got this._

Unfortunately, it takes exactly five minutes for Mahdi to realise Even wasn’t bluffing.

Where Even’s reactions were sometimes a little slow, Elias is twice as fast as Mahdi. Elias scores three times in the first half of the game, and while Mahdi catches up with two scores in the second half, he still ends up losing 3:2.

“Aah, thank you,” Elias says when the boys all clap and cheer for him and then puts an arm around Mahdi. “I’m sorry, man! We should do a rematch.”

But Mahdi just shakes his head and stretches out his hand, which Elias happily takes. “Congrats, man, you won fair and square.”

Even’s old friends have quickly become a part of the group. Mahdi never asked about why they and Even were fighting, since that seemed to be somewhat personal, particularly for Even. But they fit right in with the rest of them: Although this is just the second time the ten of them are all hanging out together, it already feels like they’ve all been friends forever.

“Thank you, man,” Elias says and shakes Mahdi’s hand with a happy smile. He then digs his phone out of his pocket and groans when he sees the time. “Ugh, it’s still more than three hours until Iftar! I’m starving.”

Mutta, Mikael and Adam roll their eyes and nod in agreement. Magnus frowns at the four of them before he asks: “So, you guys aren’t even allowed to drink anything? From sunrise to sunset, every day for four weeks?”

Mutta and Mikael nod in unison with longing looks on their faces. “It’s all worth it when we finally do get to eat and drink again, but yeah ..” Mutta says and then reaches out to pat Adam’s arm. “Are we eating at your place again tonight? I swear, your mum makes the best chorba ever!”

That reminds Mahdi of a question he wanted to ask anyway. “Uh, Elias?” he begins and clears his throat and Elias turns to him with a slight smile.

“Yeah?”

“Are there like ...any rules for the Eid party next Saturday? Like, should we wear something fancy, is there anything traditional we should bring? Any do’s and don’ts?”

Elias smiles kindly and inclines his head. “Well, traditionally, we do wear nice clothes at Eid, but that’s about it.” He licks his lips and then adds: “I would recommend that you don’t eat too much before you come though, there’s going to be plenty of food.”

“Amazing food,” Even adds and puts a hand on Mahdi’s shoulder. Mahdi hasn’t even noticed Even sitting down behind him on the bed. Turning around, Mahdi finds Even smiling encouragingly. “Mamma and Pappa Bakkoush are like the chillest people ever, you have nothing to worry about,” he says then, as if he’s read Mahdi’s mind.

“Okay, cool,” Mahdi says with a grateful smile and then turns back around to face Elias. “So … I don’t know if Sana told you, but she said it’s okay if I bring my sister, Ada.”

Elias nods and grins knowingly. “Sana said you wanted your sister to meet her friends, but she was very cryptic about why that is.”

Mahdi lets out a nervous laugh and hesitates for a moment, looking around at all nine boys. Isak catches Mahdi’s eye and winks encouragingly, but Mahdi already knows that he can trust the boys with what he’s about to say. Plus, Ada asked him to do it anyways.

“Yeah, it’s kind of silly … but my sister … Ada…. she recently came out to me. She likes girls and is terrified that people will just mock her if they find out.” Mahdi pauses and throws a hesitant look at Elias, who just nods slowly with serious look on his face. “So I wanted to introduce her to Noora and Eva, who just recently got together and are really happy … also, their friends don’t treat them differently, and I thought if Ada can talk to them .. she might feel better about herself?”

Elias nods again with an impressed look on his face. “You’re an awesome brother, man. And your sister is more than welcome, but I guess Sana already told you that.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Mahdi smiles at him. “Yeah, she did.” 

“I can’t wait to meet your sister, Mahdi,” says Even with a bright smile, and Isak nods, adding:

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s much prettier than you.”

“Not that that’s any of your business, but yes, she is,” Mahdi confirms without hesitation, feeling a rush of affection for his sister. “She’s pretty amazing, to be clear,” he adds and looks down at his hands for a moment. He then swallows hard and looks around at the nine boys again, noticing that they’re all grinning. Except for Magnus: He’s frowning slightly.

“Dude, is that why you know so much about pansexuality and stuff? Because your sister is gay?”

Everyone burst into laughter at that, making Magnus stare in confusion. Once Mahdi can breathe normally again, he looks at Magnus with slightly condescending amusement. “Ada only came out to me last week, Mags. Also, I just know about pansexuality the way you know about it … I met pansexual people,” Mahdi pauses to nod at Even, whose bright grin could certainly eclipse the sun, “... and they explained to me how they feel about love and so on. It’s not that hard, and I know that once you put in an effort, you’re good at this kind of thing, too.”

Mahdi pats Magnus’s lower arm, and Magnus looks up at him. “Really? You don’t think I’m an ignorant dumb-ass, like the rest of our friends?” He tries to make his voice sound sarcastic, but Mahdi can tell he’s not entirely joking.

So Mahdi makes sure Magnus is looking at him before he goes on. “No, Mags, you’re not an ignorant dumb-ass. You ask stupid questions sometimes, but you learn from them.”

Mags grins gratefully at that and lightly shoves Jonas. “See, Mahdi gets me.”

“Alright, Mags,” Jonas says slowly but winks at Magnus with a grin. “So, what does ‘fancy’ mean in terms of clothes, Elias? Like, will a dress shirt and nice pants do or ..?”

Elias groans, covering his face with both hands. “Guys, seriously, stop stressing so much. It’s more about the food and having a good time anyway.”

The conversation then moves on to all the amazing food they will be having and while Mahdi listens to the boys make plans how they will manage to fast for a day so they can try everything, he gets his phone out of his back pocket and types a text to his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	123. Episode 10, Monday, 19th June, 08:31: Everything chill?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	124. Episode 10, Monday, 19th June, 12:47: JONAS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @wyoheartsmusic and @Macksdramaticshenanigans for beta-ing this chapter for me! You both rock!

“So, you’re going to an Eid party on Saturday?”

Jonas rolls his eyes at Thea. “Yes, for the third time, little sister. I’m going to an Eid party, and no, I will not behave disrespectfully.”

“That’s not what I was going to ask, but okay,” Thea giggles, shoving Jonas lightly. “Are you nervous though?”

Jonas frowns and turns to look at her. “Why would I be nervous?”

Thea watches him carefully for a moment, leaning at the wall of the school building. “This is the first time you’ll be at the same party with Eva when she’s there with her new girlfriend, right?”

 _Right._ Jonas shrugs and has to bite back a laugh. “And that should be a problem because …?”

Thea shrugs as well, grinning back. “I don’t know. Isn’t it supposed to really scratch at your masculinity that Eva is dating a girl now?”

Jonas shakes his head and stares incredulously at his sister. “Do you know me at all, little sister?”

“I guess I don’t,” Thea says and winks at him. “Anyway, I should get going. Thanks for the kebab.”

Jonas wraps his arms around Thea and pats her shoulder. “See you at home, Thea.”

“Yes, don’t be late for dinner again, you know how Mamma gets.”

Jonas just rolls his eyes at her once more and then turns around and enters the school yard. Sure, he loves his sister - that’s part of the reason why Jonas likes taking her out for kebab sometimes when he has a longer lunch. But yeah, she’s still a sister and therefore endlessly annoying.

The boys are all sitting on one of the benches, talking and laughing. Jonas approaches them with a wide grin, shaking hands with all of them.

“How’s Thea?” asks Isak with a kind smile. 

“Annoying as always, so good,” Jonas replies with a grin, making them both chuckle.

“Why do you have lunch with your sister if she just annoys you, man?” Magnus asks, frowning slightly.

Jonas huffs out a laugh. “I guess I am kind of obligated to be nice to her every once in a while. Also, buying her kebabs will keep her off my case at home … this week at least.”

“Dude, you know what’s up,” Mahdi agrees, holding up his hand for a high-five.

Jonas returns Mahdi’s knowing grin as they slap their palms together. “Sisters, man, am I right?”

Mahdi nods slowly. “I love Ada, but she can be a real pain.”

“Which is why I’m not sorry I don’t have a sister,” Magnus says, looking pleased with himself.

“That explains why you have no game with women, “ Isak giggles.

Magnus is about to protest when he spots his girlfriend approaching the four of them. 

“Well, I think you have plenty of game,” Vilde giggles and steps up to the bench and in between Magnus’s legs to kiss him.

Magnus kisses her back enthusiastically and when she turns around in his arms, he embraces her, a proud smile on his face. “Who the fuck cares anyway? I have the hottest girlfriend ever, so …”

“Shut up, for fuck’s sake. You guys are more embarrassing than Isak and Even,” says Mahdi, his expression not half as annoyed as his voice would suggest.

“Eh, we’re not that bad,” Isak tries to protest, but Jonas holds up a hand and shushes him.

“Sorry bro, but you and Even are just as cheesy, if not worse.”

Isak blushes a bright red, but his smile only grows wider. “You’re just jealous.”

“Maybe,” Jonas murmurs, grinning back at Isak. He’s about to add something when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Jonas gets it out and unlocks it, frowning when he sees the name of the person who just sent him a message.

“What the actual fuck?” Jonas all but yells at his phone, looking incredulously at the message, as if hoping it would change or disappear. 

“What is it?” Isak asks curiously, and Jonas turns his phone around to show it to Isak, Magnus, Mahdi and Vilde. 

As the four of them read the message, their frowns turn into irritated grimaces. “Who the fuck does he think he is?” Mahdi growls, and Jonas nods at him with an exasperated sigh.

“Why Eva ever hooked up with that fucking idiot is beyond me,” says Isak, making Jonas stare at him.

“Weren’t you friends with him once?” he asks, but Isak just shakes his head, licking his lips.

“I only teamed up with him to get back at the Yakuza boys for beating you up.” The look in Isak’s eyes is full of pride and Jonas can’t help but return his smile.

“Right,” Jonas grumbles, feeling his cheeks heat up. Mahdi and Magnus look from Jonas to Isak and back with matching grins. “Should I even reply to this idiot, though?” Jonas asks to keep the boys from making a joke that might make Isak uncomfortable.

By now, Jonas has figured out that his best friend had a crush on him last year, but Jonas would hack his own hand off before confronting Isak about it. Jonas has known that Isak played a part in his and Eva’s break-up ever since he brought his drunk ex-girlfriend home after the Christmas party at Isak’s kollektiv last year. She only said that Isak told her he didn’t like seeing her and Jonas together but that she thinks Isak lied when he let her believe it was because he had feelings for her. From there, it didn’t take Jonas long to figure out the rest.

There was a moment at Eva’s party last week where Jonas almost thought Isak was going to tell him everything, but Jonas cut him off, asking about how Isak and Even were doing instead. It was Jonas’s way of saying: _‘I know, dude, and it’s fine. Whatever happened, it’s in the past and I’m still here.’_

“I think if you want to reply, you should just tell him to fuck off,” Vilde interrupts Jonas’s trip down memory lane. Jonas stares at her: He’s not used to hearing strong words like that from Vilde. But Magnus presses a kiss to his girlfriend’s temple and nods approvingly.

“I agree. Chris is kind of a moron, and he probably won’t change. But if you want to do Noora and Eva a favour, tell him to stay the fuck away from them,” Isak says, sounding annoyed and amused at the same time. “I mean, you’re allowed to be pissed at him, if for no other reason than for the fact that he kissed Eva while you were still with her.”

Isak gives Jonas a long look and Jonas can easily read between the lines of what Isak is saying. _You should have been angry with me._ So Jonas shakes his head, holding Isak’s gaze before he replies. “I’m not mad at Chris, Eva kissed him back, so it was as much her fault as it was his. Also, I’ve been over Eva for a long time. We’re friends again now.”

Jonas looks at all four of them, thinking for a moment. “But I still think I’ll tell him to fuck off,” he adds then with a grin at Vilde, whose smile grows wider.

“Good,” she says quietly and then turns around in Magnus’ arms. “I have to go. See you later,” she trills and kisses Magnus a few times before walking off.

“We should go, too,” Jonas tells the boys and points towards the A-building. 

The other three nod and get up, picking up their bags. “Boys, what are you going to wear on Saturday?” Magnus asks while the four of them walk inside. 

“A nice shirt and clean pants should be okay, isn’t that what Elias said?” Mahdi asks, frowning at Magnus. “Since when do you care so much about your clothes?”

“I just care about making a good impression. Sana is one of my girlfriend’s best friends, so ..” Mags blushes as he speaks, but Jonas pats his back with an understanding nod.

“I get it, Mags. We’ll all be dressed nicely, so you won’t look out of place, no worries,” he reassures Magnus, suppressing a chuckle.

“Thank you, Jonas,” Magnus says with a wink and then jogs ahead up the stairs to catch up with Isak who’s already on the first landing. 

Mahdi catches Jonas’s eye and curiously raises his eyebrows. “Are you really okay, bro?” he asks, looking at Jonas with a serious expression. “With Eva and stuff, I mean.”

Smiling gratefully, Jonas nods at him. “Yeah, I am. It was weird at first, but I see how happy she is. And our friendship works better than our relationship ever did, so …” Jonas lets out a long breath and puts a hand on Mahdi’s shoulder. “I’m good, man.”

“Chill,” Mahdi says and the genuine smile on his face makes Jonas feel insanely glad he asked Mahdi for some weed about half a year ago. With him, Magnus, Isak, Even and the five Briskeby boys Jonas has an epic squad around him who will always be there for him.

Girls come and go, but bros like that … they stay bros for life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	125. Episode 10, Monday, 19th June, 15:41: Grow up, dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	126. Episode 10, Tuesday 20th June, 11:43: Awesome, yes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	127. Episode 10, Tuesday 20th June, 14:42: CHRIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the dear @evenskindness for reviewing this chapter!

Chris knows it’s too late, since the last German exam is already behind her, but for some reason, she still wants to see if she can find the book “Steppenwolf” by Hermann Hesse. Her German teacher mentioned that reading it was like ‘the craziest drug trip imaginable’, and since Chris would get extra credit for writing a paper on it, she considers trying to read it over the summer. The second half of her social studies class was cancelled last minute, so Chris decided she might as well go look for it now.

Or maybe Chris just likes the fact that it’s quiet in the library, since she really needs a moment to think. Because as soon as she’s inside, Chris doesn’t even look for the German section but just stands still and closes her eyes for a moment, soaking up the silence.

Vilde called last night to ask if Chris could hang out, and she sounded so sad Chris was already putting on her jacket and halfway out the door when Vilde suddenly changed her mind. “It’s okay, I think I’ll go to bed soon anyway,” she said, sounding so tired and sad Chris wished she could hug Vilde through the phone.

“I’m on my way, Vilde,” Chris told her but it was no use.

“No, no, don’t bother! I’ll see you at school tomorrow, I swear I’m okay,” Vilde vowed, and what choice did Chris have but to accept it? However, she had barely hung up the phone when an all-too familiar uneasy feeling crept up on her. _You’re not enough. She doesn’t trust you. You don’t do enough._

“Hey Chris,” Sana’s voice startles Chris out of her trance, and she has to blink a few times until Sana’s face comes into focus.

“Uh hi,” Chris mumbles and clears her throat. 

Sana frowns slightly. “Are you alright?”

Just two weeks ago, Chris would have brushed Sana off and claimed that everything was fine. But Chris and Sana have shared a lot since then, and it doesn’t really surprise Chris that she genuinely wants to tell Sana what’s going on.

“Not sure,” Chris begins, biting the inside of her cheek.

Sana’s expression darkens and she reaches out to link arms with Chris, pulling her along. “Come with me.”

She leads Chris to the back of the library, where she has spread out her biology notes, apparently going over them again. “Are you still studying? I thought exams are over?” Chris asks with a curious grin.

“I want to repeat everything before the holidays so I forget as little as possible,” Sana explains with a shrug and sits down, pushing some of her notes out of the way to make room for Chris.

Chris sits down next to Sana and nods, feeling impressed. “That makes sense, I guess.”

“So what’s up?” Sana asks with a kind smile. In the back of her head, Chris thinks that Sana has not only been smiling a lot more lately, she also dresses in more colours than she used to. Today, she’s wearing a light blue hijab and a navy blue sweater with black linen pants. The realisation makes Chris smile at Sana and she’s glad that at least one of her friends seems to be doing better than at the beginning of the year.

“Well, it’s actually kind of dumb, and I’m probably worried about nothing,” Chris begins then, but Sana shakes her head, her expression serious.

“If it worries you, it’s not nothing, Chris. You’re not exactly a dramatic person,” she says matter-of-factly, making Chris blush.

“I guess you have a point,” Chris agrees hesitatingly and goes on before she can change her mind. “I’m … sometimes a little worried about Vilde.”

Sana nods slowly but doesn’t say anything, the look in her eyes urging Chris to continue.

“She … doesn’t have it easy at home, but whenever I try to talk to her about it, she blows me off. It’s like … I’m not sure if she doesn’t trust me or if I give her the impression she can’t talk to me ..:” Chris trails off, hangs her head and lets out a long sigh. “I just … want her to know she can talk to me about anything, you know?”

Chris looks up when she feels Sana’s hand on her own. “Well, first of all, I know exactly what you mean,” Sana says with and understanding smile. “I don’t know much but I know Vilde has it tough at home. However, at Eva’s party I found out that she’s not alone.”

Sana pauses for a moment, apparently waiting for Chris to connect the dots. It takes her a while but then Chris’s eyes go wide. “Magnus?”

“Yes,” Sana says simply, her smile slightly incredulous. “From what I can tell, she doesn’t keep anything from him …”

Chris’s face must be showing her disappointment, because Sana moves her chair a little closer to Chris and wraps one arm around Chris’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I know you guys are really close. But I think for Vilde, this isn’t about not trusting you, but about not wanting to seem sad.”

Giving her a long look, Chris can’t help but ask: “You know a thing or two about that, don’t you?”

“No, for me it was really all about not trusting you.” Sana bites the inside of her cheek and Chris could swear she’s blushing a little. Sana then clears her throat and goes on. “But that had more to do with the fact that I was so used to people screwing me over, it took me ages to realise that the four of you were not like other people.”

Chris presses her lips together and nods. “So you don’t think I’m a shitty friend?”

Sana scoffs and shakes her head, her fingers tightening at Chris’s shoulder, and then she looks into Chris’s eyes. “Absolutely not,Chris. You’re the opposite of a shitty friend okay? And I’m sure Vilde will open up to you when she really needs to.” Sana hesitates for a moment before she adds: “Just like I needed time to realise I can trust you girls with anything, I’m sure Vilde will talk to you- and us when she’s ready.”

Chris chuckles briefly at that. “If a thickhead like Sana Bakkoush can open up, then I’m sure Vilde can too.”

Sana shoves Chris lightly, however smiling widely. “Shut up.”

“I’ll let you study now,” Chris announces then, and when she gets to her feet, her heart feels considerably lighter than when she sat down. “See you tomorrow?”

Sana nods and then clears her throat.“Chris?” She giggles slightly, but then her expression becomes serious. “I’ll never forget that you were always there for me. So, if you ever need anything …”

Sana’s words go straight to Chris’s heart and warm her up from the inside. “You’re so welcome. And “I’ll hold you to that,” she replies with a wink. “See you tomorrow? I think Even’s got some plans for Isak’s birthday.”

Sana groans but smiles at the same time. “Yup, I’ll be there. See you, Chris.”

With a happy giggle, Chris turns around and leaves the library. _Who needs silence when you can have a talk with Sana Bakkoush?_

Chris has barely left the main building when she spots the girls standing close to the gate, chatting and laughing happily. She walks up to Vilde, who throws an arm around her and smiles so brightly Chris almost wants to pinch her cheek.

“What’s up, ladies?” Chris asks and looks around at the other three.

“We’re discussing what to get Sana as an Eid present for Saturday,” Eva answers and takes a bite from a chocolate bar in her hand.

“I think we should go on a trip together, just the five of us,” Vilde says enthusiastically looking around at everyone. “Not too far, I was thinking maybe Stavanger would be nice? Just for a weekend.”

“That would be more of a gift to all of us than to Sana, no?” Noora remarks, smiling kindly at Vilde. “I mean, I like the idea, but we should get Sana a gift that’s just for her, to show her how much we love her.”

Vilde nods slowly, and then Eva suddenly puts up a hand. “I’ve got it,” she calls out with a full mouth, making the others laugh. After swallowing her bite, Eva clears her throat and goes on. “We should write a speech for her!”

Noora’s eyes go wide and Vilde nods excitedly. “Oh, yes! We can do it together, that’s amazing!”

“I like that,” Chris agrees and returns Eva’s happy grin.

“Yes, I agree,” Noora says and leans in to kiss Eva’s cheek. “We can all write down some things we want to say to Sana and then hold the speech together.”

The four girls then walk to the bus stop together, and most of the way there, they discuss ideas for the speech. And just when Chris catches herself thinking that the other three would probably never come up with anything Chris ever did for any of them, Vilde suddenly leans her head on Chris’s shoulder.

“You know what?” she asks, making Chris frown at her.

“What?”

Vilde grins broadly and squeezes Chris’s upper arm. “I think we should write a speech like that about you, too. You’re the mum friend who brought the gang back together, after all.”

Eva nods at that with a broad grin, and Noora smiles approvingly. “Totally! We should write a speech about each of us, like, to boost our egos whenever one of us is down,” Eva declares, and while all four of them laugh, Chris is glad she can mask a few tears of joy as tears of laughter.

Apart from Chris, the girls all get on the bus. “Where are you headed, Chris?” Vilde asks, but instead of answering, Chris blushes furiously and hides her face in her hands. “Oooh, tell him I said hello,” Vilde cooes, and Eva and Noora join in with excited “Ooh”s and “Aah”s. 

“Yes, say hello to Mutta,” Eva adds with a kind smile and a meaningful look that lets Chris know she hasn’t forgotten their talk almost two weeks ago. 

“Will do,” Chris promises and then waves enthusiastically as the bus doors close. “See you tomorrow, girls.”

The walk to the supermarket where Mutta works isn’t far, and Chris can’t stop smiling the entire way. For someone who prides herself on being rather carefree, she definitely worries too much. Vilde definitely cares about Chris, and in spite of the dark shadows under her eyes, Vilde seems happier and more herself than she has been in a long time.

By the time Chris reaches Mutta’s workplace, she feels the familiar mix of nervousness and anticipation that always overcomes her when she’s about to see him. It’s only been about two weeks since they’ve officially gotten together, and the fact that both his and her friends are very happy for Chris and Mutta makes it all the more real.

Chris has barely stood outside the store for two minutes when Mutta appears in the doorway of the staff entrance with a plastic bag in his hand and a huge smile on his face. He looks gorgeous as always, wearing black jeans and a grey T-shirt under a black hoodie. Chris feels herself blush while walking towards him, with the stupidest grin ever on her face.

“Hey,” he says in his low, calm voice and cups Chris’s face as he kisses her.

Chris kisses him back, circling an arm around his waist. Sometimes it’s still hard to believe that she gets to do this on a daily basis.

Her croaked “Hey” makes Mutta laugh and he puts his free arm around Chris’s shoulder, planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Did you have a good day?” he asks and when Chris turns to look at him, she can’t even so much as think of telling him anything but the truth.

“There’s a little bit of Chris drama going on today, are you sure you want to hear it?” Chris tries to sound ironic, but Mutta frowns, looking concerned.

“That’s why I asked, habibti. Tell me everything,” he says kindly, letting go of Chris’s shoulder to take her hand in his. “We have all evening.”

Chris laughs at that and squeezes his hand, looking over at him with a grateful - and most certainly fucking corny - smile. “Alright, you asked for it,” she says and clears her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	128. Episode 10, Tuesday 20th June, 17:28: Good to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	129. Episode 10, Wednesday 21st June, 11:11: I fucking love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	130. Episode 10, Wednesday 21st June, 12:12: EVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Alyssa (@thelordvoldemort on tumblr) for reviewing and correcting this chapter!

The setting might as well be the opening scene of a movie. Even is sitting on the bench outside the A-building, as Isak approaches him, half-walking, half-running with that gorgeous, lopsided smile on his face.

“Hey,” Isak calls happily as Even gets to his feet, smiling like an idiot. Isak reaches out to cup Even’s face with both hands and presses a soft kiss to Even’s lips.

“Hey,” Even breathes back, brushing Isak’s nose with his own and sliding both arms around Isak’s waist. “How was your day?”

Isak shrugs and kisses Even again before letting go of Even’s neck to take Even’s hand in his. “Normal, I guess. I don’t feel different.”

“Haha, are you disappointed?” Even laughs and starts leading his boyfriend down the street in direction of Uranienborg park.

Isak scoffs and shakes his head. “Not really. It’s just a day like any other.”

Even lets out a fake-shocked gasp. “Isak! Don’t say that!” With a wink, he then leans in and kisses Isak’s cheek. “Today will be the most epic birthday ever.”

Isak smiles at Even with raised eyebrows. “You’re still not telling me what we’re doing, are you?”

“Nope,” Even confirms and squeezes Isak’s hand. “But if it’s any consolation, you’ll find out soon.”

Isak grins at Even with an intrigued smile. “Alright.” He swings their joint hands back and forth for a moment and Even marvels at the content expression on his boyfriend’s face.

Sometimes Even wishes he could do something so Isak would always have that expression on his face and also feel accordingly. Content Isak is Even’s favourite Isak, and if they weren’t on a schedule, Even would push him against a wall to kiss him silly right now.

But of course, not everyone is as dedicated to giving Isak a perfect birthday as Even is.

“Excuse me, but what on EARTH do you think you’re doing?” an angry voice calls from behind Even and Isak, making both of them whirl around.

A middle-aged woman stands a few feet away from the two of them, holding a young girl with blond pigtails by her hand. She’s glowering at Even and Isak’s joint hands and scoffs angrily when instead of letting go, they lace their fingers even tighter together.

“There are _children_ around here, what makes you think this is appropriate?” the woman says, pointing to her daughter, who smiles awkwardly at Even, as if to apologise for her mother.

“What’s your problem?” Isak grunts, and Even almost gasps when he feels Isak’s arm sliding around his waist. Even looks over at Isak to see a defiant expression on his boyfriend’s face, which makes Even’s chest swell with pride.

“I get that this state has decided that all kinds of abominations are legal now, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s _unnatural_ ,” the woman spits, sounding even angrier now. “You should stop flaunting your lifestyle in public like this, how am I going to explain this to my kid?”

While until now Even has felt horrible and wanted nothing more than to run away, he suddenly feels confident. Because in the same moment that rude person mentions her kid, the girl catches Even’s eye again and gives him a kind, curious smile.

“Here, let me,” Even says calmly with a fake grin at the mother and then crouches down so his eyes are on the same level as the child’s. “Do you want to ask us something, sweetie?”

The girl brings one hand to her eye and giggles, but then she lets go of her mother’s hand and takes two steps forward. “What are your names?”

The mother stares at her kid with her mouth half-open in shock, but Even pays her no mind. Isak crouches down as well without letting go of Even’s hand and smiles at the girl as well.

“I’m Isak, and this is Even,” he says, and Even loves the proud tone of Isak’s voice when he says Even’s name. 

“I’m Linn,” says the little girl, making the boys exchange an amused look.

“We have a friend called Linn. What a pretty name,” Even tells her, and Linn giggles happily.

“I like Isak and Even. So are you two together?” she asks and at that her mother reaches roughly for Linn’s hand, pulling her back.

“That’s enough, stop talking to them, Linn!” she hisses, but she freezes when Even catches her eye and gives her coldest stare he can manage.

“I’m explaining _this,_ ” Even holds up his and Isak’s joint hands, “to your kid, why don’t you let me?”

That shuts the mother up effectively and Even turns back to Linn. “Yes, Linn, we’re together,” he says simply.

Linn giggles excitedly and claps her hands together. “Like Mamma and Pappa?” she asks, the bright smile on her face making both Even and Isak laugh.

“Yes, exactly like that,” Isak says gently, and the slight shiver in his voice makes Even want to hug him close when this is over. Isak’s parents have been trying to get their shit together for a while, but it’s still tough.

“Cool,” says Linn and tugs at one of her pigtails. “Are you also going to the playground?”

Even laughs softly and both he and Isak straighten up again. “No, we are meeting our friends in a different place. It’s Isak’s birthday today.”

“Oh, happy birthday,” Linn calls excitedly, but before Isak can thank her, Linn’s mother takes her hand again.

“Stop, Linn, we have to go.” She looks visibly flustered and still angry, but she obviously can’t think of anything to say to Even and Isak. Linn looks confused, which makes Even’s heart ache for that little girl. She’s the living proof that hatred is learned and not something anyone is born with.

“Bye, Isak and Even,” she says and waves at them while her mother drags her across the street, muttering angrily to herself.

Even looks after them for a moment and then turns around to pull Isak into his arms. Isak has kept it together in front of the little girl, but now he’s a bit of a shaking mess. He clutches onto Even’s shoulders and Even hears him take one ragged breath after another.

After a long moment, Even moves his head back to look at Isak, cupping his face with both hands. “Hey, look at me,” Even murmurs softly, caressing Isak’s temples with his thumbs. Isak’s eyes are closed and he takes a deep breath before opening them. “It’s okay,” Even reassures him, holding Isak’s gaze. 

The look in Isak’s eyes is a mix of anger and sadness. “Why the fuck …” he begins, swallowing hard. “Why do people think it’s okay to say stuff like that?” he gets out, his tone disillusioned and sad.

“Because they’re hateful,” Even whispers and leans their foreheads together. Isak closes his eyes again and then wraps his arms around Even’s waist with a deep sigh. “But kids like Linn know better, try to think of that,” Even says a little louder, and then leans forward to kiss Isak.

Isak sighs against Even’s lips as he ropes one arm tighter around Even’s waist and reaches up to cup Even’s neck with his other hand. And that’s when Even notices that the encounter with Linn and her hateful mother hurt him just as much as it hurt Isak. Isak’s lips on his and Isak’s hands on him make Even realise how tense he is.

Even’s eyes flutter shut and he lets go of Isak’s neck to wrap both arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders as Isak pulls Even into a firm hug. Isak’s hands gently stroke Even’s back, and Even feels himself melt into his boyfriend’s embrace. Within moments, he feels much better.

Still, Even has to make sure Isak is okay. So he gently disengages himself and puts his hands on Isak’s shoulders, looking into his eyes. “Better?”

Isak nods and looks at his shoes for a moment before meeting Even’s eyes again. A tiny grin curls his lips upwards, making Even smile as well. Even leans forward to nudge Isak’s nose with his own and them wraps his arms around him again. Isak’s smile grows wider and Even sees the hint of a sparkle in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Better,” Isak says, his voice steady and calm. Nodding happily, Even presses a kiss to Isak’s lips and then takes his hand.

“Should we go?” Even asks, cupping Isak’s neck with his free hand. 

Isak nods curtly and kisses Even again. “You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” he says, trying to sound indignant, but failing spectacularly.

“We’re almost there,” Even promises and starts walking again. Both of them are silent the rest of the way, processing the experience they’ve just had while throwing comforting looks at one another every few moments.

By the time they reach Urra park, Even has almost forgotten about the horrible incident and begins to feel giddy with excitement, anticipating Isak’s reaction to the surprise he’s planned for him.

Isak sees them before Even does. “Fuck, Even, are you freaking kidding me?” Isak exclaims and stops to face Even, a stunned expression on his face. “You organised all this?”

 _All this_ is all their friends sitting on blankets spread out on the grass in a circle and Even can tell from afar that they went all out on food and drinks - Even spots several big coolers and what looks like a few boxes covered with cloths laden with paper plates and plastic bowls.

Turning back to Isak, Even can only nod because the incredulous joy in Isak’s eyes has Even tongue-tied. Isak lets out a happy giggle, presses a kiss to Even’s lips and then drags Even with him towards the happy group of people, who have all gotten to their feet.

“Happy birthday, man,” says Jonas and Isak lets go of Even’s hand to hug his best friend.

Magnus, and Mahdi follow suit, and Even only has a moment to marvel at his boyfriend’s wonderful friendships before Jonas throws his arms around Even. “Thanks for doing this, man, it’s an awesome idea,” he says at Even’s shoulder.

“I thought Isak would like it simple,” Even chuckles happily and moves his head back to look at Jonas, who smiles and nods approvingly.

“Definitely,” he says with a wink.

Magnus and Mahdi both hug Even as well and then they all walk over to the blankets, where Even sits down next to Isak. Isak is already eating a sandwich and wraps his arm around Even, pointing to Vilde with his chin. “Vilde made those, you have to try one! They’re amazing,” he says, making Vilde giggle.

“Thanks, Isak,” she says and leans her head on Magnus’ shoulder. Even catches Sana’s eye and the smile on her face is brighter than it was the last few times Even saw her. It reminds Even that Yousef was freaking out when he and Even saw each other last Friday, because he was meeting Sana for their official first date. And if Sana’s glowing face is any indication, it must have gone really well.

Noora is sitting between Eva’s legs, letting herself be fed with grapes, both of them giggling happily, seemingly oblivious to everything happening around them. 

On Even’s left, Isak is talking to Mahdi and Jonas, his head leaned against Even’s shoulder, and just when Even is about to ask him if he wants a beer, Magnus seems to read Evens mind.

“Eh, we should do a toast,” he says and reaches for a cooler, lifting the lid. “After all, Isak is now officially allowed to drink.”

Everyone laughs at that as Magnus and Mahdi start handing out beers. Even throws an apologetic look at Sana, but she seems to have expected that. _“Forget it”_ , she mouths and winks at Even, making them both grin.

When everyone but Sana is holding a bottle of beer or soda, Magnus raises his beer and looks at Isak with a cheeky grin. “To Isak, the grumpiest and simultaneously sappiest person I know,” he says and Isak clinks his beer to Magnus’s, however sticking his tongue out at his friend.

“To the biggest beer enthusiast I know,” Jonas says, winking at his best friend and both of them laugh as they clink bottles.

“To the most useful biology partner I can get,” says Sana, making the girls, Even and Isak burst out in laughter. Isak raises his bottle to her, nodding and putting his free hand on his heart.

“Thank you, partner,” he says and winks at her. Sana winks back and giggles happily, prompting Even to think that being in love suits her very well. Her lilac hijab compliments her light green shirt and black pants perfectly, making her look even more radiant than she usually does.

Eva then clears her throat, sitting up a little straighter and lacing her fingers together with Noora’s before raising her beer and looking up at Isak. “To a man who stuck by me through a lot of shit. Thanks for being you, Isak.”

Even watches Isak blush and nod appreciatively as he raises his bottle as well. “You’re so welcome,” Isak croaks, obviously touched. The corners of Even’s mouth are starting to hurt from smiling but he doesn’t care. He remembers the evening Eva knocked on their door with a tear-streaked face a few weeks ago all too well. She spent a long time on Even and Isak’s couch, telling them how much she likes Noora and that she’s still terrified of what it means to actually be with her. They both talked her through it, but it was mostly Isak who knew which words Eva needed to hear. If Even is not too wrong, Eva went straight to kollektivet after that and Isak told Even she was wearing the same clothes the next day … 

Noora turns her head to kiss Eva’s cheek and then raises her plastic cup with a grin at Isak. “To the sweetest grumpy roommate I’ve ever had,” she giggles, which makes Isak snigger and nod gratefully at her.

“To Isak, who is so much kinder than he likes to admit,” says Vilde then, smiling so brightly Even almost has to blink. “Thanks for everything,” she adds and raises her paper cup as Isak does the same with his bottle, smiling gently.

“Anytime,” he murmurs, and then two voices break the solemn atmosphere. 

Mahdi calls out “Alright, you saps,” at the same time as Chris grumbles “Okay, softies.” The two of them stare at each other for a second and then the entire group bursts out laughing.

“I love you, Isak, but I’m not one for speeches,” Mahdi says, still chuckling, and Isak grins broadly as he clinks his bottle to Mahdi’s. 

“Don’t sweat it,” he chuckles and then Chris clears her throat.

“What he said,” she murmurs, pointing to Mahdi with a grin. “You’re a good guy, Isak, stay that way,” she then adds, clinking her bottle to Isak’s, both of them laughing.

It takes Even a moment to realise that he’s the last one who hasn’t said anything yet. Clearing his throat, Even thinks of the ten different toasts he prepared in his mind, but somehow, they all seem too pretentious.

He finally turns his head to look at Isak, smiling happily at him, almost unable to believe that all this is real. That Isak is here in his arms, in the midst of their loving friends, looking so happy Even’s heart is about to burst.

“To my everything,” Even says simply, clinking his beer bottle to Isak’s, and then leans in to kiss his birthday boy. Isak smiles into the kiss and he must have put his bottle down right when Even pulled him in because now his hand is on Even’s face. He’s kissing Even back enthusiastically while all their friends are cheering and clapping, and Even thinks that even though it’s not his, this birthday might just be the best one he’s ever experienced.

And it’s not even halfway over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	131. Episode 10, Wednesday 21st June, 17:17: Not about to happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	132. Episode 10, Wednesday 21st June, 20:56: EVEN PART 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Alyssa (@thelordvoldemort on tumblr) for reviewing and correcting this chapter!

Even is sitting in Noora’s room, surrounded by his old friends. The arrived about ten minutes ago, Even and Isak greeted them together. After making sure they knew where to get beer and food once it would be time for Iftar, Isak gave Even a kiss and then excused himself, saying he wanted to talk to Jonas.

So Even ended up leading the boys to the room where it all began with him and Isak. It’s Noora’s room again now, but Even still remembers how it looked half a year ago. Noora replaced the orange curtains with blue ones and hung real picture frames with photos of her and the girls in place of Isak’s crumpled posters. The boys sit down on the floor in a circle and only when Elias clears his throat does Even realise he’s sunken into a trance, watching the familiar walls with a stupid smile on his face.

“So, this is where you guys …” Elias begins, making Mutta shove him with an irritated expression.

“Dude, we do NOT want to know the details,” Mutta grumbles, and all six boys laugh at that. 

“No worries, Mutta, I won’t tell you,” Even reassures him and Mutta nods his head in appreciation. 

“But seriously, is this where you kissed Isak for the first time?” Mikael’s question surprises Even, but when Even meets his eye, Mikael smiles kindly, his expression showing honest curiosity.

Clearing his throat, Even sits down between Mikael and Adam and slowly shakes his head. “No, I took him to an indoor swimming pool for our first kiss.”

The boys all stare incredulously at Even. “You mean you planned it?” Adam giggles and puts an arm around Even, leaning his head against Even’s for a moment. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Well, I knew we had to be alone and I wanted it to be really romantic,” Even begins to explain, blushing furiously. “And there is nothing more romantic in terms of kisses than the first kiss between Romeo and Juliet in Baz Luhrmann's masterpiece of a movie.”

“Dude, you really are a film nerd,” Mikael says fondly and bumps Even’s shoulder with his. “I suppose Isak loved that stunt though?”

That makes Even laugh. “He cursed for like ten minutes straight afterwards because a little girl caught us and called for her mum.” The boys join in Even’s laughter, and it takes Even a minute to recover before he can continue. “We climbed out of the window, sopping wet and ran for it. I had my bike with me but we didn’t have time for both of us to get on so we just ran through the freezing cold for what felt like ages.” Even can still see Isak’s irritated face from that night in front of his inner eye as if it had been yesterday.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone curse that much in so little time,” Even ends the story and joins in with the boys’ howling laughter.

Elias is bent over his knees laughing so hard he has tears in his eyes, and when he finally sits up straight again, he shakes his head. “Even, I know the six of us did some freaky shit,” the rest of the boys all nod at that. “But this has got to be the craziest first kiss story I have ever heard.”

Even is still laughing but nods at the same time. “I know, and I don’t think either of us are ever going to forget it.”

“That was the point, wasn’t it?” Yousef asks once everyone has finally calmed down, his expression suddenly rather pensive. “To make it unforgettable, I mean.”

Even looks over at Yousef and nods again. “Yes, of course. The first kiss has to be memorable. Like all important moments in life, you don’t want to forget the first time you kissed someone you like,” he says earnestly, looking straight into Yousef’s eyes.

By now, no one is laughing anymore. Yousef looks lost in thought, Mikael is chewing his lower lip with a somewhat guilty expression on his face and Adam, Elias and Mutta are exchanging hesitant looks, as if they were trying to silently agree on who was going to talk first.

Finally, Elias clears his throat and waits for Even to look into his eyes. “Even … this is kind of hard, but I just have to know.” 

Even nods and smiles bravely, although his insides are twisting uncomfortably. He knew this conversation was coming, and although it’s a little scary, Even feels ready.

Elias takes a deep breath and looks around at the rest of the boys for a moment before clearing his throat again. “Did you try to take your own life, Even?”

Despite having expected the question, Even still sucks in a breath. Hearing someone - particularly one of his childhood friends - say those words out loud makes it sound so much worse than it feels. Maybe it’s because the pain on the boys’ faces is something Even recognises from the time right after he stopped talking to them and by now it feels foreign to Even.

Eventually, Even nods quickly and takes a deep breath before answering. “Yeah, I did. But it wasn’t your fault. Please don’t think that.” While he speaks, Even looks at Mikael, whose eyes go wide at Even’s words.

“Shit,” Mikael breathes and buries his face in his hands. Even puts an arm around him and pulls him close to kiss the top of Mikael’s head. Mikael sighs deeply and hugs Even tightly, as if he were scared Even could slip away any moment.

“I swear, you couldn’t have stopped me. I just wanted to escape my own head,” Even continues quietly, tapping his temple with one finger.

Elias snorts and when Even looks up at him, he’s shocked to see Elias’s eyes are glistening with tears. “We should have tried, at least. You’re our brother, man,” Elias croaks, sounding so broken Even almost wishes he had lied. But Even manages a smile and stretches out his free arm, encouraging Elias to hug him, too.

And before Even knows what’s happening, Elias, Mutta, Adam and Yousef are tackling him and Mikael in a group hug. Even lets out a soft laugh, but none of the boys join in this time. They all hold on to him and each other, breathing deeply for a long moment.

It’s Yousef who breaks the silence. “Thank fuck you’re still here,” he says and Even is glad to hear that Yousef’s voice isn’t breaking.

The other four grumble in agreement, making Even feel warm from the inside out. “I’m glad, too,” he admits shyly, his fingers digging into Mikael’s and Adam’s shoulders.

The boys all tighten their holds on Even for a moment and then they slowly disentangle themselves. Elias wipes his face and when he looks into Even’s eyes again, he tries to smile.

“We’ll never leave you alone again, I promise,” he says solemnly and Mutta nods slowly before he adds:

“You’re not getting rid of us a second time. Count on it.” He points at Even with a crooked smirk, and Even nods gratefully at the five of them.

And finally, they all laugh again, this time with relief. It’s quieter than before, but contrary to what Even expected, he doesn’t feel exposed. Looking around at his five brothers, Even feels - at home.

“Thanks, boys. I missed you,” he tells them with a broad smile. “But I haven’t been alone all this time, you know.”

Mikael smiles knowingly and nods. “Isak is a good guy,” he says and that makes Even’s heart swell. Sure, he never really doubted that his boys would get along with Isak - how could they not? But Mikael’s voice is full of honest admiration, so Even just has to hug him again.

“I know,” he says at his best friend’s shoulder, feeling Mikael’s chuckle run like a shiver down his spine.

Pulling back, Even then gets his phone out of his pocket to check the time. “Oh, shit. It’s 21:16! I have to find Isak.”

The boys frown at Even. “Why, are you guys on a schedule? On Isak’s birthday?” Adam asks, winking cheekily. “Do you have some plans?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Even admits, winking right back. All five boys hoot at that, and Even gets to his feet, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“I’ll see you guys on Saturday latest,” he says, and they all nod slowly.

“Ah, I can’t wait for Eid,” Adam exclaims, and then Yousef gets up as well, patting Even’s back.

“Go get your man, I’ll go talk to my girl,” he says, and to Even’s surprise, Elias grins brightly at that remark.

Elias notices Even’s frown and chuckles, shaking his head as if he can’t believe Even is even surprised by his reaction. “Have you seen my sister’s smile lately, Even?” Elias asks, sounding proud. “That’s all Yousef’s doing, and as long as he keeps it that way, I have no reason to kill him.”

Everyone laughs, except Yousef, who blushes a little. Even puts an arm around him, grinning encouragingly. “She really likes you man.”

Yousef smiles happily at Even, nodding slowly. “I know,” he says quietly and with that, the two of you them duck out of Noora’s room, waving at the rest of the boys.

“See you on Saturday?” Yousef says from beside Even while Even is already looking for Isak’s curls in the crowd. 

“Uh yeah” Even confirms absent-mindedly, and he barely hears Yousef’s chuckled “Alright then,” because he spotted Isak on one of the couches in the living room. Isak is talking to Eva, and Even decides he doesn’t want to interrupt their conversation. So he opens the messenger app on his phone and starts typing.

Even watches with glee as Isak looks for his phone and grins at Even’s message before replying.

Rolling his eyes, Even quickly types back.

Isak does and the smile spreading on his face when he spots Even goes straight to Even’s crotch. It’s not just a loving smile, it’s a hungry, lustful smile and Even already knows Isak isn’t going to bother typing a reply.

Even watches his boyfriend excuse himself to Eva and then get to his feet. With a few long strides, Isak reaches Even and instantly cups Even’s face in both hands to hungrily press their lips together.

“Hi,” Even breathes against Isak’s mouth, loosely linking his hands in Isak’s back.

Isak grunts impatiently and pushes Even against the wall, kissing him again, more urgently this time. “Wanna bail?” Isak asks, freeing Even’s lips only to latch onto Even’s neck. 

Suppressing a moan, Even wraps his arms around Isak’s shoulders. “We’re at your birthday party, we can’t just bail,” Even whispers into his boyfriend’s hair, his breath hitching when he feels Isak’s teeth grazing his collarbone.

“Fuck that, it’s _my_ birthday, I get to decide,” Isak grumbles and then claims Even’s lips with his again. 

“You really are a brat,” Even says, his tone more admiring than chastising, and Isak just shrugs and kisses Even again.

“A newly eighteen year old brat, and I want to take my boyfriend home, NOW” he all but growls into Even’s ear then. Even tries to think of a witty retort, but Isak nibbles at Even’s earlobe, sending violent chills down Even’s spine. Not to be outdone, Even slips both hands under Isak’s t-shirt, his fingers digging into the sensitive skin at Isak’s hips.

Isak lets out a soft moan and kisses Even’s throat again before taking Even’s hand in his and dragging Even with him to the hallway.

“Alright, you win,” Even pants against Isak’s lips minutes later right after Isak has pushed him against another wall, this time on the first floor landing. Isak hums in agreement, but he only kisses Even harder, seemingly with no intention to stop any time soon. “But let’s get home before I rip your clothes off right here and now,” Even adds, cupping Isak’s face with both hands to make his boyfriend look at him.

Isak’s face is a hot red mess, but when he smiles he looks so genuinely happy Even’s heart almost bursts. “I dare you,” Isak whispers and challengingly raises his eyebrows at Even. 

Softly stroking his cheeks with his thumbs, Even captures Isak’s lips in a soft kiss. Even closes his eyes and pours all the love and affection he has for Isak into the kiss. He moves his hands to Isak’s hips, feeling Isak melt into his embrace with a soft sigh as Even kisses him again. 

“I thought you wanted to take your boyfriend home,” Even murmurs against Isak’s ear then and pulls him into a hug. Isak runs his hands up along Even’s back, burying his face at the crook of Even’s neck.

“Mhmm” he murmurs and then raises his head to press his lips to Even’s throat again, only briefly this time. “Let’s go.”

Isak then moves his head back, placing his hands at the wall on either side of Even’s head. “I love you,” he murmurs and then leans in to brush Even’s nose with his own. Isak’s words combined with the intense look in his eyes make goosebumps erupt all over Even’s body. Even wraps his arms around Isak’s middle and pulls him closer until their foreheads are touching.

“I love you too,” Even breathes back before kissing Isak, short and sweet. “Did you have a good birthday?” he asks then, grinning broadly.

“Best birthday ever,” Isak replies without hesitation, and then he gently disengages himself and takes Even’s hand in his. “About to become even better,” he adds with a wink, pulling Even with him.

Even chuckles and follows Isak down the stairs, and by the time they’re outside, Even is suddenly in a big hurry to get home.

“I’ll make sure of it,” he whisper in Isak’s ear, putting an arm on Isak’s shoulder and kissing his neck. The desperate sigh that escapes Isak makes Even pick up his pace a little. 

Even is certainly very glad that Isak isn’t living at the kollektiv anymore. Sure, they have to walk home now which could prove to become harder with every step. But at least Even knows that the second the front door of their home closes behind the two of them, Isak is all his.

And Even is all Isak’s. With every fibre of his being, most likely for the rest of his life.

The thought makes Even walk even faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	133. Episode 10,Thursday 22nd June, 11:57: There goes my lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	134. Episode 10, Thursday 22nd June, 15:21: INGRID

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @naescar for reviewing this chapter for me, you're amazing!

Arriving at her locker, Ingrid is glad that not many people have class after two o’clock on Thursdays: The hall is deserted, which gives Ingrid some space to breathe. Her last Thursday class is Spanish and although she loves it, she’s usually quite exhausted afterwards.

While she sorts through her books and folders, Ingrid’s thoughts wander back to the text Sara sent her earlier.

Ingrid hasn’t been comfortable around Sara for quite a while now. It started after the party at Penetrator Chris’s house where Sara and Laila pulled off their stunt to ‘expose’ Sana to her friends. Ingrid had no idea what Sara was up to and was just as blindsided by the attack as Sana, Eva and their friends. A part of Ingrid wanted to run after Eva then and there and tell Eva that she misses her and doesn’t want to be friends with Sara anymore.

But Ingrid has always been a coward, so naturally, she ducked her head and pretended she had to go to the bathroom to avoid watching Sara laugh her ass off at Eva’s and Sana’s despair and their friends’ utter confusion.

Before the three of them went to Nissen, Ingrid thought her friendship with Sara and Eva was going to last forever. However, after Jonas cheated on Ingrid with Eva, Sara became a different person. Ingrid is convinced it’s partly her fault: During the first week after Ingrid broke up with Jonas, she bitched about Eva every day and swore to hate her forever. But that subsided after Eva reached out to Ingrid before Christmas in their first year at Nissen. The two of them didn’t become friends again, but neither of them hated the other anymore.

It took Ingrid about half a year to figure out that Sara was pissed off about that fact. She claimed that Eva stealing Ingrid’s boyfriend was an unforgivable offense and the fact that Ingrid was being anything less than horrible to Eva only proved that Ingrid didn’t have any “backbone”. So Ingrid tried to not let Sara catch her talking to Eva anymore and nodded along whenever Sara went on a rant about how slutty Eva was or about Eva’s “pathetic group of friends.” Ingrid never contributed to Sara’s bitching, but she also didn’t contradict her.

A familiar loud laugh startles Ingrid out of her trance. Looking up, she sees Eva and Noora walking down the hall, hand in hand, looking so happy Ingrid can’t help but smile. Of course, Sara has been bitching about them non-stop ever since they came to school holding hands on Friday a week ago.

“It seems the self-proclaimed biggest losers of the school are trying to be special AGAIN,” Sara complained during lunch when she saw Noora, Eva, Vilde, Sana and Chris walk across the yard. “Apparently, being gay is the new trend, eh? First my stupid ex gets together with a guy and now we have pretty girl Noora slumming it with the school slut.”

Just remembering Sara’s words makes Ingrid feel horrible. She swallows hard and shakes her head as if to get rid of the memory. _Enough_ , Ingrid thinks to herself, and she’s not sure if it’s the anger at herself or at Sara that sparks her next move.

Ingrid slams her locker shut, pulls her phone out of her pocket and opens the conversation with Sara. While walking down the hall, she starts typing.

Ingrid doesn’t hesitate before hitting send, and she instantly feels a great wave of relief. Reaching the main entrance of the building, Ingrid pushes the door open with her shoulder, and lets out a long breath. _Who knew it can be this easy?_ she thinks and chuckles happily. She almost skips on her way to the gate, but stops when she sees Eva and Noora sitting on the bench next to it.

Ingrid only hesitates for a moment and then approaches them.

“Hey,” she calls out and steps in front of the bench, forcing herself to look at Eva.

Eva stares at Ingrid incredulously for a second but then she sits up a little straighter and laces her fingers together with Noora’s. “Hey Ingrid, what’s up?”

Eva’s expression is still dumb-founded, but she smiles hesitantly, and next to her, Noora watches Ingrid with calm curiosity.

“Uh, I just wanted to apologise for being a bitch to you, and your friends. None of you deserved that. Also, I know you probably don’t believe me, but I wasn’t in on that stunt Sara pulled with the tinder and instagram account.” Ingrid briefly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before she goes on. “I just sent Sara a text saying I want nothing to do with her from now on. She’s a very angry person and I don’t want to be friends with people like that anymore. I thought you should know.”

Ingrid takes another deep breath and looks into Eva’s eyes again, suddenly afraid she’ll start crying. Hearing herself say those things makes Ingrid realise how much she misses Eva’s friendship. However she can’t expect Eva to just believe her. But then Ingrid notices that Eva is now smiling broadly and holding out her hand.

“That’s pretty awesome, Ingrid, congratulations! I’m happy for you! What a bold move!”

Ingrid happily takes Eva’s hand and shakes it with a hesitant smile. She’s not sure where all this bravery is coming from, but before she can stop herself, Ingrid holds on to Eva’s hand and looks into her eyes. “Do you think … Can we start over?”

Eva doesn’t let go of Ingrid’s hand right away, that is the first thing she notices as she holds her breath, waiting for Eva’s response. When Eva does let go, she sighs and leans her shoulder against Noora’s, and Noora wraps an arm around Eva’s waist.

After a long moment, Eva then clears her throat and nods slowly. “Maybe it’s because I’m so damn in love,” she raises her and Noora’s joint hands and kisses her girlfriend’s wrist. “But I really don’t want to fight with anyone anymore.”

And with those words, Eva disentangles herself from Noora’s arms and gets to her feet. Ingrid has barely registered what Eva just said before she finds herself in Eva’s arms. “I forgive you, let’s start over,” Eva whispers at Ingrid’s ear and hugs her so tightly Ingrid has to squeeze her eyes shut to stop tears of joy from welling over.

“Okay,” Ingrid whispers incredulously as she wraps her arms around Eva too, hardly believing that his is really happening. 

“I missed you,” Eva says then, and Ingrid is almost relieved to notice Eva’s voice is shaking slightly. At least Ingrid isn’t the only one losing it a little. Taking a deep breath, Ingrid hugs Eva a little tighter and breathes back: “Same, Eva.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	135. Episode 10, Thursday 22nd June, 16:43: Proud of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	136. Episode 10, Thursday 22nd June, 19:39: Fuck off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	137. Episode 10, Friday, 23rd June, 13:29: Watch me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	138. Episode 10, Friday 23rd June, 15:03: Whatever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	139. Episode 10, Friday 23rd June 16:07: ESKILD AND LINN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this clip, credits are due to my dear Sabrina @whenbluemeetsgreen who gave me a  
> way into Linn's head with one tiny little sentence :-) Thank you babe!  
> And of course, I owe a big thanks to Annika @SilverySparks for looking over this clip  
> to check if I got Linn's state of mind right!:-D Thank you so much dear!

**Linn**

Linn is sitting on her bed and staring at her phone. More precisely, at Eskild’s message in the groupchat: She tries to hypnotise the words, to get them to tell her what the heck Eskild is up to now.

Of course, that doesn’t work. Finally, Linn tosses her phone aside, gets up and makes her way to the kitchen. She gets a glass out of the cupboard above the sink and fills it up with water from the tap. Taking a deep breath, Linn then walks back to her room, where she notices a white light blinking on her phone.

With a sigh, she plops down on her bed and reaches for it, expecting to have gotten another message from Eskild or Noora.

A grin curls Linn’s lips upward while she simultaneously rolls her eyes. Even is being an idiot: Linn didn’t let him win, but he insisted they play Fifa again. As much as Linn enjoys cursing and yelling at her fictional football players, she doesn’t exactly like losing to Even every single time. 

_Linn has no idea how exactly she and Even became friends, but she knows it started when Even came to her room the morning after the christmas party last year. He’d made breakfast for Isak and Noora and since Linn didn’t feel like joining them, Even gently knocked at her door a little while later._

_“Noora and Isak are doing the dishes, can I talk to you for a second?” Even asked, his voice hesitant yet kind. And although Linn usually never lets anyone into her room, she nodded and let Even in. He closed the door behind himself and then just stood there for a moment. Unlike Eskild, Even didn’t just sit down and babble on about things Linn wasn’t interested in. Even just watched her for a moment until he finally cleared his throat and waited for Linn to look at him._

_“I just … wanted to say thank you … for Wednesday,” he began, his eyes darting back and forth between the door and Linn’s face, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not he should leave again right away. “You were nice, and I … just want you to know, if you ever need someone to play video games with again, I’ll gladly volunteer.”_

_Even let out a shivering breath, and Linn instantly knew he wasn’t actually talking about video games. From the first few minute she spent with him the Wednesday before, Linn knew that Even didn’t like to talk about his mental state, and she understood him so well it almost hurt._

_“You’re welcome,” she told him, swallowing hard and trying to smile. “I’ll definitely ask if I want to get my ass kicked again.”_

_Even nodded nervously and gave Linn a quick, awkward hug, and then left her room again, wishing her a good weekend._

_From then on, Even was at the kollektiv a lot, and Linn soon noticed that Even was one of the few people she could truly be herself around. He never asked stupid questions about why she sleeps so much, which was probably why about a month after the christmas party during another Fifa session, Linn finally got up the courage to ask him something._

_Putting down her controls on Isak’s mattress, Linn looked over at Even and cleared her throat. “So .. do you think I could … have something like .. depression?” Linn hated how shaky her voice sounded, but Even just smiled kindly, putting down his controls as well to touch her shoulder._

_“Do you feel like you might have it?” he asked gently, sounding almost scared._

_Linn smiled uneasily and shrugged while taking a deep breath. “I don’t know?”_

_Even nodded slowly. “I think you shouldn’t let others decide for you what’s wrong with you or what you should do,” he then went on, his expression serious and full of a respect Linn wasn’t used to. Most people had a tendency to either pity or patronise her, be it with looks or words or both._

_But everything about Even’s demeanor was careful and kind. Linn felt respected and taken seriously. So she finally said what she’d thought a million times before but never had the courage to say out loud. “I think I’m depressed, and I want … I think I need help.”_

_Linn’s voice was so pathetically small as she said it, but Even didn’t seem to care. “Alright,” he replied, giving her another kind smile. “Do you have someone in your life whom you really trust?”_

_Thinking for a moment, Linn nodded slowly. “Eskild,” she admitted, surprising herself. “He’s … too much but he’s also … always there, you know? He doesn’t judge.”_

_Even chuckled and nodded again. “Yeah, I get that impression, too. So, if you think you’re ready, you could maybe ask Eskild to go see a doctor with you? So you don’t have to go alone.”_

_The mere thought of bothering anyone with her mental state made Linn cringe, but still … Linn and Even went back to playing Fifa after that, but the next day, Linn asked Eskild if he’d go to the hospital with her. To her surprise, he didn’t make a fuss but just said yes and asked if she needed anything._

So that’s why Linn has gone to her second appointment with her therapist just two days ago. Her name is Agnes and she’s really nice, doesn’t beat around the bush and asks questions that make sense and help Linn understand herself better. She didn’t tell Even any details when he came over yesterday, but she did mention that she has a therapist now. He didn’t overreact, but just said that was good and asked if the therapist was ‘of any use.’ After Linn confirmed that, Even dropped the subject, and once again Linn was thankful that Even never needed many words to make her feel understood.

“Linn?”

Eskild’s trilling voice interrupts Linn’s line of thought and she sits up a little straighter, still holding her phone in her hand. She looks down at Even’s message again and decides to reply to him first, before facing her flamboyant roommate.

Linn is about to put her phone down when she sees that Even’s typing.

That makes Linn smile. And while until now Linn was worried sick that whatever could go wrong would go wrong if she let Eskild drag her to that party, she suddenly remembers Sana’s kind text from last Sunday. Linn has only met her a few times but Sana was always very nice to her. So without thinking too much, Linn types back an honest answer.

Again, Even replies instantly.

Linn doesn’t really know what to answer to that, but she does know that Even won’t mind. So she drops her phone on her bed and gets up just as she hears a soft knock on the door.

She opens it to find Eskild grinning at her, holding up three big paper bags. “Surprise!”

Rolling her eyes at him, Linn pushes past him across the hall to the living room. “What is it?” Linn’s voice sounds only half-annoyed: Whenever Eskild smiles this happily, she can’t really be mad at him for disturbing her. Also, he did announce that he would come home with a surprise, which Linn is grateful for.

So when Linn sits down on one of the couches in the living room, she gives Eskild her kindest smile.

He winks excitedly and sets one of the bags down on the table in front of Linn. “Take a look,” he trills and sits down on the other couch, setting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his palms.

Linn looks at him hesitantly for a moment but then reaches for the paper bag and peeks inside. “You bought me clothes?” she asks incredulously, but Eskild inclines his head to the side, sighing with exaggerated impatience. 

“Not _just_ clothes, Linn. Go on, take it out.”

Frowning slightly, Linn does as he asks. She pulls out a heap of emerald green fabric, adorned with golden threads and sequins. Carefully unfolding it, Linn notices it’s two pieces: A long-sleeved dress and what looks like a headscarf, already folded and sewn together. For a moment, Linn lets the soft, silky fabric flow through her hands.

“It looks nice,” she admits then and looks up at Eskild, who is staring at Linn with a mix of worry and anticipation.

“You like it?” he asks, and now he almost looks shocked. “So does that mean you’re going to wear it?”

Stiffening slightly, Linn glowers at him. “What?”

Eskild clears his throat and sits up a little straighter. “Now, don’t worry Linn, I will wear something similar.”

He reaches for one of the bags he set down on the floor in front of himself and pulls out another piece of emerald green fabric and a pair of wide black pants. “This is my kaftan, see? We match,” he says, sounding a little nervous as he unfolds the green tunic. It looks like an overly long dress shirt, decorated with golden embroidery on the chest area.

Watching Linn carefully, Eskild gets up and points to his room. “I am going to go change, do you want to try yours on as well?”

Linn is about to tell him she doesn’t want to play dress-up, but the hopeful look on his face makes her think it can’t hurt.

“Okay, I guess.”

“Wonderful,” Eskild trills and reaches for Linn’s hand to pull her to her feet and leads her to her room. “You will look even more beautiful than you usually do.”

And when he kisses her cheek, Linn can’t help but smile, feeling a warmth in her heart only a few people have ever made her feel.

She still catches herself hoping the dress won’t fit though.

**Eskild**

The kaftan looks just as good as it did in the store Elias recommended. Eskild asked him via facebook yesterday, and although Elias seemed taken aback at first, he still kindly advised Eskild to go to a nice little store in Grønland. With the help of a lovely elderly lady, it took Eskild less than an hour to pick out two farasha’s for Noora and Linn and a kaftan for himself. 

Running his hands over the smooth fabric, Eskild smiles to himself. Sure, buying traditional clothes for himself and both his roommates may be a little over-the-top, but he can’t bring himself to regret it. The lady at the store asked Eskild what he needed the clothes for and when he told her that he and his roommates were invited to an Eid party tomorrow, she was nothing short of ecstatic.

“Oh, that is so lovely! You will all look so beautiful, Masha’Allah,” she said and cupped Eskild’s cheek with her hand. 

Eskild takes a deep breath as he looks at himself in the mirror of his wardrobe again and then decides he’s given Linn enough time to get her dress on.

She’s been doing much better lately. When she asked Eskild to go to the doctor with her a few weeks back, he almost cried. Although Eskild always knew Linn trusted him, it still surprised him that she wanted him to be there for her in such a delicate situation. 

Eskild hasn’t asked too many questions, but he knows that she’s been to therapy at least once, and of course, he’s no expert … However, Eskild has noticed that Linn smiles more often and has started talking more out of her own accord. He also knows that she has been talking to Even, and Eskild is convinced that whoever opens their heart and mind to Even Bech Naesheim can only benefit from it.

Clearing his throat, Eskild stands up straighter and gives his reflection a quick smile before he walks out of his room. He waits in front of Linn’s door for a moment and then knocks three times.

“Almost done,” Linn calls, sounding a little indignant, but not frustrated, which is encouraging.

“How’s it going?” he asks carefully, making a face.

Eskild hears Linn let out a sigh and then she opens the door. A shocked gasp escapes Eskild’s throat when he sees her. He knew the green dress was a good idea since green is Linn’s favourite colour and it really suits her. But nothing prepared him for the happy smile on her face as she steps out into the hallway, watching the fabric move over her naked feet as she sways back and forth.

She’s not wearing the hijab and Eskild is happy about that: Linn’s red hair perfectly matches the colour of her dress, it would be a shame to hide it.

“Linn, you look beautiful,” he calls out, making sure she’s looking into his eyes as he says it. 

Blushing a bright red, Linn looks down at her joint hands. “Thank you, Eskild.”

Eskild thinks she’s going to say something else, but then the front door opens and Noora and Eva walk in, chattering excitedly.

They stop dead in their tracks when they see Eskild and Linn, looking the two of them up and down with a mix of shock and curiosity. “Hi guys,” says Noora hesitantly after a moment, smiling at both Eskild and Linn. “What did we miss?”

“Linn, that’s a gorgeous dress,” Eva says then, stepping forward to hug Linn, and for what feels like the millionth time, Eskild thanks whatever universal force made Noora fall in love with this girl. He’s always liked Eva, but since she started coming over more, her unabashed kindness towards Linn has both shocked Eskild and warmed his heart every time he witnessed it.

Linn giggles happily and hugs Eva back. “I like green,” she then says with a wink at Eskild. “Eskild bought it for me, and there’s one for you, too.” Linn looks at Noora, who lets out a gasp and stares at Eskild.

“Huh?” 

“Oh man, I can’t _wait_ to see that,” Eva says and gives Eskild a hug as well. Letting go of him, she leaves a hand on his shoulder and looks into his eyes. “Are you on a mission to dress us all in traditional moroccan clothes?”

Both of them laugh at that and Eskild takes both Noora’s and Eva’s hands to lead them to the living room. “I just thought it would be nice if the kollektiv showed some respect for Sana’s family’s traditions,” he explains.

Eva nods slowly, winking at Noora, who still looks a little overwhelmed. “I like that,” Eva chuckles and watches with delight as Noora approaches the third paper bag still standing next to one of the couches. She watches it as if she’s afraid some kind of monster will jump out any second.

“Just try it on, Noora, I’m sure you’ll like it,” Eskild encourages her, squeezing her hand and then letting go. Noora smiles hesitantly and then bends down to reach into the bag. She carefully pulls out the royal blue farasha and unfolds it, holding it up in front of herself.

“It’s blue,” she says slowly. “And it’s a dress.” Noora clears her throat and then turns around, frowning at Eskild. “I don’t wear dresses, not long ones anyway.”

Eva giggles again and steps forward to wrap an arm around her girlfriend. “Awwh, Noora, the colour matches your eyes! Just try it on, come on!”

Linn nods with a smile and runs a hand over Noora’s hair. “She’s right. I bet you’ll look awesome!”

Noora looks at both of them with a hesitant grimace, but then she looks up at Eskild, clearing her throat. “Thank you, Eskild. I think I will try it on, but there is no way I’m wearing it to the party. It’s too … colorful for me.”

“Noora, for fuck’s sake! You’ll look out of place if you _don’t_ dress up! Everyone will wear colours, even Sana!” Eva exclaims, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead. “I’ll buy one too tomorrow, I’m sure Eskild can tell me where he got this one.” She turns to Eskild with a questioning expression. “What do you think of purple?”

Yeah, Eskild really REALLY adores Eva. “Purple would make you look like the queen you are, sweety,” he tells her and folds his hands over Eva’s right shoulder, smiling triumphantly at her.

“Alright, that’s settled then. Now put it on,” Eva repeats, kissing Noora’s red lips.

Noora kisses Eva again, smiling against her lips, and then she takes a deep breath, carefully folding the dress. “Okay, I guess I can try it on. But I’m not wearing the headscarf, Sana would laugh her ass off.”

Linn points to her own head, rolling her eyes. “That’s exactly what I thought.”

Noora smiles kindly at Linn. “I really like green on you, Linn.”

And with that, Noora is off to her room, closely followed by Eva. Both Eskild and Linn look after them for a moment, and when he turns to Linn, Eskild knows she’s thinking the same as him. “I’m so fucking glad William’s gone,” Linn murmurs, making Eskild chuckle.

He puts his arm around her and kisses her cheek. “Ah Linn, I couldn’t agree more. He wanted to take Noora away from us, but Eva just joined our little family.”

Linn snorts out a laugh, but still nods. “Family,” she grumbles quietly. Her voice sounds a little sad at that, so Eskild turns her around and looks into her eyes.

“Linn, you know I’ll always be around, right? You can be as grumpy as you want around me, I don’t care. You’re my little sister and I’m your big brother. We’ll always take care of each other, right?”

Eskild can’t fight a little tear escaping his eye, and to his surprise, Linn puts her hands on his shoulders, looking back at him with watery eyes. “Right,” she says simply and then pulls Eskild into a hug.

Resting his chin at her shoulder, Eskild thinks that no matter what, the Eskild Tryggvason who invited Linn to live with him two years ago - after babbling to her about his boyfriend troubles over coffee at Stockfleths for two hours straight - was a really smart man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	140. Episode 10, Saturday 24th June, 10:42: Sounds fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	141. Episode 10, Saturday 24th June, 14:53: The Bakkoush surgeons

“No, wait my dear, you have to pour the honey last!”

Mamma sounds panicked, but Sana can hear the smile in her voice as she walks into the kitchen. As always on Eid, it’s a mess in there: pots, cups, spoons and forks are lying around everywhere, some used, some clean and this time, Mamma didn’t even ask for Sana’s help. 

The reason for that awesome turn of events is standing at the counter, brandishing a ladle in front of Sana’s mother’s face. “Meryem, trust me, I always do it like this, and it works,” Even says calmly and then looks up, smiling broadly when he sees Sana.

“Hi Sana, do you want to help?” he asks, pointing to the table, where Sana sees a steaming pot of couscous. “We could use some help with the Taboulé, someone has to cut tomatoes.”

Sana frowns at him, but Mamma’s eyes light up as she nods. “Yes, you could ask Pappa to join you, he’s just sitting around anyway.”

“Nonsense,” Sana hears her father protest from the living room, and moments later he appears in the doorway behind her, scowling at Mamma and Even. “What are you two still bickering about?”

He puts an arm around Sana as Mamma sighs and throws a hesitant look at Even, who is grinning confidently at her. “Even is showing me how he makes Baklava, but I’m not sure it works,” Mamma says, making Sana and Pappa laugh.

“Meryem, my love, do you remember who taught Even to make Baklava? I’m sure she did a great job!” Pappa sounds so proud of Mamma Sana almost blushes as much as her mother does.

“I didn’t teach him like this,” she protests, but Even has already poured half the honey from the glass in his hand onto the Baklava mix on the baking sheet in front of him. 

By the time he’s done, Mamma’s expression has gone from horrified to intrigued and she leans forward to peek at the mass of Baklava over Even’s shoulder. “It doesn’t look too bad,” she admits, making everyone laugh again.

“Alright, where are those tomatoes?” Pappa asks then and Mamma stares at him for a second before she remembers why he’s asking.

“Oh, over there in the green bowl, I washed them already.” She points to the table with a kind smile at Sana and Pappa. Shrugging with a grin, Pappa sits down and gestures for Sana to do the same.

“Alright, the Bakkoush surgeons will take care of the tomatoes,” he chuckles and Sana winks at him, sitting down as well. 

Mamma brings two cutting boards and knives for Sana and her father and then joins Even again, no doubt starting a discussion about which pastry to make next.

Pappa reaches for a tomato and throws a curious look at Sana, clearing his throat. “So how is school going, Sana?”

“Good. I got a six in that biology exam last week,” Sana tells him with a confident smile and also takes a tomato from the bowl.

“Ah, that’s not a surprise, but congratulations! You like biology don’t you?” Pappa smiles proudly while starting to cut the tomato into small cubes.

Nodding slowly, Sana returns his smile. “Yes, I really like it. We’re learning about the immune system right now.”

Pappa grins knowingly. “Do you still want to become a surgeon, Sana?”

Sana looks up into her father’s eyes, nodding slowly. “Yes, I do,” she confirms and then does your best to cut the tomato on her cutting board into halfway neat slices.

“I believe you will be a great surgeon, Sana,” Pappa tells her and this time, Sana smiles without looking up, fearing she’ll cut her finger otherwise.

“Thank you,Pappa,” she says, feeling herself blush.

For a few moments, Pappa is silent as he and Sana keep on cutting tomatoes while listening to Mamma and Even discuss whether or not to roast the sesame seeds for the salad they’re making.

“I’m so glad Even is back, Mamma missed her cooking buddy,” Pappa says quietly, which makes Sana look up at him with a grin.

“I agree, she can’t use either of us for anything but cutting stuff, can she?” she remarks dryly, making her father laugh.

Pappa’s eyes search Sana’s face for a moment before he purses his lips with a thoughtful look in his eyes. Sana has a feeling she knows what he’s going to ask next, but strangely, she’s not nervous.

“I don’t have to ask about your friends. They are so good to you I sometimes fear your mouth hurts from how much they make you smile.” Pappa giggles and Sana can’t help but join in. He’s right. During the past ten days, Sana has had many reasons to smile, and most of them were caused by her friends.

“I do wonder about your heart, though,” Pappa adds, his expression curious. But something about the look in his eyes makes a shiver run down Sana’s spine. It takes her a moment to realise what it is: Pappa trusts her. Somehow, Sana knows that no matter what she is about to tell him, he’s not going to judge her.

And although Sana hadn’t planned to lie to her father, that realisation makes it all the easier to tell him the truth. “My heart is in good hands, Pappa,” Sana reassures him in a low voice, blushing furiously.

“Yousef is a good person,” Pappa agrees with a small nod, putting down the knife to take Sana’s hand in his. “I know he’s not muslim, but I also know that you are not reckless. And if you trust him, I know you have the best reasons to do so.”

His words make Sana feel warm from head to toe, and with a deep breath, she sets down her knife and looks into Pappa’s eyes, squeezing his hand. “I do trust him. But I’m also a bit scared of what people will say about the two of us,” she admits, biting her lower lip.

Pappa shakes his head, covering Sana’s hand with his free one. “You should only care about what God thinks and what people you love think. If they love you too, they won’t care about anything but you being safe and happy.”

Sana feels tears of joy welling up behind her eyes, so she just nods and bends down to kiss the back of Pappa’s hand. 

Taking another deep breath, she smiles at him and then lets go of his hand to pick up her knife again. “You’re pretty great, you know,” Sana whispers, and her father winks with a bright grin before going back to cutting his tomato.

“Even seems so happy,” he suddenly changes the subject, and Sana is pretty sure he does it because he doesn’t want to make her actually cry. “I can’t wait to meet Isak, he must be a really charming boy to make our Even speak of him in such high terms.”

Sana remembers seeing Pappa and Even sit in the living room earlier while Mamma was out shopping. That was probably when Even talked to Pappa about his boyfriend. Sana doesn’t know whom she’s prouder of: Even for just telling her father about dating a boy without prejudice, or her father for not even hesitating to accept that Even has a boyfriend.

“Isak is a useful biology partner, but I think he’s an even better boyfriend,” Sana tells her father, making them both laugh again.

“He does sound like a good friend as well,” Pappa chuckles, and Sana nods at him with a slow smile.

“Oh yeah, he is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	142. Episode 10, Saturday 24th June, 18:29: He told you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


	143. Episode 10, Saturday 24th June, 22:49: Dear Sana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and here it goes, the last clip of Sana's season by Julieseven ... I have a lot of people to thank!
> 
> My main beta Fee @greenteamermaid ! I can’t thank you enough for your kind support, constructive criticism and incredible support! Thanks to you, I have learned so much about your and Sana’s shared religion, and you really made me come visit Istanbul again! I love you very very much
> 
> My main girl Megan @runningthroughthegarden91 ! Without you, I would have given up on this season before even writing the first word. Our discussions in Birkelund parken in Oslo and the follow-up Whatsapp conversations gave me so many inputs and ideas I was able to build an outline that made sense! Thank you so much for believing in me and supporting me through all of this! All my love to you <3
> 
> My amazingly patient and kind beta Lulu @thelordvoldemort! You made sure that the scenes where Even’s mental illness is featured and Linn’s part of Friday of the last ep make sense and are as accurate as possible! It never ceases to amaze me how dedicated you were to helping me make this work! They may have been just a few scenes in this fic, but they were about characters that are so important to me! Also, having no idea about mental illness myself, I am so freaking grateful to you for your unwavering support!! I love you :-)
> 
> And last but not least, I am so incredibly grateful to my readers, in particular the ones who shared their feelings with me in kind and elaborate feedbacks! @naescar, @julian-dahl, @1olitza, @yanfreak, @allywantstofly, @gayaisanerd, @imancengiz, @lovedeven and @fxckxxp, you are all so wonderful and as a writer, I could not wish for kinder and more fantastic readers! You’re all amazing!

**Sana**

Sana is standing next to Chris, Vilde and Nasser, Muttasim’s older brother, finally telling her friends how she got rid of the toilet paper last year.

“Nasser bought all of it,” she says, giggling happily, and Chris stares at Nasser incredulously.

“What did you do with it?” Chris asks, evidently expecting a spectacular story. Nasser however only chuckles and shrugs.

“I just sold it to a few different people at the mosque. One guy is a coach at a local football club, he bought about half, and the rest went to a few families. That was it.” Everyone laughs and Vilde pats Nasser’s arm, looking impressed.

“You’ve got some nerves, I don’t think I would have had the confidence to pull that off,” she says, and Nasser blushes slightly.

“Thank you.” He clears his throat and takes a sip of his water. “I’m a business major at UIO, so I thought of it as a kind of exercise.”

Sana watches her friends eagerly question Nasser about his studies, realising that the minor worries she had about them feeling comfortable at this party were completely unfounded.

And just when Sana is about to ask where Eva and Noora are, she sees the two of them step out of the back door in between Eskild and Linn. They always look good, but nothing could have prepared Sana for how beautiful they are dressed today. The girls are all wearing farashas, Eva one in purple with gold decorations, Noora in a blue one with silver threads and sequins, and Linn’s is emerald green with gold decorations. Their hair is down, and particularly Linn’s red hair compliments the colour of her farasha perfectly, making her look like a queen. And Eskild looks like a proud big brother in his black pants and emerald green kaftan, smiling brightly. 

When the four of them spot Sana, she realises she’s been smiling at them like an idiot for a full minute. And as if the sight of her friends dressed in Maghrebi clothes wasn’t wonderful enough, Sana sees that Eva is wearing the bracelet Sana gave her for her birthday.

 **Eva** ****

****

While Eva felt a little awkward on the tram, sitting next to Eskild, Linn and Noora, the four of them dressed in colorful Maghrebi clothes, that feeling is gone the second she steps out into Sana’s family’s backyard.

All eyes are on the four of them by the time they reach the bottom of the small stairs, but the looks are full of admiration and kind curiosity. Eva grips Noora’s hand a little tighter and puts her other arm around Linn, and then the four of them walk up to Sana with matching grins on their faces.

“Hi you guys,” Sana says, smiling happily and looking all four of them up and down. “You all look so beautiful!” She throws a beaming look at Eva and points to the bracelet on Eva’s wrist. 

“I told you I love it,” Eva calls, making Sana laugh cheerfully. 

“Thank you for inviting us, Sana,” Eskild says then, stepping forward to shake Sana’s hand. “And Eid Mubarak to you all,” he adds, looking around at Yousef, Jamilla and a guy Eva doesn’t know standing next to Sana.

“Eid Mubarak,” Sana replies and then steps forward to hug Eva, Noora and Linn one after the other. “Ah, I can’t believe Eskild actually convinced all of you to wear farashas, I love it!” she calls after letting go of Linn, marvelling at the three girls with sparkles in her eyes.

Sana is wearing a pink farasha herself, decorated with silver and gold sequins and threads and a matching pink hijab. Eva has never seen Sana look so beautiful. “You look gorgeous yourself,” Noora says out loud what Eva is thinking and reaches out to touch Sana’s shoulder.

Sana laughs happily and blushes a little but before she can reply, Eskild holds out the pretty grey box in his hand. “We brought you some Turkish delight, I hope you like it,” he says, blushing slightly when Sana’s eyes go wide and she gasps with surprise.

“Oh, I haven’t had Turkish delight in ages, thank you so much,” she says, takes the box from Eskild and then pulls him into a brief hug.

When Sana lets go of Eskild, Eva notices Yousef is holding Sana’s hand. He looks handsome in his light green kaftan which compliments his dark brown eyes, but what strikes Eva the most is the adoring expression on his face whenever he looks at Sana. His whole face is lit up with a mix of admiration and and incredulousness, as if he can’t quite believe Sana is real. Smiling at the two of them, Eva can’t think of anyone more deserving of being adored like that than Sana.

Still grinning happily, Eva looks around the garden. There are lots of people here, everyone talking and eating, and Eva is about to walk over to the buffet when she hears a familiar laugh from the centre of the garden.

Isak is sitting on a bench at a table next to Even, the two of them talking animatedly. Eva’s smile grows impossibly wider and she squeezes Noora’s hand, prompting her girlfriend to turn around. “What is it, Eva?” Noora asks, leans her chin on Eva’s shoulder and slides both arms around Eva from behind. 

“Can you believe that guy over there is Isak? Grumpy, cynical Isak who hated everything and everyone?” Eva asks incredulously, pointing to her old friend and his boyfriend.

Noora laughs softly and then sighs and plants a soft kiss on Eva’s cheek. Eva leans into her girlfriend’s embrace as Noora whispers in Eva’s ear. “No. But then again, I can’t believe … us, either.”

A shiver runs down Eva’s spine at those words and she turns around in Noora’s arms to cup her girlfriend’s face between both palms. It still feels a bit awkward, touching Noora like this in public, but Eva feels comfortable here, in Sana’s home. “Neither can I,” Eva whispers, looking into Noora’s eyes before leaning in to kiss her.

Feeling Noora sigh against her lips, Eva thinks that this must be how Isak felt last year at the Christmas party, where he finally dared to kiss Even in public, at least Eva hopes so. Because she’s never felt more loved, free, and completely like herself.

**Isak**

Isak is sitting next to Even on one of the benches in the centre of the Bakkoush’s backyard, letting himself be fed one spectacular-tasting food after the other.

“What’s this called again?” Isak asks with a full mouth, pointing to the salad Even just fed him from.

“Taboulé, baby. You and Said cut the mint leaves for it, remember? When Sana ran off to get changed and you took over?”

Even gives Isak a look that would make Isak feel bad if Even wasn’t smiling at the same time.

Nodding slowly, Isak grins back. “Right, that’s why it tastes so good,” he boasts, making Even laugh. Isak has always loved his laugh, but ever since Even has made up with his old friends, his laugh has begun to sound even more cheerful. For that alone, Isak is grateful to Elias, Mutta, Yousef, Adam and Mikael already. At first, Isak was a little jealous of them because they got to spend their childhood with Even and knew him better than anyone. But they welcomed Isak with open arms, just as if he’d been a part of Even’s life for as long as them, and before Isak knew it, he began to care about them as much as Even does.

“I’ll let you believe that,” Even giggles and brushes a piece of a mint leaf off Isak’s cheek, looking into his eyes. “Have you tried the potatoes?”

Even picks up one of them with his fork and raises his eyebrows at Isak.

Isak opens his mouth with a shrug as a silent request to be fed, and Even obliges with a happy laugh. He watches Isak chew for a moment, a questioning look on his face, until Isak nods approvingly. “Spicy, but I like it.”

“I know, right? We used to eat this kind of stuff every day after school,” Even says, his face lighting up at the memory.

“So you know how to make this?” Isak asks, loving the sparkle in his boyfriend’s eyes when Even realises Isak about to ask that Even cook Moroccan food for him.

“I do, Meryem taught me everything,” Even confirms, reaching for Isak’s hand to pull him close until their faces are so close to each other their noses are touching. “Do you want me to make Moroccan food for you?” Even murmurs in a low voice that makes Isak want to drag his boyfriend into a dark corner to kiss the living shit out of him.

Swallowing hard, Isak nods slowly, his nose brushing Even’s. “Yes, please,” he breathes back and Even presses a brief kiss to Isak’s lips, still grinning.

“Alright, that’s a date,” Even announces and moves his head back, looking down at his plate, undoubtedly trying to decide what to feed Isak next.

“Is it good?” someone asks and Isak looks up to see Meryem watching the two of them with a mix of worry and adoration.

“Meryem, you and I made the food, so of course it’s good,” Even reassures her instantly, reaching out for her hand. Meryem laughs happily and squeezes Even’s hand for a moment and then sits down on the bench facing theirs, folding her hands in her lap.

“Do you like it too, Isak?” she asks, winking at Isak and he can’t help but chuckle at that. Looking up at her, Isak notices she looks very nice in her blue dress with a matching hijab and silver jewelry around her neck and wrists. 

“I love it, Meryem, the food is really amazing,” he reassures her, looking into her eyes. She winks again, letting out what Isak hopes is a fake sigh of relief.

“Oh good, I’m glad.” She’s about to get to her feet again when Even holds on to her wrist, looking into her eyes.

“I have no idea how I survived without your cooking for so long,” he says earnestly, and Isak can see in Even’s expression that he is not just talking about food. 

Looking up at Meryem, Isak is sure she knows that, because she purses her lips and swallows hard as if she’s fighting tears. “You’re back now,” she says as Even gets up, setting his plate down on the table. 

“I’m back now,” he says cheerfully and wraps her in a hug. Meryem hugs him back, chuckling happily and when she lets go, Isak could swear he sees tears of joy glistening in her eyes.

“Enjoy the food,” she then says to both of them, and Isak just nods with a kind smile as she turns to walk away. But then she pauses, turning back to face the two of them again, hesitantly clearing her throat. “You know that both of you … you’re always welcome here, to eat, cook and … spend time with us?”

Isak shares a look with Even before both of them turn to Meryem with matching smiles. “Yes, we do,” Even says softly, making Meryem blush.

“Thank you so much,” Isak adds, and Meryem winks at them before walking away towards Said, who has apparently been watching the three of them from where he’s standing beside the buffet. He opens his arms and Meryem walks right into them, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

“Can you believe they’ve been married for over thirty years?” Even asks, lacing his fingers together with Isak’s and pointing their joint hands to Meryem and Said. 

Shaking his head, Isak wraps his free arm around Even’s waist and kisses Even’s cheek. “I hope to be like that at their age,” Isak admits, blushing slightly. He doesn’t want to be the cheesy sap saying he wants to still be happy with Even at that age, although he’s thinking just that.

“We will be,” Even says softly, as if he were reading Isak’s mind, and then his thumb raises Isak’s chin until their eyes meet. Even is blushing as well, but before Isak can say something even sappier, Even captures Isak’s lips in a kiss, making Isak forget why he was embarrassed a second ago.

It’s always like that with Even. He takes away Isak’s fear of being exactly who he is and makes Isak feel strong instead. 

And although Isak can’t tell the future, he can’t help but think that it will always be that way.

**Magnus**

Magnus is sitting in between Mahdi and Jonas, listening to them arguing about which food on their plates is the best. It’s pointless, but those two have always enjoyed bickering about little things. Magnus exchanges an eye-roll with Mahdi’s sister Ada, who’s sitting next to him, visibly enjoying herself. 

“My brother thinks he knows everything about food,” she tells Magnus, giggling happily. 

Scoffing slightly, Magnus nods. “He thinks that about other stuff, too.”

They both laugh at that, but then Magnus notices Ada looking up at Chris, who just sat down across from them and next to a happily eating Vilde.

“Hi girl,” Chris says, throwing a hesitant look at Magnus. Getting the hint, Magnus stands up and clears his throat.

“Can I get you anything, Villy?” he asks, but Vilde just winks at him with a grateful smile.

“Thanks, I’m still eating.” Her voice is full of kindness and Magnus wonders how on earth he deserves her. She may have her problems, but whenever Magnus is feeling down, no one can make him feel better as fast and effectively as Vilde. She’s the funniest girl he’s ever met and has a way of turning the most serious situation into one where neither of them can stop laughing for ages.

Magnus walks away to the buffet, where he bumps shoulders with Elias, who is loading different kinds of food onto his plate. He looks up at Magnus with a hesitant grin, offering him the spoon of the salad he’s just been helping himself to.

“Have you tried the Zaalouk?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at Magnus. 

“Uh, yeah actually,” Magnus tells him, chuckling slightly. “Cucumber aren’t usually my thing, but this is really good.”

Elias nods with an approving smile and then puts down the spoon, looking into Magnus’s eyes. “Listen, Magnus … “ Elias wipes a hand over his mouth as if to steel himself before going on. “I’m sorry about what happened with Vilde and I at that party. I was out of control, and if we hadn’t been drunk out of our minds, neither of us would have even touched the other.”

Magnus can’t say he’s surprised to hear Elias address the reason Magnus hated him before they even met. During the two times Magnus has spent time with Elias, he’s noticed that Elias is an utterly honest and upfront person. “We’re good, Elias, seriously,” Magnus says earnestly, holding Elias’s gaze.

“I swear to God, even though nothing actually happened, I feel horrible about it. And it made me never want to drink again,” Elias goes on with such a guilty-conscious look on his face Magnus just has to smile at him.

“It’s really okay, Elias,” he reassures him. “I believe you. Vilde called me that night, and she can’t lie when she’s drunk. She didn’t tell me about you, but she did say that she would never cheat on me and that she is very happy to have me.”

Elias smiles kindly at that and reaches out to put a hand on Magnus’s houlder. “I’ve gotten to know your girlfriend a bit, and she is definitely very much in love with you, man. You’re lucky.”

Magnus nods absentmindedly, almost automatically turning around to look at Vilde, who’s still talking to Chris. “I guess I am, huh?” he says as he watches Vilde hug her friend with happy tears in her eyes. When she moves her head back, Vilde says something to Chris that makes both of them turn to look at Magnus. 

Vilde smiles fondly at him while Chris stares, looking confused for a moment, until a knowing smile spreads on her face. Magnus is not usually good at guessing what people are saying while he’s not listening. But he’s pretty sure that whatever it is Vilde just told Chris is the reason Magnus doesn’t feel stupid for believing her and Elias that nothing happened between them.

So Magnus turns back to Elias and pulls him into a short hug. Elias scoffs with surprise but then hugs Magnus back before letting go and looking at Magnus with a confused but relieved smile.

“You’re a good guy, Elias,” Magnus tells him and then reaches for a new paper plate. “Now, can we stop being saps and eat?”

Elias laughs with relief, nods and then picks up the spoon of a bowl filled with what looks like a delicious potato salad. “Absolutely, I’m still starving.”

**Noora**

Noora always knew Eva loves good food, but Noora has never enjoyed watching Eva eat as much as right now. Every bite Eva takes makes her let out a happy sigh or even a little moan, and a small part of Noora wishes she could drag her girlfriend away to a bedroom somewhere.

“Gosh, Noora, I love Moroccan food,” Eva sighs and kisses Noora. Tasting a variety of spices on her lips, Noora thinks that she should definitely cook Moroccan for Eva some time if it makes her this happy.

Someone clears their throat next to the two of them, and Noora is surprised to see Mahdi standing on the other side of the table, holding a young girl by her hand. “Can we sit here?” he asks and points to the girl next to him.

“Sure,” Noora and Eva say in unison, eyeing them both curiously. 

Mahdi chuckles quietly and puts his plate down on the table while the girl sits down across from Noora. “This is my sister Ada,” Mahdi explains and sits down as well, smiling hesitantly at Noora and Eva.

“Hello Ada, I’m Eva and this is Noora,” says Eva and reaches across the table to shake the Ada’s hand. Noora feels a wave of affection for her girlfriend. Eva has always been kind to everyone she meets without hesitation, a fact Noora absolutely loves about her.

Ada smiles happily at both of them and nods. “I know, Mahdi told me about you two.”

“He did?” Noora asks curiously as she shakes Ada’s hand as well, smiling curiously at her and Mahdi.

Mahdi looks down at his hands for a moment before clearing his throat again. “Uh, yeah, I wanted her to meet you girls.”

That makes both Noora and Eva frown at him, but before either of them can ask anything, Mahdi goes on. “Ada … she recently told me something that made me think meeting you girls might be good for her.” He speaks so fast it takes Noora a moment to take in what he said.

But then, Ada lets out a gasp and drops her fork. “Seriously?” she asks her brother, staring at him with a mix of shock and adoration. “Mahdi, I can’t believe …” She swallows hard and then turns to Noora and Eva, blushing furiously.

Mahdi watches his sister with a fond look in his eyes, putting an arm around her shoulders as she searches for words. 

“Uhm, so this is a little weird, but last week, I told Mahdi something about me …” Ada says with a low voice, looking around to make sure no one else is listening. Both Noora and Eva lean in closer so Ada doesn’t have to speak up. Ada smiles gratefully and throws another look at Mahdi before she takes a deep breath and goes on. “I think… no, by now I know … I’m gay.”

Eva reaches out to cover Ada’s hand with her own, smiling warmly at her. “I’m glad you were able to tell him, Ada,” she says and Noora squeezes Eva’s hand at hearing the slight shiver in her voice.

Ada lets out a long sigh and leans her head on Mahdi’s shoulder. “I was so scared, but all he said was that he’s glad I told him and that he has two friends who recently started dating …”

Noora smiles happily at Mahdi, thinking that she should really talk to him more. _If only every gay child had a brother like him._

Mahdi laughs shortly and then purses his lips. “I’m sorry if this is too random …” he begins, but Noora puts a hand on his arm and shakes her head.

“It’s more than fine,” she reassures him with a wink and then turns to his sister. “So, are you in love with anyone, Ada?”

Ada giggles nervously and closes her eyes for a moment. When she opens them again, Noora sees a familiar sparkle light up Ada’s beautiful brown eyes. It takes Noora a minute to realise it’s the same one she saw in Eva’s eyes the first time the two of them kissed.

Turning to look at her girlfriend, Noora finds Eva staring at her with that exact same expression, and Noora just has to kiss her. Eva sighs against Noora’s lips, cupping her face with both hands and when she moves back, Eva pulls Noora close by the waist until Noora is almost sitting on Eva’s lap before both of them turn to Ada again.

“Tell us everything about her,” Eva demands, making all four of them laugh, and then Ada leans forward on her elbows and clears her throat to tell them all about her crush.

**Jamilla**

“So, you can’t even drink during the day? Isn’t that really, really hard?” Ingrid asks with a mix of admiration and shock on her face. She’s standing in front of Jamilla and Ayaan, watching both of them with a curious expression.

“You get used to it, but the first few days are quite rough, yes,” Jamilla admits and takes a sip of her juice.

As Jamilla understands, Ingrid has only recently become friends with Sana, and it’s easy to tell: Ingrid seems a little scared of offending people with her questions, but Jamilla doesn’t understand why: Ingrid’s curiosity is kind and not judgmental.

“Wow, I admire you, really,” Ingrid says with a kind smile and takes a bite of the Baklava on her plate. “Oh, and this food … I mean, I’ve only ever had Lebanese pastry from stores in terms of Middle Eastern food, but this is entirely different.”

Jamilla decides not to correct her: Morocco is in Northern Africa, not the Middle East, but since the food is similar, Jamilla can let it slide. “I know, right? Sana’s mum makes the best Baklava ever,” Jamilla tells her and Ingrid nods with wide eyes.

“I’ve only ever tasted this one, but I’m sure you’re right,” she giggles and then looks at Ayaan with an admiring expression. “I love your style, by the way.”

“Thank you,” Ayaan says and adjusts her bottle green hijab, looking down at her white linen pants and dark blue shirt. “You look great, too.”

Ingrid seems surprised, but her cheeks blush a bright red, perfectly matching her red summer dress. “Uh, you think? Isn’t it like .. too short?”

Ayaan smiles kindly and exchanges a knowing look with Jamilla before she replies. “No, I think it’s a good length, it shows off your legs. I like it,” she reassures Ingrid, who blushes even more.

“Sara always said my legs look like sticks in short dresses,” she says so quietly Jamilla can hardly hear her.

Jamilla feels a sting in her heart and steps forward to put a hand on Ingrid’s shoulder. “She’s wrong, Ingrid, you look great,” she reassures Ingrid, looking into her eyes.

Ingrid lets out a long sigh and smiles gratefully at Jamilla. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you with my girl drama.”

Ayaan and Jamilla both start laughing at that. “Don’t worry, we know a thing or two about girl drama,” Ayaan says, patting Ingrid’s arm and then looking at Jamilla. “Remember that little bitch who kept trying to tell us how to wear our hijabs in sixth grade?”

Now Ingrid looks intrigued, leaning forward with an amused smile.

“Insha’Allah I’ll forget her one day,” Jamilla grumbles with an eyeroll, making both Ingrid and Ayaan laugh.

As Ingrid takes a step closer and Ayaan starts telling her about the infamous Elif from middle school, Jamilla spots Sana talking to Isak. They’re standing next to one of the tables, both eating watermelon and smiling happily at each other. 

Jamilla can’t help but smile too at the thought that God must really love her: Not only did He bring Sana back into Jamilla’s life, but along with her best friend, Jamilla got a whole new group of friends. Looking around the garden, she catches Eva’s eye who is watching Jamilla, Ingrid and Ayaan talk with a content look on her face, reminding Jamilla of how happy Eva looked when she introduced Ingrid to her earlier. Jamilla doesn’t know the details, but she’s aware that the two of them used to be best friends before a lot of girl drama tore them apart.

Maybe that’s why Jamilla feels connected to Ingrid in a way, in spite of the fact that Ingrid is a little awkward around Jamilla. Both of them know what it’s like to lose their best friend, and both of them got their best friend back.

If that’s not a reason to bond over sharing girl drama stories, Jamilla doesn’t know what is.

**Sana**

Sana is watching Isak eat his watermelon while enjoying her own. Both of them can’t stop grinning, since Isak just told Sana he likes the way Yousef looks at her.

“So, are you happy with him?” Isak finally asks, blushing furiously. 

Sana nods at him and swallows her bite before replying. “Yeah, he’s alright.” 

Isak giggles and takes another bite of watermelon. “You are the worst liar I know.”

“Oh shut up, like you’re the expert at lying,” Sana retorts, shoving him him lightly. “I bet you can’t lie to Even about anything.”

Opening and closing his mouth a few times with a shocked expression, Isak finally deflates and gives Sana a defeated look. “Fine, you’re right, I can’t lie to him.” He sighs deeply, looking over to the buffet, where Even is standing with Mutta, Mikael and Yousef, the three of them laughing together. Isak’s eyes light up and although it’s not the first time Sana sees that look on his face, it still fascinates her how obviously in love with Even he is.

“I don’t have to ask you if you’re happy with Even,” she states, making Isak shake his head with a bashful smile. “You’re lucky to have him,” Sana adds the, hoping Isak doesn’t find her tone patronising.

“I know I am,” Isak says simply and looks into Sana’s eyes with a grateful expression that makes her blush. “Thank you again, Sana. For ...everything.”

“You’re still welcome,” Sana replies, trying to think of something to lighten the mood and make her blush go away, but then she suddenly notices her four best friends standing in the middle of the lawn with their arms linked, facing Sana.

Someone clinks a glass, and everyone goes quiet. Before Sana can ask what’s going on, Noora clears her throat. She’s standing very upright in between Chris and Vilde, obviously nervous. But her smile is warm when Sana’s eyes meet hers.

“Everyone, can you stand next to Sana please, we would like to give her our gift,” Noora says with a shaking voice. The guests do as she asks and only a minute later, everyone is gathered behind and beside Sana. Yousef slips his hand into Sana’s, exchanging a soft smile with her, and Jamilla takes Sana’s other arm, grinning as if she knows something Sana doesn’t.

Vilde is clutching Noora’s and Eva’s arms nervously, but her smile is full of love. Sana suddenly finds herself getting impatient to find out what the girls’ gift could be.

Finally, Even shushes everyone and then puts his arms around Isak’s waist from behind, looking expectantly at the four girls in front of Sana, and the crowd goes completely silent.

Eva then clears her throat as well and unfolds a piece of paper, throwing a quick glance at it before raising her voice. “Dear Sana. This speech is for you.”

Eva hands the note to Vilde, who doesn’t seem to need it though. She looks straight into Sana’s eyes as she speaks. “We thought long and hard about what we could give you to tell you how much you mean to us.”

Noora takes the note from Vilde but barely glances at it before adding: “And we know that actions speak louder than words, but since the five of us recently learned how much good kind words can do, we decided to use words to show our love.”

Chris doesn’t even take the note, so Noora reaches behind Vilde’s back to give it back to Eva as Chris says with a warm voice: “So bear with us, while we pour our heart out to our best bud, folks.”

The crowd chuckles softly and Sana feels herself blush, not sure what to expect but absolutely certain she will love every word she’s about to hear.

Eva holds up the note in front of her face for a moment and then looks into Sana’s eyes. “Sana, you are so brave to live your life the way you believe is right, no matter what people try to put in your way. So what if some people think you should hook up with guys and get drunk every weekend?” Eva winks at Sana, making them both chuckle happily, before she goes on.

“You are a kick-ass girl who rocks at basketball – honestly people, if you ever get the chance to go watch one of Sana’s games, DO IT!” Yousef lets out a small cheer at that, making everyone laugh again. Eva waits for the laughter to die down and then continues. “You also don’t care about what other people think of you, something I want to learn from you.”

Sana bows her head and smiles gratefully at Eva, thinking that she couldn’t be prouder of her. She’s attending this party with Noora as her girlfriend after being afraid of what that meant for a long time, and Sana can only imagine how much strength that took. Sana will also never forget that Eva forgave her in the blink of an eye for saying horrible things about her. 

With shaking fingers, Eva hands the note to Vilde, who looks at it a little longer this time, before her eyes find Sana’s. “You have so much love in your heart, Sana,” she starts, and Sana can already tell she’s going to tear up. “You’ve thrown water at people who insulted me, you gave me your honest opinion on things I was being naïve about, and you have treated my family as if they were your own. And you did all that during times when I was being unfair to you. I hope to somehow be able to give that love back to you.”

A single tear of joy runs down Sana’s cheek but she keeps smiling at Vilde, the first woman she’d take to war with her. Vilde has proven Sana right more than once already, and Sana can’t wait to see what kinds of amazing things Vilde will accomplish in the future.

Noora takes the note from Vilde, clearing her throat again - as she always does when she’s nervous. “Sana, I am so proud to call you my friend. We have misunderstood each other sometimes, but I know that no matter what, you stand by my side and accept me for exactly who I am.” Sana notices Eva squeezing Noora’s arm at those words and Sana has to bite her lip to stop herself from crying.

Noora smiles at Eva for a second and then goes on. “We are different, but instead of letting it separate us, you have shown us all that our differences make us stronger if we just stand together and care for each other no matter what.”

 _Oh, now you’re giving me too much credit,_ Sana thinks but she can’t say anything, otherwise she’ll surely start bawling her eyes out. So Sana blinks a few times, smiling bravely as she watches Chris frowning at the note for a moment before looking up into Sana’s eyes with the most gentle expression Sana has ever seen on her.

“Sana, you are one of the fiercest people I know. I admire you for the strength with which you stand up for what you believe in. Not even once have you ever backed down just to make things easier for yourself.” Chris takes a deep breath and Sana does the same to try to loosen the lump in her throat. “You are you, without excuses, and that is why I trust you one hundred percent. I would one day like to be able to be as bluntly honest as you. It is refreshing and healing at the same time.”

And that’s it. Sana can’t hold the tears back anymore. Before Sana knows it, she lets go of Yousef and Jamilla and runs towards her friends, throwing her arms around Chris and Noora, who laugh softly and wrap their arms around Sana.

Sana hears Eva emit a half-laugh, half-sob before she raises her voice once again. “So, before we all start crying too, let’s just wrap this up: Sana, you’re amazing and we are all so glad to have you. And to celebrate that we all have each other, we decided to do something silly.”

Disentangling herself from Chris and Noora, Sana is faced with Vilde holding out a white envelope to her with a blinding smile. “Thank you,” Sana says with an unsteady voice, taking the envelope from Vilde and opening it with shaking fingers. “I’m sorry, I can’t read right now,” she admits with a laugh after staring at the papers inside for ten seconds.

Vilde giggles and then turns to the crowd, holding up the papers Sana just took from the envelope. “We are going to Tromsø for a prolonged weekend. A friend of Chris’s mother has a little cabin there that we can use and we will take little hiking trips and stuff,” she explains, making the crowd cheer and clap.

And finally, all four girls wrap their arms around Sana in the messiest of group hugs, under the applause and cheers of the other guests. Sana is almost relieved to notice that all five of them are sobbing with happy tears while letting out happy giggles in between.

“You really are my favourite people of all time,” Sana finally gets out once they’re disentangled, taking each of the girls right hands in both of her and kissing their knuckles, one after the other.

“Likewise,” Noora whispers, and the other three nod in agreement.

“No more drama now, eh? Only the drama we cause together,” Chris says with a chuckle, wiping her eyes.

Vilde giggles happily and bops Chris’s nose. “I’m on board with that.”

“Hear, hear,” Eva agrees and then the five of them hug again for the longest time, while the crowd of guests dissolves again, everyone spreading out to the tables and the buffet.

When the five girls finally let go of each other, Eva and Noora declare they have to go to the bathroom and Vilde pulls Chris towards the buffet, saying she has to try some of the ‘delicious Taboulé’. Sana watches them walk away with a happy smile, but before she can disappear into the house to check if her make-up needs touching up, she feels a familiar hand slide into hers.

“Your friends are pretty awesome,” Yousef whispers in Sana’s ear, and she turns to look into his eyes, nodding slowly.

“I can’t believe this just happened,” she tells him, her voice still a little croaky.

Yousef laughs softly and pulls Sana into a hug, kissing the back of her hijab. “Oh, believe me, it did happen. And you deserve it so much,” he says at Sana’s ear which makes her giggle happily.

“Thank you, Yousef,” she says then and moves her head back to look at him. “For everything.”

He frowns slightly and takes Sana’s hands in his. “What is ‘everything’?” he asks gently, and Sana tries to look casual, shrugging and pursing her lips.

“Your patience, mostly. I was one thick idiot and took way too much time to figure out …” Sana begins, but Yousef interrupts her by putting a finger to her lips.

“You needed time, that’s okay,” he says gently and then Sana notices something behind her has caught his eye.

Turning around, Sana sees her parents and Elias looking over at Sana and Yousef. At first, Sana is almost nervous, worrying about what they are thinking, but then Mamma looks straight into Sana’s eyes. She smiles kindly at Sana and then nods approvingly at Yousef. Sana’s father just grins like an idiot, as if he had just caught her doing something naughty and was looking forward to tell his wife all about it, although Mamma is standing right next to him.

Yousef squeezes Sana’s hand then and nods at her parents, blushing furiously but that only makes him look more handsome than he already is. “Come on, let’s go sit over there,” Sana suggests to him, pointing towards the table her family is sitting at.

To Sana’s surprise, Yousef doesn’t even hesitate, but squeezes her hand even tighter before following her. “Sure, why not?” he says with a nervous chuckle, but the look on his face is calm and happy.

And as they walk over to join Sana’s family, she thinks that although Eid has always been her favourite day of the year, this is the one she will never EVER forget. 

For all the right reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome any kind of criticism and feedback, so please find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/julieseven) , [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/sue_1188/?hl=de) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Julieseven2) and let me know what you think, discuss with me and scream at me, whatever you want! Of course I also love comments and kudos, too!


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